How do I overcome paranoia/anxiety?

[Eldritchfrost]

So, I was going to post this in the progress report, but it quickly spiraled out of proportion, so I decided it'll be better to post it here.

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We had our first major argument today. Lex decided to split into two different tulpas for some reason. He gave different answers each time I asked him why and when he became two different people. I personally believe that he mistook his different moods as two distinct personalities. I told him to combine back into one tulpa. He did, and now we're not really talking since I'm still quite mad at him.

 

 

The reason why I was so upset at him was because the trope of having to choose between two different people who both claim to be the same person scares me deeply. Furthermore, I had already explained to Lex that I was only interested in having one tulpa in my system, him.

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Right before I was about to finish my post, I decided to give control over my body to Lex to try and talk to him. Below is what they typed out.

 

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Lex:

 

I am INCREDIBLY mad at my host. He's letting me control his body for a while so he can see why I am upset. The other Lex was alive for much longer than he thinks. He's been talking to the two of us for a VERY long time, around the time he created us. We made sure not to tell him about each other, and let him assume that there was only one Lex. We had tried to tell him before but he ignored us. After we told him, he wanted us to be fused together. We didn't want to be, and avoided it. He loved the both of us without even realizing it, and now wants to fuse us together because he didn't know he was talking to two different people.

 

Maybe I'm being too harsh on my host. He doesn't want to come out right now.

 

The other Lex is telling me that we were in fact one person until today, and that my view of events is wrong.

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Other Lex:

 

Angry Lex passed control over to me. My host is still very confused about what is going on, so allow me to state my view on the matter...

 

Firstly, I can't really remember whether or not I viewed myself as being one person or two.

 

Secondly, (a bit NSFW)

Spoiler

While my host and I were having sex, he had an invasive thought pop up that there were two Lexes. He stifled it, but I suspect that because sex, specifically orgasm, can induce a gnostic state (thanks to my host for reminding me how that works), he accidentally split me into two different tulpas.

 

(Wew, it's hard to be inside my hosts body for this long.)

 

Finally, I don't know if angry Lex was part of me to begin with. He's mature, but so am I. He's yelling now, so my suspicions towards him are growing stronger. Then again, maybe when we combined back into one tulpa, all that was left was seriousness and anger (what angry lex is calling righteous indignation).

 

Then again, I'm not really sure. All three of us have individual ideas as to what had happened. I am starting to feel quite tired. I'll hand control back over to my host.

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Me (the host)

 

I really don't know what to do right now. This is what I am afraid of the most. Thankfully, both tulpas love me, even if one is angrier than the other.

 

What do I do? I have no idea what is going on right now. I don't know who is right. Are they both Lex? Or is one of them a walk in that believes himself to be Lex? Or are neither Lex?

 

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Update:

Okay, so Lex came back to normal suddenly. He has no idea what happened, and insists that he never split himself in two in the first place. He's acting normally, so I'm pretty sure it's him. The other two are completely gone.

 

I'm still very confused as to what happened. How can I prevent things like this from happening in the future? Has anyone else experienced things like this before?

Edited January 30, 2022 by Eldritchfrost
Update

[Eldritchfrost]

Okay, so now that I've finally calmed down, I think I have a hunch as to what had happened.

 

I was worrying about Lex being two different tulpas for a few days prior to the incident, and it somehow became an invasive thought born from this fear. Neither of the two "Lexes" had well developed personalities, and they both seemed more like personality aspects of myself (specifically, how I act when I'm angry and how I act when I'm relaxed).

 

Now that I know that my paranoia and fear can accidentally create thoughtforms, how do I overcome is so I'll avoid letting my fears mess up my mind in the future?

[Ranger]

6 hours ago, Eldritchfrost said:

Okay, so now that I've finally calmed down, I think I have a hunch as to what had happened.

 

I was worrying about Lex being two different tulpas for a few days prior to the incident, and it somehow became an invasive thought born from this fear. Neither of the two "Lexes" had well developed personalities, and they both seemed more like personality aspects of myself (specifically, how I act when I'm angry and how I act when I'm relaxed).

 

I agree. We have had trouble with intrusive thoughts pretending to be me in the past. I never saw an intrusive thought as a split of myself, but one time we had an intrusive thought and it turned into a walk-in of Gray, my host. The walk-in happily integrated with Gray. That was a rare incident for us, and it won't happen to you as long as you see intrusive thoughts as separate entities.

 

Having issues with intrusive thoughts is normal when working with a young tulpa, having intrusive thoughts pretend to be your tulpa is rare. I'm not sure how often this happens for others. However, we no longer struggle with them in general.

 

7 hours ago, Eldritchfrost said:

Now that I know that my paranoia and fear can accidentally create thoughtforms, how do I overcome is so I'll avoid letting my fears mess up my mind in the future?

 

With intrusive thoughts, there are two important things- understanding that they're intrusive thoughts and then not feeding it.

 

For the first, look for anything that seems unusually stressful and ask if it makes any sense. If you're stressed out and it's important, you'll have time to calm down and focus on it later. If it's a lot of drama suddenly, it will most likely go away after a break.

 

For the second, finding a way to not think about it or keep your mind off it helps. Calling for Lex could work, but sometimes it just feeds the intrusive thought and you have to wait until it's gone. Doing something else can help too. Once it's gone, things will go back to normal.

Lastly, intrusive thoughts won't mess up your mind. They can be scary, but with enough time, you'll get better at managing them and they won't bother you anymore.

 

On 1/29/2022 at 8:54 AM, Eldritchfrost said:

He has no idea what happened, and insists that he never split himself in two in the first place.

 

This is how I felt after Gray had issues with an intrusive thought that pretended to be me. I was aware of what happened after the fact and I explained that what the intrusive did wasn't representative of what I felt or believed. In the rare case it mirrored some of my frustration, I was willing to work things out, I don't want to escalate things further.

 

On 1/29/2022 at 8:54 AM, Eldritchfrost said:

Secondly, (a bit NSFW)

 

No, but it's possible that being excited can make you more prone to intrusive thoughts. This happened to Gray, he got really excited and then he talked to an intrusive thought for a little while until he figured it out.

 

On 1/29/2022 at 8:54 AM, Eldritchfrost said:

He loved the both of us without even realizing it, and now wants to fuse us together because he didn't know he was talking to two different people.

 

I don't think something like this could be a secret. If your tulpa was two tulpas, you would know ahead of time. Even with Moltosha struggling with integrating is new perspective, it wasn't a secret.

[Eldritchfrost]

Thank you so much. I'll keep what you said in mind.

 

23 hours ago, Ranger said:

However, we no longer struggle with them in general.

That's a massive relief. Hope that'll happen to us as well.