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Something's wrong with my tulpa


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I'm gonna drop a bit of context: I made my tulpa three years ago( 2020). He can speak ,though, there were times that I questioned if I was parroting him or not but of course, I try not to doubt. He only started talking only a year ago, and his personality slowly developed as time went on. He reads books in our head space. I don't know what he reads, but he reads books a lot. He likes to listen to music ( But he hates it when I repeat a song too many times) and he has a habit of changing his clothes. Our relationship is fine, there are some things we can work on, like his vocality ( keep that in mind) but regardless everything was fine. He's sweet, caring, and supportive, mature and overall an amazing tulpa. There were times that I questioned if he was sentient but I just shake it off and just went with the flow living my life with him. Everything seemed to be fine.  But recently, I noticed that he was acting a bit differently. Or more harsh?

 

You see, I have a habit of checking up on him from time to time to see if he was doing alright.  He would respond with the typical, " I'm doing good" or " I'm great how about you?"  and we would continue our day chatting, talking about stuff and having a good time just like every other day. We don't always have time to sit down and have long conversations all the time and  I usually passive force with him and it works for us. But recently, whenever  I greeted him , he would tell me to go away or " I am fine can you please leave?" and would continue to read his books. He always seemed to be annoyed and irritated whenever I greeted him.  Sometimes he would tell me to shut up or to be quiet and it really confused me. I thought that maybe he was reaching some sort of " Tulpa puberty?" or something even though it has been three years so I don't know if my tulpa is still developing or if he should be considered "new" or "old". I also thought maybe it's those "intrusive thoughts"  that are tricking me into believing he is saying those words to me. Now, there was a time when I asked him what was wrong and why he was acting so harsh? I also told him that if I was bothering him and if he wanted to be alone and have his own personal space,  I could do that. He said nothing was wrong and that he was " Tired and exhausted." Sure, okay maybe he's a bit cranky. But here's the thing. My tulpa is vocal, yes, but sometimes it can be difficult to distinguish my mind voice with his. Whenever he tries to explain himself, his response always seemed forced It's almost as if I'm the one that's talking for him.  I told him that the way he's talking to me hurts me and he apologized and said sorry. But it's continuing for quite some time now. I asked him again why he was being this way and he said that he doesn't know.

 

 

Look, my tulpa never acted this way before and maybe hes going into some stage in his development or maybe its those intrusive thoughts. Either way, it's bothering me that he acts so harshly to me. I don't know why he acts this way and he doesn't know why he acts this way. I've been hesitant to post this because I thought I might figure this out on my own but I need help. Has your tulpa ever done something similar? And how did you fix it? Any advice can help! Thanks. 

 

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I have a strong feeling it's intrusive thoughts, but it could be something else going on

Since you clarified with your tulpa by checking in and asking why they were upset, they gave a non-answer unreasonable response. A tulpa would normally give a much more reasonable response like, "I'm not sure why but I feel upset", "I am frustrated because XYZ", etc.

 

On the other hand, if you struggle with emotional awareness, it's also possible your tulpa may be expressing themselves in a less emotionally intelligent way. If telling them to use "I" statements (ex. "I am upset because I find when you do xyz frustrating") or asking them if they know how they feel doesn't work, then I would assume its an intrusive thought.

 

Since your tulpa seems to be parallel processing, I am aware tulpas that do this tend to be more vulnerable to intrusive thoughts in general. Checking in with your tulpa and spending time with them is important so they can express themselves on a conscious level and have access to higher reasoning

I'm Ranger, GrayTheCat's cobud (tulpa), and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff. I go by Rosalin or Ronan sometimes. You can call me Roz but please don't call me Ron.

My other headmates have their own account now.

 

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^The above really says it all. As a tulpa of 6 years I want to restate that in my experience, whenever something very morbid or out of place is said, it's pretty much always intrusive thoughts (which aren't the tulpa speaking of course). Meditation/mindfulness will certainly be helpful. Everything else Ranger said is very true.

 

Also, in the past my host had a similar problem and it seemed to be because he always thought he was doing something wrong, or was overthinking in one way or another. Your tulpa should never be upset with you unless they have super good reason too (like you aren't paying enough attention to them, which doesn't seem like a problem in your case). So in addition to the above, be positive like you aren't doing anything wrong. Be happy, and happy to be with them. And keep spending time with them. Get them to articulate what the problem seems to be over some forcing sessions. It'll be fine.

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