To the Mountains of Madness with cloudmuffin (A tulpa Blog)

[cloudmuffin]

Imposition Day 3

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Lora: 119 | Aria 42

 

Short and sweet log of yesterday. I mostly kept Lora around for the most of the day, and the usual shinanagins were expected. Being sick means that I have to nap a LOT and it's unfortunate because the day goes by, but … sometimes you just got to do what your body tells you to do.

 

The imposition attempt went on for 30 minutes. Mostly it was me trying to visualize Lora then very slowly open my eyes, in darkness or mostly darkness, to have her stay there. That was really it. Before on day 2 and 1 I tried to have her hold a rose, and walk around me. She would start at the 6, move to the 3 try and catch my eye, then the 12 where she would try to hand me the rose, then back to the 9 again with some sort of attention getting move, and then behind me again at the 6. It … didn't really seem to work. The latest strategy got … something I guess. I saw some kind of distortion in front of me and my minds eye and what I was seeing did sort of meld a little, but not very well. It looked like time and space were different, like when you look at a "Magic Eye" picture and see the pattern "jump" out at you. Maybe I was just crossing my eyes to much, but the more they stayed blured the "better" results I felt I was getting. I suppose I need to keep researching this to get better methods but for now that seems to be what I have to do. In darkness and just force my minds eye to be my normal eye.

 

Side project is improving the sense of touch for both tulpa and myself. We've been giving each other messages and it seems to do something. I get some effect when she does it to me, not necessarily touch but I do start to relax (I fell asleep once when she did it) and that night I tried it and she seemed to feel it, though I didn't "feel" her. Mostly it's making sure I'm actually touching her and not air, so I did what I could. Minor resistance was felt though, like my hands knew I could go to deep into her flesh because she has mass and hands shouldn't go through people. :P

 

Lora has been around now for a long time 119 days (17 weeks) and Aria hit 42 (6 weeks). Everyone seems to be fine. Aria is quite and hangs in the background, while Lora is usually in and out. She gets really active when I go online, but for the most part things are quiet when I'm not thinking of them. That's probably something I need to work on. Maybe I need to go back and start narrating again. I don't feel that my tulpa are a present as the others, or maybe I'm just not observing everything right, or maybe they are just the quiet type that observe with me and don't want to interrupt my concentration. I'm not exactly sure, I suppose I should ask. I dunno, if anyone has an opinion this. Are you tulpa constantly on your mind 24/7. As in, every action they do you can see them watching, or when you aren't think about them they are doing something on their own? It's the whole parallel processing stuff, and that seems to be a weakness of mine, but I'm just curious.

 

Mostly I have nothing to measure myself by, and when I hear of other's progress it's the only way I know, if I'm deficient in an area or not. I suppose in the end, this process will be slow for me, maybe how my mind works, I don't know. It seems really slow, slower than everyone's, but I will admit that I think Lora and Aria are pretty good anyway. One thing that worries me is they haven't grown on their own that much, which … I don't know, good or bad?

 

Just like everything, I guess I just need to keep doing it. This is a exercise in discipline, and for those that think this is some kind of "corruption" of the actual practice I can't believe it. It takes a lot of work and determination and focus to get even to where I am, and to improve it. It's a constant work, how WELL CAN you make a sentient being in your mind, and how much work and dedication you can put to it. I'm sure there are some that just picked up and then forgot, but this is a work of dedication, and something I'll have to KEEP working on, even after I move on to other things. That day has yet to arrive, so no worries there.

 

Alright, another foot forward, and another day gone by. Things are going to get hectic again, but I'll let the future worry about itself.