HOST gone AWOL?

[The Incans]

Hi this is Jess.....have any other Tulpa had an host that disappeared or was too ill/depressed to front? 

 

Our host Lily spent all last night crying as none of her friends online remembered her birthday and after days preparing to go out and doing everything in small chunks so she wouldn't be too exhausted to go out...family cancelled about 20 minutes before they were due to take her out for her birthday.

 

She just went to bed crying because she felt so unloved even though we tried to reassure her she was very loved by us. She no longer wants to to be the external host as no-one in the outside world loves the body..As all the human hosts had re-integrated within her we have no spare  unless they re-split again.

 

I don't know what to do...I previously lived in animal form and only have the experience of the two child alters that integrated within me to create my human form! 🥲

 

Jess

[Lavender]

8 hours ago, The Incans said:

Hi this is Jess.....have any other Tulpa had an host that disappeared or was too ill/depressed to front? 

 

Our host Lily spent all last night crying as none of her friends online remembered her birthday and after days preparing to go out and doing everything in small chunks so she wouldn't be too exhausted to go out...family cancelled about 20 minutes before they were due to take her out for her birthday.

 

She just went to bed crying because she felt so unloved even though we tried to reassure her she was very loved by us. She no longer wants to to be the external host as no-one in the outside world loves the body..As all the human hosts had re-integrated within her we have no spare  unless they re-split again.

 

I don't know what to do...I previously lived in animal form and only have the experience of the two child alters that integrated within me to create my human form! 🥲

 

Jess

 

This has never happened to me. My host is very reliable and their mental seems quite stable. But it is a fear of mine.

 

My best suggestion is to google "what to do when you're front stuck". I understand this happens often enough that it's got a name (being front stuck) within the plural community

[The Incans]

Hi Lavendar this Is Lena..   Thank you for answering and trying to help Jess! We really appreciate it.

 

Lily had been stable throughout the integration of most of the others but Lily has a past Host (whose childhood nickname was 'Bobo') who is highly demand avoidant and seems really struggles with being integrated with anyone unless it is them choosing to temporarily blend and they are in full control of when they leave etc.

 

They both tried their best but the combination of them both integrated did not work so Bobo has re-split...the others have managed to remain integrated with Lily though.  Lily should be able to re-stabilise now..we 're giving her another days rest.

 

Family rescheduled meal for tomorrow so if they do turn up ....hopefully myself and Lily will try again and she will feeling much more stable without Bobo being 'in the mix'.

 

I did come out too to help Jess, as host's sibling turned up just to drop the presents off and I cooked a meal for them before returning inside and leaving Jess and Bobo to play on the new video game yesterday. 

 

Now Bobo is seperate again - (they how know how to drive the scooter to walk our dog), Bobo and Jess are staying  out today and Lily and I will take a day off and be back tomorrow. I've given them half the birthday money we got in a card so I think they're going to go pick up fish and chips for dinner and Lily & I will take the other half out with us when we go for a meal.  😃 

 

Jess seems much happier too as she far prefers to host with someone else than alone. I thinks she finds remaining in human form exhausting too when its a long time and she can't switch back at will.

 

Bobo taking full control of the body allows her to still be in the background in her chosen form whilst still being able to enjoy the experience of them both doing something together.

 

 

Lena

[Adagio]

Please don't fully quote this in case I want to remove some of it later.

 

I meant to respond to this a couple days ago, but forgot.

 

Unfortunately, not many in the tulpa community understand host changes and how hosting works for systems that aren't (generally) structured around one "core" person being the "main" person (host). It's simply just that the experience of systems more like us tend to not have one "set" host. You're free to send any questions that might not fit in the tulpa community as much my way instead, if needed.

 

In times when I've had no host, I've often had multiple co-hosts instead, or a rotating cast of short-lived hosts while my brain tries to figure out who will stick as host. The good part about systems is that you can share the burden - if none of you are able to fully take on host roles, a group of you can try to do it as a team, and hand off front to each other as needed. It's good to give your host a break - that's what you all are there to help with.

 

For over a year, my (technically speaking, at this point) main host has been too depressed to front. I've had 2-4 other people try to be hosts with varying degrees of success since then. The most stable time was when I had multiple people sharing the host role vs just one person.

 

On 6/7/2024 at 8:53 AM, Lavender said:

 

This has never happened to me. My host is very reliable and their mental seems quite stable. But it is a fear of mine.

 

My best suggestion is to google "what to do when you're front stuck". I understand this happens often enough that it's got a name (being front stuck) within the plural community

 

Frontstuck and having a host dip for a while aren't the same things, fyi. Host not fronting doesn't mean someone is frontstuck - just means the host doesn't want to front. Frontstuck means you're stuck in front for any number of reasons, which can or can not be related to a host not wanting to front.

Edited June 12, 2024 by Adagio

[The Incans]

Thank you @Adagio.  The host does have different versions of self that sometimes switch in and out. I believe thats why myself and Tinks were created and Tinks was trying to become a human host replacement (as 'Jess') so we then had 2 stable human personalities to help with continuity between host switches.

 

We now believe the one currently fronting is the one who remembers a rich and loving relationship with us both (in our past forms in their life) and was the one who had been the main front for 15 years with Tinks in her past role keeping her stable until her physical body sadly died.

 

I was also about but unfortunately Host had no knowledge of me at the time (as a seperate spiritual being visiting) so the only communication we had was what she thought were her subconscious thoughts if she 'talked to her mums photo'

 

It was the hosts who came after this one that discovered DID existed and worked out they possibly had a version of it.

 

All the alter hosts have the same thing in common they all experience 'Identity confusion' and names are an issue for them. Having 2 Tulpa's whose names never change was the theory behind us however our names have also changed depending on which version of host is fronting! ..and who/what they need us to be.

 

There is no question that 'our Host' definitely experiences some kind of Dissociative Disorder!

 

We have decided as in real life where whoever fronts has to respond to the legal name, we should also stick to one name we use on the internet that represents 'Host' and 'Tulpa' otherwise everyone else is going to end up as confused as us!! 

 

Current Host has agreed to continuing to use 'Lily' and that technically they are still the same person just from a different point in time. 'Lily' just does fit as a nice nickname version (for online) of the legal name.

 

Now they've had a week to readjust so I could blend and pass on memories to them to bring them up to speed and Jess returned to her previous form for her ...as 'Tinks' (this particular hosts past affectionate nickname for her in her last form). which has also helped host stabilise she is doing much better.

 

She is now also the only host that can look back at old photo's and see them all as 'herself' at different ages...  'Bobo' has vanished from the inside! (possibly finally fully integrated?).

 

We hope this means this version of host will now remain stable for the foreseeable future!  For now we will just remain as three until we're absolutely sure the Host's concept of who they are and who we are (ie Tinks and I as Lily's Tulpa's) is rock solid! 

[The Incans]

On 6/12/2024 at 5:24 AM, Adagio said:

Frontstuck and having a host dip for a while aren't the same things, fyi. Host not fronting doesn't mean someone is frontstuck - just means the host doesn't want to front. Frontstuck means you're stuck in front for any number of reasons, which can or can not be related to a host not wanting to front.

 

How would I know if I was front-stuck or not?

 

 

[Flandre]

When you decide you are

Best not to believe such things, it's like hearing "A tulpa can be evil and there's nothing you can do about it" - self-fulfilling prophecy by believing you don't have control and subconsciously willing it to be the case