Creating a tulpa ‘biologically’

[mindvirus]

I don’t know what to call it. lol.

 

This is a bit embarrassing, I’m sorry. But here goes..

 

Basically, I am part of a system already. But we have never created a tulpa on purpose. However, in the system I have a long term partner. We decided we want kids. I thought ok, maybe we can try to make a tulpa?

 

We went through the motions of how you’d ‘normally’ try to have a child, and in the mindscape I was pregnant. This lasted for a while, until suddenly it just stopped.

 

I thought, ok! Well, I didn’t really ‘focus’ on it, so maybe it just failed. We tried again. This time we tried to envision what a person who was a mix of our features and personality might be like. It lasted longer, but when the child was born they didn’t really feel real at all and just disappeared. Again I guess we didn’t really focus on them so much as the process.

 

We tried a third time. This time we thought ok, maybe we need a better ‘base’, so we instead imagined a person with features from a character in fiction we’ve had parental feelings towards. Our thought was maybe they would ‘stick’. It worked for a while. But once they were born they were kind of hollow, and they seem to have once again disappeared.

 

I know that it’s in the mindscape so it won’t work like in ‘real life’. But we want to have a child together. Is there something better we can do to achieve this? Should we give up and try the traditional way of tulpa-making?

 

There are some caveats that make it harder too I think…

-I am trans so I don’t like the appearance of myself pregnant as a human. So in the mindscape I only allowed it as my monster form. Instead of traditional birth they were born from an egg. I was careful to only stay in that form until it was over in case this caused any problems, but I’m not sure if that might affect it.

-The idea of caring for an infant is really not our thing so while we wanted a ‘biological’ child we tried to make it so that they would be at least capable of speech and more complex thought upon their birth. Maybe that’s too ambitious?

 

I don’t know. Sometimes I feel really silly for this. Like, why bother going through that? But I don’t know, the process makes it feel more real I guess. It’s weird. When the first one was born it was like suddenly the brain hated the idea and just got rid of it. I feel a little bit bad about it but mostly neutral. The second I feel a bit frustrated and sad that it didn’t work. But in neither case did I really feel like I lost a child the way a parent whose child dies might feel, so I can’t help but feel like it just didn’t work right at all. I don’t know.

 

Is this totally insane? Are we complicating it too much because of our weird preferences? Or maybe my brain being uncomfortable with parts of it is ruining the whole thing? I don’t know.

 

Part of it I think is maybe a sort of issue of: I feel like it’s more realistic to not know anything about your child before they are born. That ‘I love you even though I’ve never met you’ sort of thing. So it feels less fulfilling to try to set up everything about them before their birth. But maybe that’s antithetical to creating a tulpa, lol. Maybe I just wish badly that it was possible to do this in the same way it works in the physical world. Or maybe we are just inexperienced…

 

Idk. I feel embarrassed posting this at all. But it’s frustrating enough I wanted to ask the people who have experience.

 

thanks everyone.

[BearBaeBeau]

I don't think it's insane at all. I would try writing it all down, document it, and that can make it feel more permanent.

 

It doesn't have to be biologically accurate in time, appearance or timeline for growing up.

 

Also, don't be embarrassed, this is a thing that happens more than you'd think in the community.

 

I have one who kinda feels like a daughter to me with one of my headmates but that's all there is to it. She was made at something like 10 years old, moved to 18 pretty quick and is 14 again now. I consider her family and that extra special connection that I "made" her together with another headmate I love completely non biologically but still.

 

Have fun with it.

[SeekingMyPlanet]

10 hours ago, mindvirus said:

Part of it I think is maybe a sort of issue of: I feel like it’s more realistic to not know anything about your child before they are born. That ‘I love you even though I’ve never met you’ sort of thing. So it feels less fulfilling to try to set up everything about them before their birth. But maybe that’s antithetical to creating a tulpa, lol. Maybe I just wish badly that it was possible to do this in the same way it works in the physical world. Or maybe we are just inexperienced…

 

Idk. I feel embarrassed posting this at all. But it’s frustrating enough I wanted to ask the people who have experience.

 

thanks everyone.

 

I recommend you read this progress report: https://community.tulpa.info/topic/16666-determination-simmies-journey/. It's maintained by Phil and Simmie who are a headmate couple who are raising a child they conceived in headspace. They're still around and they post a lot, so you probably could get some of your answers from them. They first start talking about their experiences creating their child here: https://community.tulpa.info/topic/16666-determination-simmies-journey/?do=findComment&comment=382256

Edited August 16 by SeekingMyPlanet

[The Incans]

We are a system too... we have a Tulpa child inside and a partner (for another Tulpa) as a companion to the (alter) little as ours are both only 3 they don't really understand and have no awareness of the outside world.

 

As our little version is essentially me (host) as a child then their internal sibling is based on our sibling and so we just used a photo of him at a 'cute age' and then memories of the sibling as in real life we were actually significantly older than he was when he was a toddler.

 

There was enough of an age gap for us to be able to remember several 'play scenario's, camping etc with him and our parents (when they were much younger too...our 'Lena' ..their 'mother' is a younger version of my mum).

 

We think very visually and having a photo helped ....  if your child isn't based on anyone in real life maybe you can just google some pics  of what you expect your child would look like.. purely from yours and your partners looks etc. eg would they be blond haired, blue eyed or would they have red hair or be darker hair and/or skin.... try and find a pic online to look at or print off so you can sit and fully visualise them.

 

Anorher thing ...if you think the fact you feel repulsed by being pregnant is affecting this process for you ..what about imagining adopting a child or having a 'surrogate mother' to carry the child for you? If you were going to do that in real life who would you choose?? can you create a Tulpa version of them inside to be your 'surrogate'? ...would another one of your already existing alters be willing to be a surrogate? as you mention being trans and a system I assume there is at least one alter who is the same sex you were born as, this may work if you are FTM. ..(imagine they froze cells before the transistion and then you're using them with another alter/female Tulpa to become your surrogate)..this way they can continue to be pregnant without you having to be...depends how realistic you want the whole process to be! ...you could of course skip all that and the baby could magically appear (it is the 'Wonderland' after all!)..maybe babies are made another way in your 'parallel universe'!

[YukariTelepath]

I would guess that you just didn't put enough into actual tulpa development. You just expected them to pop out fully formed and independent. You have to keep nurturing them and interacting with them until they develop more.