Tulpa driving me crazy

[Mammon]

My tulpa is driving me crazy recently. For one thing, due to my inability to visualize and failure to practice it, plus the fact that I can't seem to "hear" a tulpa's mindvoice as "sounding" any different from my own, she had been pretending to be multiple tulpae, three for a little over a month, then she increased that to seven about a week ago until a few days ago when she admitted to it all. I do have to admit that when she told me a lot of things started making a lot more sense and I don't know why I didn't see it all sooner. I just don't know why she did it, really, and the reason for this is because she keeps lying now about almost everything. In fact, since "coming clean" about it all, she's pretended to be at least three more tulpae that have tried to make me hate them / her, as well as two last night when I was trying to sleep that she claimed she had made as her little sisters. I didn't get any sleep.

 

Currently, today I thought we had been doing much better, trying to work out her issues she CLAIMS to have with jealousy, hating herself for lying so much, being too afraid to stop lying because of thinking that I won't like the real her, etc. etc. So we're having a conversation and out of the blue "someone else" starts talking to me and claiming to be someone else, telling me not to listen to "that bitch", etc. etc. But of course I hear things from "her" telling me she wouldn't lie to me anymore and to not believe them. This happened yesterday, too, but with "two" more that were "hurting" her. They've both been pretty quiet actually while I've been writing this whole entire thing, as well as before I decided to write this and was just reading things. When they were talking though they would keep saying things like, I'm not even real, you're just crazy, you should get rid of me, don't listen to her, it's not me, I wouldn't lie to you anymore.

 

I swear she's either a habitual liar and really can't stop or else she's just really trying to drive me crazy. The suggestion I got in the IRC yesterday was just to hug her until she feels better, but the problem is that I don't know if it's working or not due to all the lies and lack of being able to "see" anything when I visualize.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I really am just crazy.

[Pronas]

The mind can be a crazy place, and you need to put order into it. What you should do is declare an ultimatum and say "there is only one tulpa in my head". I f you dont think your tulpa said something, then ignore it. In time, things should settle down.

[Guest EnnervateIndustries]

The suggestion I got in the IRC yesterday was just to hug her until she feels better

 

Whoever that was, they're right. Hugging someone for 20 seconds will greatly increase trust and friendship. Try it again, and just spend more time with her. I'm not a relationship counselor, but I can guarantee spending time together, either in your wonderland or via narration will help a lot.

[Dreamless Window]

Well. First, relax. Have a deep breath, etc. Now, this problem you have is a problem with your tulpa, and not something where we can tell you "you are doing this wrong", so have in mind that whatever we tell you, will be our most sincere opinions, but you'll be the one to find out what's the real problem.

Now, think about when this started, if you had some problems with her, etc (do it even if you had already done it); and talk with her, over and over again if it's needed, but be careful (you don't want her to think that if she does this, you'll focus more on her. Let her know that you'll focus as much as now even if she stops).

That's all the tips I can give to you. Now, my opinion:

Your doubts about your own ability (or inability) to visualize, see and hear her are affecting her. She's afraid, because she probably wants you to be able to see her, to hear her, etc., but the progress is probably quite slow. Forget those doubts, and make her feel comfortable and secure that everything is going to work.

Also, if she has some issues she doesn't like about herself, then tell her that you'll help her overcome them if she wants, but that you want her to trust you and let you see her real self (and, obviously, you'll keep loving her, even if it's impossible for her to overcome them).

Finally, believe her. If she tells you that something isn't real, or that she's not going to lie anymore, then believe her (even if she gives you contradictory information, try to make it work inside your head until it's possible for you to understand that both are true). And if someone "hurts" her, then defend her. She's not almighty inside your head. You may make simple thoughforms without noticing it, and she may be wrong about what some things are.

 

I can't tell you anything else. I hope it helps, if you manage to understand something. Good luck.

[Lolimancer]

Kaoru: "Contradictory information comes from deep withing your soul. Accept it and let it flow. Eventually it'll flow into you, and you'll begin to se a new world inside yourself. Accept the contradiction, and live happy".

 

(I think she has taken certain weird habits from me).

 

Kaoru: "Now i'm going to write more seriously. See, your host is probably going not to believe you no matter what you say. He probably isn't as fault. You aren't either. Just accept that your communication isn't good yet and let it be. Eventually you'll be able to understand each other. About the other tuppers, leave them be too: you know they are not real, and they won't do anything but confuse your host. In case they are real ignore what i said. Is all".

 

...Yeah, i mean, allow me to state what i feel about the matter as well. I think said alternate tuppers/thoughtforms might very well be real. That impersonating deal sounds pretty weird to me. Also, blind faith is very important in the process as well in mantaining a healthy relationship with your own newborn thoughtforms. Eventually said faith won't be blind anymore and you'll begin to have genuine trust in the signals that come from your mind. Until then, you might have to go through hell (at least i know i have sometimes). Gl and all.

[FalseTriangle]

A while ago my Tulpa claimed she was several; however, it turns out she was trying to safeguard her own existence. she figured that if I grew apart from one form, she would have a developed shell to jump into, thus insuring a higher %tile survival rate.

 

It took time for her to establish a permanent relationship with me, and realise that she had enough footing in my brain to be at ease.

 

not sure at all if this is what is happening to you, Just my personal experience.

[magentaMarrow]

Just keep the dialogue up, Mammon. I seriously have no better advice for people when they have problems with their headmates, so it's actually like with real people (since they become real people in last stages of creation anyway). Be honest with them, tell what you feel, be open about things. Don't be afraid to criticize or present reasonable effects of their behavior. They will understand most of the time.