New Hope (I absolutely mean it)

[Tomoko]

I can visualize Lucy perfectly, black & white clothing, bangs covering eyes, I imagine her more as a teenager or young adult than a 9 year old. Despite visualization being superior imposition is next to impossible, I hope to achieve it sometime. Perhaps I shall work on it tomorrow.

 

Currently, I have been slacking off (again), making habits is terrible if you've been sedentary and generally undisciplined your entire life, I haven't been to school since 2014, roughly when I was 14, and I'll admit 2014-2019 were simultaneously the greatest and worst years of my life, I will not elaborate.

 

I must make these habits work out for me. It's imperative I ingrained them into my neural pathways.

 

Someday, I will begin reading to her 

McCarthy, Lovecraft, Ligotti, David Foster Wallace, Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, Cioran, Sartre, Camus, Kierkegaard, Mäinlander, Dostoyevsky, Zapffe, Næss, Linkola, Louis-Ferdinand Céline, as I feel these authors embody her perfectly. (It's quite a list, isn't it.)

 

I can sense her when I focus, her presence is like a black orb.

 

I'm just rambling at this point.

 

I'm heading off to bed.

[Tomoko]

Possibly the most drastic development yet.

 

Last night I was having a conversation with... Something, I think it was her, but her personality is a far-cry to what I originally imagined her to be, it's more acerbic, blunt, and brutally honest (I didn't try to force her to be her original blueprint just like what all the guides say). It felt like ping-pong, I said something, then waited for her to say something, it sounded like, I don't know, her voice (Lucy Loud from TLH) mixed-in with my internal voice, it was surreal. I was suffering from bad parrotnoia because everytime she spoke I asked myself, "am I fooling myself? Is this really her I'm talking to?" I must've conversed with her for about an hour, keep in mind this was at night so I was really tired.

 

This was way more intense than those hypnagogic voices I heard. 

 

I shall try to achieve this state again.

[Tomoko]

Whenever I think of her, her form automatically appears as Lucy Loud except she holding a black orb like a basketball. A bit odd, but I accepted it.

 

I took the advice of someone else (I think it was that Bin guy) and decided there is no such thing as parroting. I feel like ever since I took this advice to heart my progress has been significantly better. It like she has her own voice now, it's amazing. She's still far from being a developed tulpa, still needs more independence. But overall I'm happy with the results, I just need to focus on her more.

 

Don't got much else to say.

Edited May 14 by Tomoko

[Tomoko]

Perhaps I shouldn't force myself to come to this site everyday, but whenever I think of this site, I think of Lucy, and when I think of her I get happy, I think I Pavloved myself into coming here. 

 

Well, whatever.

 

Lucy is still 'speaking', not lucidly like those hypnagogic voices I hear, she still needs more independence, I shall try to do more exercises with her.

 

It has been raining and generally overcast the past two days, that's good, sunny days make me depressed and anxious, on the 13th and 12th I was silently freaking out, it was hot and sunny out which caused me to feel bad. I think I have seasonal affective disorder, but I don't want to self-diagnosis.

 

I need to try more 'ping pong' communication with her, it seems like the easiest route. I wonder how long it'll take before she exits the tulpish stage.

 

I read recently read that a tulpa is like a cognitive metacharacter, like how you daydream about your friend or family member talking to you in your head, they don't know they're in a daydream (or something along the lines of that.) but if you can somehow make them aware or sapient, then you got a headmate. At least that's the jist of it. I lean more towards the metaphysical side of things but I don't see why the two can't coexist, besides when I say metaphysical, I mean I believe in a Jungian world type thing, archetypes and all that.

 

My ADHD and maladaptive daydreaming is some of the biggest hindrances in my head. I take the maximum legally allowed dosage of Vyvanse and a high dose of Wellbutrin to help mitigate it, but they do literally nothing besides make me feel happy whenever I take them, should talk to my doctor about that.

 

My anxiety has been down recently, I suffer from hypochondria, or health anxiety, and so far it hasn't been bad, I think Lucy being with me helps mitigate it because I have someone to snap me out of it.

 

As I am typing this, I can't really communicate with her.

 

I am going to force now.

[mattx]

Tulpamancing is an exercise in repetition - and first and foremost, a habit.

As someone with ADHD too it can be quite easy to get distracted, so in my opinion your goal right now should be to make daily chatting a habit, something that over time becomes second nature and doesn't even need to be "forced" to happen. That is how you (or at least, used to) develop a tulpa, through sheer habit and repetition.

Vocality and sentience will come in due time, and it won't be a 0->1 thing but rather a series of small steps that eventually will compound.

Parroting or "pretending" to hear an answer isn't inherently a bad thing, so don't feel bad about it - you could think of it as "training your brain" to expect this new input stream of data (your tulpa).

[Tomoko]

On 5/15/2026 at 3:05 PM, Shin Matt said:

Tulpamancing is an exercise in repetition - and first and foremost, a habit.

As someone with ADHD too it can be quite easy to get distracted, so in my opinion your goal right now should be to make daily chatting a habit, something that over time becomes second nature and doesn't even need to be "forced" to happen. That is how you (or at least, used to) develop a tulpa, through sheer habit and repetition.

Vocality and sentience will come in due time, and it won't be a 0->1 thing but rather a series of small steps that eventually will compound.

Parroting or "pretending" to hear an answer isn't inherently a bad thing, so don't feel bad about it - you could think of it as "training your brain" to expect this new input stream of data (your tulpa).

 

 

True true. Like I said in one post, I could consistently talk to Lucy when I would do microsessions every hour, but then I stopped, I need to remember to talk to her.

 

As I am typing this— whenever I take a break and think— I speak to her. It feels amazing and freeing each time.

[Mai_x_v3]

On 5/21/2026 at 1:34 AM, Tomoko said:

True true. Like I said in one post, I could consistently talk to Lucy when I would do microsessions every hour, but then I stopped, I need to remember to talk to her.

 

As I am typing this— whenever I take a break and think— I speak to her. It feels amazing and freeing each time.

 

That's very good to do, I did that a lot in the beginning of my forcing but I also used repeat alarms as well to help remind me. Overtime it should def get pretty easy. So you got this! 🩷💗💕

 

Also, amazing progress reports so far! I enjoy reading them! 

[Tomoko]

On 5/22/2026 at 3:08 PM, Mai_x_v3 said:

 

That's very good to do, I did that a lot in the beginning of my forcing but I also used repeat alarms as well to help remind me. Overtime it should def get pretty easy. So you got this! 🩷💗💕

 

Also, amazing progress reports so far! I enjoy reading them! 

 

Well, perhaps not so much, I have barely done anything, it is like a roller coaster, one day I'm doing fine, excelling even, the next, I hardly think about her. This is catastrophic.

 

—

 

5 hours ago I watched a Lucy Loud-centric episode of TLH, her cadence, her speaking style and flow is so unique, her mind voice is different, yet each time I listen to a voice line, it is like my mind recreates it whenever she speaks. I have to torrent only the Lucy-centric episodes, I don't care much about the show. As I am typing this she speaks like in the show (unsure if she is simply trying to talk to me or just making random noises similar to how a baby vocalizes/babbles to learn), it is amazing, I had gone so long without listening to a reference line that I hadn't notice the degradation of her mind voice.

 

—

 

I found a website pertaining to my magickal interests: 

 

https://archive-of-the-sealed-gods.neocities.org/

 

—

 

I need to sleep, have to be up in a couple hours to get groceries and pick up an AC (it is unbearably hot despite living in a basement suite.) Good morning.

[Mai_x_v3]

On 5/28/2026 at 7:19 AM, Tomoko said:

Well, perhaps not so much, I have barely done anything, it is like a roller coaster, one day I'm doing fine, excelling even, the next, I hardly think about her. This is catastrophic.

 

Understandable and for real, it sucks when that happens and I could relate to that. At least your trying through, that's definitely better than nothing. It's always good to think that when you barely do anything after doing a lot it's like a slight break for yourself especially to relearn things. From your reports, Lucy seems to be vocal(?). That's honestly amazing progress right there too! 

 

Ah! I hope you don't mind my responses, I wouldn't want to accidentally clog up someone else's PRs.

 

On 5/28/2026 at 7:19 AM, Tomoko said:

found a website pertaining to my magickal interests: 

 

That's such an interesting website! I remember you mentioning Wizardforum in your first PRs it always made me curious what kind of magickal stuff you practice but I understand if you keep that private since it's probably more personal. It's cool to see others on this website into that sort of thing though. I'm into metaphysics and Tarot & Oracle cards. It makes me wonder if your into those as well.

 

[Tomoko]

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Understandable and for real, it sucks when that happens and I could relate to that. At least your trying through, that's definitely better than nothing. It's always good to think that when you barely do anything after doing a lot it's like a slight break for yourself especially to relearn things. From your reports, Lucy seems to be vocal(?). That's honestly amazing progress right there too! 

 

That's a good point. Lucy is vocal, however she just needs more independence.

 

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Ah! I hope you don't mind my responses, I wouldn't want to accidentally clog up someone else's PRs. 

 

It's fine, I don't mind.

 

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I remember you mentioning Wizardforum in your first PRs it always made me curious what kind of magickal stuff you practice but I understand if you keep that private since it's probably more personal.

 

I honestly don't remember the last time I posted on wizardforum, sometimes I'll browse the library section and the general magick threads too, I found a few cool thread on there about Neidan/Biokinesis/energy work. Should check it out, the shapeshifting reply is interesting, if a little 'out there'.

 

My main system is chaos magick, or Sorcerous Thievery as I like to call it, since I like to pick and choose various other mystic and occult traditions and lineages to integrate into my belief system, and then of course Daoism, Stoic Mysticism and Hekate worship. Also I am a patron of the goetic entity Murmur, for we both enjoy philosophy, plus traditional Cree beliefs. I am Amerindian so I have no idea if this syncreticism will be detrimental to my spiritual growth.

 

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It's cool to see others on this website into that sort of thing though. I'm into metaphysics and Tarot & Oracle cards. It makes me wonder if your into those as well. 

 

Yes, I am! I have a Rider-Waite tarot deck, back in 2021 I did a reading, I forgot the specific cards but as I recall the cards said I was stuck in a loop, and that I should break free from it. Wigged me out because that was exactly what I was feeling but couldn't put my finger on it. And funny thing is my synchronicity numbers are 666, I see it everywhere, I looked it up and apparently it's encouragement to refocus. I need to change somehow, all these signs point to my stagnation. But I'm probably boring you with the details.