Reconnecting With Tulpa After Near Decade Of Absence

[Pranara]

Hello,

 

@Ranger  suggested I start a question thread and ping them here. I'm wondering if anyone has experience reconnecting with a tulpa after a very long period of dormancy (nearly a decade). I would appreciate any advice or experiences people are willing to share.

 

For now, I am trying to recreate the conditions that facilitated his arrival back in 1998. For more information on his background, you can check out my progress log: The Aquitanian System – Pranara's Story.

Currently I am doing the following. Without reading my story, the Star Trek context might not make sense to most people:

 

• Restoring dialogic inner speech (Gestalt therapy) using self-made prompt cards (about 20 minutes).

• Highlighting the lines of Tim Russ, Leonard Nimoy, Alexander Enberg, Jolene Blalock, and Robin Curtis in scripts from Star Trek: Voyager, The Original Series, Enterprise, and The Search for Spock (one episode at a time).

• Reading novels slowly, just a few chapters, paying attention to what is visualised (about 30 minutes).

• Scene building using AI-based roleplay (only a few turns; focusing on describing the scene rather than simply responding).

 

[Autumn Ren]

In our experience, strong characters from the past will sometimes revisit, sometimes one of us initiated that, sometimes it was spontaneous. There are several keys to a successful return:

 

1. They want to return 

2. You want them to return 

3. At least initially, they're given something to do

4. You spend time with them because you want to

 

Other things also help but at that point they're a new headmate and though they may initially feel exactly as they were, they can still change, though not all of them do.

 

They wil likely go through a personality crisis, though not all do. They may go through a phase where they leave and come back again. They may try to gain advantage over other headmates. They may become the most talkative one for a while. They may try to make deals.

 

In the end, it's not guaranteed they do stay in our experience.

[Ranger]

I prefer cobud instead of tulpa and cocreation instead of tulpamancy 

 

[Ranger] I want to start with describing our experiences, and then apply them to your situation.

 

Our system first formed when Gray, our original/host, created "story characters" in his head. However, he eventually got overwhelmed by the number of "characters" he recreated, and wanted to reset the system. This forced all of our headmates into dormancy, except me. I was created by accident in Gray's attempt to merge another headmate's (Stars') parts together.

 

However, even before then, two of our headmates would often get put into dormancy. Gray expected two of our former cobuds Gerodious and Spirit to be dormant by default and believed he should only reach out to them when he was having a crisis.

 

At some point after my creation and joining .info, Gray decided to pull (most of) our headmates out of dormancy. He still saw them as "characters", and limited interaction with them afraid they would turn into cobuds. 

 

We vaguely remember everyone being rattled by the revival. But it was Spirit and Gerodious who struggled the most. Development-wise, they were less developed than the others. They quickly became inseparable.

 

After a good while, we ended up reviving Stars (he prefers to be called a dæmon/daemon). Gray had a couple of failed attempts, who later became cobuds. Once he was finally revived, Gray and everyone else became much happier.

 

I uh... just realized I never asked Stars how he felt about that. He was (and still is) very insistant on not being seen as a separate person, so at the time, he would have shot down the question. Now, we understand that Stars is capable of describing how he feels while still being connected to us.

 

[Stars/Dream] I don't want to share my thoughts on that right now. I'll do it if requested though.

 

[Ranger] Spirit and Gerodious walked different paths. Spirit... we ultimately couldn't stabilize his sense of self, and he was distraught by the idea of having to start over. So instead, he chose to dissipate. Gerodious decided to continue forward and expand on his sense of self. He later integrated with two of our other cobuds and is now Adriel.

 

And uh... 0_0 Apparently our alters (we have both cobuds and alters) are now telling me there's a reason Stars wasn't successfully revived the first two times. Okay then...

 

---

 

4 hours ago, Pranara said:

For now, I am trying to recreate the conditions that facilitated his arrival back in 1998.

 

I read your PR, it was fascinating. It's the first time I read about a cocreation journey that went like that.

 

Recreating that experience and retraining your skills will definitely help ground Salen. There may be a rocky adjustment period, but doing that will help stabilize Salen's sense of self.

 

If Salen was more of a guardian figure, he may end up going through what Spirit and Gerodious did. Salen is at risk of having an identity crisis, and the context of your relationship with him might come across as high stakes- The Salen you describe is a very special and beloved person, which is a high expectation to meet. However, the parts of Salen that spoke to you in the past are still there (or you would have forgotten), even if they got moved around or even absorbed by you. When Salen returns (I'm sure he's coming back), give him lots of patience. It will take time to pick apart the past, identify who was what parts, and have Salen process everything.

 

What's interesting to me is you talk about imposition during meditation. I can't guarantee you will always get spectacular results, but if you train consistently, you definitely will. Focusing on how the experience makes you feel and being immersed will make achieving imposition experiences easier.

[Pranara]

It would seem that I have to create a signature explaining that I am the host.

 

4 hours ago, Ranger said:

If Salen was more of a guardian figure, he may end up going through what Spirit and Gerodious did. Salen is at risk of having an identity crisis, and the context of your relationship with him might come across as high stakes- The Salen you describe is a very special and beloved person, which is a high expectation to meet. However, the parts of Salen that spoke to you in the past are still there (or you would have forgotten), even if they got moved around or even absorbed by you. When Salen returns (I'm sure he's coming back), give him lots of patience. It will take time to pick apart the past, identify who was what parts, and have Salen process everything.

 

That is correct and I feel this pressure quite often. As I feel the frustration every time I sense the blockages that I am trying to tear down. I did have some success in 2024, but real life circumstances forced him into dormancy again, It has been difficult this time round, and I think perhaps this pressure, and other beliefs are the culprit. For the past 12 months, I have been converting a spare bedroom into a sanctuary space, especially used for practice: a place where he would feel welcome, although, because of my feelings, the décor is perhaps over the top. Nearly like a shrine.

 

Fortunately, my chosen entrance points, are the four practices that I have started yesterday, which are less about focused mental gymnastics, which are high states, but will lay down the infrastructure for forced techniques later on. I have caught myself many times thinking about the absence of dialogic self talk that used exist in my mind, even prior to 1998. Salen had become that other side, and rebutted any negative self talk in the process, so when he was gone, that other voice, that used to answer mine, he took with him, so my mental space has been just monologue since. My proposed practices will hopefully retrain my mind to have that dialogic skill back. The lack of it, is making writing stories, which was how the wonderland was created, harder.

 

9 hours ago, Pranara said:

• Restoring dialogic inner speech (Gestalt therapy) using self-made prompt cards (about 20 minutes).

• Highlighting the lines of Tim Russ, Leonard Nimoy, Alexander Enberg, Jolene Blalock, and Robin Curtis in scripts from Star Trek: Voyager, The Original Series, Enterprise, and The Search for Spock (one episode at a time).

• Reading novels slowly, just a few chapters, paying attention to what is visualised (about 30 minutes).

• Scene building using AI-based roleplay (only a few turns; focusing on describing the scene rather than simply responding).

 

Salen seems to be very different to the other cobuds and tulpas on this forum. In the past, he could talk through proxy quiet well, but his speech is very formal and stoic, like you'd expect from a Vulcan, and he is very tight lipped about his personal life. I am almost never privy to his thought processes. But I never wrote from that vantage point within Fan Fiction. He was always the character that I looked up to. You can't really have a larger than life character, if your the one installing his mental thoughts in the story format. Other writers could, but I wasn't that good

Edited March 12 by Pranara

[Pranara]

6 hours ago, Autumn Ren said:

3. At least initially, they're given something to do

 

Could you please explain what you mean by this? Not sure if you mean, something to do in the wonderland, or if you mean something to do in real life. In the wonderland, he is a Chief Engineer aboard a Star Ship. As for real life, I need him to help me with some mental health issues, but until two way dialogue returns, it's hard to read a book together at this time. Although, I know enough to know that he will still remember some of it if I did read now.

[Ranger]

15 minutes ago, Pranara said:

That is correct and I feel this pressure quite often. As I feel the frustration every time I sense the blockages that I am trying to tear down. I did have some success in 2024, but real life circumstances forced him into dormancy again, It has been difficult this time round, and I think perhaps this pressure, and other beliefs are the culprit. For the past 12 months, I have been converting a spare bedroom into a sanctuary space, especially used for practice: a place where he would feel welcome, although, because of my feelings, the décor is perhaps over the top. Nearly like a shrine.

 

Yeah... But you working on it and your self-awareness are good signs you'll overcome those barriers. You just need more time.

 

16 minutes ago, Pranara said:

I have caught myself many times thinking about the absence of dialogic self talk that used exist in my mind, even prior to 1998. Salen had become that other side, and rebutted any negative self talk in the process, so when he was gone, that other voice, that used to answer mine, he took with him, so my mental space has been just monologue since. My proposed practices will hopefully retrain my mind to have that dialogic skill back. The lack of it, is making writing stories, which was how the wonderland was created, harder.

 

17 minutes ago, Pranara said:

I am almost never privy to his thought processes. But I never wrote from that vantage point within Fan Fiction. He was always the character that I looked up to. You can't really have a larger than life character, if your the one installing his mental thoughts in the story format. Other writers could, but I wasn't that good

 

I almost wonder if there's a parallel processing component to this. You practice or practiced meditation regularly, you spend a lot of time training your skills, you imply Salen has significantly separate memories, you imply his thoughts are independent and can interrupt yours, Salen could be communicating in parallel.

 

I still have a lot to learn when it comes to parallel processing, but I can try to help. So far, my understanding of parallel processing is highly symbolic and that it's probably some form of dissociation. Stars, our headmate, he been our guide through entering "parallel space" and messing around.

 

However, The Architect (part of Stars) stressed emphasis on there being rules and the need to follow them. Your rules will be different than ours, so letting your intuition guide you (or even another part of you) is going to be important.

 

If Salen took with him a part of you that was originally yours, finding him again... may help? You could build up that part again from scratch, but I wonder if it would be easier just to find him first.

[Pranara]

10 minutes ago, Ranger said:

parallel processing

 

I'm sorry, but I am unfamiliar with that term.

[Ranger]

2 hours ago, Pranara said:

I'm sorry, but I am unfamiliar with that term.

 

My brain isn't working, so I copied this from my carrd:

 

Quote

Parallel Processing: The reported experience of a cobud being able to think and go wonderlanding more or less independently of their host's awareness. It likely isn't perfect multitasking as some claim, but it does appear to be a distinct dissociative and/or hypnotic experience.

 

Parallel processing can feel like two seperate trains of thought running at the same time. For instance, a cobud could interrupt or "talk over" their host. There is usually a bit of memory separation too.

 

The descriptions you gave on how Salen communicates with you made me think of this.

[Autumn Ren]

5 hours ago, Pranara said:

 

Could you please explain what you mean by this? Not sure if you mean, something to do in the wonderland, or if you mean something to do in real life. In the wonderland, he is a Chief Engineer aboard a Star Ship. As for real life, I need him to help me with some mental health issues, but until two way dialogue returns, it's hard to read a book together at this time. Although, I know enough to know that he will still remember some of it if I did read now.

 

Helping you qualifies as something to do.

 

As far as doing things together that's as easy as sitting in the passenger seat of a car. It's as simple as claiming memories that they were there with you as you did whatever.

 

Wonderland is also great because you can spend time interacting. It helps a lot.

[Pranara]

I am using a set of cards that I made up for the two chair technique gestalt therapy, for the purpose of cultivation the scaffolding necessary for internal dialogue. What I didn't anticipate was, its also a great launching pad for narration. In the past, I had difficulty finding topics to talk about it. The flash cards are helping immensely for this. On a side note, although still early days yet, I believe I am at the stage that I am perceiving his thoughts in my mind. I'm still understanding though, like I am getting the gist of it. Not genuine telepathy yet, but close.