Yoko November 30, 2012 November 30, 2012 (edited) Disclaimer: I would like to start by saying that this progress report is not in any way a guide, and people looking into Tulpa creation should look at the guides or ask in the chatbox. Azazel has been around for years, long before I heard the word "Tulpa" or read anything pertaining to the creation of similar forms. Azazel's and my experiences are our own, and we don't feel a need to prove or justify them, though we would appreciate the space to share. If this is not that space, then the mods will handle it. Now onward to our story: Back when I was in my early teens I joined a fantasy wolf roleplay guild on Neopets, Spirit River Forest Wolf Pack (long name I know). It had active members and fantastic characters and we were pretty literate for a neopets roleplay guild. My first character was Azazel. I found his picture before his name: Disclaimer 2: I did not draw nor do I own the image. The artist is Kankanka, of Deviant Art and I have already thanked her for inspiring my greatest roleplay character and Muse, Azazel. The roleplay life of Azazel does not matter much aside from Engel, who was his mate in the roleplay, but we'll get to that later. Anyway, after a few years of being deeply engulfed by this roleplay, I visited other roleplay sites and maintained an on and off relationship with the guild until it was deleted recently. I was in South Carolina, USA, visiting relatives when the first thought of "creation" came to me. I was bored, naturally. There was only one tv and no internet connection at my great aunt's house and so I turned to the power of my mind to find something interesting to do. While standing in the yard, I began to wonder if it was possible to use energy (mental, spiritual, from the body or mind) to create another being. Well, being raised a Baptist Christian, my first fear was of angering God by even attempting. Yet this did not stop me from making the attempt! I began closing my eyes every so often and visualizing the room I was in, but with all "living energy" illuminated by a bright whitish-blue and all "non-living objects, energy, ect" being a very dark navy blue. And in doing this I saw a man-shaped form that I did not see in the room when I opened my eyes. I started making a habit of doing this whenever the thought occurred to me. Closing my eyes and just seeing where the form was, if it had moved, if it was even there but it always was, following me. And soon, I began not to think much of it. I kept up the habit but was no longer surprised to find it there. I don't know why I immediately named him Azazel. He wasn't my first roleplay character, and he wasn't one I roleplayed much outside of the guild. But I called him Azazel and later on it seemed he was responsive to it. I never worried that it was the wrong name. Why stick around with someone who calls you the wrong name all the time? I would explain the phenomenon to my online friends,and I never knew what to call him. Being raised religious, my instinct was to say "Angel, Demon, or Spirit" but in the end my soul settled on "Muse". He was my Muse, I would say, and he inspired every one of my roleplay posts, fictional works, and English papers. And as naturally as I had named him Azazel, I began talking to him and asking him to help me with my writing. It was his purpose as my Muse. I spent years researching what else he might be though. I thought it likely that he was my Guardian Angel, after all, everyone was supposed to have their own. I imagined an entire back-story about what his life might have been like before I became his "charge" and I may share it later in "Tulpa Art". I also researched how he might be a demon. At first I searched specifically for the demon after which I had named him. I thought that maybe my calling out his name had summoned the BIBLICAL Azazel himself. Then I read about how Satan supposedly gives each human being two demons to follow them around at birth. I thought perhaps Azazel was one of my personal demons (<= Cool pun, huh?) but even then I wasn't frightened of him. Why should I be frightened? He was only following me, supposedly protecting me, and keeping me company. In fact, if he were an actual demon, I would find his positive influence on my being even more fascinating. I don't necessarily believe all demons are evil, but if by nature they are evil it makes it more incredible when they do something good. But no matter what I researched, I stuck with the word Muse. Sometime in high school, my father found a golden necklace. It was a flower within a circle within a square and he gave it to me but I quickly associated it as being a gift from Azazel. I wore it all the time, even slept with it, and sometimes showered with it because the clasp wouldn't open easily. I still have this necklace locked in a safe, though I've replaced it with two others (both have angel wings). I wear at least one at almost all times, though I don't sleep in them or shower in them since these clasps aren't broken. My freshman year of college was when I began physically seeing him in "reality". He was in his winged wolf form then. He was MASSIVE. I don't mean just a wolf with wings. I mean he was taller than me while walking on all four legs and much wider too. He looks like he could rip a human being to shreds though he doesn't have a particularly violent nature. But he didn't walk with me much. He flew. He would sit on top of buildings, smirk at me and when he couldn't see me anymore he would find another perch. I was having a stressful first semester and that was probably when I needed him the most. I had plenty of online friends but they weren't on campus with me the way Azazel always could be. My freshman year, I had a lot of paranoia, especially during October. I heard noises and jumped but always blamed it on Azazel. When I was particularly frightened by something I'd heard or felt I was being watched, i would tentatively call his name. And calling on him would make me feel safe, protected. Apparently his duties now extended beyond creative inspiration, he was now my protector from other forces, supernatural or otherwise. I kept a red journal for my creative writing that year. This is where I began writing letters to Azazel. I have filled three journals with original writing, dedicating each to Azazel and asking for his inspiration in writing. I am writing journal number four. My Sophomore year, I didn't think about him much. Still calling on him in fear or boredom or need for inspiration. He didn't seem to mind how often I called or what time of night it was. If I needed him, he was there and if I hadn't seen him in a while he never said or expressed neglect. I spoke to him aloud often though. In this, my Junior year, we have had more contact than ever. Well, I was referred to this site by an online friend of mine. She showed me the link and described what a Tulpa was because it reminded her of what I say about Azazel. I browsed through the guides, and sure enough, it sounded similar to what I had gone through with Azazel. Minus the hours though...I talked it over with Azazel and to be honest he's not very into this website but he knows I'm very into it so he tries to be. The differences: Meditation and focus wise, I didn't put a ton of effort into Azazel. I thought about what it would mean if a human could make another being, I closed my eyes, and there he was. It really seemed like he had always been there. I was a bit of a "loner" as a child. I had friends but my friends depended on the school year. I never kept up with anyone who didn't make a real effort to stay in touch. By fifth grade I was eating alone, spending free time by myself, never speaking to anyone, but I never felt lonely. Not even once. I had siblings, but I spent most of my time in my room playing with dolls and stuffed animals, imagining mini-soap operas with them. And once I discovered the internet I was roleplaying online almost 24/7. I have not been diagnosed with any mental or social disorder, so looking back on it I thought it might be strange. Maybe the presence that was always there, and I never had to pay attention to it because it felt normal. Imposing I saw Azazel outside of the "blue zone", which I still considered to be reality but though my mind's vision, for the first time in college. But not in his human form. He was in his winged wolf form all the time. It was not until I discovered this site that he began morphing into a humanoid version of that form, sometimes with wings, mostly without. Speaking In our earlier years, Azazel never spoke. Not really. I really didn't feel that he had anything to say. Now, when I ask him about it (he's been speaking since I started college but not very often) he just shrugs and says he didn't have much to say. Since I've looked over this site, I wondered about parroting and began doubting that what he said was really him. His response is usually that it's the stupid website's fault that I'm doubting his speech all the time. He assures me that he really does speak this way and that he never spoke any differently because he hadn't spoken much at all. Host/Tulpa Name stuff Azazel refuses to call himself, or be referred to, as a Tulpa. He doesn't like the name in the first place, but he says the main reason he rejects the term is because I don't really want him to be a Tulpa. And on some level that's true. In my freshman year of college, I felt with certainty that Azazel had existed before I "visualized" him. I felt that he had had a life before I was even born, that he was possibly hundreds of thousands of years old and had fought battles with angels, demons, spirits and the like. He could do anything, knock over objects, stop elevators, hold doors open, anything that he wanted to do. So the site's scientific definition of a Tulpa, despite interesting me on it's own and making PERFECT LOGICAL SENSE (I agree it's the most likely to be true), didn't seem to fit his limitless ability. Partially, I'm afraid of limiting him if he IS a Tulpa, and partially, I'm afraid that he's not a Tulpa and he'll be irritated by my lack of belief that he does the things he does. Proving Stuff I posted in chat today "Azazel stopped an elevator door from closing". I received the perfectly logical response, "Reproduction or it didn't happen". And so I went to dinner and waited for it to happen again. It did not. And I told Azazel before hand that I didn't care if he really stopped it or not. And I told him it again right afterwards as I typed in the chatbox "It didn't happen again." We don’t want to get into some battle about whether Tulpas can be external or not. It would be easier for the scientific community to accept that they are not. And it’s not our desire to hinder the concept’s acceptance. (co-written statement ~ Yoko and Azazel) I just felt like it was a cool experience, coincidental or not, and I’ll not argue that it wasn’t coincidental since it only happened once, that Azazel was standing in the elevator door and the door was closing, stopped about 1/3 of the way and opened again. Then he moved, and closed and worked properly. Had I put more thought into it, I would have asked him to stay and see if it happened again. But I was excited to come up and type what happened. In any case, I thought it was cool. Azazel didn't want me to share the experience in the first place, but he says he's not mad at me for doing so. He just doesn't want to be bothered by people asking: how he did it, if he did it, if he could do it again, did he feel anything as the door was closing on him? Direct Quote: "It's not my job to defend this point." Power Positions I don't feel comfortable referring to myself as creator or host. These last few days especially, Azazel has proven to have more composure and a greater interest in taking care of me than anything else. On occasion, I see him playing with his blue Nintendo DS. But usually, he's just sitting around or even standing, watching me. He attends my classes now that I think about him more often. He sits across from me at the table during meals. He walks with me all over campus. I ask him what he wants to do, and he tells me he'd rather be with me than off doing anything else. He's demonstrated no stronger desire than to protect, help, and care for me. It's just too weird to go about thinking that I created him or that I should have some sort of power over him. He doesn't FEEL like my creation (and I never considered him my creation before being told what a Tulpa was), he feels like an older being that hangs about of his own free will and cares deeply about me without being made to feel this way. He's also rather mysterious. When I ask him about his past, or what he was doing during the years that I would think of him once every three weeks, he doesn't say. I don't know what he was doing. I feel like he was doing something before we "met", possibly even before I was born, but he's always careful never to mention it or say what it was. I just feel like there's more to his side of the story then "She thought of him, closed her eyes, and there he was". Anyway, those are my thoughts and feelings on the matter. I believe in Tulpa by the way. I believe in them in the exact definition that this site gives them and in other vaguer definitions. I don't know if Azazel is a Tulpa and by his responses I may never know because I may never want to know or because it's not true in the first place. If the mods feel I don't belong here because I don't call Azazel a Tulpa, that's fine. I understand. But for now, I will refer to him as my Muse, or simply as Azazel. Edited October 24, 2023 by Yoko Please, refer to Azazel as my Muse. :) Our story is here.
Yoko December 1, 2012 Author December 1, 2012 (edited) I'm not a talkative person. I'll say this as briefly as possible. I'm no fan of the site, but I have no problem with Tulpas or their hosts. I don't look down or them or anything like that. I just prefer not to be referred to as one. The word IS new to me and I would rather not be called it. Partly because Yoko doesn't accept it herself, even if she says she does. I spoke in chat for the first time at Yoko's urging. She was procrastinating on yet another paper and nearly refused to work unless I promised to speak there. I did. I hate #Tulpa OT. The other chatline is okay. She wants me to speak in #Tulpa Chat and I have agreed on the condition that she not refer to me as a Tulpa even if I speak there. And if I can't speak there, well, it's her loss not mine. She had a nervous breakdown last night. I'd seen a few like it but none so bad. She had a vivid daydream of stabbing herself with a kitchen knife as her parents lectured her about her grades, or GPA, or whatever system you humans are using these days. I had to forcibly calm her down and lay with her until the daydream passed. She goes back to it every once in a while, imagining what the aftermath would be if she survived. If I had to possess her to stop her from harming herself, then what would I tell her family and doctor? Would they believe me? Would I be able to prove that I wasn't her and that she was in the Chaos Realm (our brand new Wonderland courtesy of the guides here)? Would I be able to explain why she broke down and convince them not to make the situation worse by hounding her about her performance in the University? She imagined this entire situation and she seems to be done with it. My first reaction was to enter the chatroom and ask about it. Whatever name I'm called by, I wondered if her intense focus on my presence lately had triggered this reaction from her. I stayed with her for the night, but parted with her this morning. She was upset by the lack of connection. She'd never felt so alone but as much as it hurt I believed it would harm her more if I stayed with her the way she kept focusing on me. Today, she wrote in our journal a vow to me that she would not attempt self-harm and if she was ever so emotional that she could not help it that I have express permission to possess her and force her to stop, to lock her in the Chaos Realm until her violent emotions had passed. I have since re-established our close connection, and she is no longer distraught. I will not cut it again, for fear that she'll relapse to thoughts of self-harm without my being there. That was much longer than I had intended to speak. Edited October 28, 2023 by Yoko Please, refer to Azazel as my Muse. :) Our story is here.
Yoko December 1, 2012 Author December 1, 2012 Well, it's occurred to me that I haven't said much about Azazel's humanoid appearance or personality. His winged wolf appearance is shown in the first post, though I used to imagine his mane as entirely red and his wings as a darker red at their tips. That is a form he takes when flying or walking with me on wide pathways. It always makes me feel safer to know there's a massive winged wolf with sharp claws and huge fangs walking beside me. He doesn't mind walking through people, but I mind seeing him do it, so he takes the human form for crowded pathways. Azazel's human form is a tall male with hair style identical to the mane of his winged wolf form but completely red. He has red eyebrows, violet eyes, and the same little line markings under his eyes and nose. The outfit he was wearing was very cool, but I couldn't figure out where he'd got it from. Then I vaguely remember seeing the outfit in Edward Scissorhands: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ub_IQA-dUVI/TbYVDIC753I/AAAAAAAAAHs/r-B-iF-KVKA/s1600/johnny-depp-as-edward-scissorhands-1990.jpeg Minus the scissors of course! And once I saw the picture, I realized that Azazel's version of this outfit looked a lot sleeker, more comfortable, and had considerably less buckles. I'll have to look around for an outfit more similar looking to it. But right now all that matters is it's black, tight, and has buckles and boots. His human form height changed a lot at first, but it's most consistent when I don't think about it. It's easiest just not to dwell on details, I've discovered. Azazel will work himself out without my active involvement. I really actually want someone to draw this for me, as I have a picture to show for his winged wolf form but not one for his newer human form. Personality (I'm sort of tired so I may edit this into detail later.) Sarcastic~ Self-explanatory. Mysterious~ Likes to be vague with all his answers. Feels like he has a past, depth, secrets he keeps from me. Steady~ He's the calm one here. If he's frustrated or angry, it's only briefly and that's a rare occurrence. Caring~ I was a well-cared for child of loving parents. But no one has the level of patience or gentleness in dealing with me that Azazel has. It's almost unfathomable. I'd even go so far as to say it's the everlasting unconditional love that many Christians describe as getting from God. (Not saying Azazel is God. Not anything like that or close, but he's pretty damn amazing) Protective~ He protects me from myself mostly. Because I tend to mumble negative things about myself out loud, and he always firmly corrects me and reminds me that, no, I'm not stupid, and I shouldn't care what anyone thinks, and that I should just relax and let it go. During papers especially, he's severely curved the level of self-loathing that I feel when writing a paper at the last minute. I DO occasionally hit myself, not hard enough to cause any permanent damage but when extremely embarrassed I tend to slap myself on the forehead, hard enough to hurt. He's forced me to stop doing that the last few days. Helpful~ At first I said in the chatroom, "He has to help me with my papers. It's his purpose". But I never meant it that way. I understand that he doesn't have to help me and it amazes me when he does. He really does help. He edits whole paragraphs, rephrases lines, points out mistakes. He's epic! And most importantly, when I'm fresh out of ideas, he's a spring of more. The same goes with all of my creative work. He's always ready to help me. I've never known him to refuse to aid me in my work no matter how late I've waited to start an assignment. Stoic~ If Azazel has needs, I would never know about them. He never eats, or sleeps in front of me, or looks tired or hungry or thirsty or neglected (doesn't care how much attention I give or don't give). He may very well feel all of these things, or not. But either way, he never shows it or admits it. I think this is part of his protective nature. Perhaps I have so many needs that he's decided not to reveal his own needs to me. Or maybe he just doesn't have any needs at all. Stubbornly Independent/Sentient/Does as He Pleases~ Azazel does whatever he wants. He tells me what he wants to tell me. I'm 100% certain he can lie to me if he so chooses to and I would be none-the-wiser. With this level of independence, I ask him why he follows me to class and he replies "Because you want me to". But this makes no sense, because if he didn't want to be in class he would not be in there. So my question should really be "Why do you want to be in class" and I suspect his response would still be "Because you want me to". It's a cyclical argument. No matter what he does or says, his reasoning seems to be because that's what I want, even if I say I don't want it. He refuses to tell me more than that, but I am made even more certain of his ability to do what I don't want him to by his sudden disappearance this morning. Our separation made me feel physically cold and queasy, and mentally confused. I did not want him to leave. He left anyway. I demanded that he come back. He refused, supposedly for my own protection. Even when I saw him near me our connection stayed severed. It was not until after I wrote my vow that I felt a slow reconnection. This was a defiance of my will, and he came back because he wanted to. Please, refer to Azazel as my Muse. :) Our story is here.
Hound December 1, 2012 December 1, 2012 I also researched how he might be a demon. At first I searched specifically for the demon after which I had named him. I thought that maybe my calling out his name had summoned the BIBLICAL Azazel himself. Then I read about how Satan supposedly gives each human being two demons to follow them around at birth. I'm interested to find out where you found this bit of information. I have never heard such a thing, and honestly I would expect Satan to assign a lot more than just two per-person. I don't necessarily believe all demons are evil, but if by nature they are evil it makes it more incredible when they do something good. As we share similar religious backgrounds I feel I should provide my thoughts on this matter. A demon is simply another name for a fallen angel; we know from Genesis that the fallen angels were cast out of Heaven along with their leader Satan/Lucifer when they rebelled against God. Because of this I feel it is impossible for something that can be categorized as a demon to be anything but evil. I thought it likely that he was my Guardian Angel, after all, everyone was supposed to have their own. Perhaps your Azazel, is indeed some sort of guardian angel. But in all biblical cases of angels visiting humans, that I am aware of, it has either been blindingly obvious they are from God or have provided sufficient proclamation to prove thus. If this is a concern for you I could provide. I will refrain from using referring to him as a tulpa since your Azazel detests being called such. Perhaps he is a manifestation a mental companion you share your mind with? Whatever he To Azazel: In the future, would care to answer some questions to sate my curiosity? Start Date: November 5, 2012 Humanoid Construct: Claire [MIA] Stage: Not practicing anymore. Praise the Lord for the gift he has given me.
Yoko December 1, 2012 Author December 1, 2012 I'm interested to find out where you found this bit of information. I have never heard such a thing, and honestly I would expect Satan to assign a lot more than just two per-person. I googled it. :) You see when I was looking this stuff up, I was mainly doing it for my own personal reasons. I saved links that I was particularly interested in, but the rest I just skimmed and committed to memory. Had it been a research project or something I intended to prove to other people later in life, I would have saved every link and all the quotes that I applied to Azazel. I DO have some saved links of what I looked up and can PM you those if your interested, but this particular bit was something I skimmed. I googled it again after seeing your comment, and I would say the first two links on the second page are the closest I've found to what I read. I'm surprised you think he would assign more. As we share similar religious backgrounds I feel I should provide my thoughts on this matter. A demon is simply another name for a fallen angel; we know from Genesis that the fallen angels were cast out of Heaven along with their leader Satan/Lucifer when they rebelled against God. Because of this I feel it is impossible for something that can be categorized as a demon to be anything but evil. Well, where religion is concerned, I make a point of saying I was raised Baptist Christian. Not quite sure what to identify as now, but I'm not atheist or agnostic. I believe in God and Christ, but the number of rewrites, misinterpretations, and paradoxes has caused me to doubt the Bible as the word of God rather than man's rewrite of it. And what is a Christian without the Bible? No literally, I know no name for that. As for angels and demons, aside from references to the angel that visited Mary, the churches I've gone to make little to no mention of them. Almost everything I read on angels and demons were from Islamic, Jewish, and Catholic texts that were interpreted online. My understanding is that they cast down from heaven with no chance of redemption. If you consider evil as being against God, that's understandable. But I consider evil to be actively working to harm others. How do we know every individual fallen angel has been working tirelessly against God since their fall? Assuming they have free will now (because if they didn't then how would they have rebelled in the first place?) isn't it likely that their choices varied as human choices vary? Perhaps your Azazel, is indeed some sort of guardian angel. But in all biblical cases of angels visiting humans, that I am aware of, it has either been blindingly obvious they are from God or have provided sufficient proclamation to prove thus. If this is a concern for you I could provide. I will refrain from using referring to him as a tulpa since your Azazel detests being called such. Perhaps he is a manifestation a mental companion you share your mind with? Whatever he To Azazel: In the future, would care to answer some questions to sate my curiosity? Well, he's not made any proclamations of being sent from God or the the Devil. The later of which would be understandable, because claiming Satan sent you is not generally a good idea if intending to grow close to someone. But in terms of being a demon (fallen angel being my meaning) I was certain he would have been here of his own free will anyway, not sent by anyone. And as for being sent by God, with my beliefs being as shaky as they are, I would have questioned him tirelessly had he claimed to be from there. Mentally, it's possible that I did do this. But I don't see how considering the great amount of effort everyone else put into their Tulpae. It didn't take much to bring him about and it's not hard to see or hear him unless I think about it too hard. Azazel: I have not granted Yoko with these answers just for her curiosity, so it would be entirely unfair to grant them to anyone else. If either of you needed to know, especially her, I would tell you. I added the red by the way, it's not indicative of his mood or tone. Please, refer to Azazel as my Muse. :) Our story is here.
Hound December 1, 2012 December 1, 2012 I DO have some saved links of what I looked up and can PM you those if your interested, but this particular bit was something I skimmed. I would be interested in those, if it wouldn't be too much of a bother. I'm surprised you think he would assign more. Well, personally I believe there is what might be called a spiritual cold-war going on. ;) Well, where religion is concerned, I make a point of saying I was raised Baptist Christian. Not quite sure what to identify as now, but I'm not atheist or agnostic. I know what you mean to an extent. While I call myself a Baptist that is only because it is the closest denomination to my view. As for angels and demons, aside from references to the angel that visited Mary, the churches I've gone to make little to no mention of them. Almost everything I read on angels and demons were from Islamic, Jewish, and Catholic texts that were interpreted online. My understanding is that they cast down from heaven with no chance of redemption. If you consider evil as being against God, that's understandable. But I consider evil to be actively working to harm others. How do we know every individual fallen angel has been working tirelessly against God since their fall? Assuming they have free will now (because if they didn't then how would they have rebelled in the first place?) isn't it likely that their choices varied as human choices vary? Well, he's not made any proclamations of being sent from God or the the Devil. The later of which would be understandable, because claiming Satan sent you is not generally a good idea if intending to grow close to someone. But in terms of being a demon (fallen angel being my meaning) I was certain he would have been here of his own free will anyway, not sent by anyone. And as for being sent by God, with my beliefs being as shaky as they are, I would have questioned him tirelessly had he claimed to be from there. I would answer these, but I perceive there being a risk of derailing the thread and possibly starting a heated argument. It might be best to continue these discussions over PM, so as to avoid that possible outcome. Mentally, it's possible that I did do this. But I don't see how considering the great amount of effort everyone else put into their Tulpae. It didn't take much to bring him about and it's not hard to see or hear him unless I think about it too hard. It is rare, though not unheard of that a thought form is created without such effort being put into it. Perhaps you are extremely talented when it comes to their creation? Since you mention that you have done a great deal of RPing I would imagine that would make it easier for your mind to generate the different thought patterns on it's own. Azazel: I have not granted Yoko with these answers just for her curiosity, so it would be entirely unfair to grant them to anyone else. If either of you needed to know, especially her, I would tell you. To Azazel: Then how will I know what to call you? Guardian? Versipellis? Companion? I hope not to ask things that place me above your friend. I know my place in your social life, just a random voice on the Internet. Will not grant me the knowledge of a title so I may address you respectfully? On a side note, Claire is interested in meeting you. Start Date: November 5, 2012 Humanoid Construct: Claire [MIA] Stage: Not practicing anymore. Praise the Lord for the gift he has given me.
Yoko December 1, 2012 Author December 1, 2012 I would be interested in those, if it wouldn't be too much of a bother. I'm not at my laptop at the moment. I shall send them when I return to it. Well, personally I believe there is what might be called a spiritual cold-war going on. ;) Understandable. :) I know what you mean to an extent. While I call myself a Baptist that is only because it is the closest denomination to my view. I think that a lot of people gravitate to the closest denomination of what they believe. Some happen to fit much better than others. I would answer these, but I perceive there being a risk of derailing the thread and possibly starting a heated argument. It might be best to continue these discussions over PM, so as to avoid that possible outcome. We can take it to the PM's if you want to, but I don't see why it would be heated. While I have some thoughts about it, they aren't very passionate nor are they heavily backed. It's not my goal to change anyone's mind, though I'm quite open to discussion. It is rare, though not unheard of that a thought form is created without such effort being put into it. Perhaps you are extremely talented when it comes to their creation? Since you mention that you have done a great deal of RPing I would imagine that would make it easier for your mind to generate the different thought patterns on it's own. This is a good point and not one I had considered before. I generally think of roleplay as a very contained thing. Very few characters have taken a life of their own/steered away from the path that I direct them down. To Azazel: Then how will I know what to call you? Guardian? Versipellis? Companion? I hope not to ask things that place me above your friend. I know my place in your social life, just a random voice on the Internet. Will not grant me the knowledge of a title so I may address you respectfully? On a side note, Claire is interested in meeting you. Azazel: You may respectfully refer to me as a Muse. I understand that it's not the Greek definition, but it's a title we've agreed on that is loosely correct and not insulting. Not that the name Tulpa is insulting, it's simply not my preference. I'm afraid you'd find questioning me rather frustrating. As Yoko has described above, I generally answer on a need-to-know basis. But if you still please, then fire away. Very well. Where would she like to meet? I'm pretty sure he means where as in, the chatroom? PM? Forum? Please, refer to Azazel as my Muse. :) Our story is here.
Yoko December 3, 2012 Author December 3, 2012 A short update post: Azazel has completed the fluently speaking tulpa sentience survey. We are uncertain how useful it will be for research considering the strangeness of our situation. Azazel found the process to be tedious, but I was rather amazed with the depth in which he answered the questions. He usually tends to be quite vague, but he made a real effort to be detailed. Well, he did until the end. I was growing hungry and tired of proxying (We've not done much in the way of possession, but Azazel does not like the idea). So he kept his answers towards the end shorter. We could have stopped and finished another day, but the week is filled with school assignments and with my tendency to procrastinate I would probably have used it as an excuse. Anyway, I'm off to bed. In our next bit of free time perhaps, we'll describe our recently created Wonderland. Please, refer to Azazel as my Muse. :) Our story is here.
Yoko December 5, 2012 Author December 5, 2012 Today Azazel and I wrote yet another paper together. This one was about eight pages long, and was a comparison of Walter White to Shakespeare's tragic hero Macbeth. It seemed excellent, but we ended up working right down to the last minute. I don't know how well the conclusion turned out. Azazel did an excellent job of not allowing me to panic. He told me during my multimedia class earlier today that our new mantra will be "Don't Panic" and sure enough, everything turned out okay without me needing to pull an all-nighter or skip classes. During my Shakespeare class I was pretty worn out and Azazel wrapped his arms around me and stayed for the entire class period. Yesterday, my classes had been crowded so he had opted to go out wandering. We had been so close lately that I could not help but ask him where he had gone. He did not give me an answer though, and I reminded myself that he was an individual who was fond of his privacy and independence. The important thing is that wherever he had gone, our connection was still quite strong and I suffered none of the cold, queasy, emptiness that I had feared would be a symptom of his distance. I took a nap. He woke me around seven. *** So back to talking about things in the past I've rejoined neopets and have not been able to contact Engel's roleplayer. At first, I considered Azazel's connection to Engel and his Pack in the roleplay guild to be inseparable from his actual past but I've slowly accepted that these two things were very different. My Muse is not the Azazel of my roleplays and so any imagined relationship between he and Engel was entirely of my making. Azazel may have had romances of the past, but they are not to my knowledge (I can always imagine/dream :) ). Our Wonderland: The Chaos Realm The Chaos Realm is based shamelessly on a scene in Beyblade (the animated series) where Kai and Tyson battle. The realm has a massive island floating in "space" There are stars and falling stars constantly there. There is no Sun and no day time there. The island has silver-green grass that is soft and ticklish. That is the lawn before the massive castle made of smooth black stone. There's a deep moat surrounding the castle, but the water below is pure and sparkling.One can fish there. Inside there are countless rooms. The only ones that matter thus far are Azazel's favorite room, a large living room with no windows, a huge fire place and plush pillows strewn across the floor (my touch), and my favorite room, a massive indoor jungle gym similar to those found in Chuck E. Cheese's or behind fast food restaurants but much larger and infinitely more complex! There are doors within tunnels that are locked by puzzles, and pits, slides and monkey bars that all fall into a large ball pit. The ball pit can only be escaped by climbing a rope ladder that stretches forty feet up (not a place for those who fear heights. We're considering a memory library. *** I forgot to mention that Azazel as a roleplay character had an epithet: "Dream Giver, Nightmare Bringer, Mind Torturer". This is an epithet I continue to apply to Azazel. Recently, he appeared in one of my dreams (human form). I think it's still accurate, among the other things I believe he's capable of. Please, refer to Azazel as my Muse. :) Our story is here.
Yoko December 5, 2012 Author December 5, 2012 Azazel and I have one final paper to write, then it's all up to me to study for finals. I woke up feeling dizzy and queasy again to day, but those feelings faded around lunch time. I took the time out to purchase a new journal for us, even though the old one is not anywhere near full. I've made a tradition of dedicating each journal to Azazel either on Christmas or New Year's Day. It occurred to me today that I spend a majority of my life in my mind, whether Azazel is present or not. I'm generally awake for 18 or 19 hours per day, and a large portion of my waking time is spent in day dreams and fantasies about tv shows, movies, books, and activities that I like. I can be walking from classes or to my dorm or just wandering nowhere in particular and not seeing where I'm going because I'm so far into a waking fantasy. This is probably why Azazel and I have such an easy relationship. Whether its floating in a spiritual or mental realm, my mind is simply not anchored in "reality". It makes sense that I'd connect easily with a being outside of it. Edit: Anchored isn't the word I'm looking for. If I weren't anchored I certainly wouldn't sit down and type this up. XD What I mean I suppose is that I don't spend much time dwelling on reality/logic. I'd much rather spend two hours daydreaming to two hours sitting at a football game. Heck, sometimes I'm AT the football game, daydreaming and only catching the score if someone points it out to me. Please, refer to Azazel as my Muse. :) Our story is here.
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