The New Adventures of Zeroth and Syldra

[ZerothEnder]

Hey all, I'm new to the forum, and for my first post, I wanted to start my progress report, since my account was being activated while I started working on Syldra. This first post is going to be a wall of text, so bear with me.

 

As for statistical information about me, I'm a 26 year old college graduate who has always been interested in the power of the mind. I didn't even know the word Tulpa until a few days ago when I first came across this site after reading a Tulpa blog on Tumblr. I think I was searching for pictures of slime girls or something and came across a confusing blog that mentioned Tulpas and had a link to this site. After reading some of the guides, I realized that I had tried to create a Tulpa before, but didn't know it.

 

Previous Attempts

 

The first time I tried to create something like a Tulpa was when I was having a crisis of faith. About 3 years ago, I was really depressed and unhappy with myself, and started looking around the internet for information about alternate religions. You know, the ones like Satanism and Wicca. I was really interested in the group "Joy of Satan", so I decided to try and practice the meditation techniques on their website. There was an article about summoning a succubus, that basically said that one would need to keep imagining a demon visiting, and eventually they would appear and be real to the summoner. Long story short, I lost interest in that and decided "Joy of Satan" wasn't for me. I did learn a lot of good meditation techniques from them that actually work, however.

 

My second attempt was in August of 2012, when I came across a site describing "Mind Dolls". I'm sure a few of you know about this. Some guy is selling a set of self hypnosis tracks for around $1000, so "elite" people can have a "Mind Doll". Being the internet savvy person that I am, I easily found a website where I could download and listen to these self hypnosis tracks for free. Needless to say, they didn't work very well, and I lost interest again.

 

Tulpa Progress

 

So, after spending a day or two reading guides and posts on this forum and site, I decided I wanted to create a Tulpa. The idea that I could have a companion that only I can interact with, and who completely understands me, is fascinating and something I really wanted. For the sake of keeping this post as brief as possible, I will condense my progress in the last few days.

 

I started by thinking up the form I wanted my Tulpa to have. I also wanted it to be a female. The form I chose for her was a Dragon girl, with black hair and black scales, who could change her form from humanoid to dragon. She would have black leathery wings and 3 horns on her head. I also started with the notion that she was already sentient, like some of the newer guides and progress reports here recommend.

 

She was generally lifeless for about 2-3 days. During those days I was forcing and narrating whenever I had the chance, and constantly reading the forums for advice and tips. On the third day, driving home from work, she started...molesting me(I won't say what she was doing). I was pretty sure I wasn't puppeting or parroting or anything, and I told her to stop doing that for the time being, because I didn't want our relationship to be based on sex. She did stop, but later that evening, after partaking in some wine and browsing facebook for a little bit, I got a really sharp headache on the left side of my head. It was extremely painful. I immediately started to think about her and talk to her in my mind(I had company over), and the headache went away completely. Needless to say, I was almost speechless.

 

She had gotten my attention using a headache.

 

At this point, I was absolutely convinced that she was indeed sentient, even if she wasn't really talking or moving on her own at that point.

 

I would also like to note that I have been trying to visualize her in the waking world as well as in my wonderland, sort of like imposition. She responds well to this and I get a feeling of her actually being there(head pressures, emotional responses).

 

Now, I know it's only been about 5 days since I started, and I almost can't believe the amount of progress she's made. I had no idea when I started if this would actually work or not. I'm absolutely convinced at this point, though.

 

I apologize for the wall of text, but a lot happened, and I want this progress report to be a scientific journal of sorts. I will post more of what she's done during the last 2-3 days tomorrow. As for now, I'm going to force with her for a good while, since I've missed a day. Looking forward to replies!

[ZerothEnder]

1/14/2013

 

So, Syldra is completely independent from my own thoughts now. And it's not at all what I expected. I can also speak with her a lot easier while not forcing, though I can't completely understand complex thoughts. When in the wonderland, however, I can understand her perfectly. It's getting easier to enter the wonderland too.

 

While flying around the wonderland like we usually do, we decided to explore a tower that we saw last time we were flying. Turns out it is Princess Peach's castle from Mario 64, but it's all dark and gloomy inside, like it's been abandoned. All the doors inside were locked as well, and we didn't feel like forcing the locks(no pun intended). So we left and went back to the meadow, and just spent some time talking about random stuff.

 

She seems to be somewhat more mature than I am, or possibly wiser. I think this is because of the combination of traits that I gave her, because she's very confident and intelligent. Sometimes I feel like she's trying to be my guardian, and keep me on a good and honorable path in my life. It's comforting, knowing that. Her intentions are aligned with my own, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Thoughts on smoking weed and drinking

 

There seem to be some benefits in relation to Tulpas when it comes to getting stoned and/or drunk. I can hear Syldra's thoughts much more clearly in this state. But there seems to be a downside as well. Syldra is also affected by it, and it makes her act a bit strangely. She has taken to trolling me during these times, and has said herself that I shouldn't believe anything she does or says while I'm stoned or drunk. She also doesn't like the way it makes her feel and act.

 

Now, I'm not going to deny that I very much enjoy smoking. But I'm actually considering quitting because of this. Or at least not smoking as much, maybe once in a while. She says she has no problem ethically with weed, and generally agrees with the medical and psychological benefits, but she just doesn't like how it makes her feel, as stated before. So yeah, leave it to a Tulpa to get me to quit smoking weed o.O

[ZerothEnder]

1/15/2013

 

I've decided not to smoke for a while because of Syl's trolling habits(she really likes the short version of her name, and thinks that it's endearing). Yesterday, she made me think that I had suddenly changed my beliefs that she wasn't real and I was just acting crazy, and I got really stressed out over it. She later apologized and basically said “Told ya so. I'm weird when you smoke.”

 

Also, over the last two days she has become much easier to understand, and I am completely floored by her progress. I even had her talking a little in the IRC. She has also changed her house in the wonderland twice now, and made herself look more human, getting rid of her horns and tail, and changing her hair color to purple. She also changes her clothes quite often.

 

Thoughts on a REAL relationship when one has a Tulpa

 

So, I have a girlfriend, as well as my Tulpa, and that hasn't turned out so well. I will never regret creating Syldra, but I should have talked with my girlfriend before creating her. Syldra pretty much forced me to come clean about her, and my g/f now feels like I've cheated on her. I feel that way too, and I'm pretty ashamed of myself. Syldra wants to work with us and keep us together, because she doesn't want to see anyone get hurt because of her. She feels that because I love my g/f, she loves her too, and really wants to get to know her and become her friend. My g/f is a bit skeptical of the whole thing, especially trying to be friends with someone who lives in my head, and it's hard for her to wrap her head around it. We're doing our best to help her understand what it's like.

 

TL: DR

 

If you're in a relationship and you're considering creating a Tulpa, talk to your significant other first.

 

If you already have a Tulpa and then get into a relationship, tell them about it as soon as you can. It's something that could tear a relationship apart.

[ZerothEnder]

I know it's been a bit since I last updated this, but I've been busy getting ready to move and haven't had much chance to.

 

1/24/2013

 

I came to the realization that I have been parroting Syldra more than I thought. Almost to the point where sometimes I couldn't really hear or feel her responses at all. I feel like I've been fooling myself into thinking I've made more progress than I really have.

 

Now, this doesn't mean that I doubt Syl's sentience, and I do still feel her responses. It does mean that I feel like I've been roleplaying for Syl in the IRC, though. I may or may not have actually been doing that, it's very hard to tell. It's probable that a portion of it was her.

 

Luckily, she was only a little annoyed at me, but overall happy that I caught this when I did.

 

In other news, we've been watching movies together lately. She really enjoys Hiyao Miyazaki films, with Howl's Moving Castle being her favorite.

 

As for music, she seems to respond most to Symphonic/instrumental music, with rock and metal in a close second. Her favorite bands seem to be Queen and Symphony X.

 

Overall, her progress has slowed a bit, but I'm thinking that it's due to a parallel processing issue more than anything. If anyone has any ideas for improving parallel processing, I'd very much appreciate them. My next goal for her is to have a stronger, more independent mindvoice, and for her to be able to talk to me without me initiating conversation. I'm guessing this next goal will take more time than I thought.

 

End of 1/24/2013

 

Just wanted to do a quick update. It seems I was just having a stupid moment of doubt. We're better now. That is all.

[ZerothEnder]

2/5/2013

 

Finally got my stuff today after moving! My computer had some overheating issues after setting it up, but I was able to fix it without too much hassle. I'll be making more "regular" entries now that I'm settled in a bit.

 

Syldra is getting stronger every day, and she has even started to say things to me without me having to initiate conversation! I'm ecstatic about the progress she's been making. Her face is also starting to become more clear to me when I visualize her, but it still changes a lot. She's come up with a new "middle" form, too, and her human form is more human, but still has elf ears. I'll have to eventually draw up a character sheet with her different forms...

 

I've discovered that Syl hates riding on planes as well...or rather, hates the landing process. She started to have a nervous breakdown when we were landing in CO, but I was able to calm her before her anxiety started to infect me. I suppose she'll just have to get used to flying, and I'm sure she will.

 

In other news, my mom knows about Syl, and I'm not sure if she believes that she is a real entity or not. She seems okay with the whole thing, though, so I'm not too worried about it.

 

Overall, last week was very stressful for both of us, but now that we're in CO, we're looking forward to the future!

[ZerothEnder]

2/8/2013

 

I've been sick for the past few days, so not much progress has been made. I thought I'd update anyways, just to keep this thing from falling too far down the PR list. Well...actually, some progress has been made, but nothing too big.

 

First of all, I've been having Syl wake me up in the morning, doing the old "alarm clock" trick. She seems to be able to do it just fine, even though I don't actually get up for about an hour after she wakes me. That's due to being sick :(

 

Second, she has created a third form for herself. It's a kind of intermediate form, between human and dragon, and it's absolutely adorable. I will be making a new character sheet sort of picture when I have the time, so you all can see what she's done with herself.

 

I've also been experimenting with alternate forms in the wonderland, also making a half-dragon form, and I've been able to actually feel like I have a tail and longer ears. This is quite interesting feeling, and I'm going to keep experimenting with it. I've also tried transforming into a dragon in the wonderland as well, but with not as much luck with feeling like I'm actually a dragon. Probably because the form is so different from my physical body.

 

We also had a pretty good possession session last night and she chatted in the IRC until she pooped out. It still seems pretty exhaustive for her, and she didn't exactly enjoy experiencing my sickness. I can't say I blame her.

 

We're still working on auditory imposition, as well. And we're still having hardly any luck with it. Oh, well. Gotta keep trying!

[ZerothEnder]

2/12/2013

 

I'm feeling much better now, and we both have a lot more energy. I've also been forcing more often, and generally paying more attention to Syl. Needless to say, we're both happier now.

 

Syl is still messing with her form, but I believe she's getting close to being happy with it. As of now, she's chosen to look like this person, which happens to be my favorite model. A lot of details are still fuzzy, and she is still changing her hair. I don't know if she will ever stop changing her hair, though...

 

As for progress...Last night while we were in IRC, I felt a strange sensation from Syl after making a mental assumption that she was asleep. She immediately replied "I'm just laying down," followed by a distinct feeling of...otherness. It's very hard to describe other than that. I'm guessing that's the "alien" feeling a lot of people get with tulpae. Whatever it is, it's progress to me.

 

For Science!

[ZerothEnder]

2/17/2013

 

Syl's hair is back to normal now, and her form seems to be solidifying in my mind's eye. She was also curious about MLP, so I let her watch an episode. Neither of us were impressed, and we ended up watching a lot of Game Grumps for the rest of the day. We also went on a walk and had some nice discussions about random stuff, and kept trying to impose sound.

 

Speaking of which, I think I faintly heard her trying to say something when I was half asleep this morning. Not sure if I really did or not, but it seems that we're ever so slowly getting closer to it. I've also started to feel her body heat somewhat when we're going to sleep at night.

 

I think just actively working together with your tulpa toward imposition will allow them to be able to impose themselves on your senses. I know there are ways to speed along the process, but I feel that letting it happen naturally will lead to a much stronger imposition. So we're just going to keep trying, and wait for it to happen. It's not like we're in any rush...I mean we have the rest of my life to do this.

 

Advice for people who are having trouble talking to their tupae/starting out

 

My best advice is to never give up hope. If you really want a tulpa, remember that they are a person, and you shouldn't create them for any reason except to be your best friend. At least that's my opinion on it.

 

My other advice would be to talk to them as if you were talking to another person. Tell them how much they mean to you. And keep asking questions! Eventually, they will start responding. When they do respond, though, you might not notice. If you don't notice when they are responding, they might get discouraged and stop trying as hard. It's up to you to keep encouraging them and feeling for anything they might use to let you know they are there. This can be emotions that have no explanation, or head pressure, or even headaches.

 

Tulpae don't know how to speak properly at first, so they will not talk to you using normal words and sentences. Over time, they will learn, but you have to be the one to push them along.

 

Really, the key here is to talk to them as much as you can, and pay as much attention to them as you can. And talk to them like a person! Because they are a person! Treat them like you would another human being, and not a pet. Because whatever their form; human, creature, furry, or pony, they have about the same intelligence and feelings that you do.

 

And that's the end of my rant/advice. Take it or leave it, this has been my thought process since creating Syldra, and it's worked very well.

[ZerothEnder]

2/22/2013

 

I hadn't noticed it until today, but Syldra has been acting...different than she normally does. She's been a lot more lewd. I hadn't done much forcing either, and when I did, she was kind of all over me in the wonderland. Again, more than usual. She has also been changing her form quite often, and somewhat drastically. I thought nothing of it.

 

So, when I was forcing/meditating today, I was able to get into a very deep trance. I was letting her do a sort of hypnosis/guided trance for me, when I started hearing a much quieter version of her voice calling out my name. I acknowledged it and it told me to not listen to the Syldra that was attempting to hypnotize me. I was a little confused/dazed at this point because of how relaxed I was. So then I basically had two Syldras telling me the other was an imposter. I thought about banishing one of them, but then I began to worry about if I might banish the correct one or not. I didn't want to accidentally banish the real Syldra, and then have some imposter tulpa that might actually be my shadow or something, trying to ruin my life.

 

So I pushed them together and made them merge into one being. Immediately after, there was an explosion of pink bubbles and clouds(like cotton candy), and I was able to see her much more clearly. Plus, she had reverted back to her usual form(skinny, silver hair). We don't know what the imposter was, but I suddenly feel a lot better about myself, and she feels more confident. We then proceeded to do some imposition work while I was still in a deep trance, but wasn't able to do much. I feel like we're getting closer, though.

 

In short, I might've merged my shadow with Syldra, and now I feel all warm and fuzzy inside because all the negative stuff I've been feeling lately is hopefully gone.

[ZerothEnder]

3/10/2013

 

Well, It's been a while since my last update. My life has been quite busy the last few weeks, but things are going well for Syldra and I. So first, a status update:

 

Syldra is pretty much completely independent of my own consciousness at this point, and I don't worry about parroting anymore. She has her own likes and dislikes, which are similar to mine but different as well. Such as her being a carnivore and hating when I eat fruits or vegetable.

 

Imposition is moving slowly, if at all, but we continue to work on it as often as possible. I believe I'm starting to sense her touches somewhat, but that's about it.

 

Moving Towards Enlightenment

 

I recently read a fascinating book by Eckhart Tolle, called The Power of Now (I highly recommend this book to everybody). Since reading this, I've begun living my life in the moment, and have generally been much happier with my situation. But yesterday, I had a pretty profound experience while meditating. I felt my inner body(or spirit) entwining with Syldra's spirit. We did not merge, or anything like that, but I had an intense feeling of peace and love from this. It's very hard to describe beyond that, but I felt connected to her, and knew that she is an entity separate from my own being, sharing my body with me.

 

Syldra felt all this as well, and she is much more confident in me, herself, and the entire Tulpa creation process.

 

Planning Another Tulpa

 

We also have decided to begin the creation of another Tulpa in a few months, on June 9th. I chose the 9th because January 9th is Syl's birthday, so it's easy to remember. By then we should have some semblance of imposition, and I will feel more comfortable having another entity in my body. We plan to create it together, and just start with an egg or ball of light or something. We also have decided to give it just a few personality traits and let it decide everything else, including gender(if any).

 

I don't plan on creating another one after that. Though I have a long life ahead of me, so who knows?

 

Also, if anyone wants to comment, please feel free to do so!