Bobby and Breezy

[Bobby9macy]

Thanks guys, the old theme was high contrast nostalgia or something.

 

ENTRY 7

 

Well here we are, the lucky numbered entry. Not sure why I'm even posting this, I just feel sort of like I have to. Not much different has been going on. I mean, I was very dizzy for most of earlier today but I don't think it was tulpa-related, just some passing illness or blood pressure issue or something that I think should be serious but really isn't.

 

Just finishing up my lurking rounds for tonight and managing my last investments in Cookie Clicker until later morning. I think I'm going to try to lucid dream or astral project tonight. If I can do that I might try some things with Bre too, like, get all spiritual up in here, and fill her up with... "living" energy or whatever. Cut that whole that her consciousness peaks through even wider. Just in case though, I'll try to do something like that BEFORE I make a lucid dream attempt, so I don't doze off and ruin everything by failing just as I should expect I will after so many tries now. It sure does take a while to learn how to do cool stuff with your brain... Lucid dreaming, tulpamancing, uh... Actually that's about all I can think of. But those are cool things. I'll have it down sometime. Tonight I'm just going to keep trying though.

 

Who knows, maybe tonight will be an important night.

 

Maybe Bre can help me into a lucid dream.

 

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just flat out doing this all wrong, but I keep hearing guides and advice telling me to just believe it's her. I'd love to do that if it makes her real, but I do care about her, and if I she is real and I start believing the wrong things about her, I don't want to make her into a lie or something...

 

Sorry, again, 2 AM. I shouldn't be typing this now. I shouldn't be awake now. I should go. Goodnight/morning/noon/afternoon/evening.

[Shui]

Hey, if you're learning lucid dreaming, you should totally check out CyberD's PR. He actually created his tulpa to help him with lucid dreaming, before he even knew tulpa were a thing.

 

As for your worries about whether it's really Bre, give it some time. It will gradually become more natural until you're sure it's her.

[Bobby9macy]

Days are getting busier, I think being able to force with Bre in lucid dreams would be very useful, so thanks I will be sure toe check out that PR!

 

ENTRY 8

 

Bre seemed a lot more real today! Whatever I did with that spiritual energy last night must have had some effect. Maybe it was just something to trick me into believing she's a real thing in my head a little more, but it was something, and I learned something from it: attention is not the only ingredient for tulpamancing. While attention is a major part of it, it's not ALL of the required "nutrients" Bre is going to need. Now what exactly those other ingredients are, I'm not sure. Lucid dreaming would give me plenty more time to figure that out with her there. Maybe I just spent a lot of quality time with her in my dreams last night and I don't remember what happened.

 

That... kinda makes sense to me actually.

 

I do passively force throughout the day. Today more than usual though, I'm not sure why. I just remembered more often and more easily to force than usual. There's one of the perks of being asocial, there's a LOT of time for this in between and around classes. Thinking about it... I probably have this HIGHLY SIGNIFICANTLY easier than most tulpamancers. My girlfriend even has her own tulpa she's been working with, and my best friend is the one who introduced me to tulpas in the first place, and I have several other tulpamancer friends as well through Skype and Steam. I have a lot of people to keep me motivated and focused, people I care about too. I might have the best playing field for tulpamancing out there! I love my luck.

 

Well, off to learn how to lucid dream and give Bre more... spirit energies.

 

I have one question though, would I be able to see Bre during astral projection? Would she be connected by the cord to me, or my human body, or to anything at all? I should post these questions tomorrow. I'd like to know, it sound interesting.

[Shui]

From what I've read on the forums, some people can project with their tulpa, they can go alone, or they can send their tulpa alone.

 

As to the cord, I don't know. I've heard the cord is even invisible to some people. But I'm not speaking from personal experience.

[Bobby9macy]

ENTRY 9

 

Well, it looks like I'm getting into that side of the wave where I post more often.

 

This is all pretty hard for me, maybe it's cause I'm not getting the right amounts of sleep I should be getting, but it's almost like it's more difficult to force sometimes later in the day. Like I just try and get denied. Maybe Bre just gets tired of me and needs a few breaks. I wouldn't blame her.

 

I've also never been good at things like lucid dreaming, astral projection, and tulpaforcing. I don't know what it is about me, maybe my attention span and will to carry things on for long periods of time, because I know these kinds of things take a long time to get to work, but I just start to believe I'll never get it down pretty quickly. I accept my fate as failure too easily, and while that's usually nice in other cases, since it smooths out most guilt or shame I might feel most of the time in other situations, it just makes things harder here, because tulpaforcing and metaphysics is all really interesting to me. My ability to tolerate things without variety is just... sloppy.

 

So I guess I'll just have to keep trying for now, I don't know why I had to rant about all that, I guess I just needed a little vent since I feel kinda hopeless and Bre is starting to quiet down again, but I have to make it work. This is what I want to do.

 

Maybe I should make a rough checklist of things to pay attention to and do:

 

o Keep paying attention to Bre until it's a natural thing I do all day erry day

 

o Do the same thing with imposition

 

o Try hard to pull off astral projection/lucid dreaming (I'll just refer to it as astral projection alone in the future, but mean both. They're fairly similar enough to roughly mean the same thing anyways.)

 

o Figure out what... that "ingredient x" is for tulpamacing, it helped Bre feel more alive a lot, though it's wearing off now and I can't seem to do the same thing over again

 

So yeah. I'm getting a little tired now so I better hurry and try to let my body fall asleep before my mind does.

 

 

OH and I almost forgot, thanks Shui, that's pretty interesting and it makes me even more eager to pull off astral projection! ^_^ In fact thanks a bunch for everything, your help when I've been confused in this thread is much appreciated, encouraging, and useful!

[Bobby9macy]

ENTRY 10

 

Just wanna put this out there real quick, I think "ingredient x" is just believing... so I was making a bigger deal out of it than I probably had to. I was probably only half believing before, or like... 2/3s believing. So now I know that I'm going to need...

 

1. Attention - tuppers need 'tention to transform to full p'tential

 

2. Care - If you don't love and care about your tulpa why should they even exist at all?

 

3. Belief - You gotta believe your tuppy will is real and will become a full tupper some time.

 

Ok, now that I got down all the basic things that everyone probably already knew about, I'm gonna hope things are gonna start to advance more. I'll be pretty busy today but I'll try to keep forcing anyways.

[Bobby9macy]

ENTRY 11

 

Besides being busy moving this weekend and having little forcing time at all, things have been good. It might just be because the spacial dimensions of the new house are so easy to understand because everything's in boxes, and I have no emotion-based memories of this place to screw with my understanding of it, but Bre has been extremely easier to visualise in terms of both her size and lighting in the room. Of course she's still not imposed but I can imagine how she would look IF I could see her, which is fantastic compared to before.

 

Maybe it also has something to do with fully believing now. Well, I got a lot of sleep earlier, but it's still late and I have school in four hours, so I'm going to try to get a little more sleep in to balance my sleep schedule back out.

 

Tomorrow I'll try to spend more time with her. There's still a little more painting to do for my room, but it's going to be cool. The walls are going to be chalkboards! c:

[Bobby9macy]

ENTRY 12

 

Well my forcing frequency has dropped a lot... I'm also becoming pretty sure that Bre isn't quite an independent being yet, more a part of me. Literally. Which would sorta mean I have multiple personalities. So what I'm going to focus on is tearing the part of my consciousness she exists in away from me, and nurturing her as her own free mind. This will make things easier for her and probably allow her to deviate however she wants, even though I think she's happy with the way she is now. She'll be able to support herself instead of me having to notice her for her to mean anything.

 

She gon be a real tulpa.

 

I think it's important to remember that consciousness is a very subjective topic, and though she is/was a part of me, I would still call her another person. Like a bubble growing out of my consciousness. She has her own personality, but not much will. Not as much as hopefully she will have soon.

 

I looked into a few guides with techniques to use sleep to an advantage. I'm going to try to use my tiredness to induce lucid stuff and bluh bluh bluh. If I can keep my cool long enough (unlikely but hopefully, I'll try to dull my emotions) I might be able to induce myself into a wake lucid dream 0-0)

[Bobby9macy]

ENTRY 13

 

Entry 13 on Friday the 13th... I like it. So lately I've been feeling some headaches and... head... hurts. I'm not sure if it's from not getting enough sleep, or from the right-brain intensive techniques I'm learning in drawing class, or Breezy's consciousness seperating from mine; maybe all of those are the reason. I feel good about this though, she's given me even more unpredictable responses and things I haven't felt thought before I hear her say them. Like today I asked her a question and she gave me a response I never ever would have considered, or even thought of.

 

A few odd things are happening too though. In my head I'm considering myself a tulpa just like her, kinda. Like I may be the host of the body right now, but that means nothing more than that I've lived using this body for as long as I can remember, and I have primary control over it. I guess I don't know how to stop using it yet, but that'll come later. I feel like I'm INSIDE the body, not like I am the body. Today I felt almost like I was getting bored of being "me." Like I was getting tired of playing as a character in a video game. I guess it's kinda cool though, I like it this way.

 

Also today I was drawing in my sketchbook at lunch and I asked Bre what to draw. She recommended I draw her, and so I started thinking of poses and things. I decided to draw her singing, and visualised an image in my head when something unusual happened: I could SEE the image on the paper. Vaguely. I quickly began to trace her muzzle, but my excitement got the best of me and it disappeared. I messed up the drawing after that, but I did draw that picture below. It's her and my OC.

 

Finally, we've been harmonising with our mindvoices to songs on my ipod sometimes. It's kinda mentally exhausting to run two voices at once like that, but that kinda makes me glad, and sounds like it's getting us somewhere, even though my voice is hardly audible. Now that I think about it, my mindvoice has been changing... starting to sound more like my real voice. That bothers me, I like the younger sounding voice better, so I'm trying to keep it that way. It seems to make it even harder to sing in my head though.

 

[Bobby9macy]

ENTRY 14

 

Getting kinda tired, I've had a busy day but I finally have my own room for the first time now. This is great, and hopefully will be beneficial to forcing.

 

Anyways, I just wanted to report a few things before I went to sleep. Starting earlier at breakfast today. I was at a restaurant with my mom, brother, uncle, and grandparents, when suddenly I felt as if someone had forcefully pushed against my forehead with their thumb. I looked up and everyone had still been eating and talking to each other. Could this be the head pressures finally showing? This makes me start to wonder if head pressures are directly related to the creation of a new base consciousness, and not exactly a tulpa. That would of course be going by my definition of "tulpa" though, which doesn't require it to have a base consciousness, as long as it at least shares one with you, and you're not puppeting EVERY response.

 

Also on the way home from dinner in the car I was listening to some music on my ipod. Bre and I tried to do some harmony exercises, but since I'd ran my body out of energy so much already it was a little difficult. We found that playing the instruments to a song was significantly easier, especially if you don't actually know how to play the instrument, since you really just move your arms about and look like you know what you're doing.

 

Either way, we sang and played to the songs

(Emerson Lake and Palmer) and

(Audioslave). We found that Karn Evil 9 was the most fun and probably most productive, because of the dynamic instruments sounds and lyrics. I love prog rock so much.

 

Also I think Bre's mane has been different than how I've been trying to visualise her. I will try to draw it and get an idea of what she's trying to look like tomorrow.