Bobby and Breezy

[Bobby9macy]

ENTRY 17

 

What happened? I'm sure there was a third page by now, and plenty more entries. Did the forums go down and- oh yeahh... There was that one day I couldn't connect to Tulpa.info. Was that it?

 

Anyways, I've decided I need to start working on my servitor NOW. Life is getting far too uncontrollable and uncomfortable and emotionally exhausting because of things like this, and I'll use this as an excuse: it leaves me with less energy to force Bre. Significantly less. I also decided Brain Salad was a stupid name and I'm going to name it Sine or something. I'm heading off to look at some servitor guides so I don't mess this up. I could mess this up and it could kill me, but right now I feel like suicide is my only good other option, so it'll be worth the weight.

 

P.S. I get emails of responses on this topic so I didn't miss anything that wasn't posted by me. 0w0

[Shui]

Yeah, that was it. The forums went down, and everybody lost posts. I remember my last post in this PR, I was suggesting that you talk to glitchthe3rd and Nobillis about their servitor experiences, since glitchthe3rd is pretty much the servitor guy around here, and he experienced a servitor going bad, and Nobillis' host Keven spent years switched with his tulpa kerin, plus they have some servitors too.

[Bobby9macy]

Super!

 

I posted this in the questions thingy section, maybe it'll get their attention. I did look at Glitch's servitor workshop thread, but I always seem to skip PRs out of laziness to read. Help with reading might be another nice thing to have a servitor around for...

[Bobby9macy]

ENTRY 18

 

I messed up.

 

My "servitor"- Sine- tulpa-ised. Nobillis said that a servitor like he would have been would have became a tulpa anyways though. Sine still wants to do what I wanted him to do in the first place though, so I guess... as long as he doesn't become very emotional or anything... I've got myself a... servi-tulpa? You can read more about it here. For now I still need to keep my eyes on Bre though, the only attention Sine needs is enough to keep him alive. I don't think Breezy's the most excited about two boys here and one girl... and I wanted Sine to be an "it" or something so it would be fair to her, but robots are pretty male anyways. Maybe we can figure out some alternate gender or something, or some genderless means of existence to shift Sine into later.

 

My head's starting to ache a little. I don't know if that's a good sign (haha sign-Sine) but I'll take that it means something. I like the idea of genderlessness, it'll be easier to define it then, but I'll stop this post here and keep this thread updated.

 

Also, before you start pointing at me for tulpa cruelty or something remember that Sine is feeling pretty open about this and probably is still very young. I made him to be a servitor anyways, and that's what he seems to want to be like.

[Bobby9macy]

ENTRY 19

 

I think we did it. We accomplished some basic possession! She pretty much already knew how to use a mouse and type and stuff, so we didn't have a problem with her using my laptop. The whole time I was listening to white noise to try to avert my focus from sensory stimulation. So

 

TIL: You don't know how focused you are on reality until you find a way to stop listening to it.

 

However, we may have tried too hard too early. I feel almost sick all around- like I'm a little weak, and Breezy is pretty run out of energy. I was thinking about it and maybe my brain has a sort of immune system against body control. I know I've read that it's normal for the body to reject tulpa possession on the first try, maybe that's it.

 

Anyways, for now I'll keep a good eye on her, maybe some extra attention will help her get back into it, and I'm sure I'll start feeling better quickly enough.

[Bobby9macy]

ENTRY 20

 

To wrap up the topic of the last post, Bre and I got better fairly quickly. We tried a little possession before I went to sleep last night just to keep the routine of exercise going, and it seemed to work pretty well. I think a little soon it will come time to start up on Sine! And maybe in a little bit Bre will be able to type up posts in this thread on her own! I might get her her own tulpa.info account though.

 

Also lately I've been trying to impose her into videos games too, since I can't seem to avoid them when it comes to tulpaforcing. I'm sure I'm not the first to try imposition into games, but to anyone who hasn't tried this and is a gamer I'd probably recommend it. Even though I can't even see her in reality yet I can still feel her presence, and kinda understand how it would look like if I saw her there, so game imposition probably isn't fruitless.

 

Also, I've been listening to my newly obtained (almost) full discography of Pink Floyd today, and I'd bet the psychedelic sides of it are helping me get in the surreal-ish wavelength I usually prefer to be in during forcing, to an extent.

 

 

I must say, as cold as life gets to me sometimes, forcing is helping me understand things more and more, and helping me realise some things that kinda leave me in a good mood! I'm really glad I decided to go through with making a tulpa.

[Bobby9macy]

ENTRY 21

 

We took that parallel processing test again earlier. I was actually very surprised at our results. In Bre's defence though, I did tend to accidentally turn my eyes to the dots I was counting.

 

FIRST TIME:

 

SECOND TIME:

 

I have to admit, this kinda proved to me I was a bit skeptical of Breezy's sentience. It was also a teensy bit difficult getting proper communication between us when she tried to tell me what she counted. That might have been due to nervousness and sudden attempt at prediction of what she'll say on my part though.

 

Also Sine has been acting really funny. When I visualise him all he ever does is look around nervously and mumble to himself- itself*. I guess it's probably fixable, I'd bet all that's wrong is a bit of deprivation of attention. Now that I think about it, I guess I get kinda stuck in my own world when I don't talk to people too, so I guess I can understand.

 

Finally, today in painting class I started pulling paint out of a blot of payne's grey watercolour on my pallet, and trying to think of a way to compare the new blot I was making to tulpa making. With enough paint put into the new blot, it looked pretty similar to the original blot. Now the only thing I needed to do to make it the same was remove the water from it. Letting it dry is probably the best way, and I guess that might represent the time it takes for a tulpa to understand itself and solidify? Maybe it represents imposition. Iunno.Maybe I'm taking this too far. But oh well.

 

I guess for now I'll just keep carrying on. I'll give Sine a little more attention and see what happens.

[Shui]

Game imposition is a neat idea. I think I've read something about it before. I don't think it works for me though, because I usually don't play 3D games. What I have done is actually made a character for my tulpa, and she'll proxy her character's actions.

 

On the parallel processing test, have you tried it with Sine? What I usually do is tell my tulpa to watch the red balls, I'll watch the blue, and my servitor watches both. Pretty often, the servitor is more accurate than both of us, surprisingly.

[Bobby9macy]

ENTRY 22

 

Sine isn't actually a servitor, so I don't know how that would work the same way or not. I gave him a little more attention today, but I tend to forget easy. However he did seem a little better. Now that I think about it I wonder if I could like... servitor-ise him or something... I won't do it against his will though, for some reason I feel like I shouldn't... But I'd bet it's possible.

 

Things have been going smoothly as they have been lately, nothing seems out of shape. Bre and I are going to start working on switching and more advanced possession things now though. I'm going to try to give her more energy and attention than I give myself and see if we can pull something off that way. I think it's about time I mellow myself out again anyways, I feel like I might have been acting a little overly emotional inside lately.

 

To start us off with a bit of a kick I'm going to sleep now with chamomile-mint tea. The chamomile puts me right to sleep, and maybe Bre's love for mint will boost her energy or something, but then again, the taste isn't the same... She liked it better in mint oreos the first time she tasted it. Maybe it's more specifically mint candies that she likes, or maybe mint in tea just isn't nearly flavourful enough to compare to other mint things.

 

Anyway- oh, I nearly forgot to talk about singing. It's much harder for us to sing together when we're actually listening to the song we're singing, probably because of the amount of attention I have to put into the song playing. Also we've been experimenting a little with voice effects I guess. It was noticably easier for her to sing

than it was

. It was pretty darn cool when she got it down though, that odd "wiggle" and muffle in her voice.

 

Finally I guess that wraps it up. I'm headin' off to sleep, maybe tonight a successful lucid dream or something for more forcing time, but for now just enjoy our favourite game-restyled imposition body yet.

 

[Bobby9macy]

ENTRY 23

 

Remember before when we had possession down pretty good? Well I'm going to call that "assisted" possession. Like she had my help while she controlled me, or maybe just suggested my movements to where I thought she might be moving me.

 

Now today after lurking a lot she has probably successfully done some possession, but she can only do it for a limited time, and when she's controlling whatever she's controlling, I have to move the muscles first to give her a jump start, AND she's always afraid that if she stops moving it'll stop working. She also doesn't respond to me much when she's possessing, so my guess is that she's just having a hard time keeping up with this new means of interacting with reality.

 

Maybe some smaller things like finger movements would be a good start. Something like... gaming...