Shui August 8, 2013 August 8, 2013 On masturbation, this reminds me of a guy who grew up hardcore religious who said this about it: It would be no exaggeration to say that masturbation defined my adolescence. I used to obsess about how sinful and impure I was. It dominated my thoughts and it dominated my prayers. I kept a log - for years - of each and every incident, a massive colour-coded tome of my continued failures. I was, in a word, neurotic about it. And, of course, all of that didn't help at all. It didn't facilitate quitting the habit, it didn't bring me any closer to God, and it certainly didn't make me a better person towards my fellow man. Now that I'm safely through that period of my life, I've accepted that if God pays any attention at all to the actions of His creations, He's far more concerned about how we help and encourage and inspire each other, than He is about what we do with our assorted glands in our spare time. I remember when I was around 18, I had to go three to five times in a day, and now it's once or maybe twice. So some of the trouble you're having is probably a natural result of being a bit younger than me, and it will probably subside as you get older. If you want a way of dealing with it, there's a (rather unfortunately titled) book "The Multiorgasmic Man" about a Taoist practice of using sexual energy in non-sexual ways. I met a guy at a meditation retreat once who said that seeing an attractive woman became like drinking a cup of coffee for him -- it wasn't a distraction, just a way of getting the energy to go about the day. Hope this helps. "'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"
Benny August 9, 2013 Author August 9, 2013 8/9/13 2:07 AM I just had an idea that stemmed from my reflecting on an IRC conversation with someone the other day. I was complaining about the fact that I can't read to my tulpa as a substitute for narration like some people can. I said that I just don't have the ability to focus on the events of the story and Happy Tune at the same time. The conversation steered in the direction of saying that I have the potential but not the ability and yadda yadda yadda, it's not important. Reflecting on that conversation just now, I had an idea that I'm going to be putting into action. If I can't focus on the events and Happy Tune simultaneously, I'll merge the two; I'll imagine Happy Tune in the events of the story, as some kind of background protagonist who doesn't speak, but reacts to conversations and revelations and runs around and participates in the action the regular protagonists do. I was initially worried that this might cause some kind of identity/memory issues with Happy Tune, but those fears were assuaged when I figured if I just imagine it as some kind of unique roleplaying for her, there's no need to worry about such issues cropping up. Thoughts?
Timur2011 August 9, 2013 August 9, 2013 8/9/13 2:07 AM I'll imagine Happy Tune in the events of the story, as some kind of background protagonist who doesn't speak, but reacts to conversations and revelations and runs around and participates in the action the regular protagonists do. I don't think there should be a problem with this, in fact, I remember someone's tulpa actually liked acting out the scenes as they imagined them as they read them. I don't remember who it was, though.
Shui August 9, 2013 August 9, 2013 That's a really neat idea. I'm going to have to try that myself, since I've been having trouble forcing and writing at the same time. "'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"
Benny August 10, 2013 Author August 10, 2013 8/10/13 4:00 PM So, today, I think I gained a little insight into what narration is like from the point of view of the tulpa. Now, at this point I've had the experience described to me and whatnot, so I thought I understood what it was like on their end, but I never really sympathized with it. Now I think I can. What happened was my dad invited us to the factory he works at for a tour type dealio. I was perfectly okay with that, I wanted to spend some time with my dad since I don't see him much since he and my mom divorced. So, I go up there and the factory's working at like 10% capacity and the rest of the employees are managing the tours and whatnot. My dad takes me into his tour group of maybe 20 or 30 people, and we go around the factory floor. As a side note, the factory was pretty awesome to see; it was enormous, there was cool looking machinery everywhere, and anything that requires me to wear safety glasses gets bonus points in my book. Unfortunately, for all the cool machinery there was, and it was bountiful, the factory makes rotor parts for a few Chevy and GMC cars. As a guy with only a cursory interest in cars (one of the vehicles is actually the Camaro, which is pretty cool), I was bored to tears about what my dad was actually saying. I literally cannot, for the life of me, repeat a single sentence he said on the factory floor, but that wasn't important. What was important was that it was my dad saying it to an entire group of people, and yet specifically to me (I could tell from a few winks and nods). I wasn't learning anything from what he said, and I can't remember any of it, but I'll probably always remember the time spent there between the two of us. I've been told that's what narration is like from the point of view of the tulpa, but I never had a real appreciation for it until today.
Benny August 11, 2013 Author August 11, 2013 8/11/13 12:40 PM Well, that was pretty surreal. Last night, during my forcing session before I went to sleep, I "invited" Happy Tune into my dreams. I never considered doing it before, because, like I may have mentioned earlier in the PR, I rarely remember my dreams. I can pretty much count on my fingers the number of dreams I remember in my entire life. So, I basically figured it couldn't hurt, and told Happy Tune that, if she wanted, she could enter my dreams. I said she would probably be some kind of trigger, and if I noticed her I would probably realize I was dreaming, which, in turn, would likely wake me up due to my zero experience in lucid dreaming. I remember having three dreams last night. That is an insane increase from zero. The first and second I remember remembering, if that makes sense. I remember waking up afterwards thinking about the dream, but I don't remember the actual events. The third I do remember, I was looking down on some kind of riot or apocalypse or something. Interestingly enough, I saw the three actors who played the three most recent Doctor's from Doctor Who (no, not Capaldi, I'm not ready for him in my dreams yet >.>) all in the crowd running around and not noticing each other. It was kind of funny. Then I was in first person, laying out zombies or monsters or criminals or whatever like a beast (it's my dream, I can fantasize), then I was holed up in the base of a skyscraper with the only other survivors in the city (not including the Doctors, I assume they TARDIS'd away). We explored the building for a bit, then I woke up. I tell you all the events I remember of this dream because it's important to note that Happy Tune wasn't in it :/ It isn't impossible to say that Happy Tune was in any of the other dreams I had last night, in fact, I assume she was in the dreams I didn't wake up for. I slept for fourteen and a half hours, which never would've happened before I invited her, and I like to imagine that that time was spent getting into shenanigans that I just don't remember.
Benny August 12, 2013 Author August 12, 2013 8/12/13 3:05 PM Just a quick bit: I had another dream last night, without explicitly inviting Happy Tune in beforehand, but also without, like, denying her access (why would I even do that?) since the night before. She wasn't in this one either though, or at least I don't remember her. So, is this what's it's like for the rest of the world? Dreams every night? This is weird. I'm not sure I like it. It's just strange >.>
CreativeMind August 12, 2013 August 12, 2013 Sometimes I'll remember my dreams every night for weeks straight, other times I won't for a week or so. I'm assuming it has a lot to do with what's going on in life as well as how 'deeply' you're sleeping at the time. I've read somewhere (not 100% sure where), that remembering your dreams (making an honest attempt to) could potentially improve your focus/mental capacity in these terms, which might after all have a positive impact on your tulpamancy. Speaking of which I don't think I've ever had a 'fully lucid' dream before. Perhaps this is something I could work towards. Oh! And I wanted to throw out there: I care. :D If you ever need someone to talk to (other than your tulpa) feel free to send me a pm. Keep doing what you're doing and keep us posted on the progress. ^^ New? Need Knowledge? - List of Guides - Creative's Creation Handbook Have you hugged your tulpa today?
Benny August 12, 2013 Author August 12, 2013 I've read somewhere that remembering your dreams (making an honest attempt to) could potentially improve your focus/mental capacity in these terms, which might after all have a positive impact on your tulpamancy. That would be great, but at this point I just kinda wanna see Happy Tune in my dreams. Oh! And I wanted to throw out there: I care. :D If you ever need someone to talk to (other than your tulpa) feel free to send me a pm. Keep doing what you're doing and keep us posted on the progress. ^^ Meh. It seems to just be a personal willpower thing. In the past few days, I've scaled down to something I only do when I want to, enjoy doing, and it doesn't really get in the way of things anymore. So far, at least.
Benny August 13, 2013 Author August 13, 2013 8/12/13 9:40 PM Quick update: tonight, pretty much after this post, we're gonna start voxxing, because really voice is the goal right now. Wish us luck.
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