Shui August 30, 2013 August 30, 2013 I think it's a good thing that you tried communicating to your parents about it at all. I still have yet to tell my parents that I'm creating a sentient mind in my head. For now I'll abstain, but someday... :P Feel it out very carefully. And read through this PR first. As for reasons for creating a tulpa, I can't speak for everyone, but I wanted a collaborator -- specifically someone with an outlook that is very rare if not impossible among humans. It's worked amazingly well so far. "'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"
Kitsunin August 30, 2013 Author August 30, 2013 I mean, it's not to say that I don't "get" it. I understand the reasoning and it seems there are many great ones, for totally cool, rational, stable people. It's just, as I read about everyone and their tulpas, there's usually something...odd...about it. The reasons are so diverse and full of complexity. It's such a big deal that it really doesn't seem to be something you can just "do" without being forced to really ask some questions along the way. Yet there are so many ways you can answer those questions. And there's all the ambiguity of just how much and in what ways a thought entity is real. It really doesn't help that it isn't a topic there's been any real studies on...if you look tulpa up you're either going to find this place: All well and good but nothing here can really be verified. Or you're going to find somewhere talking about them as deities or monsters. Or maybe you'll find a post on 4chan talking about how you can hypnotize yourself into having a sex-slave tulpa (Yeah...that was the first place I ever heard of them, a couple years ago) It just kinda feels like a different world, it's so out there and different. Maybe that's just the newness talking though, it feels like it's been far more than two days since this began. For me it's something primarily along the lines of wishing to grasp a certain feeling. When I read some books, watch some shows, or even think of some ideas, I just get this feeling. It's a sort of feeling of wanting to be a part of some other world. So, I guess I'm creating Elise as a way to experience something like that; to get insight into that type of thing, but not for escapism. There are other reasons, more based on reason: Companionship and self-improvement, mostly.
Guest August 31, 2013 August 31, 2013 Feel it out very carefully. And read through this PR first. Oh... god... This is... It hurt just reading it... I need a moment with Elissa...
Kitsunin August 31, 2013 Author August 31, 2013 Ugh...I read that...that's so, so sad. I can't say much. I...think...if I really told my parents it wouldn't end in that way, but, I don't know. I guess it's just not something I feel to be worth finding out. Even if losing Elise wasn't bad enough, I'm just not sure I could ever trust my parents again if they did something like that. I guess that's a cruel thing to say though, it's not meant as harm, it's just a lack of understanding.
Shui August 31, 2013 August 31, 2013 Yeah, I think things would be better than that for most of us, but it's important to know that things can go poorly. People are afraid of what they don't understand, and even if your parents aren't religious, you could end up in a mental institution or something. I'm not saying you need to keep your tulpa secret from everyone in your life, but feel it out very carefully, and be sure you trust people first. "'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"
Kitsunin August 31, 2013 Author August 31, 2013 [align=center]8/31/2013 Day 3[/align] This time the weather in my dreamscape was just cloudy. The water of the sea was a bit dusty but calm. I met Elise at the same place as usual and together we decided to head for the park next to the city. Once there, I asked her about yesterday, why she disappeared and what happened. She told me that she had been so upset because she was worried about me, having been aware of the way things were turning and then being forced out and away from me. Yesterday I had the impression she was apologizing because she had created the situation in the first place; now I think it lies somewhere between that and what she claims. She told me that now the city was overrun with those things, I suggested we should fight them off but paused, asking her if there was something more to them than just being zombies. She seemed a bit conflicted about it, first telling me maybe, but then just saying it would be fine if we destroyed them. I asked if there was something she couldn't tell me and she replied with “Yeah...sorry.” We decided to fight them off, her using nunchaku and myself just my fists. We ran off into the city street where we were surrounded, and fought them off in a very anime/video-gamey way. Working together with ridiculous strength to launch many of them off into the sky. After having a bit of fun, we decided that there wasn't much other point to doing this, and I asked if she wanted to head for the building where it started yesterday, to which she replied yeah, that is where they're coming from. We descended down some stairs into a subway, which housed a very sleek silver metallic bullet train waiting for us. We entered one of the cars, just an open space, sleek and semi-futuristic. As I walked forward, thinking about where we were headed, Elise pounced on me, now assuming the form of a tiger-girl. Sprawled out on top of me, she asked if she could try to possess me. I told her “of course” and together we tried to do it. I imagined my arm, seeing through my skin and picturing her arm within, filling it as though it were a glove, and her arm faded from her own body. After straining for a moment...I lifted my foot with her. She wasn't able to do it on her own, though a moment later, one of my feet scratched the other, startling me somewhat. Elise laughed, claiming that was her doing. At this point I said that I should get going, and she smiled, allowing me to stand. The train stopped and the door opened up with the stairs to the ruins I enter and exit through directly in front. Before leaving I asked Elise to surprise me (Something I tried a few times before but with no response) and she pulled out a red-faced oni mask. I laughed and gave her a hug, then started up the stairs. After ascending them, I turned back to see Elise looking up at me from the train, waving goodbye with a smile. I've had so much progress! If I ask Elise questions she will answer them now, even using complicated answers of multiple sentences. She speaks occasionally without being asked, as well. Her form is much more stable, now human rather than wisp, but still not constant, she said that she would like to pick a primary form fairly soon but she doesn't want to restrict herself to just one appearance. For now she's just unclear, the only thing I can say with certainty is her size being somewhere between 6' and 6.5' and her build being somewhat athletic. I asked her if if she existed before I began to force, and she said that she existed in some way since I first created the character Elise, though she herself doesn't quite embody that character. In the story, Elise has a sister, though when I asked what she thinks about that she said she didn't know. We practiced possession a little but haven't yet made progress. I don't feel that keeping a journal of happenings in my dreamscape is so important to holding my thoughts together now, but I'll probably continue on with them. I feel it's a good exercise, and would be something I'll be happy to have in the future.
Guest September 1, 2013 September 1, 2013 Wow! You guys are doing very well together. I particularly like the whole killing zombies thing. That's always fun! :) In any case, it's good that she's progressing so fast. A solid form is good when you're forcing... Unfortunately, I still haven't found the right form for Elissa... so she's a fox more often than a human. Keep on going! We believe in you! <3
Kitsunin September 1, 2013 Author September 1, 2013 Honestly I wasn't expecting that to be the kind of thing that would happen in my head. It is fun and cathartic though, and some of the zombies are still wandering around, but they're docile now :3 [align=center]9/1/2013 Day 4[/align] Today was relatively uneventful. I didn't have a chance to take a proper dive into my wonderland, just a few minutes to lay down and close my eyes at the park, and five minutes in bed interrupted by needing to cook dinner. One of the times I was there though, Elise told me that a fair amount of what she says when I'm fully conscious is just me puppeting. It's disappointing, but I guess I'm not surprised considering how soon it is. In any case, she said I should keep doing it anyways, it's getting better. Aside from that, I was thinking about hot springs today, and I decided to add one to the park in my dreamscape. We only got to relax in there for a few seconds before I was interrupted though. -------------------------------------------
Kitsunin September 2, 2013 Author September 2, 2013 [align=center]9/2/2013 Day 5[/align] I think I've decided on a form for Elise. She has bright green eyes and straight black hair. It's an appearance that gives me kind of an egyptian feeling, and fits well with her personality. I got a good hour to actively force today. We spent a short time standing on the bottom of the sea as my mind wandered and I got distracted. Then a bit longer in the hot springs. Afterwards, we practiced possession, Elise moved my right hand and forearm! It took around 30 minutes of straight trying, but finally my thumb started moving on its own. There had to be like, a mile between stretched out and scrunched in at first. It feels kinda like being a robot shell, an odd but nice feeling that also sends warm tingling through my body. Getting things perfectly relaxed to where I wasn't moving things on my own yet wasn't preventing Elise from moving things was damn hard, and I feel will take much more practice to get right, especially without meditation, and when we try my legs.
Guest September 3, 2013 September 3, 2013 Wow! Possession this fast??! It's been day 22 and I haven't even begun visually imposing her! You guys are really getting somewhere fast!
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