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Weird feeling when looking at tulpa's picture


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garland

I am one of those people that created a tulpa basing it on a anime's character, at the beginning i have chosen quite a few pictures from scenes in the anime, and the one i have as avatar now is one of those i wanted my tulpa to be like (i actually edited the picture and changed her eye color to blue to at least make some kind of difference from the original character, besides the eyes of the original character are pink which looks quite odd to me, blue suits her a lot better), i have seen the pictures a lot of times so that i can visualize them well. BUT i never remember feeling anything strange when sometimes i looked at the pictures on the computer, or when visualizing them in my mind from memory, at least in the first month.

 

About a week ago this very face came to my mind when i was passive forcing and i somehow got a "3d view" from her head exactly in the same position like here with some "depth" for the first time, i haven't got any mind voice words or feelings, except the "unpected" feeling since i was pretty sure i haven't done this on purpose, altough so far this was the only time this happened, after that i never have seen this picture with "3d depth" again.

 

Then the next time i went to watch this picture in a bigger size than it shows here as avatar (for example, as full screen) to my surprise i start having a strange eerie feeling that i am actually being OBSERVED by her!! It can also be descrived as i feeling her alive, i even almost feel some connection to my tulpa that i usually never feel when visualizing her in my mind, i don't remember this happening in the first weeks i used this picture to visualize her later better, but lately it started feeling this on these pictures specially this one, also i only feel this when actually watching the picture in the computer and close to full screen (or half the screen), strangely when i visualize this picture i don't have that feeling, probably because i can't visualize the picture that well yet. Also note i stop feeling this as soon as i stop watching the picture on the computer, this ONLY happens exactly when watching the picture directly with my eyes on central focus.

 

Could this really be a feeling that my tulpa sends me because of me watching a picture i used to her base her form on, and it's her way of showing me she is alive? Anyone else that based their tulpas on existing characters felt something like this with pictures they used to visualize the form better?

 

Is it normal this ONLY happens when watching the picture on the computer? Sure there was that time i think i saw her head in 3d in my mind but in the next days i keep seeing a 2d picture again and without any feeling, except when i watch it on the computer.

 

Also i presume this is a signal my tulpa fully accepted this form (at least for now)... so far i never seen any slightest resistence to any visualizations i did about her.

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I think the feeling that she's watching you is definitely a sign of sentience.

 

Why does it only happen with her image on the computer? I don't know for sure, but my guess is that she hasn't associated herself with your visualization yet. She's probably waiting for your visualization to become more vivid, like that 3D picture you mention.

 

I'm sure it will come in time.

"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

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garland

I think the feeling that she's watching you is definitely a sign of sentience.

 

Why does it only happen with her image on the computer? I don't know for sure, but my guess is that she hasn't associated herself with your visualization yet. She's probably waiting for your visualization to become more vivid, like that 3D picture you mention.

 

I'm sure it will come in time.

 

Yeah... this is VERY motivating as you can imagine, not only this REALLY confirms she has indeed accepted this form (which i feared a lot she would not accept since i hear so much cases about deviation...) but also because i might fear this feeling would just be wishfull thinking, but indeed i have slowly having more and more signals of sentience so this is progressing, these are just a few of them.

 

She's probably waiting for your visualization to become more vivid, like that 3D picture you mention.

Yeah but remember that time that 3d picture come to my mind unexpectly so i presume it was actually HER who sent me the 3d version of it, probably it's a signal that my mind is finally starting to slowly accept images that she sends me ?

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Linkzelda

Hey garland,

Some things to point out for you:

  • The key here is that you need to expand where you induce those moments of having those hunches of your tulpa observing you. Instead of thinking you can “ONLY” and “EXACTLY” have those moments by doing certain activities, imagine doing them anywhere. Moment-by-moment epiphanies and creating doubt that you can only do them in those areas is just creating negative wishful thinking. And from previous conversations with you, you’ve developed some kind of predisposition for that.
     
    I understand you’re analytical and you want to know the play-by-play on how things work out, but remember, continue being flexible and creative like you’ve always been doing and simply go through the motions without exponential questioning. Progress will always occur the more you keep at it, keep imagining, keep doing your best and know all attempts will stack onto the end-goal of having a tulpa.
     
     
  • Your limerence, or infatuation of this anime character, just know that the form you’re using has the potential of being a transient form. I can understand you want to see her so bad in your perception of reality, but do know that in the long-run, your obsession of her may fade away.
     
    That’s why others suggest that after a certain time where there can be communication with your tulpa, be more accepting towards what they want to deviate and transcend into. You can continue having whatever liking you have of the actual anime character, but don’t pour every single ounce of your heart and soul into creating a carbon-copy tulpa if it’ll cause this much stress for you.
     
    And remember, her form in general can be used as non-linguistic communication as well (head nods for “yes” and head shaking horizontally for “no”). Use that to your advantage, but a warning for this, if you find yourself seeing her being indecisive, don’t panic. Just reduce the questioning and do it in moderation(since I know you’ll overemphasize on her response and create more doubt).

 

Tl;dr: You tend to create a bias on moment-by-moment states of shock and progress and make overemphasized situational statements of “ONLY” or “EXACTLY” inducing those states for those specific areas. Your limerence for the anime character can be something done separately from the creation of the tulpa you’re trying to emulate her from.

 

When you gain more perspective on this in the long-term, you’ll understand why having the picture-perfect tulpa may not be as enticing to you anymore. Use the form as something temporary, but when she and you make progress, allow her the flexibility to deviate okay?

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garland
The key here is that you need to expand where you induce those moments of having those hunches of your tulpa observing you. Instead of thinking you can “ONLY” and “EXACTLY” have those moments by doing certain activities, imagine doing them anywhere. Moment-by-moment epiphanies and creating doubt that you can only do them in those areas is just creating negative wishful thinking. And from previous conversations with you, you’ve developed some kind of predisposition for that.

 

Yes i know, as you can imagine i can't change my way of thinking overnight you see... i need to create a habit, so i apreciate the advise :)

 

Your limerence, or infatuation of this anime character, just know that the form you’re using has the potential of being a transient form. I can understand you want to see her so bad in your perception of reality, but do know that in the long-run, your obsession of her may fade away.

That’s why others suggest that after a certain time where there can be communication with your tulpa, be more accepting towards what they want to deviate and transcend into. You can continue having whatever liking you have of the actual anime character, but don’t pour every single ounce of your heart and soul into creating a carbon-copy tulpa if it’ll cause this much stress for you.

 

Actually i don't know if i already told you but i AM already slowly changing my way of thinking about that, i was like you say in the first month but since a few weeks ago i am each week a little more receptive to deviations, in the last week i even started telling her that she can and SHOULD change form later or even become a shape-shifter to other forms as long as we BOTH agreed on them, i actually never said i wanted her to have this exact form forever! (even tough i admit at the beginning i did indeed tought that way), precisely because i also realized recently that i will later get fed up about that form, when i said i was fearing she would deviate i mostly mean how i used to think until very recently, even today i still feel some resistance to change but finally i am starting to slowly change my will on that so by the time she becomes vocal i will probably be even more open to this. BUT i still prefer a lot that at least for now she keeps this initial form.

 

And remember, her form in general can be used as non-linguistic communication as well (head nods for “yes” and head shaking horizontally for “no”). Use that to your advantage, but a warning for this, if you find yourself seeing her being indecisive, don’t panic. Just reduce the questioning and do it in moderation(since I know you’ll overemphasize on her response and create more doubt).

 

Ok!

 

When you gain more perspective on this in the long-term, you’ll understand why having the picture-perfect tulpa may not be as enticing to you anymore. Use the form as something temporary, but when she and you make progress, allow her the flexibility to deviate okay?

 

Yes i am already starting to progress on that too, even tough maybe it's not too evident from what i told you, i understand that, i think i realized this because about a week ago i saw another anime character i liked almost as this one, that's when i fully convinced myself i shouldn't have "forced" my tulpa to this form, that's why i already started narrating her this so believe me i am not as resistant to deviation as i was before, slowly i am getting there.

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