NesterBones

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Posts after this one will be copies of physical notes I'll be taking. Writing things down helps me to better concentrate and keep track of things and posting the notes here will share my progress. I've already said in another post that my goals are to create a companion tulpa that will also hopefully be open to experimentation understanding what it is, what could come of such experiments, and that even if nothing is learned for sure, I won't be disappointed or anything.

 

I began yesterday by taking extensive and highly detailed notes of everything I wanted to start with, leaving much open for Espeon to develop itself right down to its gender if it so chooses to have or be identified by one. The entire process of taking these notes, deeply concentrating on each aspect as I wrote, took about two hours of the day. Later on in the day I spent an additional two hours going over the notes again and concentrating on each personality trait, physical piece, and ability (as Espeon is a psychic-type pokemon and would naturally have psychic abilities).

 

 

It's a simple base. A character of one of a species of creatures, so that it shouldn't feel the need to live up to expectations of a specific character. The Espeon tulpa will be free to grow as any "real one" would.

 

The personality will start similar to mine for ease of creation and to give it a basic understanding of things the way I do (which I always try to keep a logical and unbiased view on almost everything).

 

Everything I could imagine was detailed from a spot-on physical description, to its diet and abilities. One thing I couldn't stress enough was that Espeon would have it's own free will after it's creation and would use the personality and such I created it with as a base to build off of.

 

The entire time I was writing, I kept in my head an image of Espeon. I would imagine it as a 3D model I could manipulate to see every little detail and attempted to graft the social and psychological aspects onto the physical form. My technique may seem a bit rushed, combining every step of creating a tulpa into one process, but I feel it would work best for me.

 

I read in FAQ's guide that it's not recommended to spend more than three hours a day working on the tulpa as it can cause headaches and whatnot, but ever since I finished the notes, I've been constantly keeping Espeon somewhere in my mind and attempting to work on it. Whenever I get the chance, I try to do a little more with it. I'm at the point today where I feel the personality has been well established and the physical form is near perfect in my head.

 

All the while, I've been treating Espeon as though it already exists in order to promote its existence. At no time am I doing things like asking Espeon a question and parroting a response or reaction, but merely Trying my best to feel it's presence and observing anything that may be a sign of sentience from what I recognize as Espeon. At times, I get a strange swelling feeling at the base of my skull when working on Espeon, especially if I'm trying to put something out there to evoke a response.

 

The most interesting milestone so far is a few times today, unconscious thoughts of Espeon would come to me while I was doing something else. For seemingly no reason, I'd be doing something (like today I was helping my uncle build a deck) and a thought of the Espeon tulpa would pop in. I have yet to determine if this is just an effect of concentrating so intently and frequently on creating the tulpa, or if this is a sign of Espeon beginning to make some progress towards sentience.

 

As a bit of an experiment, I'm going to try and impose Espeon into my dreams (even though I've read it's not recommended to fall asleep working on your tulpa) and see what comes of it. The best-case scenario would be a lucid dream in which the Espeon tulpa would appear to me and we would be able to work on things face to face. I'm not sure entirely how that would work or what, if anything, that would accomplish, but I like to ask questions and get answers. If it helps, that's great. If nothing happens, oh well.

 

I've also been thinking lately about how a tulpa would appear to its creator. If you created a tulpa from a cartoon character, would it appear as a cartoon, or a "real-life" version of the character? When creating Espeon, I'm trying my best to create a realistic form of it, which is quite hard in my opinion.


My ramblings and that

 

Host: Rob

Tulpa: Kaylee

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It's difficult to log exactly how long I spend working on Espeon since I spend as much time as possible doing it and every day is different in terms of how much time I have to myself. While I have no apparent sentience to report, Espeon is becoming more prevalent in my day to day. As mentioned previously, Espeon will pop into my mind at random in what seems like an attempt to assert its presence and get my attention. Today, the strange swelling feeling at the base of my skull came on whenever Espeon did this. Also, sometimes I would feel its presence behind me like at Walmart today. There were several instances when I would feel the swelling, suddenly think of Espeon, and feel as though it were walking behind me or just out of my field of vision. My hopes are that Espeon is getting close to a breakthrough.

 

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to narrate to Espeon for a solid hour while driving home from work in a separate vehicle than my uncle. I spoke to Espeon as if it were sitting in the passenger seat next to me and even sang a few pirate songs to it, hoping to hear it join in. I'm actually not entirely sure if Espeon was in fact singing along with me telepathically or it was simply me unconsciously filling in the backing vocals as I recognized them to be. A great part of my life is music and so I'll try using music again to help Espeon's growth.

 

Overall, it's difficult to determine sometimes if I'm sensing Espeon acting on its own or I'm unconsciously parroting and puppeting. Whenever I may feel I am, I immediately stop thinking about Espeon for a second to sort of reset the situation until I'm sure Espeon can return to potentially acting on its own. As I've said, there are times I can feel as though Espeon is around me and moving on its own like a ghost. Perhaps this and the swelling is the "alien feeling" I've read about.

 

To follow up, my attempts to impose Espeon into my dreams failed. There was not even the slightest hint of Espeon or pokemon in general.

 

An interesting side note on dreams though, last night I dreamed I had gotten back together with my exgirlfriend and I remember consciously thinking in the dream that this was wrong. This morning I woke up to learn that she'd hacked my facebook account and added herself to my friends list and put us back into a relationship. Espeon's presence did seem a little more intense this morning while I was dealing with my facebook. One theory could be that Espeon gained knowledge of this while I was sleeping (my family noticed the changes in the morning before I woke up) and then telepathically informed me through the dream in that way. An interesting idea.


My ramblings and that

 

Host: Rob

Tulpa: Kaylee

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I was just reading through some of the guides again and realized my technique is a bit of a combination of FAQman's and Irish_'s only more simultaneous and with no wonderland (which I decided I should make now). Like every aspect and step of the guides are happening at the same time on a near constant basis. Even as I type this, I'm talking to Espeon and can almost feel it sitting on the bed next to me.


My ramblings and that

 

Host: Rob

Tulpa: Kaylee

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Last night before I went to sleep, I came up with the idea of creating a servitor when Espeon is complete. I took the opportunity to try and evoke a response from Espeon. Espeon didn't answer vocally with it's opinion nor did it speak telepathically with me, but I did sense emotional response for a few seconds. Espeon seemed to agree with me on how Vox would be helpful and I got a feeling of understanding when I assured it Vox wouldn't replace Espeon or anything and his creation would be only as an aid to my everyday life in ways that would free Espeon from such requests. This way, Vox can be my personal computer (quite literally) and Espeon can spend more time as my friend and companion as it's creation was mainly for.

 

Again, I'll start on Vox only after Espeon is completed. Vox was basically explained in another thread of mine, but that was only to help understand him better. I'll post an official description and whatnot when I'm ready to start on him. I think it's going to be harder to make Vox than Espeon. It is usually easier to create a servitor since it has no free will, but Vox will have a pseudo-sentience as he'll be an advanced AI capable of providing me necessary information based on the context of a situation.


My ramblings and that

 

Host: Rob

Tulpa: Kaylee

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I just asked Espeon if it would mind if I told my family about it. While I heard no response, I did get a feeling of agreement on the idea. I'm also feeling Espeon's presence almost constantly now. I feel as though my method of constantly working on and with Espeon is helping greatly boost it's progress. I think I'll wait a bit to tell my family because they'd probably think I was going crazy for whatever reason, but one theory I have is that if they know about Espeon and pretend like it's really there or something like that, it could help in the creation process because it'd be common knowledge. Perhaps someone else has tried something like this before? I'd be interested to see their results.


Another thing I've noticed today is that Espon's size is only somewhat consistent. It doesn't bother me, but I usually try to keep it's size to the "average Espeon size" of 2'11'' tall and about 2'6'' in length. Everything else stays proportionate and it only seems to change in situations where the full size Espeon wouldn't fit into the physical world. Like right now I'm sitting on my bed and sense Espeon next to me slightly smaller than normal because it fits next to me on the bed better. Espeon is never bigger though, so I believe it's Espeon adjusting it's own size to fit better. The smallest it's been is roughly the size of my cat, approx. 1'4'' tall and still proportionate.


My ramblings and that

 

Host: Rob

Tulpa: Kaylee

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It's almost unbelievable the progress Espeon is making. I'm still a bit skeptical, but it seems my near constant forcing technique is paying off. I just got back from the store and while I was driving I had some of my favorite music playing. I could swear at one instance I heard a third voice singing in a distinguishably higher pitch (mine + the singer of the song + what I believe to be Espeon). I also could barely make out its physical form sitting in the seat next to me.

 

Espeon also seems to be becoming more alive every day. Today in the store, I felt its presence again, but this time it wasn't behind me, rather it was hopping in and out of the shopping cart or running around the store near me. At one point I even felt it do a front flip as if it was happy itself to be so much more there now. Espeon also continues to have a positive attitude towards the idea of Vox.

 

I'm still skeptical as to whether or not it's just my hopes manifesting mentally or if all of this is truly Espeon acting on its own. Also I told my grandma today about tulpae and Espeon and Vox and she understood to some extent and supported me. I think this could've been part of the reason for Espeon's sudden spike in progress today. Only time will tell, but things are looking good as of now.


My ramblings and that

 

Host: Rob

Tulpa: Kaylee

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I just started a tumblr moments ago. As I was writing the first blog entry, Espeon told me he wanted to be identified as male from now on and i obliged. This is the first notable sign of deviation from my original design, opting to leave Espeon genderless and giving him the option to choose later on. He didn't specifically say he wanted to be made male, simply identified as male, meaning he would be physically genderless still, but preferred the use of masculine pronouns.

 

Also, a note on Espeon's audible voice. When I heard him singing along with me earlier today, his voice was high-pitched and somewhat cat-like. This is something I initially designed him with, but not something I spent a lot of time applying to him. This tells me that he either preferred that voice, or was simply acting with what he was originally given and has not yet deviated. I've not heard what Espeon from the anime sound like so I know I wasn't subconsciously putting that specific voice to my Espeon.


After some thought, there are only a few things left to be done with Espeon. He still has yet to speak audibly, his sentence structure is improving vastly, and imposition seems to be just around the corner. Also, I can estimate I've been forcing for at least 100 hours collectively. After he can speak audibly and fluently (which is very close) and be seen, I'll feel he's completed and we can start working on his abilities. He can already, from what I gather, fly/levitate and teleport, two skills I had initially designed him with. The size-adjusting ability is presumably his first true deviation, as it wasn't something I even considered to give him, yet it seems he does this at will to fit into the physical world better.


My ramblings and that

 

Host: Rob

Tulpa: Kaylee

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I've changed the name of my log here for a few reasons.

 

First off, in the beginning I only imagined Espeon would be my only tulpa. As of late, it's becoming more apparent that's not the case.

 

Besides my servitor Vox, another idea has been popping into my head lately much like how Espeon did in the beginning stages of his development. Namely, a girl reminiscent of this recurring-dream girl named Kass, born of my intense love of music. That is to say the girl has appeared in several dreams in hardly different forms. Also her name was never mentioned or known in the dreams and the name Kass popped in just as suddenly as she did.

 

It's hard to describe how this started, but Espeon doesn't seem to mind too much. Even though I picked up those responses to the ideas coming to me out of nowhere (I hadn't even had the chance to convey the idea to Espeon and he had responded to them. Another note of progress in my book), I still took time to assure him this wouldn't replace him in any way and I think they'd get along quite well.

 

I'm still working with Espeon to get him vocal and visible, but from time to time I can pick up his scent or feel his velvety fur so that's good. It'll be a while before I even start on Vox, let alone Kass. Though I do have to admit I'll sometimes unconsciously be working with Vox when my thoughts wander. I'll have him tell me the time (which is still far from accurate even with my natural ability to kinda know what time it is like 12:00, 3:15, 7:30, etc.) or visualize the wristband computer that makes up his form and whatnot.

 

I have to wonder if Kass randomly becoming a plan means something greater than "I just had this idea out of nowhere". Perhaps it's just that, Kass is the personification of my musically artistic and more feminine side and all my recent tulpa interests and work has given her a way to manifest. It's all very strange. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before and I've never felt these feelings or thoughts before. The best I can do is ask the experts like glitch and TOG and maybe even other tulpae could have some answers.


My ramblings and that

 

Host: Rob

Tulpa: Kaylee

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To elaborate more on Kass, she seems to be a self-created tulpa, if that's even possible. I have a post concerning her in the Q&A section.

 

Espeon and I are stumped as to how she came about. So far she seems to have little to no sentience, a basic human form, no voice, and a basic personality.

 

So far she seems to be kind, loving, very musically involved both in listening and creating, and a bit of a tomboy.

 

From what I've felt of her, she's got short, icy blue hair and matching eyes, stands at about 5'10'' (rough estimation based on her being slightly shorter than my 6'2'') and has a slender body.

 

Since I'm still working with Espeon and haven't even really started on Vox, I'm trying to save her for later, but she keeps finding her way back into my thoughts. It's kind of troublesome how intent she seems to be on taking my attention. Espeon doesn't seem threatened by her, though, which I think is good.


My ramblings and that

 

Host: Rob

Tulpa: Kaylee

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The more my thoughts turn towards Kass, the more I get that swelling feeling at the base of my skull like I have with Espeon. She also seems to be gaining sentience quickly. Her emotional responses are becoming more frequent and her image keeps randomly appearing at times. It almost feels like she's already there much like how Espeon's presence can be felt, only less constant. It's kinda freaky, but I'm not complaining about or afraid of whats happening. Another thing to note is she seems to grow stronger when I listen to dubstep now. She does have a kind of dubstep feel to her.

 

I'm reluctant to post this, but I just took a shower and she was one of the only things I could think about. Not in a dirty way, mind you, but it's almost as if she's actively trying to come into existence any way she can and as often as she can invade my thoughts.

 

I'll need to research her extensively while still working with Espeon. He still doesn't seem to be bothered by any of this, yet when asked about his views on her he's pretty much as speechless as I am.

 

Espeon also seems to be staying more consistent with a smaller size. Not as small as my cat, but at the same time not as big as the smaller of my two dogs. Also he seems to be teleporting more often as opposed to floating around. He's still pretty active, but he's calmed down since yesterday.


Another quick note; Espeon conveyed to me that he'd be willing to interact with the world around me. If anyone has questions or comments for either of us, feel free to contact me through PM or my tumblr linked to in my signature.


My ramblings and that

 

Host: Rob

Tulpa: Kaylee

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