How do you cheer up a crazy-sad tulpa?

[hassanandfriends]

Usually Ravi is the one to cheer me up, and it's very rare that I see nem like this. But ne says ne feels like ne doesn't matter and has no business being anywhere. I don't really want to go into specifics as to why ne feels this way, but I promise it has nothing to do with me... just the Internet, which ne says ne doesn't want to be on anymore again for a really long time.

 

It seems to help when I tell nem that we're in this together... we think of ourselves as connected in a way, and I think of myself as the Rahel to nir Estha (God of Small Things reference, they're two-egg twins who are inseperable, think of themselves as the same person, and feel for each other). I have called us "emotion siblings" before, since we can kinda share emotions in a way and feel for each other.

 

But anyway... when ne gets like this it's VERY hard to cheer nem up. Last time it happened, ne burst into tears. This time ne had more of an "I'm not mad at you, I'm just really disappointed in you" reaction, but it was directed at nemself... and now ne's questioning nir self worth basically.

 

So, any ideas as to how to cheer nem up?

 

Ravi: "I dunno. I just feel like I'm not welcome anywhere. Like I don't matter and I have no business saying anything ever."

[Linkzelda]

Ravi, think about it this way. If you’re wanting to get a sense of belonging through people on the Internet, I can completely understand why you would do something like that. Other than your host, you simply just want to make a connection with others, which would progressively help with fulfilling your desire for autonomy. Especially when it comes to building bonds with other people to the point where your existence actually creates an impact.

 

But because the Internet is the chance for everyone to be sociable with others, but also remain alone at the same time, you shouldn’t be surprised if there may be a sense of apathy, or people not really showing much concern of your existence in particular. Of course, I don’t know what social groups you and your friend go around in, but it seems with what you’ve been telling them, you’re just disappointed in them.

 

Now, from that conjecture, I would presume that you’re basically trying to tell them to be more gregarious with other individuals, so that you can also get some experiential learning with interacting with others. And the more people you interact with, the more you feel it’s probable to know that your existence can make a difference. The concern is finding a balance between online and offline interactions, and offline interactions may be difficult, especially if you’re concerned that your demeanor might be different from your friend, and worrying if others might catch onto that.

 

All I can say for the online aspect is, you have many years with your friend to find more people to interact with. Don’t take the short-term series of lackluster relationships as the end of your purpose of your existence. And don’t take online interactions so seriously, because people won’t be obligated to be active forever obviously with you. This applies to anyone that may not have close ties, and may not be in close distance with someone they talk to regularly online.

 

It just goes to show that sometimes face-to-face interactions are ideal, especially for a tulpa like you trying to gain experiential learning with autonomy, feeling that you can make a difference, and all sorts of desires with self-actualization that a sentient being would able to experience and conceptualize. If possible, suggest to your friend that they should talk to people they know about more, and try to see if you can pitch in every now and then.

 

If not, learn how to make new friends. Talk with your host, do that whole vicarious insight group thinking that anybody would do with someone else to formulate ways to make some new friends. Of course, you don’t want to go too crazy to where you feel your self-worth is non-existent because your efforts aren’t producing much results.

 

The internet should not be your sole validation of your existence, and your potential to create impact and bonds with other people. Even though it’s common for tulpas to use social groups like this (IRC, etc.), this is where you’ll have to face reality, and know that you’ll inevitably interact with people face-to-face. Unless of course, that’s not your desire, or your host’s desire, but that would kind of restrict your options for finding fulfillment, wouldn’t it?

 

Finding a way to have our tulpas interact with people face-to-face, and worrying if your (tulpa’s) demeanor will make people question your host’s overall attitude can definitely seem like a challenge. But instead of being disappointed in your host, try turning that around and talk to them more on broadening you two's social horizon in the future. It’s never too late to make more friends, even if you think your current state of being is hopeless/worthless; you have your whole life to make some progress into this, Ravi.

 

On a more serious note, whenever a tulpa seems to have an existential crisis encroaching within their minds, a lesson I learned (or maybe by myself with lucid dreaming) with Eva and Ada is to appreciate our existence to truly understand how to appreciate others. It sounds like a clichéd declaration, but I guess that’s why the concept is oversaturated in society, and people tend to take it for granted unfortunately.

[xtar]

From experience all I can say is time and reflection. Give the tulpa plenty of space, structure, and favored activities. Again, from more experience it can be really tough for a young tulpa to realize there's only so much it can do to 'protect' its host from the external world.

[Guest Anonymous]

First of all, that is a personal issue of Ravi. I don't see why you're asking people who are practically strangers to tell you how to cheer up someone you consider your emotional sibling. If you don't know how to cheer him up, we can only guess, which is much less effective. I agree with xtar that you should just give him time.

 

Regarding the pronouns, that is really unnecessary. It only makes things harder to read for the people who are trying to help you. I considered to stop trying to understand what you were writing, purely because all those "ne"'s and "nir"'s were annoying to translate. I'm sure you lost a lot of readers with this, and with that, potential advice givers. So, keep in mind that when asking for advice, you should make it so you can get as much as possible from as many different sources as possible, and you don't do this by making things harder to read for them.