Raxter

Raxter's Progress Report

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I'm Raxter. I want to start my own creation.

 

I've lurked on the outskirts of the tulpa communities for the past three years, content to watch and see others try their hands at developing their thought forms. Many understandably lose interest after a few months, some fabricate elegant stories or adventures, some force development just so they can say they've made progress. I hold no judgement as these are the prerogatives of other people and I find fascination in others experiments.

 

The creation process is not for everyone. It requires tremendous amounts of will power, dedication, and personal sacrifice. Not to mention we live in a fast paced world where simple free time is a luxury very few can afford, much less spend it on such a overwhelming project like a tulpa or even a servitor.

So I begin knowing that this is not an easy thing to do. But I have have my research, my optimism, and my passion to lean upon when things get rough. Which they inevitably will.

 

To begin with I know that there is no scientific, religious, or spiritual evidence that say that a separate consciousness cannot exist inside of the same body. Most of our body's systems are regulated anyways such as our heartbeat, perspiration, digestion, and most of the time our breathing and blinking. These things occur without our awareness or in the subconscious.

There may be intellectual processes also which we might not be aware of as well which run along the same lines. Deep mental systems that we don't fully understand or may be unable to identify. Specifically I am talking about the internal mechanisms behind memories, motivations, and what we use to explain to someone that we are a person.

 

"I" am a person. I am sitting at my desk typing on a computer, I feel the chair underneath my thighs. I hear the clacking of the keys, I see the screen with my eyes. But what I really mean is that I am a conscious being living two inches into my skull and I am experiencing my perception of reality through my senses. But my brain is just receiving inputs from what is around me via biochemical shocks and this is not necessarily a qualification for what makes a person a "person". (Otherwise anything capable of sensing could be called a person.)

So we further separate and say that a person is capable of questioning itself. It's one thing to sense, but quite another to question WHY I am sensing. Thus we have the ability to think "outside of ourselves". Being able to fight instinct and control emotion is one thing, but to have a separate sense of "self", one being the physical self and the other being the mental self, that is what makes us unique. That is what allows us to work with a tulpa.

 

"I" have the ability to be two people. After all, I have two fully functioning brain halves which can work independently of each other and I do not have any profound mental or physical injury / disability that prevents me from perceiving what I (and many others) agree to be "reality". I have hunches, prophetic dreams, deja vu, and odd memories that surface inside my head from time to time (just like the majority of people on the planet.) Who is to say that there is a lower, more dormant conscious state of myself that is operating within me just as my heart beats to my body's needs or my sweat perspires to my skin's needs?

We have scientific proof that with practice, patience, and a large amount of time that a person is able to eventually control their heartbeat and core temperature. Who's to say that we can't devote processes within our brain to create a separate conscious within our skull?

 

It is this question that I feel makes the creation of a tulpa worthwhile. It is not just the ability to have a companion or a friend. It's about achieving everything that I am capable of. It is pushing the limits. It's exciting and intriguing, and a little bit scary.

But I feel it's possible.

 

So let's begin.


The most terrifying thing about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent. In the vast darkness we must supply our own light.

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Our bodies are finely tuned machines. At a microscopic level our mitochondria inside out cells tell it when to divide, replicate, repair, and die. These cells make up our organs and tissue which will fluctuate based upon outside factors such as how much nutrition is available or how active we need to be. The culmination of organs and tissue make up our bodies which will live for roughly a century assuming conditions are good and nothing catastrophic occurs.

Of course we can recover from any illness or injury that doesn't outright one-shot us, but this can hurt our chances of reproduction so we have developed an internal radar within our minds that constantly scans for threats and dangers even when you aren't conscious of it.

 

You've experienced this before and most likely it happened while driving or during your morning wake-up routine: You get distracted and daydream yet you arrived safe and sound at your destination. Or you were shaving in the morning but you weren't just thinking about shaving, even when you brought the blade across your neck you were still solving problems or stressing over other things.

 

This radar is always operational, always scanning, and always aware of what you (or other people around you) are doing.

 

This is all well and good, but how is this related to a tulpa?

The way I see it is that we have our own guardian angels. There is a silent watcher with us at all times. It is mute, yet somehow manages to gently nudge our attention when it feels the need to. Like a camera that looks out of our eyes and can hear through our ears. Forever scanning the environment, standing sentinel and just at the extreme edge of perception.

It has the entirety of your memories to swim through and process. It knows everything you know and even some things you may have forgotten you know. This guardian is the truest form of what you can consider "yourself" to be, if it was any different from you then everyone on the planet would be running around with multiple personality disorders.

 

From an evolutionary standpoint it is a wonderful tool. It's always there, you need not worry about maintaining it, and it will jump into action only when absolutely necessary or when your conscious mind is otherwise indisposed.

But, to pluck it from my skull, to give it a form, name, and personality of its own. To separate "itself" from "myself" is my goal, this is ultimately the goal of everyone who wishes to create a tulpa although they may explain it differently or come to the same conclusion in a different manner.

 

This is the point where science stops being able to tread and we start to speak in terms of allegory and metaphors, where communication starts to break down. It is at this point that I feel many people start to dismiss the tulpa idea as being mystical or magical at best and crazy or ludicrous at worst.

 

But I have my goal in mind and for now I can only meditate on the issue. I have no idea what form I prefer or what traits I think would be desirable. I will think upon these things and keep a healthy dose of humility about me as I start the creation process.


The most terrifying thing about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent. In the vast darkness we must supply our own light.

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One

 

We live in a very fast paced world.

Instant coffee, quick start cars, cure-all vaccinations, immediate texting, on the fly GPS, instant streaming of movies...the list goes on. We're plugged in from the moment we wake up to the moment we fall asleep.

 

It's easy to forget sometimes that we can turn things off. Do you know why you have the best ideas while showering? It's because you're forced to be away from your distractions. It's just you thinking.This is why meditation is considered so beneficial to the western world at the moment. We're able to do some incredible mental gymnastics over the course of a 24 hour period but we aren't designed to go full speed all day every day.

 

So to begin with I asked myself: Who am I, really?

This is not so easy a question when you really think about it. Am I my personality? My memories? My experiences? But I can just as easily apply those to what I know I'm not.

So I asked a different question: Who do I want to be? Now that is a better question.

I'd want to be more confident.

Personable.

Respectable.

Trustworthy.

Tactful.

Gracious.

Innovative.

Principled.

Rustic.

 

You've caught on probably that I now had a list of traits. Remember that your thought form is going to be a pure form of yourself. Not in the way that some cultures explain it. A tulpa is not a familiar or a spirit animal. It's just the mental signature of who you think you really are and I would venture to say that most people's trait lists are an accurate representation of the kind of person they wish they were.

A trait list is a good starting point. It sets the attitude for everything that follows and establishes a stable foundation to build upon. From your trait list you have a conceptual map for what it is you're looking for. It's a powerful tool and should not be overlooked too quickly.

 

A trait list was my objective today. As well as trying out meditation. I recommend it to anyone struggling with issues or stress as its a great way to separate yourself from the issues you may be facing.

 

Next objective: Basic form.


The most terrifying thing about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent. In the vast darkness we must supply our own light.

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Nice to see you decided to go ahead. The rationalist approach is one I wish I saw more often, it's good for you to know where you stand and how you feel before starting.

 

Your trait list is strong and the way you've decided to interpret it is intriguing. Do keep us posted, I'd like to know how you go once you get a little more into it.

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Three

Should a thought form like a tulpa exist it would certainly find it's home in the right hemisphere of the brain. The right brain controls most spatial abilities, comprehends visual imagery, and interprets spoken language like context and tone. Most everything the right brain does is tied in some way to ensuring we understand the world around us and that we are aware of our surroundings.

 

The left brain's functions don't really apply as strictly to awareness as the right brain. The left brain focuses almost exclusively with logic and controlling social muscles when you speak. This is important because it makes it easier for us to develop a thought form's image and posture but not necessarily a thought form's voice. This is why so many people struggle with vocality but seem to easily conjure up their tulpa's image with little issue.

 

A thought form focuses soley on the physical world, as mentioned before it must gently nudge and give mental cues to your consciousness so that you understand what's going on around you. But it cannot directly tell you via speech. The ability to do so just isn't naturally there, if it was then everyone would be hearing voices in their head that they couldn't identify as "their own" and there would be a lot more people in the loony bin.

 

But you can develop a kind of voice for it with time and practice of course. I'm really not too concerned with a tulpa having a full fledged voice. It will communicate in a way that makes sense no matter if it's with words or mental cues. After all, it's how it's been "talking" to you your entire life, we just want to make those messages more pronounced and flushed out.

 

Let's get back on track though now that we understand a bit about how a thought form operates:

Imagery

If you could pour your soul onto a canvas what would you look like?

Typical males most likely have a very powerful image in their heads about who they actually are. If given free reign to paint any picture they may draw themselves as a stalwart warrior, a lonesome wolf, or a massive boulder holding back an ocean from a beautiful valley.

Perhaps a woman sees herself as a person who strengthens the weak, a tree that provides fruit and shade for those around her, a guidepost on a dangerous trail to guide those who are lost. Of course these are all just archetypes but it lets you see a bit more clearly by what I mean when I say "true self". If we were to strip away most people's defense mechanisms and fronts that they put up I think the vast majority of us would appear weak, fragile, and terrified. We have our mute guardians to thank for us not having to live like that as they constantly assure us that we're stronger than we think we are.

 

So my question for my next meditation:

What do I think my thought form looks like?


The most terrifying thing about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent. In the vast darkness we must supply our own light.

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Four

When it comes to what's going on inside my head is when I realize how difficult it is to put in to words what I see. To describe a thought or a mental image I first have to break it down to it's simplest description and then put it into words that people can understand. We lose something during these two steps and everyone will have a different image in their head of what I'm trying to describe. Indeed this is true for anything mentally related, not just with tulpas. Keep this in the front of your mind as I continue.

 

If my assumptions are correct and if the research is accurate then my personality should be fed somewhat by my tulpa that has always existed but not yet been realized fully. This means that I should share some similarities although I'm not sure how physically similar (if at all) we would be.

 

So when I did a serious sit down with myself I realized that I was having a lot of difficulty zeroing in on exactly what my own thought form would look like. During this process I became somewhat unnerved and even felt like there was another presence in the room as I thought heavily about this, just on the edge of perception but not really able to be seen this figure just seemed to be present. If I tried to focus on it then it would just wisp away like smoke in the wind only to return when I stopped thinking so critically on it.

 

This is probably why most people start with an easy form. A ball, a puff of smoke, a plush toy creature. It's easier to start with simple forms and then "upgrade" later. But I don't think this method will work for me as I prefer a more direct approach to things.

For now it's just preference that I see my thought form as a kind of stranger, a mute observer. But I also need to see it as something tangible and real. A cloaked figure seems sinister and foreboding, although it's probably the best way to describe what I see right now. A faceless entity that speaks in gestures and posture rather than with words.

 

As odd as it may seem I think this is the best way to show what exactly I'm seeing. An elusive thing that's not easily realized. It's difficult to describe but also interesting to experience.


The most terrifying thing about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent. In the vast darkness we must supply our own light.

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Five

Attached to this post is an image I was able to find off the internet that most closely resembles what I see my thought form currently as.

There's nothing that says a tulpa must be humanoid but obviously we relate easier to that which we know. This figure is vaguely humanoid but also incomplete, it has no face or gender defining features.

 

Indeed this is not a negative thing. If a tulpa operates like how I imagine it does then it has no need of wanting to be seen at all, much less create an image for itself. It's lived on the outskirts of your mind since your brain became aware and has only needed to "active" itself when absolutely necessary. It's not like it had free time to devote your mental resources towards creating a mental picture for itself and it's only understandable that trying to flush it out would be difficult to say the least. Perhaps this is why I have issues with the concept since I sat down for an hour with literally no objective other than to conjure an image only to have a smokey figure as fruit of my labor.

 

Again, this is not a negative thing. It is a perfect example of how intensely frustrating the creation process can be. It certainly is not for everyone. Someone else could interpret my apprehension and brief paranoia that I felt when focusing on form could mean my tulpa is sinister or means me harm. Why else would it elude me, or throw these sort of road spikes in my path? Obviously it wants to be left well enough alone, surely!

 

To this I remind those reading that a thought form is primarily an observer. Imagine it like a security guard locked away and enclosed in a heavily protected room. It's job is to watch, listen, and filter the important information from the cacophony of senses we're bombarded with on a second-by-second basis. Now think about how apprehensive you would be if someone suddenly starting bashing on the door with a sledgehammer and shrieking at you to let it in because they "wanted to look at you". This is the equivalent of what we try to do when starting out with our tulpa. We do not act with grace or mercy. Even when we try to be calm and collected inside our own minds we are still demanding, in one way or another, for our tulpa to cooperate, at least in the beginning.

With this analogy I've made for you perhaps now it's no wonder that I perhaps through attrition I felt somewhat unnerved and a little bit frightened mixed with excitement.

 

Trying to develop form to the formless is going to have some hiccups. This is not a stage to move quickly or gloss over. This is technically the easiest part of the creation process as all the tools you need to develop form are already at the disposal of you and your tulpa.

 

To conclude, no choice is ever final. This current shape and form that I see for my thought form is perhaps not permanent but is certainly the most accurate for depicting what I see. Do not take these steps for granted!

 

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The most terrifying thing about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent. In the vast darkness we must supply our own light.

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Six

The amount of research done with tulpas and thought forms is pathetically small. The number of books that I've come across that even address the possibility of tulpas as we relate to them, and were readily available online?

 

Three.

 

*The Daemon by Anthony Peake

*Thought-Forms by Charles Leadbeater

*Man-Made Monsters by Dr. Bob Curran

 

Of these three books I have found The Daemon to be the closest non fiction book that has any sort of meaningful data collected that we can use in the development process and it is what I draw most heavily upon with my tulpa approach. Peake indulges a bit too far into his own theories but his foundation firmly built upon testable ideas.

-

Thought-Forms is the other hardcore research book but doesn't really focus on the rationality of creating a thought form, simply that a thought form is capable of being made and sheds very little light as to how to go about the process in a productive way. I could summarize the book in one sentence: If you think about something long enough, it becomes real.

-

Man-Made Monsters Was research into what humans may potentially be capable of given time and enough resources It was simply an interesting read about the human condition concerning what a society will ultimately accept or reject when it comes to creations of the mind or indeed any new idea. Which is important when it comes to presenting tulpas in a way that doesn't portray them as some monstrous spirit or demon.

 

My prediction is that if the tulpa concept does not gain more acceptance and popularity based upon rational research and documented experiments then this topic will fade away into the obscurity of cult followings or be massively absorbed into some other group such as bronies, or indeed, back to /x/. This would be a gargantuan step back for widely accepted credibility or perhaps would be a straight coup-de-grace to the concept in general.

 

We're headed down that route but that could just be because the majority of this site convey an image of bandwagon pony tulpas, multiple tulpas, ludicrous wonderland fiction, ridiculous topics on the forums (My tulpa is trying to kill me, I want to marry my tulpa, My tulpa possessed my dog help!), and widespread arguments about basic tulpa topics such as what a tulpa is all culminates into an image of chaos. There are a few diamonds to be found amongst all this but unless there's methods of people bringing those little gems together then I fear that this concept is going to slowly fade like I mentioned in the previous paragraph.

 

This disheartens me more than I'm able to explain through words. I'm frustrated that I see the tulpa condition as being this way but this is how things are and I feel powerless to change anything in a meaningful (and positive) way. These circumstances beat me deep into the ground and make developing my own tulpa all the more difficult. But, I follow my own advice and I meditate, I force, and I press on.


The most terrifying thing about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent. In the vast darkness we must supply our own light.

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Seven

Let's discuss a religous topic for a moment before I discuss my development progress. We all know the story of Adam and Eve, we know how God, or the Supreme Being, or Deity gave explicit instruction to these humans.

"Do not eat this fruit. You may reap the benefits of this garden and everything in it, but you must not eat this fruit. For if you do, you will surely die."

Translations vary but two things are clear and constant.

1. Only this particular fruit is forbidden.

2. If they eat it they will die.

Now, we all know that Adam and Eve did not keel over and die when they bit the fruit after the serpent tricked or convinced them to. Indeed we say they were given the gift of knowledge.

 

Religous institutions sometimes take the concept of knowledge as a thing to be wary of. Wanton experimentation and questioning of "God's work" is the equivalent of eating from the forbidden fruit and thus further falling from "God's Love and Grace". But the curious thing here is that the consequence we are told, is death. But, our earliest ancesters did not die and were merely outcast. Therefore, many may think that knowledge prevents us from living, and therefore we "die" inside.

 

I do not know you, I don't know what trials life has thrown at you, I don't know your family, I don't know your friends, I don't know who's broken your heart. But, I refuse to take solace in ignorance of any topic I have passion for.

I will dig through concrete with my teeth if that's what it takes for me to understand something for everything it is. I am not content with knowing "just enough" about tulpas to get by. This subject has too many possible benefits to people for it to just be some fling project. I urge others to have passion in anything they pursue, fear is corrosion of the mind and I have no intention to sit idle and rust.

 

Right, so when I have taken time to sit and meditate I keep myself open to all things or at the very least I do my best to. I have feelings of anxiety and apprehension though I'm also feeling odd sensations of proudness. The sort of feeling you get when your mother or father patted you on the shoulder and told you "Well done". A feeling many of us may not have felt in quite a long time.

 

I keep what little form I've been able to manifest in my mind as being next to me. An odd spectre to stay at my flank at the edge of perceived reality. It all seems very sinister an unnerving but I imagine if people took things in a serious way then they would have similar experiences. Indeed I believe this is the origin of the "creepy-pasta" from /x/ that we're all so familiar with.

Although, that just lends me to believe all the more that a tulpa has always been "existent" within us, just relatively unnoticed and not addressed except in the most extreme circumstances.

 

Nonetheless, I talked to it. Not in words necessarily but with feelings and ideas. It knows language, it has to, I don't feel the need to double explain things. By this point it already knows my intentions and my expectations so shouting directions at it won't do any more than what I've just mentioned.

Perhaps this is where the proud feelings are coming from. Since I started my development I've had odd situations of clarity as I go about my day which I can only attribute towards what I'm doing. These moments give me fuel to keep my interest going.

 

It means I'm making progress.


The most terrifying thing about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent. In the vast darkness we must supply our own light.

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Eight

Let's take a moment to be perfectly clear on a tulpa's origins. We have hardcore evidence from the high lamaseries, such as Tibet, that monks experimented with creating thought forms that took on some form of material manifestation.

They were not created by alchemy, science, or by material means. They instead were created by sustained mental energies. It is said that only the greatest lamas or yogic masters could produce them and that these forms almost invariably took on the likeness of their creator.

 

But why do this in the first place? This couldn't be a result of a bunch of bored monks sitting around in their temple. There had to be a reason, right? Well, there was. And the original reason for them doing this was really quite extraordinary.

 

They wanted to create something that could fool Yama [a god of death / Grim Reaper], which would take the thought form and leave the "master" still alive and unmolested.

 

These monks wanted to "cheat death", and obtain immortality at the same time. This is quite different from many people's perceived notions of a tulpa allowing them to unlock their hidden sides of them, or help them along a journey of self discovery, which they most certainly can assist a person with. But that was not the original reason behind their creation.

Research this for yourselves if you remain unconvinced.

 

The folk tale associated with this is that a person who selfishly creates a tulpa (since immortality is considered the most selfish act by some), will end up having the tulpa instilled with all the negative energy and emotions that the creator has. Thus, when it becomes the master's time to die, the tulpa will instead create a circumstance where the master dies. The thought form then takes the master's place and ends up as being the one reaping all the benefits and living the life the master lead of selfishness, greed, and spite.

 

Not all tulpas only take on the negative characteristics of the creator. Also nowhere does it state that a tulpa is ever truly outside of it's "master's" control. Meaning the idiotic concept of a tulpa "rampaging about" or trying to kill it's host is very much rampant speculation or outright lying. I would go slightly further and say that a tulpa can, at the very most, only achieve a semblance of independent sentience because of the host's ability to "take back control" of it at any time. This is why personal research and questioning of everything is so important in today's world. This is why careful skepticism and deliberate review is something I so highly encourage; it allows you to keep the bullshit from piling up on your tiny diamonds of truth.

 

-

 

My session this evening with my thought form is something I purposefully made more intense. Let me note now that I have no intention of using or creating a wonderland. My dealings with my thought form will always be occurring within the "real world". I also do not do anything unique when I meditate / heavy think such as sitting on the floor, turning the lights off, or listen to music. I simply just, well, think. When I say things such as "I asked" or "I told it" I do not mean I spoke aloud or even used words as much as I just used thoughts, concepts, or expectations in order to get my point across. Should I ever show conversation my side of the convo will appear normal while my thought forms feelings or words will appear in ITALICS.

 

I did the equivalent of forcing (literally) this spectre manifestation to appear in front of me and to maintain some semblance of shape. It's hardly even there, a gaseous and vaguely human form almost like a cloaked figure seen through black smoke hovering arm's width away. It seems quite dreadful actually when my first thought was that it looked like an eviscerated corpse, albeit without defining features. But, there it stayed as I had wanted it to. So, I explained what I thought it was and what I expected from it, I told it how I expected it to act (traits) and all that I had learned before I had gotten to this point.

 

It stayed unmoving and gave no indication of either understanding, confusion, or acceptance. I told myself to back up a bit and keep it slow.

"What should I call you?" Is what I asked it. I know that whatever name it will eventually be called is something that will come from my mind anyways, but I figured asking it would help get the juices flowing on that front.

Nonetheless I had so far conjured an image and did my best to explain my expectations of it. Progress is progress no matter how slow or stubborn it may seem.


The most terrifying thing about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent. In the vast darkness we must supply our own light.

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