Why does my former tulpa's name keep coming to my mind?

[bunny-boi-lover]

I had a tulpa named Corvis back around August that I only had for about a month or so. I loved him just like I love all of my creations, though I never had the emotional connection to him that I have to Edwin. Still, he was a good companion and lover just as my past tulpae and imaginary friends have been.

 

Then I started having regular nervous breakdowns because of things going on in my life and in my mind. Before I knew it he was gone, and I find it difficult to recall if he "left" willingly or if I destroyed him.

 

I read in some guides that ignoring a tulpa over time would cause them to "dissipate" or cease to exist, but recently I've been seeing some say on here that the tulpa is still there, just that one would have to work to strengthen those synapses that connected them to their tulpa again.

 

When I decided recently to have a tulpa again, I thought about bringing Corvis back. Then I thought better. I'm just not the same person I was when I created him. I created him for the wrong reasons. I also have a lot of horrible memories from that time in my life that I feel I would unconsciously attach to him because he was there for them.

 

My question is, whenever I think about tulpae in general or about going to wonderland, why does Corvis's name suddenly pop into my head? Is he still there in my mind calling out to me? Could he be jealous of Edwin?

 

I've explained all of this to Edwin for fear that I might slip and accidentally call him Corvis because of all this, but I really just want it to stop. If Corvis is still there, maybe he and I can still be friends, but I'm with Edwin now. I love Corvis, but I'm not in love with him. I don't want to hurt anyone, especially my own tulpae. And I hate stirring up any drama.

[Luminesce]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ironic_process_theory This, maybe? I've found that most types of intrusive thoughts I have are due to my wont of not thinking them. For example, for a loong time I was unable to keep a fixed perspective in my visualizations whenever I thought about it. My perspective would always fall sideways or spin, and I could never stop it - unless I physically anchored myself so well in the visualization that my mind decided to do that instead. It took me a while to figure out how to fix this; a mixture of just ignoring the problem's existence and realizing what was going on, so I could better not care about it.

 

When it comes to a tulpa that seems a little more mean, but you have good reasons and I wouldn't give in to your brain's shenanigans. Either you recognize the invasive thoughts and ignore them, or you attribute them some importance they don't have and create something new having been guilted into thinking it already existed.

 

Basically, don't think of a pink elephant.

[bunny-boi-lover]

Basically, don't think of a pink elephant.

 

Damn it, now I'm thinking of a pink elephant. XD

 

Actually, a friend of mine recently mentioned that very process, the whole idea of telling yourself not to think about a polar bear causing you to think about one.

 

I honestly don't think that Corvis is the cause of his name coming up. I've noticed today not really having that problem, but I also didn't want to ignore a tulpa that still wanted to exist. Maybe it's just memories or a certain level of guilt. Kind of like every once in a while, I have dreams about a boyfriend I had back in high school. I dream of us getting back together or in the dream it's like we never broke up at all. I think it's guilt for the way I broke up with him and the fact that I never really apologized to him for it.

 

I suppose then it's just a matter of letting go of that guilt and focusing all the more on Edwin. Thanks, Reisen. :)