The one who dwells in the Black Forest

[BlackForest]

So, I just started today with my first tulpa. I'm really excited about this. After discovering the concept and saying "Let's try", this is what happened:

 

I started by creating a place, wonderland, mindscape for us to hang out. That place is the Black Forest. Is a big, but not huge, forest. All the leaves in the trees are black. There is no one living there at this time. Outside, beyond the forest's bounderies, there is just the debris of the un-build worlds, those who could be my wonderland but didn't for one reason or another.

 

In the middle of the forest there is a tower. An Ivory Tower. The tower has 8 floors and two basements.

 

The first floor has 4 doors and an elevator. The second it's a museum. Right now there is nothing to show. The third floor is more like a hostel, full of rooms, maybe for the servitors. The fourth floor is a kitchen with several storage rooms. The fifth floor is a dining room with several other rooms around (and a piano). The sixth is multipourpose space with a cinema, gym, etc. The seventh is the library. There you can find all the books I have read in my life and scrapbooks of the things I've witnessed. The last floor is my bedroom, a gigantic place with a big circular bed.

 

Then I started to create my tulpa. The first thing I knew is that she is a, well, she. I imagined her bones, not one by one, but close, then her organs, her hearth, her lungs, then her muscle. I didn't make it to her skin. Instead, I let a black light cover it. I put all my creative energy into an orb an let her have it. All my knowledge about storycraft, that's her knowledge too, now.

 

Then I got to the traits. She is pansexual, or so it seems. She is also a little.. promiscuous. Ok, a lot. She has a certain love for classical music but also jazz and symphonic/hollywood metal. She thinks that compassion is the most arrogant form of solidarity, but she does have empathy.

 

That's about one hour into the creation process. She doesn't have a name yet.

[BlackForest]

I keep working on this.

 

But, before I start, I want to make clear that English isn't my first language, so, feel free to correct me at any time, you'll help me a lot.

 

I don't think my tulpa is sentient in any way, but I like to think about her as a person, I think it will make easier for both of us to call her into existence.

 

So, yesterday, late at night, we did some exploring in the Black Forest. We went east. There is nothing. We reach the border and saw the debris of other places. I think the forest can growth and claim part of the wasteland. Then we went west. This is interesting. We saw people, or images of people, frozen in time. Extras of the worlds I didn't build to be my wonderland. A woman, about 40 years old or so, was crying with a baby in her arms. The baby was dead. My tulpa didn't like this. So we focused on her and gave her something, I'm not really sure of what we did, but she started moving so I parrot her. She was crying, the baby was dead so we changed this. The baby started to cry. We decided they'll be servitors, so we sent her to the Tower. She'll be in the kitchen. We gave her and the baby a mark, a wolf's pawn, in the hand. She is one of "our people", whatever that means.

 

My tulpa dosn't have a face but do have facial ways of telling me if she likes something or not. She also is showing compassion (and yes, I know she isn't sentient yet, but I didn't force it, it felt natural for her), something I didn't intended. She has a hair now. She is a redhead. Some words pop in my mind while trying to talk her, in a girl's voice. It seems she likes to cuddle and to dance in the air (she can fly in the tower but not in the forest).

 

I spent a few hours trying to make her see my culture. I listened an interview with a one of the sickest politicians in my country, so she can see what kind of stuff I hate. Also, I listened to my favourites songs. She more or less liked it. And there is one she REALLY likes. It isn't my favourite song, and that's ok.

 

I know most of her responses are just my imaginations but it feels really natural. So, I think this is a good thing.

 

PS: She doesn't have a name, yet. This make it all harder. A lot.

[bunny-boi-lover]

Sounds like you've got a fantastic start. Keep it up! I like the details of the Tower. As for your tulpa, if you think certain things feel "natural" about her looks or how she responds, go with it. Assume it is your tulpa. That will help a lot in the development of sentience.

 

As for her name, have you tried asking her what she would like to be named?

[BlackForest]

This is moving fast.

 

I picked a method of forcing. Like a music student, I spent brief amounts of time forcing my tulpa and equal brief breaks. Let's say 20 minutes of active forcing followed by other 20 minutes of anything else. I do spent a lot of time of passive forcing while multitasking.

 

I had 2 active sessions today, around 1 hour each. One at noon, one a few hours ago, both with this force-break-force-break-force method.

 

First one: we went to The Black Forest. We marched south this time. She needed a second birth, an ocean birth. Now, don't think this is about the catholic concept of baptism, it's more about evolution. We, humanity, are the Oceanborn because we came from the Ocean, in an evolutive sense... also, it's the name of an album I really like. We found a lake, so I taked her hand and start flying up, from there, the lake became a river and later an ocean. We went down, until all light was lost to us. In full darkness she formed herself again (yes, with me puppeting). Her bones, organs, muscle, skin. With closed eyes, she started going up. Once she emerged, she opened her eyes and smiled.

 

In the air I imagined several orbs. All of them with a different colour. I gave her one, orange. She rejected it and show me what was inside: lazyness. So, she attracted, for lacking of a better word, other orb. Purple. She showed me what was inside. I saw something red moving at an impossible speed. I stoped to see what the fuck was that. It was... THE FLASH!!! Then I saw people at a gym, and swimmers. She absorved that one. It was a trait. She is active. She likes to do things all the time.

 

Yesterday I saw her in my mind's eye with 3 faces, from 3 actresses, wich I don't like. I don't want her to have a famous face because, in the future, that could be a bad thing. What if we're watching a movie and she sees her face in other? I don't know. Nevertheless, she dropped one face today and keep changing between the other 2.

 

Now, there are words popping in my mind. Always a girl's voice but never the same voice. I think she is just trying to see wich one she likes the best. Or I'm doing it. I know: she isn't sentient... yet. But, again, I like to think she is.

 

I know now why she likes to dance in the air. It's because she doesn't. She isn't dancing in the air while we are in The Ivory Tower, she is swiming! She really liked the Ocean, to swim and to be a creature from the water. I don't like it a lot, but don't hate it either.

 

So, I went again about the name issue. Several female names started to pop in my mind. As if she was looking in my memory, trying to find a name for herself. All of them came and go, all but one.

 

Caliope. That appeared several times. So I asked, is that your name?? Then it stoped. But I think I know what happened. When I first learned about tulpas my first idea was to have a muse to help me with my writing (I'm a professional writer), then I read that it was a bad idea, so I droped it, but went on with the tulpa anyway.

 

Since Caliope is a muse in Greek mythology I think she was trying to say: Your muse? I'm cool with it, I'll help you.

 

So, then I stoped. Later, I read bunny-boi-lover's post:

 

As for her name, have you tried asking her what she would like to be named?

 

And so I did in my second session. This was the best part so far. I asked her and in the same second I remembered a website where you can find names organized by region, gender and meaning.

 

And there we went. I checked Welsh and Irish first. This is interesting, since she could think she has some irish blood. Maybe because she is a redhead? I don't know. Whatever. We searched the letter N. Nothing there rang a bell. So I said, what about a greek name, like mine? So we went to the greek section, lettet N and... we found Nerine. That one rang all the bells in the world. Then I wrote it, but I wrote it in my region's variant.

 

Nerina. That's her name!

 

Thank you very much, bunny-boi-lover, your idea worked perfectly!

 

Two observations.

 

One, her skin keep changing. While she is white most of the time, sometimes she has a darker skin, some times she is afro(insert country here). I'm totally cool with whatever normal human colour she likes (I don't want her to have, let's say, green skin), but I don't know what to think. Maybe she is picking her favourite? I don't know.

 

Two, it seems she's making a backstory for herself. Above I told how this words keep popping in my mind, but those words have an accent and she's taking one from a region in my country I never lived in. Maybe... this is weird, I guess.

 

I'll try to do another forcing session before my sleep.

[conflictedebola]

We, humanity, are the Oceanborn because we came from the Ocean, in an evolutive sense... also, it's the name of an album I really like.

 

You listen to Nightwish, that's rad. (I'm contemplating changing my signature to some of the lyrics from I Wish I Had an Angel)

 

Also your symbolism is really neat and intricate, and seems to be working well for you. Methinks symbolism is good for tulpas, as the tulpamancers I've seen use it often seem to develop their tulpas, not FASTER per say, but more progressively. Just my own observation.

 

You're doing really well for only recently knowing about tulpas, best of luck to you!

[BlackForest]

 

You listen to Nightwish, that's rad. (I'm contemplating changing my signature to some of the lyrics from I Wish I Had an Angel)

 

Also your symbolism is really neat and intricate, and seems to be working well for you. Methinks symbolism is good for tulpas, as the tulpamancers I've seen use it often seem to develop their tulpas, not FASTER per say, but more progressively. Just my own observation.

 

You're doing really well for only recently knowing about tulpas, best of luck to you!

 

Jajajaja, no, it isn't rad anymore, it used to be, 15 years ago, when I had people who needed a map to understand that, no, Finland is not a fantasy place like Narnia or Never Land. I'm glad to find here a fellow Ocean Soul :)

 

My symbolism is intenteded to help me more than her, but I think Nerina can benefit from it as much as I can. Thank you for your wishes!

 

Also.. "Last dance, first kiss, your touch, my bliss, beauty always comes with dark thoughts"?

 

That part? :D

[bunny-boi-lover]

I'm glad my suggestion for the name helped out! :D In time you will grow to trust in your tulpa, to learn that they often know what's best for them and sometimes for you too, even if you don't consciously know yourself.

 

I can definitely understand the usefulness of symbolism, and it helps that you are a writer. I call myself a writer, though not a professional one. I had a couple of novellas I'd self-published at one point, but that's it. They say the mindset of a writer, especially one of fiction, is a veritable breeding ground for thought-forms, and that many writers create tulpae from their characters without even knowing it. Sometimes the plot of their story changes, almost as though it's against their will. The characters develop a life of their own, and some even persist after the story is complete and remain as muses and invisible companions to the author.

[BlackForest]

I'm glad my suggestion for the name helped out! :D In time you will grow to trust in your tulpa, to learn that they often know what's best for them and sometimes for you too, even if you don't consciously know yourself.

 

I can definitely understand the usefulness of symbolism, and it helps that you are a writer. I call myself a writer, though not a professional one. I had a couple of novellas I'd self-published at one point, but that's it. They say the mindset of a writer, especially one of fiction, is a veritable breeding ground for thought-forms, and that many writers create tulpae from their characters without even knowing it. Sometimes the plot of their story changes, almost as though it's against their will. The characters develop a life of their own, and some even persist after the story is complete and remain as muses and invisible companions to the author.

 

In fact, I think that being a writer help me a lot. I have really developed what you call the mind's eye (I call it imagination, pure and simple). And what you said about character becoming tulpas... it makes a lot of sense, it explains several things. Including characters refusing to die, a fact that I just accepted in its moment.

 

And now, for the update:

 

Today I had 2 briefs sessions, in the 15-25 minutes range each.

 

In the first one, Nerina and I (or it's Nerina and Me?) went to the north of the Black Forest. This was really weird. I think we saw a bear. It wasn't supposed to be there, but... well, maybe we didn't saw it.

 

So, we went north, between the trees. Soon we found a hole. A big hole in the dirt. We went down. It seems it is a complex of caves of sorts. We didn't explore it but we found a human skeleton in the lower part.

 

We went up and forth. Soon we found a cave. We didn't enter. Go kept going until we found more trees. But those trees where of a different kind. Pines with green leaves. I don't know why.

 

We went north a little more and we found a house. Wood and some other material, two stories. Inside a fire was burning in a hearth of stone, there was a library. Nerina tried to read the covers but she didn't saw anything. There was... stuff, ingredients. In the second floor we found a bedroom and another skeleton. Our conclussion is that we found the house of some kind of alchemist.

 

I'm not really sure if we went north after that or if it all ended there. What I can say is that the Forest has its own rules and those rules are weird. While there isn't a dynamical day-night cycle, there is day and night. The Tower and Panthalassa, as we refer to the ocean in the south, are always night. There was some kind of light in the caves and it was time for lunch in the alchemist's home. I guess it was noon in the green pine forest.

 

Then I went on with my day. About 30 minutes ago I finished my second session with Nerina today. It was really brief.

 

She seems to have found a face she likes. It's more or less like one of the 3 actresses she was using, but a little different, not exactly the same. I like that a little more. Also, she is using less voices whenever a word pop in my mind. She seems to know what body build wants to have. She is smaller and, notably, her bust is smaller. She seem fragile for the time being. Also, I pictured her as a woman in her late 20's. Now she is in her early 20's.

 

So, I went to the Tower to hang out with her. I was listening some heavy metal. She is totally a headbanger! That crimsom twister made my day!

 

Her communication is basically body language with a few words, but today she did lip sync with 3 words. That was awesome. I tried to explain some of my philosophy to her. She refused. I'm having a headache, so I asked if that is her, it seems it is. But I couldn't get anything like "left for yes, right for no". I tried, but it didn't worked.

 

We spent a few minutes in the library. She took 2 scrapbooks with really awfull memories. She tried to provide a new point of view for the first and akwnoledge what I think about the second. I didn't force any of this. It just happened.

 

She swimmed a little in the pool near the cinema and then, once out of the water, she gave me a flower. I felt a lot of pleasure and peace. I didn't force this either. Then we went to the bed and cuddle. She tried to said something but I didn't understand. Then, the image of the most effective painkiller I know came to my mind. Her clothes changed, she kissed me on the cheek (wich is NOT a romantic gesture in my culture, you kiss to say hello even if it is the first time you see someone) and then went to sleep. So, I left The Tower, took and aspirine and came here to write this.

 

Any thoughts?

[bunny-boi-lover]

It's good to see that your wonderland seems to have a life of its own. I think I'm too much of a control freak. Either I or Edwin create what is in our wonderland, and it acts according to what we want. He tried making a sort of fun house a few days ago, but I think his knowledge and experience are still very limited. He made two rooms and then stopped.

 

I hope that I can gradually relinquish control, because I'd really love to go on adventures with Edwin the way you and Nerina do, exploring places that exist on their own independent of our knowledge or control. Especially if I can drag him into a haunted house. >:3

[BlackForest]

I hope that I can gradually relinquish control, because I'd really love to go on adventures with Edwin the way you and Nerina do, exploring places that exist on their own independent of our knowledge or control. Especially if I can drag him into a haunted house. >:3

 

Well, we aren't having adventures yet. We are barely walking. But in time, I hope we will. Nerina and me; you and Edwin.

 

So, for today's report:

 

I had another 2 brief sessions of tulpaforcing.

 

During the first one, I talked to Nerina about what I think of this tulpa bussiness.

 

First, I think that what we are, what the greeks called logos, our personalities, intelect, memories, are just data in our brains. In the same way skills are. Chain of neurons working. I'm that. So, she will be. She isn't yet, but she will, in time.

 

She understand this. Also, I was very clear about both of us as persons. She understand that she is a person in the same way I'm. She understand that she isn't, and never will be, a human being in the way I'm. She doesn't have a body and, even if I let her have mine for a few hours, she'll never know what's to be a biological woman. She doesn't like it a lot, but understand it.

 

She is a new form of consciousness, sentient and self-aware, in the same way I'm. She has a new personality because her past is new (weird way to say it, I know) but we share traits because we only have my DNA to work with.

 

She also communicated me that she need (or want, I'm not sure) memories about HER, without me. I think this is a backstory. She agreed.

 

So, philosophical issues resolved.

 

In our second session, about 15 minutes ago, we focused on her backstory and her life before waking up in Panthalassa. She only accept her second birth, not the first one, for some reason.

 

She lived in a world more or less like our own, but with just one continent, with most civilizations builded in chain of islands. One day, a race of amphibian things called Leviathans arose from the deepest of the ocean. This things attacked the cities (all coastal, or so it seems). This gigantic creatures can vomit a corrosive liquid, that contain eggs. Also, all of them have colonies of humanoid, nearly blind, but agile, creatures with skills to use basic tools, like spears. So, the Leviathans attacked her world and take, one by one, all of their cities, killing everyone with this creatures (think in Skyrim's corrupted elves). When the eggs break, 2 kind of creatures can emerge, some kind of serpient or a spider with bat-like wings.

 

All cities fell. Nerina's was the last one, the place was saved for the last because it was too damn far away. This gave them time to create a semi dome in the coast, made to resist the corrosive vomit. It did... for 100 days. In the day 101, after countless vomit-attacks, the dome fell and the true attack begun.

 

The military forces of this city made their best to fight back, but died like all the others. So, the 3 species of mooks took the city fast. Also, the place has a plague rampant, caused by so many refugees. Nerina was safe, but she saw how one blind-like creature attacked a kindergarten teacher protecting her students, so she came to the rescue. With a stone she killed the thin, being wounded in the process, since this things have the same corrosive liquid the Leviathans vomit as blood. She has a "scar" in her arm from this episode. "Scar", because her skin became darker there.

 

Then she took the thing's spear and joined a group of people making a stand with advance weapons. She knew how to use as everyone else because they had time enough to be aware that, yes, the Leviathans were going to attack, sooner or later.

 

The teacher died on the street, with the bones on her legs exposed. Nerina helped the kids to hide in a basement before she joined the defenders. Once the preassure in the area lowered, a rogue blind-thing attacked the basement's door. Nerina shoot at that thing, as everyone else fighting with her, but it wasn't enough. They killed it, but not before the thing destroyed the door. A wave a snake-like creatures invaded the basement. She listened while the kids died.

 

Then all colapsed. People broke formations, nobody was working togheter. Everybody knew it was the end. In the final hours, all the living were 10 people in a building. They fought, the Leviathan's won. The last 3 people were Nerina, a mother and her baby. The things killed the mother and the baby once the last door fell, Nerina tried to fight back, killing while being killed, she throw the spear she took from the first thing she killed, trying to destroy one spider-like creature. She failed. But then, everything ended. The creatures leave her alone. Nobody attacked her. They just ignored her. Understanding that she was the last living person in a world dominated by those who killed her species, Nerina walked to the ocean and jumped. She took the spear with her.

 

She didn't die. The last thing she remembers is going down and seeing a Leviathan following her. We believe the Leviathans destroy every world they visit. They travel from world to world using the deepest waters of an ocean. They let ONE person live so that person leads them to a new world to destroy and conquer. Wich means only one thing: they are coming to The Black Forest.

 

So... I don't really know the meassure of this. How much of this I made up and how much she made up? She really needs a backstory? Her backstory has to be THIS dark? What the fuck am I going to do with this Leviathans?

 

So. Many. Questions.