Kaijra's Progress Report

[demoxo]

Hey all. My tulpa is only new but I was very interested in making a progress report as early as possible as I have memory problems and would love to be able to re-read this thread in the future. As of now her name is Kaijra (kye-rah) and she is similar in build to a wedge-tailed eagle, though chestnut coloured with white speckling and a massive dark grey beak.

 

I hope for Kaijra to be a friend, to help me with my memory, rituals and maths (lol), to provide stability during panic attacks and overstimulation, and to give me a reason to keep living.

 

Tbh it feels rude writing demands like this. I can't wait until we can communicate and I know exactly how she likes to be talked about.

[Elvode]

Welcome, I wish you good luck with your new tulpa.

The things you wish your tulpa to help you with is what my tulpa is doing for me and it works just fine for us, I'm sure it will work out for you as well. :)

[demoxo]

Welcome, I wish you good luck with your new tulpa.

The things you wish your tulpa to help you with is what my tulpa is doing for me and it works just fine for us, I'm sure it will work out for you as well. :)

 

Thank you! I'm glad to hear about you two. Best wishes for your shared future.

 

I've spent the past.. week? Scouring guides and really buckling down on my wonderland. I decided to use the happy place I made up during my shitty years of highschool before dropping out, that I still use regularly. I've been narrating a lot to Kaijra, keeping her in mind as much as possible, playing around with feminine mindvoices to familiarise myself. Visualisation is still pretty shitty but I'll spend some time soon sketching from eagle photos and slap her colours on.

 

Poor thing though lol, her first few days in the world and I'm sick for the first time in a long time. The sore throat is unbearable. Ah well.

 

Of potential interest, I keep a notebook where I jot down her personality and the like and add to it when something comes to mind. As of now it is:

 

Patient, gentle, pacifistic but when the time calls for it blazingly fierce. Incredible memory, loves to help where possible. Wants the best for you but keeps it toned down. Very good at maths. Intuitive. Determined. Fond of dance (I added this after trying a "surprise me" and a picture of a ballerina came to mind. Intrusive thought or not, it won't hurt to start her off with some interests). Confident. Witty but sensible. Unshakable, a rock in anguished water. Spiritually receptive. A good debator.

 

I think I will spend the night forcing personality.

[Stevie]

Fond of dance (I added this after trying a "surprise me" and a picture of a ballerina came to mind. Intrusive thought or not, it won't hurt to start her off with some interests)

I think I will spend the night forcing personality.

 

Damn, that's a really good idea that I hadn't thought of. If I ever find myself forcing personality again, for another tulpa or whatever, I'm definitely gonna try that one out. It seems like you're kinda coasting along and know what's up, as far as just knowing what's in the guides and shit goes, which is a good mentality to have when you're going into this, I think.

 

Best of luck though. We're all gonna make it, brah.

[demoxo]

 

Damn, that's a really good idea that I hadn't thought of. If I ever find myself forcing personality again, for another tulpa or whatever, I'm definitely gonna try that one out. It seems like you're kinda coasting along and know what's up, as far as just knowing what's in the guides and shit goes, which is a good mentality to have when you're going into this, I think.

 

Best of luck though. We're all gonna make it, brah.

 

Omg man, thanks for the comment. I read through your progress thread today and really loved it, it was informative, a lil emotional, all the good stuff. I even gave the link to someone I'm introducing to tulpas. Thank you again, and cheers to the future.

[demoxo]

Personality never happened, but spent some time relaxing in the wonderland's grassy field, flying about and running through the forest giving Kaijra the kinda vibe I'd like to receive. I don't really know how to put it to words. Warm but relaxed, that sorta feeling where you don't have to say anything but you feel safe and accepted by eachother.

 

Read a bit more on servitors today. I used to feel a little skeevy about creating a Thing that is to be a Servant but they are simply thinking processes. I'd love to make some with Kaijra once we can communicate very well. Remembering Names, Alarm Clock, Driving (esp. since I will be trying for a license soon)...

 

Got to spend a good few minutes narrating aloud to Kaijra today, on a lot of scattered topics. Watched 10 commercial planes descend overhead irl. My wonderland is basically ~wilderness~ but I might add the wayward aircraft here and there. Speaking of wonderland, I ate an mj edible and it beckons.

 

Edit: Wind chimes!! Gotta add wind chimes

[demoxo]

Argh had the whole day to myself but ended up sleeping it off. Probably a good thing because I'm still sick but I'm rarely ever "alone" and it just feels like I've wasted good Kaijra time. I guess there's always tomorrow.

 

Spent a bit more time refining the wonderland, now there's a nice small cave system decked out with furniture and other human shit for when we've fulfilled our Rambunctious Wild Animal quota. Good for when it rains, too. While I made it shower down today Kaijra made some quiet scathing comment about it (that I've forgotten now, damn) while I sat out in it.

 

Getting a bit better at visualising her. Why did I have to make her have a strange colour lmfao it's so damn hard.

 

Edit: Would people be interested in the results of my image streaming? Word wall ahead.

[hidden]Btw I run about as a gryphon for clarity.

we've found a medium-sized fishing va settlement, half of the village pressed against the abrupt drop into a large lake or ocean - unsure yet. the tavern keeper said a bard would arrive in a candlemark or so, so kaijra and i decide to wander around for some time.

 

the buildings are a charming mix between mainly wood and stone, with open fires throughout the settlement that were now being extinguished as the sun began to set. the bard will probably start playing after the stars come out, i'm happy to think about a spot of stargazing.

 

i ask kaijra if she wants to come and poke about the shipyard with me. she seems unimpressed at first, perhaps remembering the great ship that had pulled up at our island, and the humans pouring out. "these people are va, not human," i insist. that seems to be enough.

 

i amble down the slope from the tavern, following a worn dirt path to the docks below. grass is sparse but dense enough to outline the path considerably. small stones are littered about, most kicked off the path, and i see some small lizards run for cover as i approach.

 

kaijra seems content to sit on my back for the journey and soon enough my talons begin to scratch against wooden planks instead of earth. it's impressive, really, how well this village has survived- the docks comfortably sprawl out and while they are mostly occupied with smaller fishing boats there is even a large ship, surrounded by many boxes of cargo.

 

i walk to the furthest outstretch of wooden jetty and warn kaijra i am about to sit. her talons sink in reflexively as i put my weight behind me, but decide instead that lying down would be more pleasant. we are quiet for a minute until she wordlessly takes off, the motion rocking my body briefly, and i feel warm as i watch the dying sun illuminate clouds, gentle ocean waves (it's definitely an ocean now) and her feathers that ruffle with the breeze.

 

the temperature is starting to drop but our feathers keep us hearty for the time being. dock workers are packing up and in the village i can hear vafolk settling in for the night, but to my surprise a small fishing boat begins to pull up along the coast. i can see its inhabitants are watching me, but i do not pay them much mind.

 

the sun has set and the colourful splendour of day is washing out and i feel some pity for this boat - they must be cold now, especially from being on the water for however long they may have been out there. they were quick, though, and as soon as the boat had been moored safely the three promptly changed into large and much warmer dragon forms, took full nets in their teeth, and spread their wings to fly somewhere in their town.

 

watching this spectacle was inspiring, i got back up onto all fours and leaped off the edge of the docks i had been lounging at, my wings halting a prompt fall into frigid water, and i gently wheeled up until i was sharing kaijra's altitude. again we were quiet for some time, enjoying peace. i noticed a few stars beginning to appear, some faint but the first star was well and truly illuminated.

 

it was probably time to head back to the tavern if i really wanted to hear this bard, so i began to wheel closer to the coast until i was soaring over the town itself. it was mostly quiet and only lanterns and in-building fires lit the landscape. i call out to kaijra, a loud and harsh noise, but vaguely musical. she drifts over to me and when within earshot asks "ready to head back, then?" bless her. so patient.

 

i confirm and find a long enough stretch of path to alight on, execute an impressive running landing and shuffle my wings about some before folding them. kaijra waits until i'm standing still before alighting onto my shoulders again, and i begin to amble back up to the tavern.

 

it is situated on the highest point of the village, at the rear of it all, and the sunset must look marvellous from the front doors. too bad i was focused on getting to the docks to see it happen. as i finish the climb, assisted with wooden and stone steps in the steeper part of the journey, we take a moment to pause and take in the nighttime view. all's quiet and i push the front doors in with my head.

 

some taverngoers turn to look at who's entered, and some look away quickly, but i feel some gazes linger. i feel a vague sense of pride and fluff up my feathers some before heading up to the barkeep again. kaijra hops onto a vacant stool and then onto the benchtop as the barkeep's assistant, fresh keg hoisted over his shoulder, replaces their stocks.

 

the barkeep seems amused by us. "so, back for that bard eh?" she asks, always keeping an eye on the crowd.

 

"you bet," kaijra responds, and i make a grunt of approval. it doesnt take long and kaijra orders more dragonsthroat brandy for the two of us before this bard we have sought after drags out a stool, takes off the instrument strapped to her back before adjusting it to play, and promptly leapt into picking at the strings of her guitar.

 

t'was wonderful, really, and kaijra and i looked on in complete awe. the barkeep chuckled behind us. "incredible, huh? such promise she shows. just you wait til she sings."

 

sure enough her voice carried out through the building and the loud chatter had died down respectfully. yes, i knew who she was. poor dear.

[/hidden]

[demoxo]

Spent a lot of time today narrating aloud from a book. I usually read fast but only got through like 12 pages today... tho I'm terrible at talking so I suppose this activity will be handy practice without feeling like an idiot in front of people.

 

Been getting splitting acute head pressure today out of nowhere, and I don't usually get headaches. Head pressure!! I mean I'm still sick but any sign that I could be getting closer to Kaijra makes me overjoyed. Soon, soon...

 

Edit: Forgot to mention after image streaming for those 3 or so hours yesterday I recalled 3 dreams from last night in explicit detail. I am absolutely blown away bc I forget most of my dreams and only recently since making healthier lifestyle choices and meditating infrequently have I been able to remember snippets... but last night's detail man! And there were three!

[subtly lisped]

How is it you can give your tulpa skills, ie 'good at maths' and the like? Are they not skills one have to work on? I understand your tulpa essentially knows what you know, is it then not redundant to force such things into the personality if you're good at maths? I think it would be more beneficial to have your tulpa enjoy these things, rather than forcing them to be good at it or alternatively teach it maths and become good yourself.

[demoxo]

Oh good point, thank you for bringing it up. For what it's worth I'm definitely not good at maths haha. I didn't think about it that way and will begin to rephrase her personality n traits into something more adaptable and something less commanding when I can. Teaching her maths sounds like a really good exercise so that is definitely something I hope we can try.

 

Because life has been a lil hectic and I am constantly tired we've made little progress since last update, much to my irritation. I really need to pull my weight again. I've brought out a bunch of books I haven't touched in years to narrate to Kaijra so I will get to those eventually, but we'll be leaving for a bird banding expedition this 29th-1st next month. I'm a little worried because there is next to no time to relax on these trips and is almost always hands on. Good practice to keep her in mind I suppose.