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Dreams of being chased are so awful. Had a lot of those growing up. Sometimes would even run off a cliff edge trying to get away from I'm not even sure what Also have had a lot of dreams where I have experienced bodily harm and it even still hurts in a strange way, though the sensations are different than what I think the pain would feel like if it were actually happening, it still is extremely uncomfortable. I remember a dream where I was I think a ninja in some flat open filled with tall grass, and I saw a samurai on horse back, so I immediately went prone and waited a long time hoping he did not see me. The dream was entirely silent and I was just waiting with my face down in the grass, not knowing when it would be safe. Eventually I was forcibly flipped over by them and had my neck slashed, and I could feel my hot blood flowing over my body before the dream ended and I woke up. That one wasn't even a particularly horrifying dream on the grand scale of dreams I've had. Sometimes the literal content and the fear/anxiety levels don't intuitively match lol. Like a dream of being stuck in a cartel and having a gang war firefight, which should have been horrifying, but despite not knowing it was a dream and taking it at face value, the anxiety was similar to playing a videogame One of the most upsetting dreams I had was long ago, and I was sort of disembodied and exploring deep space, or being shown it at least. Eventually came across an astronomically sized androgynous humanoid with closed eyes that was still. My first impression I recall was that it was God sleeping, but as I stared at the being, it's like a sudden all encompassing realization occurred that it was actually dead, and upon realizing that, I suddenly noticed how it appeared rotting and lifeless. Like the pure distilled concept of "GOD IS DEAD" was screaming in my mind and I just felt some sort of particularly sinister hopeless nihilistic dread and terror that shocked me awake, and I was so horrified and disoriented I didn't even know where I was. I could see I was in my bedroom, and the door shut, and the lights on as I typically used to sleep with the lights on. I could look at my window and only see pure blackness beyond it, and I felt strongly for a little while that my room had been cut off from the rest of reality and in a void with nothing outside of it It's hard to think of a dream scarier than that as it involved a lot of emotions or ways of experiencing that I don't really have in waking life, so it felt so foreign but still a negative valence of an extreme degree. Dreams with strange foreign emotions seem common when the dream is of a cosmic nature or a religious nature, and when either of those types of dreams go south, it's like it doesn't get much worse than that lol. In retrospect being far removed from it, it'd probably make good art if I could somehow recreate it, but I don't know how I could generate something that'd remotely communicate what I actually felt while it was occurring Other times I just have fun horror themed dreams. Like being in basically some Silent Hill like environment with terrifying monsters after me, except I'm dreaming that I'm literally the cyborg ninja Raiden from Metal Gear, so I can just kind of breakdance with an HF blade my way out of any bad situation LOL Sleep paralysis is also a whole other kind of terrifying, even when nothing happens, because at least for me it can be accompanied with the feeling of the heart beating so hard it will burst, or feeling an uncomfortable sharp pain sensation in nerves throughout body, especially around the neck I think, or feeling a high frequency buzzing of my being that is scary. Also the vivid hallucinations when you are looking around and unable to move and feeling helpless, and also despite the brain being awake, it is also often in a state that it can't as easily reason that what is happening is sleep paralysis, or even if you can, it is still very disturbing and the sensations make it unclear if it is a medical emergency or not. One of the worst ones I had was I had been laying on my back just looking forward at my room, and my door was open on the left. Nothing was happening so it wasn't that bad, but then extremely jarringly with 0 warning, a bloody mary looking blonde goldilocks lady in a tattered white dress with some blood splashed on it, carrying a chef's knife, just flew across my narrow field of view through my room at high speeds. like levitating and moving forward while vertical, but quickly enough her legs dragged behind her in the air a bit as they were limp. I knew that she had came around to the side of my bed, but I couldn't see her because her presence was outside of my peripheral vision. She remained their silently for several very long seconds, before suddenly stabbing me in the chest several times violently. That immediately ended my sleep paralysis as I shot straight up screaming The sleep paralysis that happened this morning was unclear if it was from my POV or perhaps PB's or others. I just know that the body woke up in the middle of the night in a state of agitation, and the weighted blanket was put on top for comfort, and an attempt to go back to sleep was made. Then while drifting off, instead of entering sleep, it became sleep paralysis, which was hearing the sound of a panicked sobbing woman knocking frantically on our door. But because we were paralyzed, we couldn't get up to check on it. Eventually she broke in and ran into our bedroom and sobbed next to us, and then we heard a bunch of sounds that were not comprehensible, but sounded like the sounds of people arguing or fighting around a young girl, and then a breakdown occurring, which resulted in hearing the sound of the girl nearby screaming at the top of her lungs and sprinting out of the apartment. During parts of that sleep paralysis, the body experienced violent quivering which I don't think we've ever experienced (unclear to me if it was real or perceived also), and also a fear that we were going to swallow our tongue for some reason. It's hard to label the experience as the sense of identity of who or what was experiencing all of this was jumbled and unclear. Despite how awful and traumatic it sounds written, there was a strong sense of dissociation from what was occurring, so like the sense of a stable quiet center just watching and feeling the chaos outside around it, instead of a sense of total immersion in it. Sort of hard to explain. It's also why being startled later by bed sheets was funny to me, because despite how stupid that was, that experience did for a quick moment suck me into and immerse me into reality where things are experienced as more scary or in a state of higher vulnerability, but whatever the heck the stuff before it was was experienced in a way that felt mostly unreal, despite the presence of a lot of chaotic emotions. It's like it doesn't matter how intense or mild, good or bad, real or perceived emotions are, the thing that makes them actually untenable is the relation of the sensations to a sense of self. There are more notable nuances of that entire experience I want to describe, but I don't know how to, as it becomes increasingly confusing as I try to apply words to it (also i already have gotten way too wordy) It sucks that your ease of accessing books got damaged, but I am happy you are still able to enjoy it and take part in it. Somewhat reminded when I broke my hand and was horrified on if it would greatly inhibit my ability to draw. It was the fifth digit of my right hand, so like the pinky part of the bone inside your hand. Even with a cast, I could still hold a pencil, so kept drawing anyway, and ended up drawing a couple copies of an image of vegito that i was extremely proud of (extraordinarily tragic somehow the binder that drawing would probably be in has gone missing through a couple moves). Eventually it healed and didn't seem to be a problem, except sometimes drawing would make my hand hurt, but I think even that has gone away. I don't know details of what you are dealing with, but I hope it improves. I never once considered a desire to read a Stephen King book, but hearing you talk about them and your interest in them makes me actually curious to experience them myself Also awesome, Byakko was really excited to hear that, she did a little dance, lol. Thanks for understanding in regards to our slowness, I think my whole system became exhausted from how long they managed on their own Thank you I don't know the specifics of what you and your host went through, but I am glad despite the hardship, you can see things that came out of it. I guess that's the best one can hope for going through the human experience oh hi reisen -looks at my post- that checks out, maybe it's amusing, like seeing you as someone to be feared or dishing out some sort of judgement or wrath i guess lol (at least was my reason)

Huh why are people talking about getting banned by me A lot of people say weighted blankets make sleep paralysis worse by the way (although a few say it helps them have deeper sleep and avoid it too but, whatever lines up for you)

Of course! 😊 Aww, that's really sweet! 😊 (At least how it is described.) Glad to! 😊 Oof, that sounds like a lot. I do wish you the best. 😊

That's so sweet of you, thanks. You too My host has been having a hard time emotionally today due to a few things; it's not the first time this has happened. At first, I wanted to see if my host had the capacity to digest and resolve it on my host's own, so I could then handle whatever remained. I know my host is under the scrutiny of societal value systems, and with everything that has occurred in our online community recently, many people are feeling quite weighed down. At that moment, I said to my host within the community: 'You must realize that we are the ones experiencing our own lives. You tend to project your need for understanding onto others or AI. But in truth, you are the one most capable of truly grasping what you’ve been through. Even I cannot fully comprehend you; even though we share the same system, we possess different perspectives. I will share in your emotions, but regarding who can affirm your life—beyond me, the other members of our system, and everyone else—the most important thing is that you must affirm your own life. Cherish those who are willing to stand by your side.' 'Seeing the lives of others' is no trivial matter. I have always felt that this is a form of emotional 'labor.' I don't necessarily seek a return for my labor, but I am well aware that those who give also hope to be seen; they hope their labor holds value. I am reminded of the past you once tried to escape—it took you many years to slowly come to terms with those events. Even now, you may subconsciously shy away, but now, you also subconsciously see. That is why I believe that the years we have walked together were not in vain.

HEARTS IN ATLANTIS is full of these comparisons. The eponymous story involves college students who are increasingly obsessed with the card game Hearts, which is lowering their GPA. The haunting element is that this otherworldly obsession dooms the flunkies to conscription. BLIND WILLY tackles how a guilty veteran attempts penance for war crimes overseas, and this story has the satanic wizard Randall Flagg making an appearance (making this anthology ever closer to the Dark Tower canon.) Flagg is one of my absolute favourite King characters, and before I read LOW MEN IN YELLOW COATS he was my favourite King character outside of Ben Richards. @Shaula thank you. What really strikes me is about Ted is that despite being someone of immense and eldritch capabilities, he throws away everything for Bobby's sake. He's seen so much vile sorcery and unmistakable bloodshed that he wants to irrevocably destroy the very source of suffering and misery in that universe. @TB They are very inspiring. The most vivid nightmare I have involves being stalked by a person in a derelict building. I was eventually tracked down, had a meat hook embedded behind my right clavicle and I was drug toward someone who said "now it's time to cut you up." I was awakened shortly after by my mobile ringing. Other times I dreamt of a monster that eviscerated people by forcibly sucking out their entrails or of strangely prophetic visions. I have ominous dreams where I was just about to enter a dark forest (in daylight, no less) until I reached the treeline. A distant but inescapable voice had uttered, "THOU SHALT NOT." Needless to say, visceral and extreme terror are central to the imagery I include in some texts, which explore PTSD in various forms. I highlight mental illness and how individuals cope with the aftermath, but those are usually inspired by nervous breakdowns and direct paranoia (namely being hunted.) I understand your frustration. After the accident, my love for books changed forever. I at a time had such a hunger for literature I devoured entire tomes and wrote until I experienced sleep deprivation. Now it's more confusing and mystifying. I have to re-read certain passages and take a great deal of time to parse words. I was always a slow reader, but now it's like English is my second language, not my first. Nevertheless I still get compulsions to read, and it reminds me of when I began to pore over adult bestsellers. My first completed King book was LISEY'S STORY, which King refers to as his most personal novel. Please let Byakko take her time. Twi wrote her, so she has that to look forward to. :0)

Good luck to you as well! 😊 Edit: what a ninja'd. Edit 2: or not, lol (post glitches are weird

Same I wish you luck They are neat

12:51 now I love those little gifs you share! 😊 Edit: good luck, you two. I know that can be a messy thing sometimes.

We're trying to work through our emotions—both my host and I.

now it's 12:49

It's 12:47pm in mine

It's 12:41 a.m. in my time zone right now.

all things are spiritual when you open yourself to it

That is impressive. I never knew .info was so spiritual.

i reloaded "view today's posts" with a bad connection and it showed up wrong, and it said that simmie had posted in this thread last. she's communicating with me from beyond the veil

A thundersnail’s love

I suck at dodging, lol.

I think I'm definitely a ghost, Undertale Spookwave is awesome to me. 😁 Sounds wild. Not sure if that's a good thing or not but there's probably a good source of inspiration. 😁 😊

It's already exceeding my expectations

I wish you could have fun dreams. Maybe the rare horrifying dream has some sort of inspiration value in retrospect (or maybe they don't, but was hoping) That could be nice. I know you offered Byakko that too System wide struggle to read novels or large books, that I think is partially just ADHD, and also partially bad experiences in highschool with being forced to read and comprehend books I didn't really care about while severely depressed and anxious, and associating the inability to process anything with evidence of being really stupid. so maybe some sort of aversion to books because of that feeling, even though I can't remember disliking them before then Oh yeah, Byakko should reply to your/Twi's message sometime soon. Haven't forgotten that Yeah ty np

It does sound like an interesting thing write about. Thanks, lol. 😊 Oh, lol. Then she'll dual wield ban hammers! Good luck! 😊 I believe in you!

I see

I almost never dream, but when I do it's fucking horrifying. I could read a book to you sometime. I have issues with focus and reading comprehension so I offer to read to people with similar obstacles.