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A Storyteller's Progress Report
#1
Report #001: Ideation

Hi there! As I said before, I'm still a bit on the fence, but I figured I'd do this anyway while I'm still gathering the necessary information. I have no experience with tulpas - at most would be the imaginary friends of SD Gundam Force characters I had as a kid - but I...might honestly need one. But I'll get into that a bit later. I'm thinking that, if I were to make one, he would want to be a robot. If my therapist does see it as a viable way to deal with what I have going on, I might develop the 'wonderland' first, or at least part of it as a laboratory he can stay in.

As for my reasoning, though...I'll put the details under a cut, but let's just say I need something to "keep my head above water", so to speak. More commonly used ideas are out of the question for me. Please, read what's in the black-out text with caution, I don't want to scare or alarm anyone. Right now, I'm fine for the most part, which I figure is for the best to really figure out if I should go through with this plan to create a tulpa or not.

You see, I have multiple disorders that make things pretty difficult. PTSD with depression and social anxiety attached is no fun at all, and because of it, I deal with a lot of suicidal ideation. I have for about 6-7 years, and while my vow to never get to the point I was the first time is still there...Some things have proven even that may not help. That was proven to me when it got the worst it's ever been back last June when I got meds in my possession from the psychiatrist; I returned them two days later without even taking a single pill, as the mere fact I had them in my possession was the cause, making that option to help my issues entirely out of the question. 

The way I figure, maybe if I can't see my life worth anything, the tulpa's life means so so much. That way, I couldn't do anything without bringing someone who doesn't deserve that sort of fate down too, which I feel would greatly counter the ideation because I could never bring myself to harm another if I were to do that. I feel it would make me no different than a murderer who committed suicide after the act. Well...That, and of course, all the other pro's to having a tulpa around. I'm sure I could benefit from having a best friend always around somewhere.


While I'm going to reserve judgement until after I talk to the therapist about this, I do think you guys' thoughts are important as well. Tulpa or host, whoever may be reading this, what do you think? Do you think that, if I were to create one, that it would help in this regard?

Addendum: I am fully aware that this is no cure-all, that's not even what I'm looking for as there is no cure for my issues, only symptom management. I also am not putting you guys' advice above that of my therapist, but I DO need you guys' opinion because I don't know nearly as much as any of you.
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#2
Of course no advice that I could give will be as good as the advice that you could get from your therapist, but I would like to warn you that tulpamancy is not a cure all. It may help you deal with some of your symptoms, but going in to it thinking that it will fix all your problems is not a good mindset. Thankfully it doesn't look like that is your view on it, but in case it is I just wanted to make sure you don't set yourself up for disappointment. That's also not to say that you shouldn't do it, it can be very helpful and is incredibly unlikely to be harmful.

That's all that I really had to say, just good luck and I hope that tulpamancy does improve your life
I have a tulpa named Miela (formerly known as Monika) who I love very much.


"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"
-Me
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#3
Oh no, I know fully well it's not a cure-all! It's not my intention from the start, I'm just trying to find stuff that will help at all. What I have has no true cure, after all, unless we find a way to erase memories. Perhaps I should have made that more clear...
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#4
How much does your therapist know about tulpas? Us tulpas are real people and equally as likely to not take it too kindly (or you might not get very far) if the whole plan from the beginning is the tulpa will just be a therapy tool or the intent is to somehow get rid of them as soon as your mood improves. No person would like that. It's meant to be a lifelong commitment. Personally, I'm still torn between people in poor places mentally are the most desperate and most appreciative of the friendship and comfort having a built-in ally/guardian/friend can provide vs it's not really fair to bring someone innocent and impressionable into the middle of that. If you and/or your therapist are already convinced tulpas aren't real and it's just going to be some kind of temporary coping mechanism till you get better, you are wasting your time here. And try not to get annoyed that I am pushing my morals on you or being aggressive towards you, you asked for what I thought. We are all people here.

And sure, convincing yourself that living for another could help... Or that could be additional pressure on you, in the same way that having children isn't guaranteed to save a failing marriage nor guarantee someone will rise to the challenge and become a capable parent. It may just end up creating a new victim.

That said, it's possible that focusing on tulpa stuff could give you a new motivation in life, a new way to spend your free time, instead of overthinking and mulling over things that stress you out, and work towards the development of another, which ideally will also assists the development of yourself. Maybe they could speak up and warn you when you need a trusted reminder to not take something too seriously or that things are safe. There are anecdotal stories floating around here about some tulpas being able to reduce their hosts reliance upon anti-psychotic medication, others have been able to help with pain. I'm not going to be like one of those people who insists things like, this form being good for digestion, that pose being good for blood pressure, all this comes with a big "your results may vary" disclaimer.

It's a gross oversimplification, but the way I understand the process is us tulpas are made by telling your brain long enough and hard enough that there is one or more additional people (we aren't "personalities", those are shards or fragments of a host) living in there, it takes over at some point and repeats the process that made "you" in the first place. It has a habit of opening a person's eyes to what it means to be an individual. Tulpas are sentient, self-aware individuals, exactly the same as you.. You just happened to come around first. Treating them as less than that is really freaking rude. I can't police your thoughts but how would you feel if you found that your lot in life was just to be attached to someone indifferent to your feelings who was only interested in using you? There ARE people out there who feel comfortable abusing the "thing" in their mind as some kind of sick game or stress relief, because they can't be punished for it. Monsters like that needed to never have a tulpa in the first place. They would do it in the physical world too if they could get away with it, and considering how many abused children are out there, they do.

Anyway, there are lots of different views on tulpas and their origins, even on here, some started off as well-developed characters in writers heads, some as childhood imaginary friends, some don't know why they came about they just did. I don't normally have interest in metaphysical stuff, but there is a corner of the forums for that too.

Btw, to return to my earlier question, how much does your therapist know about tulpas? None of us are trying to replace sound medical advice, and trust between you guys is vital for treatment, but therapists are people too and not everyone even knows what tulpas are, let alone has some kind of inside info on us. I wouldn't go to a shoe store to treat a foot injury, and I wouldn't go to a podiatrist to buy sneakers. Yeah they are related and one may refer you to the other, but being on this site and studying up, you may or may not now know more than your therapist about what a tulpa is and you kinda just got here yourself.
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#5
I...was not saying any of that, though. This isn't meant to replace therapy or anything, nor is it using a tulpa as a slave. I already know they're sentient, I spent all night doing nothing but research until I nearly passed out at my desk last night. How on Earth did you get that idea from what I was saying...? The tulpa I would have created was supposed to give me a reason to live, not be a tool for therapy or some bullshit like that.

But to answer your question, I don't know. I'd never even heard about tulpas until recently, which is why I got to researching in the first place. That's kinda part of why I want to ask him first, to get his opinion on whether or not something of the sort could have a positive effect in a similar way to a emotional support animal does for some - an example I've seen a few times in my research. But if you would rather I not, then so be it. I'll just have to find another reason to keep going, but if that is indeed the case, I don't think I'll be coming back here. The fact my reasoning can be so easily misconstrued here does not help my situation at all.
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#6
Sorry! No, didn't mean not to come back or anything, I wasn't saying don't do it. Just part of the "should I really be doing this" process that some people seem to skip is the "why am I doing this in the first place". I'm glad you are thinking about it deeply. Yikes, I'm usually one of the most welcoming people here. I hope you give me another chance.
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#7
No, it's fine. I mean...I'm an abuse survivor, that's why I'm in the place I am at all. Of course I wouldn't do anything to harm the tulpa if I created one. Normally, I wouldn't even go down this route, but unfortunately I'm running out of viable options and less common ideas to help my situation seem to work better (in that regard at least).
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#8
I guess I'm a bit more skeptical of taking a therapist's advice than most people. No matter how educated they are, a person is still a person. They have their biases and blindspots (and indeed, some research suggests that education increases those biases!) So what can I tell you about tulpas? There's very little in the way of research on tulpas, though a lot of people definitely claim to benefit from them. If you've done half as much research as you say you've done, then you've done more than a lot of people have before they start making their first tulpa (myself included, embarrassingly enough), so I'd say trust your judgments on this one.
Hello! I am Tanaka Kanade's tulpa. I share her head with my sister Cornelia
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#9
I would be very interested in hearing what your therapist has to say about the idea. Whether or not you decide to proceed, I would appreciate you sticking around long enough to let us know how that goes.

I've struggled against social anxiety for decades. Vesper doesn't have it, at least not consciously. She's an extrovert, but still a very quiet one. We suspect that when I made her, I wrote a sociability check that our brain couldn't entirely cash. She thinks of casually working a crowd and then doesn't.

My wife of eight years has DID and two out of four alters have PTSD, depression, and suicidal ideation. The presence of a bubbly enthusiastic alter didn't deter the depressed alters' desire to end themselves. Sometimes, the desire to destroy the enthusiastic alter was actually the greater goad to self-destruction. I was even told the enthusiastic alter was dead when for two years she was being held in solitary confinement.

There are a lot of systems here where tulpas have addressed the host's depression, running a gamut from alleviating the depression altogether to shunting the host aside and living a happier life in their stead. Sometimes tulpas will be steadfastly supportive and loving; other times they'll become depressed themselves. It would be nice to do a longitudinal study and try to identify the factors influencing which way a system goes, but for the moment tulpamancy is highly idosyncratic.

Who you end up with and what they are willing and able to do for you is a huge unknown that you can influence but not control. But here are a couple of recent threads on how some tulpas can positively influence their host:

Forcing Filter Experiment
TBW's Theraputic Tulpas Guide

Would tulpamancy help you? I can give you a firm maybe. But I hope you'll feel welcome here while you're exploring possibilities.

-Ember


EDIT:

Ooh! Ooh! I have something substantial. It's been linked on the forum before, but it's new to me. There is an actual published study of tulpamancy outcomes. It's based on only sixty-two survey responses and is subject to volunteer bias, but it did find 91% of tulpamancers reporting an improvement in overall quality of life and 78% reporting an improvement in mental health. This is something you could discuss with your therapist if they are skeptical of tulpamancy as a therapy technique.

Tulpas and Mental Health

Vesper: At this point I feel compelled to add that I am deeply skeptical of tulpamancy as a therapy technique. Creating a whole new person who is bound to you forever seems like an extreme solution to any problem. I would prefer a study approach based on in-depth interviews rather than surveys, one that takes into account the experiences of those who withdraw from the tulpamancy community instead of only volunteers from the community, and one which takes into account the mental health of the tulpas, not just the hosts. And while my view appears to be very much the minority, I personally find being a constructed person to have significant existential drawbacks.
Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]
Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017
Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Unseelie Court, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit
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#10
I was depressed, i had real risk factors for ruining my life. I discovered tulpamancy and i was lonely enough that i wanted to try it.
...
Amazing things happened... see my impossibly long story (PR).
...
I'm not depressed, in fact, i'm happy, they're happy, it turned out well.

You experience may vary.
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