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molaram1

Am I doing it right?  

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  1. 1. Am I doing it right?



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Day one - The first session

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So yeah, Tulpa:

I first heard about tulpa from a friend, nearly a year ago. He was all into lucid dreaming and that sort of thing. He talked about all sorts of different things, tulpa being one of them. Not interested I simply forgot about them, Until someone mentioned it to me a few days ago.

So that was when I started to research and discovered this website.

 

I have come to the decision that I am going to try and create a tulpa, and I think that recording my experiences somewhere would help.

So, my first forcing session, I went into it with only a small Idea of what I would do.

I thought that starting of with a simple shape would be a good idea: I chose a sphere. I just laid there, trying to imagine this sphere. Forming shape and colour out of the dark void.

I spent about 15 minutes just concentrating on this sphere. And then another 5 minutes trying to decide on what she would eventually look like and what name to give her.

I will try and post at least 3 times a week, if not every day and I welcome any comments or suggestions as I am likely doing things wrong.

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Sounds like you are off to a wonderful start. The thing about creating a tulpa is that it is a very personal process. Everyone does everything in their own way. In a way that works for them. Honestly the only thing "wrong" you can do is stop once you start. Or simply not give your tulpa attention. Simply thinking fondly of it helps its development.

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Thanks for the positive feedback.

 

Day 2

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I have been doing small amounts of passive forcing on and off most of the day, just narrating to her.

I have done a small amount of active forcing in the morning, just further giving shape to the ball so far, as well as further developing the wonderland.

I am going to do another session of active forcing later on this evening, that I will later edit into here [Not much happened, I was working more on form, have been struggling to concentrate, may need practice].

 

It seems strange to ask, but can a tulpa cause the host to feel "alien" emotions this early on. I am asking this as over the course of the day, every time I think about my tulpa, I feel extremely emotional - Is this normal?

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It seems strange to ask, but can a tulpa cause the host to feel "alien" emotions this early on. I am asking this as over the course of the day, every time I think about my tulpa, I feel extremely emotional - Is this normal?

 

It's very normal. Especially if you have a particularly sensitive tulpa. Bud started out with a lot of more aggressive feeling emotions. I found myself getting bored, or agitated very easily, for seemingly no reason at some times. He's matured quite a bit to being a very compassionate soul. He still needs to work on his patience, but I find myself caring more about the little things than I ever did before. I try to do random acts of kindness whenever I can, and now with Bud, I do them even more.

 

If you don't mind me asking, what emotions do you feel like are more out of control over the others? Or is it more or less just a general emotional-ness? If my wording makes sense, lol

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It seems to be a mixture, all my emotions seem to be be unusually strong. But whenever I think about my tulpa, I feel an overwhelming happiness, but at the same time I feel unnaturally sad. If that makes sense :P

Was just talking to someone about it and they called it Ambivalence, or something.

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It may be that your overall emotional state might be your tulpa actually learning how to feel. At least this is the way I would perceive it. It might be your age too. I noticed your profile said you are 14. I'm not saying that making a tulpa at this time in your life is bad, or that you shouldn't be doing this. Only you can know if you are ready, seeing that you have started the process already I'm assuming that you have weighed the pros and cons and feel you are ready. But being that you are so young, and there are all those "hormones flying around" and what not, your tulpa might be taping into those natural imbalances that every one has during this stage of adolesence.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about it, I think most of us have gone through something similar. Not matter what our age was when we began our journey. Just try to keep yourself in check when you are feeling irrationally emotional so you don't accidently snap at someone or lash out in a negative way. Maybe explain to people that you just feel like your emotions are running a bit high right now.

 

It won't last forever :)

 

As for the overwhelming feeling of happiness, I still get that with Bud. You two might be sharing in your happiness of each other. Your tulpa may be feeling extremely happy that you were kind enough to bring them into existence. They love you! You are literally creating the best and greatest friend you will ever have, there is bound to be joy that runs so deeply that it can't be contained.

 

The sadness could be any number of things. If there are things in your life that are giving you grief or stress, your subconscience could be picking up on this and bringing out as an emotion. Your tulpa might be trying to tell you that they wish for you to spend more time with them because it's still so early in their development. Try more passive forcing and see if that helps. It doesn't have to be anything big, just think of them throughout your day. "Oh hey, so-and-so I'm doing the dishes and wanted to spend some time with you too."

 

It really can be that simple. I myself am almost always passively forcing. I talk to him while I'm doing mundane tasks, like doing the dishes. I invite him to listen in when ever I'm reading anything. I consider his feelings when I'm listening to music, because although we both like a little bit of everything, we have different musical tastes. All you have to do is intergrate them into your life.

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I believe you are right, hormones may have a big part in the emotions I am feeling.

I am going to go and force for about half an hour, just working on form, maybe doing some narrating as well.

Will update tomorrow if anything happens.

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Just did another forcing session after I awoke. I have noticed that I struggle to concentrate while forcing, may need to find some sort of concentration exercise to do.

I have also been finding it difficult to even see my wonderland, or tulpa. And even when I do, it seems to be fuzzy, and with very little colour - Is that just down to me never really visualizing anything before?

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Yes. The more you do it, the clearer it will become.

 

As for a concentration exercise, I haven't found any quick fix, but anapana meditation will help you get better over time. There's some information on it here -- just scroll down to the meditation section.

"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

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