Shyness: Even in my dreams I cannot escape it

[Mr Blangcaster Next Door]

Been working on a wonderland and a tulpa for the past two days (progress report can be found here) and, while I've gotten progressively better at visualizing and maintaining my wonderland, I've come to a roadblock in developing my tulpa. A particularly embarrassing roadblock.

 

I didn't even think much of it at first, but I found myself concentrating more and more on my wonderland while putting off tulpa development a much as I could. At first I worried this was some kind of deep, unconscious inner doubt holding me back, but now I realize what the problem really is. The reason I can't keep working on my tulpa is because I am too shy to actually meet the finished result. I know everyone here is understanding enough that they won't laugh at me for admitting it, but to be perfectly honest, I really do think it's kind of funny.

 

I've gotten to the point where I've got a good enough visualization of her (in the wonderland, at least) and have even seen very, very, very small signs of autonomy, but it's for this reason that I'm not able to move forward. I just get so shy thinking about her that I run away whenever I get any closer. Even narrating is a challenge, as I get flustered and turn away after a minute or so. Most of the problems I've run across so far had practical solutions that worked around them, but I cannot for the life of me think of a practical solution to fix this. It's hard-wired into my personality and something I have dealt with my entire life. Even friends and family I can only spend a certain amount of time with because of how introverted I am.

 

Is this a problem for anyone else? Any ideas for getting around it?

[Guest Yoda]

I know this will sound a little weird, but sometimes interacting with her one in an anonymous or less close up "face to face" way can help. Have you considered the idea of a wonderland telephone or intercom system? Or maybe you can write her a note, card or letter? Is she shy as well or more bold?

 

This is ever a weirder suggestion. Wear a mask or costume that hides your true identity a bit. Maybe it could be a "masquerade ball" or something like that where she could do the same. That might cause other issues, but the idea just popped into my head. I have an "avatar" in my wonderland that is a more handsome, younger, more perfect form of myself. I know I look good and so feel more confident in the dream world. Remember, the tulpa can see your idealized self in the wonderland totally separate from who you are in the real world.

[NoneFromHell]

I think a lot of people have similiar problems regarding their privacy when they get started with a tulpa, but your case seems a bit more extreme, since you're even acting very introverted around your family and friends. Honestly it is just the state of your mentality about your tulpa. I could argue that there is no reason to be shy around your tulpa, since it has no possibilties to embarrasse you to start with, but i don't think we get far with simple logic here.

 

Probably you should try to stop receiving your tulpa as "someone else" like the rest of the people you know, and more as "someone who is a part of you", someone who is connected to you. Like a mirrored version of yourself. I've no idea if that can help you anyhow.

 

Since you use a wonderland i've a few ideas you could try. You could aim for some initial distance when you communicate with your tulpa. You could talk to her from another room, through a phone or something like that until you get used to it. After a while you could try to get her closer step by step, maybe with some obstructions between you two. Try to get as close as you're comfortable with. Maybe get yourself a space where you can be alone for a while if you need too, aswell.

---

I know this will sound a little weird, but sometimes interacting with her one in an anonymous or less close up "face to face" way can help. Have you considered the idea of a wonderland telephone or intercom system? Or maybe you can write her a note, card or letter? Is she shy as well or more bold?

 

This is ever a weirder suggestion. Wear a mask or costume that hides your true identity a bit. Maybe it could be a "masquerade ball" or something like that where she could do the same. That might cause other issues, but the idea just popped into my head. I have an "avatar" in my wonderland that is a more handsome, younger, more perfect form of myself. I know I look good and so feel more confident in the dream world. Remember, the tulpa can see your idealized self in the wonderland totally separate from who you are in the real world.

 

I see we have the same idea, haha.

[Mr Blangcaster Next Door]

I know this will sound a little weird, but sometimes interacting with her one in an anonymous or less close up "face to face" way can help. Have you considered the idea of a wonderland telephone or intercom system? Or maybe you can write her a note, card or letter?

 

That may help, but I'd prefer a direct approach. Although writing letters does sound like it could be fun.

 

Is she shy as well or more bold?

 

She is very bold and outgoing (Okay I'll be honest: She's really kind of a pervert), but at the same time incredibly shy while the topics of romance, intimacy and marriage are brought up. It's adorable.

 

This is ever a weirder suggestion. Wear a mask or costume that hides your true identity a bit. Maybe it could be a "masquerade ball" or something like that where she could do the same. That might cause other issues, but the idea just popped into my head. I have an "avatar" in my wonderland that is a more handsome, younger, more perfect form of myself. I know I look good and so feel more confident in the dream world. Remember, the tulpa can see your idealized self in the wonderland totally separate from who you are in the real world.

 

I have considered the idea of an avatar, but I hadn't thought of using it to build confidence. That actually sounds like a very good idea. Although really, I've come to the conclusion that being shy and introverted are a part of who I am and I don't want to change that, I just want to overcome it so it isn't crippling. An experiment I thought of would be to have an "evolving" avatar that becomes more strong and confident in situations where I would normally be forced to remove myself. I'll try this out sometime.

 

Probably you should try to stop receiving your tulpa as "someone else" like the rest of the people you know, and more as "someone who is a part of you", someone who is connected to you. Like a mirrored version of yourself. I've no idea if that can help you anyhow.

 

I kind of do that already, but from a somewhat different perspective. I see it as a kind of mitosis, in which I create a whole new person from within myself and nurture it to the point that it becomes its own individual being, despite the fact that it obviously still has to share a room with me.

[NoneFromHell]

 

I kind of do that already, but from a somewhat different perspective. I see it as a kind of mitosis, in which I create a whole new person from within myself and nurture it to the point that it becomes its own individual being, despite the fact that it obviously still has to share a room with me.

 

I think it's much closer to the reality aswell. I was mainly thinking about how you probably could trick your brain into forgetting that you're interacting with someone else. Your avatar idea seems to be pretty on point.

[Guest Yoda]

You could always go for "desensitization therapy" and take your tulpa skinny dipping!

[Mr Blangcaster Next Door]

You could always go for "desensitization therapy" and take your tulpa skinny dipping!

 

It's kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don't thing. On the one hand, I'm worried what she'd even think of me when she's capable of thinking on her own. On the other hand, knowing how she is, I'm worried one of the first things she'll suggest is that we take a bath together. Platonically.

 

It would be impossible for me to do lewd things unless she was leading me through all of it, but in order for that to happen, I would need to actually develop her.

[Guest Yoda]

I have a feeling you are going to have a very interesting time with Ezra in the future. LOL

[Paranoid Llama]

Ezra reminds me a lot of my tulpa. She's really outgoing and has recently become VERY affectionate (cuddling, lots of hugging), though not to the point of perverted. Also, in contrast, she's comfortable speaking about anything.

 

Back on topic, if your shyness is being detrimental to progress BECAUSE of her personality, it could help if you could ask her to limit it for the time being. Just until you get comfortable around her. If it's her form or any other specific aspect of her, then you could talk with her to do the same.

 

Other than that, I don't know anything else that wasn't mentioned.

[Nageki]

Dunno if you tried this yet, but in these sorts of situations where I want to do something but my anxiety is getting in the way of actually doing it, I've found using thought records can go a long way in reducing how anxious I feel, sometimes to the point of it becoming negligent. It's something my therapist taught me to use, and though it'll usually take around 10-15 minutes to make a complete thought record, it might help change your perspective on things and lower the intensity of your shyness.