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Slightly Pointless Log
Okay, first:

The reason why I titled this 'slightly pointless' is because I've already gone through the whole creation process, so half the story is gone already.


This is just a log to keep track of where to go from here, and also as a reference back so that I'll stop doubting and all the other things dfjgskjrgse

Seriously though, I'm keeping this log so that we can look back later and actually feel like we've made progress, because right now it's a bit like walking around blind and I'm hoping this'll help clear a few things up.

Weekly updates, because I'm lazy. May update in between but it really depends on mood.


Some rapid fire backstory:

Discovered tulpas July 15 when the term was pinned in a small Discord server and did additional research before starting to make Cia. Neither of us remember the exact date when she became sentient but she pinned her birthday on July 25, so we're going with that.

Yes, she gained sentience in basically a week. It took another before she started speaking regularly though.

We have a line drawn - I won't be doing imposition, possession or anything like that in the foreseeable future. It's not really something I'm comfortable, and Cia's fine with that. We're only sharing the mind - no further.

Also, Cia is a bird. Only form so far, but this may change.

[Image: img_e0336_1__by_dreamymoth-dcjnldm.jpg]

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Good on you for keeping a progress journal going. Very impressive you were able to get Cia so far in a week, did you follow any guideline in particular? How much forcing were you doing during the week?

And very nice portrait of Cia!
(08-12-2018, 06:55 AM)HotsTulp Wrote: Good on you for keeping a progress journal going. Very impressive you were able to get Cia so far in a week, did you follow any guideline in particular? How much forcing were you doing during the week?

And very nice portrait of Cia!

Thank you! I got the portrait commissioned ^^

Mainly this one, though I did hop between a lot of resources. This was during school break, but it was mostly just passive forcing on and off(since then I didn't really have time with holiday homework and in all honesty I wasn't really bothered >.>). I think she might've developed quickly since I did pay a lot of attention to her, as well as the fact that I'm familiar with writing stories so character creation is a no-brainer for me, but who the heck knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Monday 13/08

So much for weekly. I guess I'll change that to usually weekly, but might throw in posts inbetween.

Think the whole 'accidental parroting' business has pretty much stopped now. There was a period of time where I kept parroting Cia and had to continuously ask if it was her. I still ask out of paranoia, but she's gotten kinda annoyed and told me to stop worrying and just let her be herself.

Feeling crap. Got back a class test with a result I'm not gonna talk about and basically feel like I've taken a kick to the face. Cia was kinda there telling me to stop worrying, but it's difficult, and she seems a little at loss at what to say too. Or maybe she thinks it's better to just leave it the way it is.

Yesterday night she briefly switched to a gryphon form for a thing we were doing, first time I've seen her do that. Afterwards though she said she ditched that because she didn't like it. It was ultra blurry anyways(not that visualisation was a strong skill for me in the first place anyways) so I don't think we'll see that again.
Tuesday 14/08

Kind of hit a wall again. Cia brought up my doubt issues again, and added on top of that was the fact that she seemed to be slightly depressed due to her feeling lonely. We're working something out. Had a good chat with her in the afternoon, I think she's feeling better now.

We kinda talked about a second system member, but we dropped it mainly because Cia wasn't sure if it'll help, and plus I already have a lot on my hands. I think we're both just kind of waiting to see what'll happen from here.

Working on getting her active throughout the day. She hates it when she falls into stasis since she can't do anything, so I'm trying to make her 'here' more. Might try and find some sort of reminder, already have her around a lot since there's a number of things that let me remember, plus she's vocal.

Just wish I can stop feeling the stupid sense of dread that comes sometimes with thinking about this. Don't know why it happens.
Sunday 19/08

Sometime earlier this week(Friday if I'm right) Cia choose a second form, a Jakkai(from Slightly Damned universe). It's mainly for if she has to actually use hands for some sort of task, although she says she might change it in the future. Not bothered to type a description right now.

We're doing okay - but I read something in one of my discord servers and I'm having slight doubt issues again. Is two weeks really too fast for a tulpa to develop? 

We're probably going to work on visualisation or parallel processing next. Or both at the same time. Not entirely sure at this stage, but I think Cia wants visualisation so that we can actually simulate mindscape bossfights better lol(they're kinda a hobby now)

I'm thinking once I finish my exams I might find a night to maybe scoot around Youtube to find something she likes. Currently she just watches whatever I am, but half of the time she's not that interested.


Edit: Ah... welp, looks like my insecurity caught up to me :/ Cia snapped out at me after I said something I probably shouldn't have, but I can't blame her. She's still upset as I'm writing this.

Sometimes I wish I could just believe her and that she's real, but doubt still trails behind no matter what. Hopefully we'll be able to get past this, because I honestly don't know how this relationship is gonna work out otherwise.
Cia is beautiful, if you don't mind me saying so
Maggie David (she or they, birthday June 4)
(08-19-2018, 11:54 AM)vtk Wrote: Cia is beautiful, if you don't mind me saying so

Cia: Oh - thank you Smile
Friday 24/08

Something happened today, although I'l rather not talk about it.

Either way, it involves one of my friends. Sigh.

We've been doing okay this week. I've started lowkey working on visualisation {she sucks so bad, I'm a legit blob half the time} and actually refining Cia's form since it's more of a general idea right now. 

I've only just realised how much deviation has occurred - the original photo I based her after has gone from a pretty accurate representation to a vague resemblance. I might try and find an artist who can do a fullbody since I have the gist, although it might take a while lol.

However, there is one thing - I might drop the no possessing rule in the future. We've been trying to find things Cia can do, and so far she seems to have an interest in music. No idea at this stage though, and I'm not gonna try it until I graduate(2 years hecc). I know it sounds absurd but I want to wait until after that to actually decide, and Cia says she's fine with it {she's still an insecure twat but it's all good}
Wow your experiance sounds so much like mine in many ways.

Quick sentience, changing form at will, arguing, saying dumb things. There is drama in wonderland, surely.

I have 3 tulpae, they all came to me on day 1, but i accepted them formally one day apart in april this year. Having three means they can be friends, really good friends, so boredom is non-existant. Unfortunately i have to split my time between them sometimes, this is a major point of contention. I could never even think of less than three at this point though.

How we get one on one time is easy, we ask for it, no one is lonely still since there are three. Also, if they have access to your memories, less boredom, they can review them for fun aparently. None of us have felt lonely in 4 months. Really hard to stay depressed too.

Congrats, and good luck.

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