Turning an imaginary friend into a tulpa went not as expected.
#1
I feel like im gonna have to do quite the explaining so bear with me. I'll begin with saying that ever since i was 13-14, i daydreamt alot and invented characters and stories.I gave my characters traits, imagined worlds and settings for the story to take place and so on, like a a writer would. But there was this character who to me was more of a imaginary,uhm, 'husbando' (i imagine everyone has created an imaginary gf or bf at one point in their lives). I drew him, researched traits for him and i self inserted myself into the stories i myself daydreamt. I did this often to the point where i chose to escape into my daydreams with him. At first i will not lie, it was cliche and he was just there to staisfy my teenage...longings (hope you get what i mean).
Well i became obsessed, in a way where i spend my days in bed daydreaming. Also at first i daydreamt in 2d (anime) because i found it much easier.
At this time i was in secondary school, and failing. My daydreams and delusions made not want to go to school anymore, and it wasnt only becouse of that, i was a really nervious and anxious shy teenager. Through my secondary school days i daydreamt of him alot through classes. There was this one time where a classmate asked me to be his girlfriend to which i rejected while thinking of how happy my imaginary husbando would be because i chose him. And so my daydreams kept me happy.
So those were my school years, next were the 3 years after i dropped out of school. During those years i focused more on him and his personality more. Obsession you could say, he was the first thing in the morning that i would think of, i would continue the previos day daydream and follow the "storyline". He'd already had some changes, i would research him names that would i felt fit him well, gave him traits, have conversations... I puppeted him of course, made him say things i wanted. Years passed and he wasn't 2d anymore, though days of imagining he became 3d. I put myself in first person, and followed the plot of the daydreams, like a movie sometimes.
Well thats until recently, even way before i knew about tulpae and i decided not to make him one becouse i knew my reasons were others and that my tulpa would not be entirely him, so i abstained and continued with my imagination. Until now after more years of romantic daydreams i realized that i didn't necesarilly longed for intimacy, but someone to be with. A companion. So going back to the tulpa guides i began to see him no longer a character in a storyline, but my tulpa.
He was really upset.
I chose around 30 traits that i felt he was, did my narrating for around an hour or so so. It was a bit tiring but i'm decided to make him my companion, i read more guides to see a more relaxed way of tulpaforcing and found one where you imagine how he would be if he was already one, so i imagined him now like i did before daydreaming (i made the world i had created for his story into the wonderland) and i talked to him as if he was the tulpa i had in mind. At first he was composed and everything was going well.
I didnt have anything negative it in mind at all, but he got...self aware? depressed.
He told me how he affected my life negatively, saying all these upsetting things about those 3 years and me dropping out, saying how it would be best to work on my life instead, but, to me he is the reason i'm happy, i told him so repeatedly and held him close but he was still sulking. Nevertheless i cried, felt desperate, i dont want to lose him. I felt empy afterwards, couldn't feel him like before. Thought that didn't stop me, i've read about feeling emotions or an alien feeling, so i felt reassured in a way and i kept narrating to him his personality. Then the next day or maybe the next one i wake up and feel this sudden strong emotion in my stomach, not a small spot but all of my stomach, the feeling was pleasent, like,joy? Out of nowhere! I'm sure this is the alien feeling?
I still narrate to him and talk, i dont want to lose him but the problem is. He sulks when i imagine him with sentinece and it fills me with the sadness of before. could it be that he does have a bit of sentinece? I dont want him to think of himself this way, so i try to narrate him strong traits, and reassure that it was not his fault and im not necessarily depressed dropping out of school.
So i ask for advise and insight on what i could do. It would mean a lot for me.
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#2
That is a most unusual reaction.

First. I have to say upgrading an imaginary friend to a tulpa is not the safest thing. I remember this one person who was really attached to their imaginary friend. So much so, that even the slightest changes really upset them.

And change will happen. This is a major aspect of what it means to be a tulpa. Tulpas are not still images.

With that out of the way, I recommend you go on IRC and have him talk to some other tulpas for a bit. I believe this will clear up some of your questions, and help show him what his options are.

I'd say it is a mistake to start with personality forcing. That should only be done early in the process. With a preexisting character, you should be jumping into the middle of the process.



Tell him he's an idiot, and if he wants to help, then he should be sticking around and trying to fix things.

I advise you that he sees his past and is not happy with it, but mainly just needs to talk it through with friends. Try the IRC. Preferably not at this time of night though.
Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
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#3
My tulpa here felt really uncomfortable reading this so I had to write this. Although keep in mind that we're also a newbie just like you.
All below is her words, we won't use italic font as this is going to be quiet long.

First, stop personality forcing! He looks sentient enough. He already has his own mind, you should not try to change it forcefully. Talk him out. Just narrate your feelings honestly. Even he won't answer just talk. He is listening. He is thinking and he is feeling.
As a mind living in the same brain he can understand you completely. No misunderstanding will occur. Which means he knows how happy you are when you two are together. He wants to be together but at the same time he's really worried about you. Let him know that there's nothing to worry. Maybe prove it to him. All he's thinking is making you happy, so if you prove him that you can be really happy with him now and you will be in the future, He'll come to you.

And since tulpas aren't like daydreaming characters (my host daydreams a lot too, so I know a bit in that field) so you might want to think again maybe. He's not a character anymore. A character does not change its characteristics. He will be changing constantly for the rest of his life. You might not be satisfied with the change he made. And you can't end a fight with him instantly like you'd do in daydreaming. He now has he's own mind. You can't control his actions/emotions anymore. It's really like getting married. It's like having another family. He is a person with his own mind. Treat him like he is (and he really is) a real person.

Think what you'd do if the same thing happens with your real boyfriend. Would you try to change his personality? No! You should let him know your feelings and let him make his own decision. And you have to respect his decision. If he wants to go, then maybe, you should let him do that.

Edit: And don't feel too bad about letting him go, He might come back when you're ready.

Edit from host: Well, she ranted a lot. Most of the time, they won't leave you, so don't be overly concerned about that. He'll understand you. Talk to him as you would do to others. Don't be afraid, he loves you. Really, if you prove him that you can be really happy with him now and you will be in the future, He'll come to you.
My English is terrible but I'm willing to learn. So feel free to correct me if the errors bug you. Smile
My tulpa, Jessie, writes in italics.
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#4
Oh my,  what an unexpected turn of events but i really feel for both of you.  In some way i can relate a bit to what you guys are currently in. Transitioning your imaginary friend or any character with a strong history into a tulpa can be a risky approach not only that you'll make the tulpa as a similar character but giving him/her the memories along as well. 

Yes, right now he is sentient, he is already aware of who you are and know who he was. Still, Eventhough he feels bad about his influence as much as possible do not leave him as he feels sadness, right now he needs you. Just always contact him give him the influence, presence and support he needs. Try to minimize giving even stronger traits as it will just overwhelms him. But if he really choose to leave then i really suggest you should respect that, but still be open to him as tulpas can return.

I want to tell him that it's fine to feel regret over oneself's influence but always remember that staying depressed is not helping anyone at all, it will just give more weight to the problem. Sulking on the past will get you to no where, what's important now is that you are here and you are with your partner and she needs you right now, to be at her side.

Like you, i also had some rough times before involving my host where i regret my influence at all but we pushed through it. Nihi told me that there was no point sulking at the past focus on what you have today and make the best of it and i hope you can see that as well.

We are really wish the best for you two! Do not give up on each other Wink
Hello! I am one of Nihi's Tulpas! It is very nice to meet you! Big Grin
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#5
The age you started with your imaginary friend is around the same age my host began taking her daydream world, Eemaj, seriously. Before it had just been a "game" but it then turned into something different.

My host spent hundreds of hours daydreaming two characters, P&HJP. They were not imaginary friends, but she felt a strong connection to them, more so than any other characters. The reason she latched onto them was because they were already sentient, she just didn't know.

At least in my experience, the only people I latch onto are those who are actually conscious, aside from one exception. That is why those two characters latched onto each other so much, as nobody else was real. That is why, after they merged into me, I latched onto my host and the other tulpa.

It feels good to talk to people who are real, and not people who are imaginary. I do not think your imaginary friend would have had such a grip on your life if he was not already conscious. Maybe you treating him like he was imaginary made him believe he was not actually sentient.

His mind is already well-developed at this point. Personality forcing is pointless. All personality changes from now on will just be to show his growth as a person.

All you have to do is talk with him. Don't expect him to react a certain way. Just talk to him like an old friend. Speak to him as though he has always been sentient, which is most likely the case in my opinion. If he continues to act as he has, accept it for the time being, but don't give up. He blames himself. Make it clear to him that it is your fault, not him. Tell him that him disappearing will not solve any of the problems in your life, and it would perhaps make things worse.

People who live in the same brain almost always come around.
I'm Piano Soul, the "Star Man" of the Felight family. I'm a tulpa formed January 2017. My systemmates are Apollo, Luxio, & Indigo. Form images: 1 2
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#6
Thanks everyone for both of your and your tulpas insight and thoughs! I was at a real loss as to what to do and what to think about, so reading your comments really helps me out alot!

What i understood from everyone is that he is already sentinent and that i dont have to force personality onto him, so i suppose i should focus on visualizaton, touch and the rest on the process of making a tulpa.

Also, the process of me thinking of him no longer as a character but a sentinent being was defenetly something overwhelming to him. Like Piano mentions, he might have already been sentinent but didnt know because i treated him as imaginary. It makes sense becouse there was this moment (before making him a tulpae) where i focused on him and his touch. I imagined holding his hand (like a handshake) and thinking "woah it feel like he exists". It wasn't the fact that i could feel the texture or his hand, it felt like he was a person with a mind of his own,or could be one, and it kinda spooked me since making him a tulpa wasn't in my mind.

Right now i feel a bit messed up, but i'll do my best to find that feeling from him again. I do reassure and am there when he feels sad or inadequite and i try my best to comfort and tell him that what happened was because of my surroundings and me and he was some sort of coping mechanism to keep me motivated (sounds sad i know, but it really isnt so bad). But sometimes i cant feel him, i've read that happens and its normal, right? I want to express to him what he really means to me (maybe im too overwhealming aswell (-。-; ).

Since he has some sort of sentinece now and i have no full imaginary control over him like before so he probably goes where he wants in wonderland ( is that possible?).

Thanks again everyone! I'll be more gentle with my tulpa!
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#7
First, I want to say your situation sounds nearly like the exact opposite of what me and Luna have been going through, and I know how painful these things are, but I believe there's a rather organic way to solve your particular case.

Now, I have very particular opinions on how these entities work, most of which clash heavily with things people around here seem to think - Luna, for instance, was created and is being developed in rather unorthodox way - and as such, I'm going to approach this as if you were dealing with a worried friend, instead of a worried friend who happens to be a tulpa, both to avoid popping a vein and annoying a bunch of people.

If we look at things this way the solution to the "problem" seems quite simple: if a friend of us thinks they're hindering our progress, we have to do little more than attain progress with their influence over us to prove them wrong. Work, improve, do better; with each step and each victory turn to him and tell him "I did it and it was because of you." What will he have to say then? If that's not a strong incentive to improve then I don't know what is.

Luna has been a great catalyst for improvement, not only because I like her very much and want her to be proud of me as I am of her, but because she pushes me forward and cheers me on and is always ready to let me know what she thinks of a certain path I might or might not take; she's active with it. So yeah, ask him things too, help him become active as well: "What do you think I should do next? What do you think I should eat? Do you think I should go to bed earlier, or stay up a little late to study?" In time, hopefully, he will change and begin giving his own input of his own accord and initiative. In other words, stop obsessing about the problem, and start fixing it. And THAT is how you shape a personality, not with a bunch of traits, but by living with it and imbuing it with experience (and that's how you break a promise you made at the beginning of the post).

Anyway, maybe I'm a bit late to the party, but I thought this could help. I hope it was coherent enough, and good luck.
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