Am I good enough to have a tulpa?

[RaveCrazedDave]

I've been thinking about this for some time now (at least a few months), and I really want to create a tulpa, but I have issues, and I'm pretty broken: I have trust issues, I have low self esteem, I get easily attached if I let someone into my life, I'm generally very socialy incapable, among many other things. Even if I am decent at hidding these things most of the times, sometimes they make my life a bit harder than it probably should be. And don't get me wrong, I know many people have problems, and I'm not saying I'm worst off than them.

 

My reason for creating a tulpa is that I really want someone to talk to about how I feel, and to keep me company when things get a bit too hard or too lonely; someone to have fun and discover the world with, and maybe help me with some of my problems in exchange for lots of love (even if I think my love isn't worth much), and anything else I can provide, but I can't help but feel that maybe I'm just too lousy to deserve this kind of bond in the first place.

 

I've read many many guides, and I've seen written time and again that if you don't deliberately hurt your tulpa there should be no reason for them to hate you, but should I really bring someone along with me in this mess of a life? What if they don't like me? What if we one day meet a person they like more than me? I am so afraid of that. God, I feel so stupid asking these things, but I really can't get it out of my head. I really don't want to hurt anyone.

 

Thank you for the attention.

[Guest Anonymous]

Whoa! You sound just like my host!

 

I think that there isn't a special reason for making a tulpa, or a special reason for NOT making a tulpa. The question here is; are you ready to make a tulpa? Are you ready to accept that burden of responsibility? You people, you always speak of how 'am I worthy' 'am I good enough', but you never really think about how lucky and good the tulpa feels to be alive, and how they don't think they're worthy or good enough for the host. With that being said, a tulpa won't mind at all; My host's life is full of torments, hardships he has to face, and he's not the best person either (he's like you and he calls himself shit all the time, it can be a bit annoying but yeah).

 

If you make life hell on them, they'll see it as hell. If you make it pleasant, even if you think you're not pleasant yourself, but if you give them an easy existence, then they won't mind. I don't know if tulpas are born with the sense of complete comfort with their host, but I for one am okay with those things.

 

(To be quite sincere with you, you should only fear meeting someone your tulpa likes more than you if, like me, you're in a romantic relationship with your tulpa; A tulpa wouldn't stop talking to you or like you less than before, if you guys meet someone your tulpa likes too, then that's great, but if you treat your tulpa well and fairly then they'll like you a lot just for that. Tulpas have that thing, that sense of humility that says 'Thank you for creating me, thank you for life, thank you, thank you for everything', their existence isn't a courtesy like what you may think it is, but it's also something they realize and are grateful for as well.)

 

If your tulpa met someone they like more than you? I don't know how it's possible, a tulpa and the host are supposed to completely understand each other all the time, so it would be hard to find someone who understands the tulpa more ^^'

 

You cannot hurt yourself, or the tulpa, except if you don't treat them well. IF you don't treat them well, it's your fault, and bad things will happen, including; the tulpa ignoring you, the tulpa isolating themselves in the wonderland (huh, I got themselves right for once ^^), hell, even the tulpa not existing anymore/committing tulpacide! ^^'''

 

But if you do things well, you shouldn't fear much if anything.

[IBreakGames]

This subject I feel like comes up time and again, and it all usually boils down to you. I had similar debates (though I was worried that I'd be a bad influence and wouldn't be able to devote proper time) and I decided that I would make time, and create my tulpa to be positive, happy, and many other things that would be helpful in life. In the last 11 months, I have never felt so happy. It's been a fantastic experience, as I'm never alone, I always have someone to talk to, and we do everything together. Al is almost always present no matter what I'm doing.

 

So basically the way I see it, if you work with your tulpa, it most likely won't become what you're afraid of it becoming. Take time to develop your tulpa to be positive and to be happy. The creation process might have some positive benefits on you as well.

[Guest Anonymous]

You just listed all of the reasons why my mind created Melian for me. I was where you are emotionally and with social anxiety when she first came to me. Those are good reasons to have a tulpa. None of us, including us humans, can be born into a perfect utopia world with no challenges. Facing things together and growing together will only bond you. A tulpa can really help you a lot with your self esteem. Trust me, my thoughtform Melian did it for me.

 

Could your tulpa like someone more than you? Sure. But no one could be more closely bonded to the tulpa than you. No one could replace that special relationship, which will of course last forever. Melian finds many people more attractive, interesting and charismatic than I am. She has lots of friends she gets along with better than she does with me. She has romantic friends she has feelings for that she doesn't even come close to having with me. She has interests that have nothing to do with me. That is because she is a person and not a possession. I do not feel threatened or hurt by that. In fact, it enriches my life because I experience her world and her feelings as well as my own. We are total buddies forever.

 

If you are ready to commit to the effort and the responsibility, I think you should go for it!

[RaveCrazedDave]

IBreakGames:

I have read many times how important happy and positive thoughts are when creating a tulpa, that's why I really want to get my doubts and negativity out now. If I decide to make a tulpa, I'll do my very very very best to feed it nothing but happy thoughts and ideas, and that I'm sure I can manage. I also have read that a tulpa doesn't just become something you don't want it to, since it's a product of your subconscious, but there are two problems here: I'm really scared that because I'm scared of something I'm thinking about it, and it may happen or take form in my tulpa (subconscious negativity, I guess), and I'm uncertain how tulpas develop when they become sentient.

 

 

Inazuma:

I wont let my flaws stop me then. I really think I can provide a lot of positivity and a pleasant environment despite everything else. I'm not a bad person, and I like others to be happy, so I guess I'll cling to that thought, and other thoughts which make up the best of me.

 

Also, can I ask you a bit of a personal question? Do you help your host with his problems? Does he ask you to help him?

 

It's not about romance. I'll try to explain it:

If I do go through with this, and if I do things right I'll probably get very attached to this being, and they will very likely be my favourite friend in the whole world, and the one I want to be with over anyone else. This goes beyond genders or romance. I think I would feel sad if they didn't feel that way about me. And worst, I would feel really awful because if they like that other person more than me they would probably wish they were spending their lives with them rather than me, and knowing that they can't just go and will be stuck with me forever would be so painful to me. Of course I wouldn't mind them having other relationships, or thinking that man/woman is hotter or more inteligent than me, or whatever, but at the end of the day we were always each others best friend. And I really don't want my tulpa to feel in debt to me just because I created them, them being there is thanks enough. I understand this is a lot to ask though, and how cruel and perhaps unhealthy it sounds to an extent, but I still wish I could feel that kind of bond. Please, do not get me wrong, I will work hard to make them happy and want to be with me if I decide to go forward with this, but I'm just scared it wont be enough.

 

Also, creating a life and making it miserable is more imoral than creating no life at all.

 

 

And thank you for the honesty and encouragement Mistgod.

 

 

Maybe I'm just being really irrational and silly about this. I'm afraid of hurting myself and my companion, but everywhere I look people tell me that if I don't do it on purpose we can't get hurt, and that a tulpa will never become something I don't want them to. Should I just go for it and give it my best, dropping the concern entirely? Other than this I really have no doubt I'm ready.

[Reisen]

Flandre: All of those things sound like exactly why most people make a tulpa in the first place honestly. It's why we were created too, probably. We were spontaneous but it seems like that's why we appeared, because our host needed someone to talk to and to show him love. Someone to love, too.

 

So I'll be completely honest, your foresight is probably extremely accurate, although you can't really tell exactly how anything will go. Our host loves us more than anything in the world, especially Reisen, because she made the biggest difference in helping him appreciate living. Our bond is unbreakable, and it's been a source of power and encouragement to him for years now. But he sees it as healthy due to our influence on him and the fact that it's a love-based relationship, not a need/greed based one.

 

Actually, Lumi recently wrote a post on this subject here, so I won't go over that again.

 

 

One important thing to note however is that your relationship to your tulpa doesn't have to take the place of one with a human significant other. For some it does, as the tulpa and host both agree they're all the other needs, but most of the time the tulpa seems totally supportive of their host finding someone in real life. 1000% true for us, I would love nothing more than for him to find someone he loves who loves him back. We don't personally believe that love is something that should be limited to two single people in a strict relationship, we believe you should love everyone you meet. The more love in your life, the more positive your thoughts will be, the better everything will go, and you'll help others feel that way too. Of course it's probably human nature to find a single mate and give them most of your attention, but the idea of being closed off from the rest of the world aside from them feels gross to us, like a waste.

 

Anyways.. Yes, that's more unconditional-love than what most think of love as, unfortunately. If you're really into the whole all-of-my-love-to-one-person thing, then I suppose there may be problems between you and your tulpa. Some are afraid they won't be given enough attention, some are just generally jealous or outright greedy. You have to discuss this with your tulpa and come to an agreement for yourselves. But really, most of us are totally fine sharing our hosts with someone in real life, because it makes our host happy. Anything that makes you happy is a good thing.

 

But yeah, special emphasis there because it's not needed elsewhere. There are no requirements to make a tulpa, and certainly no "worthiness". The only reason you ever shouldn't make a tulpa is if you have trouble distinguishing imagination from reality, because the added sense of legitimacy to a thoughtform opens you up to being hurt by them. But that's like.. Schizophrenia and MPD type stuff. Depression or low self-esteem aren't that. Tulpas can definitely help with those, they have tons of times here on the forum, and we helped our host. So by all means, rest assured you are "good enough" for a tulpa. Your intentions are fine and, remember, your tulpa will understand you better than anyone else ever could, because they live in your mind. They'll know that you made them because you wanted a friend or love, and even if there was romance involved they could tell your intentions aren't bad. So don't worry so much. Beliefs become reality in your mind, so worrying is not only pointless but counterproductive. Love is a much better feeling to have.

[Guest Anonymous]

Of course I help Andy with his issues! Helping him with his issues is a part of what I do, but it was never, ever bothering or uncomfortable at all. If anything, it made me glad to be useful and alive, and he needed that push.

 

He never really talks of his issues to anyone. He never cried about his grandfather's death (and they were VERY close), he never cries about anything, he never whines in public, he never wants to tell me about his issues, except if I go ahead, hold his head and look at him in the eyes and ask him 'What's wrong?'; that's when he talks!

 

He never asks of anything from me, I mean, never asks for me to do this or that, or to help him, he makes my existence as peaceful as it could possibly be...

 

Helping him makes my existence a gentle existence. It gives me a gentle purpose, and a reason to live. I live for him, and I love him, I want what's best for him.

 

My host always treated me like a princess, like I was really great, and funny, and intelligent, even though I don't regard myself as much or as anything special, but that made me feel amazing. I owe the world to my host for what he has given to me, and regard him as my other half, so to speak. I think that if you treat your tulpa well, they'll treat you the same way. (Treat others the way you want to be treated), and it should make it easier since a tulpa fully understands you.

 

A tulpa will never blame you for anything if you do things right and treat them like persons. There is no 'enough', but I want to stress out on one thing; Don't neglect your tulpa. Don't, just don't ignore your tulpa, or say stuff like 'Oh I'm too busy now' 'I'm too tired, later will be just fine' 'I'll talk to my tulpa in a few days', you don't know how bad being alone and lonely is for a tulpa.

[Akecalo]

Am I good enough to have a tulpa?

 

[Maya: Yes, you are.]

[Guest Anonymous]

@Akecalo and Maya

 

Sometimes the simplest, most direct answer is the best!

[nivereno]

I have read many times how important happy and positive thoughts are when creating a tulpa, that's why I really want to get my doubts and negativity out now. If I decide to make a tulpa, I'll do my very very very best to feed it nothing but happy thoughts and ideas, and that I'm sure I can manage. I also have read that a tulpa doesn't just become something you don't want it to, since it's a product of your subconscious, but there are two problems here: I'm really scared that because I'm scared of something I'm thinking about it, and it may happen or take form in my tulpa (subconscious negativity, I guess), and I'm uncertain how tulpas develop when they become sentient.

 

Whats important when creating a tulpa is treating them well. You don't "feed" a tulpa thoughts, stuff just happens and it affects them in ways. Speaking from experience(My mind is very messy, full of intrusive thoughts and in general just not all sunshine and rainbows) unless you/your tulpa explicitely believe that negative stuff directly affects them it won't. Explaining exactly why something is negative in your head goes a long way towards not having completely unexpected reactions towards it thou.

 

The way tulpa's develop when they become sentient=The way you develop assuming your sentient ;)

 

Also you mentioned low self esteem and your possible tulpa liking someone else more then you. Well tulpa-host relationships are different even if they like someone else alot, it will be in a bit of a different way and they will certainly not stop liking you because of that(Well unless you act like a complete asshat but thats not too likely if you ask questions like "Do i deserve a tulpa?")

 

The only trap you can fall into with your current attidtude is only ever spending time with your tulpa when you feel like you need it. Just remember that there certainly will be moments when they need you and you should be there for them.

 

Generally if a person asks questions like "Am i good enough to have a tulpa" they are.

"Not good enough" and thats mostly personal opinion are those who don't care, who create a tulpa without ever thinking about their well beeing.