Please help me...

[Miss_Lestrange]

Firstly I'm sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes, I'm dutch and only fifteen years old, so my English is far from perfect, I do my best. Also I'm really bad at explaining things, I've ADD so my mind is very chaotic!

 

I discovered Tulpa's yesterday and have been researching since (luckily for me I'm a quick learner xD). I decided I wanted to make a tulpa, but wanted to wait a while, I don't want to do things to quick and make mistakes. So I started by making wonderland, without a tulpa.

Yesterday evening I've wandered there for a while and I like the place a lot!

 

Eventhough I don't want to make a tulpa yet, my mind doesn't obey as much as I would like it did...I started thinking about my favourite character from the stories I write and rpg's I play. Her name is Jinera, I know her since 26 novembre 2013. She's ... very special to me, because when I created her and made her backstory it turned out that the backstory I created for her became real life for me. (Which isn't a good thing...) so she's the only one on this whole earth who knows how I feel. Sometimes I even got waves of emotions - most of the time these emotions were sadness, or the feeling of crying although I was feeling happy. Also I often got this extremely panic like feeling, and all that would go through my mind was 'Jinera were are you? I need you, I need you I need you. Were are you?!' and I would start to cry. These feeling came totally unexpected and always left me terrified and confused. I thought it was just me until I found out about tulpa's..

 

I started my sims 4 today and went to the place were you can make your sim. (I've made Jinera and her wife about a year a go on the sims, so I know how she looks in detail). I took her clotes off (well..she was not naked of course..) and her make up off. 'This was how she would look like as a beginning tulpa' I thought to myself. And I started thinking (although I desperately avoided thinking about it) 'I took your make up and clothes off because I don't want to force anything on you. Would you mind it if I gave you eye liner? If you would later on like to change something on your appearance I don't mind it..' and I felt a shiver running down, from the back of my head to my upper back...

 

So I went to my wonderland a few hours ago I noticed something...disturbing. I walked to the tree (it actually is a tree house so yeah..) and I saw a girl/woman. She was naked as far as I could she, cause I only saw her back, side and legs. She pushed herself against the tree, with her feet pulled up, it looked heartbreaking.

Because of the sad vibe she had and her black hair, and pale skin I knew it was Jinera. But, like, really realistic, I've never seen a realistic version before, but she looked so 'alive' (but also dead, because of the sadness)..

I pushed the image of her away because I didn't want this yet (I thought my mind was playing tricks on me...), after that I went in the treehouse.

 

But when I climbed down I saw her again, and pushed the image of her away again. Maybe because I was afraid... I just don't want to start with a tulpa until I'm ready, I want to give my tulpa the best and not some clumsy beginner.

 

Now I feel SO guilty and confused. Was the women (Jinera) I saw my tulpa? Was the reason she looked to sad because every time my mind wanders of to her, I push it away? (If that's the case I feel so bad...because I would never want to hurt her NEVER, I just want my tulpa being 'raised' in a good way..) I can't get the image of her against the tree out of my head, it feels like something broke inside.

Please help...

[NoneFromHell]

Well thats some special case you got there. So i'm going to go with a few things you should consider.

 

1. Well if you basically thought a lot of her details etc. it is possible that you initiated some sort of tulpa forcing unintentionally , however...since it is basically just "yesterday" i think it is a bit too earlier for something like that, but it's not entirely impossible.

 

2. You were shocked too see something like that in your wonderland,so if you're going back just a few hours later it is obvious that you still got that in your mind. So your mind is going to place her there again. I suggest that you get rid of the whole thoughts for now and return in a few days again, without anything in mind. (And i mean it....don't think about what you could expect when entering your wonderland).

 

3. Oh well, nobody is a born professionial . No guide is perfect and in the end you always have to figure a lot stuff out for yourself. No tulpa isn't going to be a day 1 sentinent being, it is a delevoping process...which takes a lot of time and effort. Get rid from the idea of doing something badly wrong. You won't get grades for this. It's more about the process itself, learning by doing.

[Guest Anonymous]

It wasnt a tulpa.

Thats just a straight fact. Its you thinking about your future tulpa and parroting things, if this even ever happened at all.

 

Look, gonna be honest here, you are 15. At 15 you really have better things to be worrying about than making a tulpa. Maybe when you are 20, have a job and are in a good place in life you can think about it but as it stands your mind as a teenager is a very unstable and hormone ridden place. Its not a good time to make a tulpa.

 

Please reconsider this whole idea.

[Luminesce]

Pfft, my tulpa is the only reason I made it past 15. I mean I wouldn't be dead, but I would've dropped out of school and been a miserable wreck.

 

You have to realize, since you seem to want to become a "non-beginner" before even beginning, that you have total power over your thoughts. Nothing can exist in your mind without your allowance. If anything happens and you don't want it to, you don't have to acknowledge it. Do not credit it as legitimate. Nothing means anything unless you want it to.

 

Anyway, don't read so much into random daydreamed scenarios and such. Was it your tulpa? Did it mean anything? That's up to you to decide, but more than likely it was just your mind making stuff up. Your tulpa isn't sentient yet (they're sentient when they can very clearly do things on their own with forethought and no reliance on you), so anything you imagine them doing is just that, you imagining them doing it. Your tulpa doesn't "feel" anything yet, you only imagine that they might. And if you imagine that they feel bad, then they do. If you randomly think that maybe they're sad and then believe it, then they are. But it's all in your head, you decide what's real or not, even if you aren't consciously aware you're doing so. Becoming conscious that you are doing so would definitely qualify you as more than a beginner.

[Guest Anonymous]

The mind is a very abstract place. Without much basis, it can be hard to define what is real, and what is 'sentient'. At this point, you don't really have a tulpa, it can be a start though. Lumi has good stuff in his post as well.

 

Out of curiosity, are you actually diagnosed with ADD? My younger sister has ADD and Aspergers and was diagnosed when she was 3, and has it very hard.

[Miss_Lestrange]

Well thats some special case you got there. So i'm going to go with a few things you should consider.

 

1. Well if you basically thought a lot of her details etc. it is possible that you initiated some sort of tulpa forcing unintentionally , however...since it is basically just "yesterday" i think it is a bit too earlier for something like that, but it's not entirely impossible.

 

2. You were shocked too see something like that in your wonderland,so if you're going back just a few hours later it is obvious that you still got that in your mind. So your mind is going to place her there again. I suggest that you get rid of the whole thoughts for now and return in a few days again, without anything in mind. (And i mean it....don't think about what you could expect when entering your wonderland).

 

3. Oh well, nobody is a born professionial . No guide is perfect and in the end you always have to figure a lot stuff out for yourself. No tulpa isn't going to be a day 1 sentinent being, it is a delevoping process...which takes a lot of time and effort. Get rid from the idea of doing something badly wrong. You won't get grades for this. It's more about the process itself, learning by doing.

 

I actually have been thinking about her as a human being and that kind of thing a very long time. I have had periods were I would talk to her in my mind, but always expected that she wouldn't talk back. But since yesterday I discovered this so maybe I've unintentionally doing this for a longer time than I thought, I don't know :').

 

And I won't expect her to show up again, I just assume it was a 'glitch' in my mind and nothing that holds even the slightest meaning.

 

Yeah I know, you learn from your mistakes and that sort of stuff, but I'm kind of a perfectionist. And I know that it's a long process! That's actually the reason I like it so much, I'm someone who enjoys taking a lot of time for things :). But it just really hurt me when I saw her (and I was really shocked cause I didn't expect it), because even though she's just a 'character' she still means a lot to me.

 

 

@Monsterkid, please don't say that... I know that people think being only 15 means I'm not responsible enough to do this. I hear it a lot of times, about all sorts of things 'your only fifteen' 'you can't do that'. But my mind isn't in the same place as most of the 15 year olds are. I need something right know to hold on to this live and give me a purpose, without it making me more scared and hurt. And I think that something so close to you as a tulpa is one of the only things I can imagine doing just that.

 

@Luminesce, thank you for your reaction :), I think you're right. I should be less of a overly dramatic puppy and should have known from the beginning that it was just an image, haha. Your post really got through to me in the sense of 'it's all in your head', I mean in this state I am the one who decides what's real and what's not real, and I control my thoughts (although somethings it's the other way around xD). Thank you!

---

The mind is a very abstract place. Without much basis, it can be hard to define what is real, and what is 'sentient'. At this point, you don't really have a tulpa, it can be a start though. Lumi has good stuff in his post as well.

 

Out of curiosity, are you actually diagnosed with ADD? My younger sister has ADD and Aspergers and was diagnosed when she was 3, and has it very hard.

 

Yes I'm diagnosed with ADD when I was nine years old. I went into 'therapy' when I was seven, and had two years of talking and taking way to much tests and I appeared to have ADD. That's really terrible for your sister... I have been on meds since I was ten so I don't really notice anything when I'm on school (expect that ritalin is só terrible, I hate the things it does to my mind, creativity and body). But when I don't take them (like right now) then my mind is just constantly annoying me. Although I can to love my excessive daydreaming :)

[Guest Anonymous]

Concerning what you said concerning your mind; Every 15 years old thinks his mind is a creative, different place. With all due respect I really think you're overdramatizing things over there. I'm aware that people tend to have issues and while I am sorry to hear that you had a rough time with parents and the likes, a tulpa is not quite needed. Technically, a tulpa does whatever a real friend can do (and real friends tend to be able to interact physically with you more), and a tulpa doesn't feel as solid at first. Monsterkid's point is that youngsters don't really tend to take things like that seriously, you think you're going to take it seriously, but one thing to the other things will be purely imaginative. A chaotic mind is not the warmest of homes for a tulpa, by chaotic I don't mind a mind that has issues but a mind that is uncertain, young, still developing. You're not even thinking of the tulpa's benefit in those terms, but only of your own. You haven't mentioned how you would treat your tulpa. You said that you need 'something', this something can be something else than a tulpa, it doesn't have to be this way. I know that this concept seems fascinating and whatnot but in the end it goes down to more than 'what you want' 'I want it now' ' I need something'. You're a fast learner, you said, Well, my guess is that you must have heard of how big of a responsibility a tulpa is. This is not a message that is exclusively directed to you but to all young members; To tread carefully.

[Miss_Lestrange]

Concerning what you said concerning your mind; Every 15 years old thinks his mind is a creative, different place. With all due respect I really think you're overdramatizing things over there. I'm aware that people tend to have issues and while I am sorry to hear that you had a rough time with parents and the likes, a tulpa is not quite needed. Technically, a tulpa does whatever a real friend can do (and real friends tend to be able to interact physically with you more), and a tulpa doesn't feel as solid at first. Monsterkid's point is that youngsters don't really tend to take things like that seriously, you think you're going to take it seriously, but one thing to the other things will be purely imaginative. A chaotic mind is not the warmest of homes for a tulpa, by chaotic I don't mind a mind that has issues but a mind that is uncertain, young, still developing. You're not even thinking of the tulpa's benefit in those terms, but only of your own. You haven't mentioned how you would treat your tulpa. You said that you need 'something', this something can be something else than a tulpa, it doesn't have to be this way. I know that this concept seems fascinating and whatnot but in the end it goes down to more than 'what you want' 'I want it now' ' I need something'. You're a fast learner, you said, Well, my guess is that you must have heard of how big of a responsibility a tulpa is. This is not a message that is exclusively directed to you but to all young members; To tread carefully.

 

I'm sorry, but the reason why it's different for me isn't because I've a hard time with my parents. I just don't want to go in full detail about WHY because that's private information, but I can tell you that it is way more complicated than that. And as I said in the first post I don't want a tulpa yet, because I don't feel ready and I think it's important for me to wait. And I just assumed that everyone assumes you would treat your tulpa in a good way. Just think about how loving I speak about Jinera even though she is just a 'character' (and yes, it hurts me to say she's just a character, because I think of her way more then that).

[Raetin]

I made my tulpa Reah when I was 15 years old. Going through that, I have to agree with Anderson that around that age, the mind is still developing, even if you're very mature for your age. I can tell you that I was very mature for my age during the time, but I've changed so much since then anyway. Saying that, I do not regret deciding to make a tulpa at all. Honestly, my tulpas are probably the reason why I grew up the way I am today. I've become lot more optimistic and gained a much better mindset because of them.

 

If you decide to make a tulpa, I recommend actually giving it a few months before you decide, because this is literally a life-long commitment. I spent a couple months contemplating whether this was right for me before I started the process, so should anyone else who decides to delve into the process.