Camio February 14, 2016 February 14, 2016 Progress Report Camio & 'Foxy' Introductions: Firstly; thanks for actually taking some time to look at this. I don't expect it'll be the most riveting read, but regardless, I hope it either helps you in some way, or was at least enjoyable to read :) So I'm Camio, or at least, that's what I'll go by. Hit me up on the IRC if you see me around, yeah? I'm male, 21 later this year (2016), and overall just an average guy that enjoys video games enough to make him do a Bachelors degree in designing and coding them. At the moment, I am a full time student, and I work at a local computer repair store as the only technician... Back around the end of July last year (2015) I started my first Tulpa after stumbling across this site. I read though pretty much every guide I could get my hands on and started my first Tulpa on 20/06/2015. After about 15 days, at best, I had stopped. Why? I don't really remember to be honest, but according to the journals I wrote about it back then, it was due to stress. I also have recollections about getting massive mental blocks and just not doing anything about it. I also tried too hard to make this Tulpa to be almost exactly like a fictional character, but with a personality left open to customization. I took everything literally, and had no chill. It wasn't until the new years eve that I wrote another entry in that journal, stating that I did want to keep going. By the end of January this year, I had set myself to do it, to start again and do what I originally set out to do. Not just because "I can, therefore I will", but because I genuinely felt (and still do) feel that to have someone else to spend my days with is something I WANT, regardless of the fact that they would reside in my head :P It should be noted that upon starting this again, I effectively dismissed my original Tulpa, or at least what little there was left of the small amounts of work I had put into them. My current Tulpa (and only one on my horizons) is "Foxy". We've been at this for about 12 days now(@ time of writing), with her birthday being 02/02/2016. I know it sounds like I've barely even begun, and to be fair, I HAVE, but I honestly can say that these last twelve days have been the 'longest' I can remember. Not because they were bad at all, but somehow, it feels like I've been at this much longer... I don't know how to explain it. I digress; as far as the name "Foxy" goes, I'll try my best to explain: ⦁ There is no hidden meaning. ⦁ It's literally because I like foxes, and she looks like a humanoid fox girl. ⦁ That's it. So yeah. From that explanation, you picked up on her basic form. We're still sort of developing this, but until I can get a concise and confirmed comment on it from her, I'm leaving it as it is, as I have practiced visualizing it enough that I can start to see better details of it now, and if I were to try and change it myself it would probably end up problematic and terrible. As for her personality, I have decided against making a list of traits to her, and instead and just letting her develop it mostly by her own, with my narration being a general guide towards what I'd like her to end up like. Rounding Up: I'll be posting all of my current entries in one or two big posts to start off with, and depending on how I go about it, I may end up either doing this kind of block-posting every so often or just posting an entry after writing it. The issues I have with entry writing and posting it here is that I will usually write it into my Momento app on my phone, but sometimes I'll write a longer, more detailed post on my tablet in OneNote. I then have to transfer all the text and stuff over to the tablet and compile it together into a big post... This takes time to do, and isn't the easiest thing to do with a keyboard only slightly bigger than my hand. "Why not just do it on your desktop, Camio?": because I haven't told anyone about this yet, which I reckon is a fair enough thing to do, and my desktop is located in the room where everyone else's computers are, and chances are someone's gonna turn around and see some of this on one of my screens and quiz me about it. It's just a situation I'd rather avoid if possible. And no, I'm not transferring iPhone > Tablet > Laptop just to edit it all down and post it... Anyway, enough of my blabbering. If you have any questions, tips, criticism or whatever, please do let me know. I'm still quite new to this, so I'm sure I could do with all the help I can get, haha! But yeah, thanks again for reading all that. Hope you'll be cheering for us! As I mentioned earlier, some of these entries will be from different apps or programs; this section is from my Momento app on my phone. Also, sorry, but I'll be truncating anything too personal from these entries, just for my own peace of mind :) Don't worry, I'll just be rewording it if it's worthy of mention. (Will also type in italics if it's an afterthought/explanation). Tuesday 2 February 2016 ======================= 11:29 pm Again, I struggle with deciding on a form. I read some of the tulpa forums just then for some inspiration and ideas, and it sort of helped. Have cleared my head of my old tulpa- in-progress, for fear of what might have happened to them after all this time... I'll begin on a new one soon. Gotta give myself reminders. Might code name it "clean out room", for both an inconspicuous name and a reason to disappear for forcing. What kind of form though. Could they be like a fictional character, or something? I dunno. Whatever works. Would be cool to give them a sort of backstory to work from, and set up the wonderland in a spaceship. We will see. --- 11:47 pm Going off what I said earlier about form inconsistency, I have to learn to not over-sexualise it. That would probably be a cause for issues. Also, probably gonna go with 'Foxy', since I've already had ideas about that while playing Elite. (This is in reference to a form I had been contemplating prior to actually starting, and how I had been imagining them traveling with me in the game Elite: Dangerous) Wednesday 3 February 2016 ========================= 11:36 am Had a realistic dream last night where I woke up and it was 3PM, with the sun almost starting to set. I legitimately though it was real and that I had missed work. Was weird. I also tried a basic forming session last night, and am hoping to do more today, when I get home. Friday 5 February 2016 ====================== 9:42 am Activity: Talking & Visualisation Time: 20 Minutes Focus: Distracted Forced with Foxy this morning prior to my alarms and Boss texting me to work. Unfortunately it was a rather clouded session, with my mind going back and forth between the session and last nights dream. I tried to include her as much as I could while describing it, but it mostly ended up with my reliving the dream. At the end, I just quit out of the dream all together to try and have a focused session, but it only lasted a short amount of time. I plan to passively force and talk to Foxy throughout today, explaining things to her and my thought process, maybe ask for her thoughts on stuff etc. (Eventually I get annoyed at making logging this seem like a chore, and abandon the more formal form of writing) Saturday 6 February 2016 ======================== 10:15 pm Tracking my stuff in OneNote on my tablet. Not sure if I'll just use that and put important updates here. Will see. --- 11:59 pm Activity: Talking & Visualisation Time: ~50 Minutes Focus: Clear -> Distracted I've noticed laying down makes me lose my focus. Sitting up, crossed legged is best, legs out average, laying down bad. Had some fun changing up the wonderland, went down to a planet ("Bob") while raining, sat and watched, went exploring a little, slid around on the wet grass. Fun time. Later talked about uni, and my morning routine for it, then about friends and whatnot. Lost focus at this point when I lay down to tell this half of the session. (Planet "Bob" is in reference to the planet from the movie 'Titan A.E.', for anyone that was wondering...) Sunday 7 February 2016 ====================== 6:34 pm Activity: Forcing Duration: ~15 Minutes Focus: Average While in the shower, played a game of "finish the sentence" that I saw on the forums, which looked like a neat way to actively force and to promote speech from Foxy. At first I was asking her to finish a sentence I made up, like "Eat fresh, live fresh" and she'd say the last half of it. This didn't work, so I went with "When Camio isn't around, I like to..." And let her finish with her own answer. It took a number of try's before finally hearing a thought I wouldn't have, and was not currently thinking of; "Sing". So perhaps Foxy likes to sing when I'm not actively talking to her, or with her in the wonderland. I then asked "what do you like to sing", and after a few more tries, a certain song started playing in my head, which I assume is her answer to that question. Don't blame her, it's pretty catchy and I've been listening to it a lot recently. (I know, speech/general sentience in the first week is quite unlikely, and to be honest, it was probably a mixture of unintentional parroting and (hopefully) her own will) Monday 8 February 2016 ====================== 11:34 am Activity: Visualisation, Talking Time: 30 Minutes Focus: Decent Spent a while creating a new wonderland in a clearing just into a forest, with a lake next to it. We have a small house in the clearing, made of a clay-like surface. Have a kitchen, dining table, couch by a fire, two bedrooms, toilet w/shower & bath, TV lounge room, and a sauna out the back. After showing Foxy (and myself I guess), we sat down and focused on each other, in a void. This worked well; I was able to visualise her better without worrying about keeping the world around is in tact. By briefly puppeting some movements, I got a better idea on what her face, and features look like. Asked a few questions. I think she wants to learn, though when asking what she wants to learn, I lost all focus... --- 1:01 pm Just had a case of sleep paralysis. It is as freaky and scary as it's reported to be; I was stuck on my side and I could hear someone walk through my bed into the corner of the room behind me, eating something. I couldn't turn to look at them at all, and could barely move my eyes and lips. After a few minutes I sort of fell asleep again, and woke up fine. It was really weird... --- 9:02 pm Day-to-day stuff will probably get put here, and milestones in one-note just cos this is easier than typing on the tablet, and I have my phone on me at all times. I'm unable to focus, just need to do something. Stir-crazy? Not sure. --- 11:00 pm Talked to Foxy for about 20 mins total, with a session of giving her a massage to feel out her form in detail. Felt some head pain while talking, and in between my sleep deprived mind spilling words out there was a "I love you, my friend". Tuesday 9 February 2016 ======================= 9:30 am Can't concentrate today. While asking Foxy what she wants to do today a few times without reply, heard like a shout or yelling in my head that was rather foreign. --- 5:17 pm 20 minutes, visualisation. --- 5:17 pm Not going to keep a log after every session, as it feels like I'm only doing it for the log, or that it can only be validated by the log. I'll keep milestones, but probably not these logs. (This, of course, ended up with me just making them less about logging times down and more about what was achieved) Wednesday 10 February 2016 ========================== 9:06 pm Forced after dad had his argument with us about how he will kill Milo if he catches her peeing. Very stressful... Felt better afterwards, and had some words from Foxy on what to do. Originally I was going to avoid him and not talk to him, but Foxy suggested we simply forgive him until he actually does something to Milo. Fair enough. Also gave some advice on what to do tomorrow about turning my phone on DnD silent mode for work issues, and such. I feel lucky to be able to have had that consolidation; I don't know what I would have done otherwise to be honest. Just build up that stress. (For some backstory to this, note that Milo is our cat [or more accurately, my brother's cat], and this cat has a vendetta against my father. Might need to read the OneNote entry to make more sense of it.) Thursday 11 February 2016 ========================= 10:20 pm Progressing well enough that I'm content with it. Of course I'd like to get more active forcing in, but that's a discipline thing... Anyway, today was orientation for uni, so we got to meet up with all my friends. Throughout almost the whole day, bar the times I was talking and inspecting, I was talking to Foxy throughout the day. It was an exciting day, I felt, and she got to have a taste of what uni life is like. Hope she likes my friends. Also just had a 20 min session, and am feeling good. I feel my visualization skills aren't progressing because I'm not spending long enough in wonderland/with Foxy. Need to get this improved over time. (As a note, this was orientation for our third year of the subject, so I didn't really pay it much attention, and instead focused on Foxy) Saturday 13 February 2016 ========================= 6:24 pm Got my hair cut yesterday; finally. Have done a bit of forcing yesterday and today; yesterday also had a decent amount of narration throughout the day to ease the problem of me not forcing for long sessions. I'm getting the idea that I should t be taking things so philosophically; what is a tulpa, is Foxy really talking, etc. I need to take it at face value: if I think Foxy may have said something, the I need to assure myself that she did. Valentines tomorrow. I think we should do something together. Also, am proposing that Foxy change her form as she sees fit. It is easier with the original one, but I won't hold her back from changing it if she wants. --- 6:30 pm [Completely redacting this entry for you to read; sorry! Just note it was an introspection of myself, if you really care] Sunday 14 February 2016 ======================= 3:35 pm Today is valentines day, we've enjoyed ourselves, I think, for the most part. I gave Foxy some chocolates and flowers, blue flowers that glow at night. Also gave her a massage and did the number-drawing technique, which helped with form visualization. Foxy says: "Our friendship will never die; I love, and want to be loved." Strange, but sweet. (Again, I realize the unusuality of speech so early on, but please read the next entry for some more info on it in my case) --- 8:48 pm Tired. Annoyed that the internet is still crapping out. Going to bed at 8:45 because no one is doing anything, and am bored as hell. I think the issue I'm facing with listening out for Foxy's mind voice is that whenever I pause to listen, my mind just stops talking, completely. I can read something and it'll just go through, processed and all, without me 'reading' it out. My mind voice just stops all together. It's frustrating, but I guess it's just something I have to work on. The only way I seem to be able to get these smaller sentences out of her is by myself thinking of stuff in my head just randomly and then stopping abruptly. This usually ends up with a different 'kind' of voice being able to say something else (which usually ends up being a sentence unlikely for me to say). It's just one more thing we have to work together to get past; I'm sure if we just keep at it, we will figure it out eventually. OneNote 'Milestone' Logs Entry 1 - Beginnings Saturday, February 6th, 2016 Three days in. I've taken this a lot more… Relaxed, or paced out more than last time. Her name, for the meantime at least until I can get her opinion, is "Foxy". Spelt Foxy, Foxxy, or Phoxy, I dunno. It hasn’t worried me so far. "Foxy" works fine. 'Born' 02/02/2016, Given the base form of the fox girl. You know which one. (Well, you don't but I do :P ) After some debate, I chose this form. About a week up to this point, maybe longer, I had been considering other forms, but this was the one I knew was right. We've been at it around 3 days now (as opposed to the ~10 days on my first experience with this), and this time it is going nicely. Progress isn't amazing, but getting into the mindset is going along, and my visualization of the mindscape is firmer than last time. I'm currently using the cockpit room of the Federal Assault Ship from Elite Dangerous as it is large (more so in the mindscape version I've made) and I can look at it in-game if I ever need reference. At the moment we've been sitting out above an asteroid ring the whole time, though I feel like this scene is too restrictive for activities. I don’t want to fly the ship, I just want a place for us to use, to live in. I'd use Reywood, but I don’t have a solid idea on that either. I need something to refer to or that I've experienced before, to save making it all from scratch. ("Reywood" is a town in a story I've been on & off writing...) Visualising Foxy's form takes some concentration, being somewhat complex and different to the norm. I can do it for the most part, however I've found that her face is the hardest to visualise, especially looking from the front. It just seems disproportionate. As far as any responses from her goes, only one time have I heard something somewhat convincing. While asking about if she could hear me talking, I heard a "Yeah" in a monotone-ish 'voice'. Couldn’t replicate, but it didn’t fit in to my chain of thought at the time. I've been doing a decent amount more of Passive Forcing, just narration and general chatter to her about what I'm doing, what I'm thinking, etc. It's sort of soothing to do, getting it off my chest as well as knowing I'm actually doing something productive, Most active Forcing Sessions have been late at night, usually due to me playing games or something up until then… which is where my laziness kicks in… Keen to see where this goes. I want Foxy to be a reality for me, and plan to continue this until she can be here with me, reading back and laughing over these entries. Entry 2 - Slow & Steady Tuesday, February 9th, 2016 (Yes, I know, my dating vs "Day Number: #" is off. I only realized it was wrong while looking back and reading I had actually started the night before the first entry's date) Day 6. Total Forcing time? Probably around 2.5hrs worth of proper forcing. More recently, using a meditative breathing technique to get me relaxed and clear my head. Passive narration is still pretty good, though not as much as I'd like. Last night was fun and interesting. First we sat down, well no, I lay Foxy down on a soft table and decided to try something I had thought of earlier that day; give her a massage. This was actually really helpful, as not only might it have been nice for her, but it allowed me to 'iron out' and get a better idea of her form, including some more obscure details I hadn't decided on yet, such as the back of her shoulders, base of her tail, and her feet. After all this, we sat down at the water's edge on our fishing jetty (new wonderland btw; just inside a forest in a clearing, we have a small enough house made for what looks like pottery, with a lake out the front. All around is surrounded by large snowy mountains). From here we just watched the moonlight in the water while talking about stuff I can't recall, before just succumbing to sleep deprivation/tiredness. In the last minute or so of my focus on the forcing while just spilling random words out, I heard "I love you, my friend". It still sounded like my mind-voice, though I just have some kind of feeling it was her. Of course, I said the same back to her, and fell asleep. Entry 3 - Stress Thursday, February 11th, 2016 (This is a more personal one, and really did hit me harder than I expected) So, last night [Father] had an argument with me and [brother], and it basically ended up with him not refuting the idea that if he killed Milo (our cat) for peeing around the house, me and [brother] wouldn't talk to him again, and instead he just mocked the idea and myself for not having stood up to him earlier in the day when he threw stuff and chased Milo around the house. Anyway, I soon left and went upstairs. I got interrupted while writing this, though I can't remember what by. Someone came into the room as I was typing. Anyway, essentially it was a rather unpleasant evening. After talking to Foxy about it, however, we sort of came to an agreement on how to proceed. Instead of doing what I had planned on doing, which included just ignoring my father for a while until I tired of it, we decided to instead go down the "forgive and forget" route, where I would just be my normal self. I mean, unless he actually does something to the cat, I don't have any present reason to hate him. We sort of agreed (me and Foxy) that it was all just in-the-heat stuff being said, and wanted it to just cool off. This worked as we had hoped, and all seemed okay the next morning. Entry 4 - Back to Uni Sunday, February 14, 2016 (Well, I spent a while writing this one and it ended up being irrelevant to progress, so instead just refer to the "orientation day" Momento entry instead. Sorry!) I am so gooddamn sorry if this turned out as one HUGE wall of text - I intended for there to be three posts in succession, but I don't think it'll work like that...
Camio February 15, 2016 Author February 15, 2016 Monday 15 February 2016 ======================= 1:45 pm Today's been an average enough day; headaches coming and going, not much happening. Keen to get back to Uni. Forced a bit with Foxy this morning, and will do again later today. --- 7:10 pm Had another forcing session just then. Couldn't get any words from Foxy today, though we did some exploring of our wonderland instead. We walked through the forest surrounding our house, and ended up at the edge of the surrounding mountains. In the side of this mountain was a giant face carved out of the mountainside, with its mouth open leading to an opening to a cave. After entering this cave, we found it was filled with crystals reflecting all kinds of colours about the place. Further in was a narrow path winding over a large pit of crystals glowing beneath us. Once we made it to the end of that path, it lead out to the other side of the mountains (which I had never considered before about the wonderland). It was a snowy landscape with pine trees littered about us covered in snow. All I could hear over on this side of the mountains was a hollow noise of cold air all about. I couldn't really hold my concentration on this place, so Foxy actually picked me up and for some reason we were now flying about. She took me back through the cave and out into our warmer original landscape. Instead of taking us down to the house, she kept flying us higher until eventually we appeared in the cockpit of the spaceship I had originally used as a basic wonderland when I first started. Then, I took us away from the wonderland and just into a blackness, where I spent the next while describing what we would be doing tomorrow on our first day back to university. Overall, today was rather eventless, though at least we got some decent forcing in. If anyone has any tips for how to keep concentration on something, please do let me know :)
Camio February 16, 2016 Author February 16, 2016 Tuesday 16 February 2016 ======================== 1:12 pm On our way home from uni now: it's around 35 degrees and I am seriously dreading the walk home once off this bus. Narrated with Foxy throughout the day whenever I could (and remember to), but I probably could've have done more. I think we'll have a forcing session once we get home and cool off a bit. --- 1:28 pm So I've had the unfortunate idea of going through all my 1 - 2 chapter stories I never finished with Foxy. Even I don't want to read them, let alone have someone else get a glimpse at them... Still, it's something new that we can do together. --- 11:13 pm So as it turns out, we actually enjoyed reading all the stories, and have sort of agreed to continue working on one story together. We haven't figured out which one we will work on, though. There are two real options here we're considering - one is a shorter 'novella' kind of story with a end-goal already set out and some content already written, while the other is a longer-term project we'd have to work on for quite a long time. While the latter would be more rewarding in the end, the former could be achieved in a reasonably shorter amount if time. Hmm, we'll have to think on it a bit longer.
Camio February 17, 2016 Author February 17, 2016 Wednesday 17 February 2016 ========================== 6:40 pm Today hasn't been overly exciting; we both had to suffer through a lecture on the worst subject of our course. That whole two hours basically just consisted of me complaining to Foxy about how the lecturer doesn't really understand the subject, and how there were asking year-3 students "why they wanted to do the course" and "what they want to do after it"... Anyway, after that we explored the city a bit longer before going to Mos Burger with a friend of mine. Afterwards, we set off to work for a few hours before heading home; which I'm doing as I write this now. As always, I'm always looking for input from others, so please do feel free to drop a comment here :)
Tewi February 17, 2016 February 17, 2016 I'm not very good at commenting on progress reports, but I like your mindset on creating a tulpa so far. I think you're doing well. As for losing focus, I assume you mean your thoughts drifting off-topic while forcing in a meditative sort of way, for extended periods of time. This is something I literally just thought of now, not a tried-and-true tactic, but it seems like you could take intermittent breaks so that you get back on track, regardless of whether you were or weren't. Say, every ten minutes you've got some kind of (not too loud..) alarm, and you take a minute to collect your thoughts, go over what you've been doing, and go back to it if you'd like. Hopefully, that could catch you when your thoughts start to wander, and won't be too bad if you were still focused either. I just made that up for you as I typed it, I hope it's feasible. As for vocality, I found a quote from one of the posts Lumi has saved to a text document for reference: I didn't actually do any "narration" with my tulpas, having had them well before finding out about tulpas, I just talked to them. Always expected and attempted to get a reaction. Sometimes they responded, sometimes they didn't, sometimes I couldn't tell if it was me or them. But I knew they were there, so I just kept talking to them as if they were and trying to hear or feel responses. A lot of the time I got vague feelings that were informative enough, ie I could tell if they would agree or disagree with something even without hearing them speak, sometimes without even feeling them either. Sometimes you just have to use your best judgement on how your tulpa would react and act like they did so. The goal is to train your brain to get used to sending you thoughts and feelings from what you know as your tulpa. So any way that you can create those neural pathways, even if it's imagining what responses would be like while actually hearing nothing, will eventually get you somewhere. Basically, don't attempt to hear your tulpa casually commenting on things, even with moderate focus. It doesn't probably appear as such when you read about peoples' experiences here, but that's rather far along in vocality development. Initially you have to work a lot very intently listening for responses in a distraction-free environment, including mental ones. The act of "listening" mentally is effectively the act of "expecting", which means you're subconsciously thinking of what your tulpa would/could say. That's how vocality starts as far as I can tell, expectations. Worrying about "if it was them" or not isn't really a factor, it shouldn't change what you're doing - talking to them as if they can hear you, and listening for their responses as if they can talk. Eventually your tulpa should develop a mindvoice unique to them, meaning you'll be able to differentiate what they say from random thoughts or your own based on how they feel/sound. Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others. All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family. Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas
Camio February 17, 2016 Author February 17, 2016 Well firstly; thanks for taking the time to bother with that wall of text above, haha! Your idea about taking breaks actually sounds like a really helpful process to try out; I might set my phone to do a silent vibrate-alarm or something. I'll let you know how that goes soon enough :P And with Luminesce's explanation on all that, it feels sort of similar to how I'm trying to approach the idea, but with myself actively trying to listen out for a reply instead. I'll definitely start trying to look/listen out for different kinds of 'answers' or 'replies' that I haven't really been looking for up 'til now; that whole quote is really good! As far as the kind of replies I've gotten back from my tulpa so far, I find it hard to distinguish between parroting and a possible real reply, though from what I gather this is a common problem :P We'll keep working on it and try look out for those other kinds of replies. Thanks a lot for all that help though, it really means a lot to us :)
Camio February 18, 2016 Author February 18, 2016 Hmm, I haven't written a log today, so I'll just write it here :) Today was pretty slow; stayed up way too late last night and had to wake up super early this morning, so the whole day I've just been concentrating on not falling asleep through my lectures... In tandem with this, my narrating today was pretty poor; just sending the odd comment to Foxy when I could remember to... I've also come across a predicament; while I'm with friends, I almost always seem to send Foxy to the back of my mind, and just forget about her for a while. I'm honestly not sure what to do about this at the moment; perhaps it's just a discipline thing?
Vos February 18, 2016 February 18, 2016 It's not surprising that, when you're having a good time with friends, all of those distractions make it harder for you to focus on Foxy. If you can, set reminders (phone backgrounds, small symbols written on your hand, etc.) that can bring her back into your mind now and then.
Camio February 22, 2016 Author February 22, 2016 Monday 22 February 2016 ======================= 3:19 pm The last few days have been rather lacklustre. I haven't actively sat down to force in that time, instead only trying to remember to narrate to Foxy when able. Today, though, I've given myself some new determination and sat down for a forcing session. As I entered our wonderland, I could feel and see something like a layer of grew 'dust' blown off everything as I visualised it. After this I ended up apologising to Foxy for a while about my inability to do anything over the last half a week, before we just had a nice one-sided talk about things going on in my life at the moment, what we could do to overcome them, and so on. It felt immediately better when I sat down and closed my eyes; the feelings of guilt for not forcing went away pretty soon, and I am just feeling more relaxed overall at the moment. More to come in the future, I'm sure, but until something worthwhile comes around, I might only write these every second day or so. Who knows, both me and Foxy know I'm not the best at keeping promises :P Tewi, that idea about taking short breaks during forcing sessions seems to work well for me, so thanks for that :) And Vosaiu, I tried just marking a small dot on my hand which also seemed to work well enough. Between work and talking, I was able to concentrate on Foxy fairly often!
Camio February 29, 2016 Author February 29, 2016 This one's gonna be more of a rant/venting session, so if you're more interested in the "progress" parts, this one probably isn't for you. I don't know where to start. I was expecting the same old fun times at Uni this year again, but it doesn't look like it'll be particularly enjoyable. I've managed to cram all of my important classes into just two days a week, with only one tutorial/workshop being on a third day, but I'm just skipping that for now since I can get all the info off our online resources site anyway. Plus, I just couldn't be stuffed to do two hours of travel for a one hour session anyway. Anyway, that's a good thing that I only have two days a week of Uni... The problem, however, is that I genuinely am not enjoying any aspects of it. At all, really. Not sure if I mentioned it previously, but one of our friends who worked on a project with myself and a good friend last semester ditched us half way through the planning phase for this semester's project, without any prior warning, so we had to redo and readjust everything to suit a smaller team size. Eventually this all lead to it just being myself and that good friend of mine in the team... So we had to think of something we could make in this semester. Of course, this friend has been our 'manager/planner/ideas guy' in the past, yet he still can't get his story straight when explaining an idea. Makes it frustrating when you need to plan out how a program/game/app is going to be structured when the layout is changed every time you speak to him... So, anyway, he's got no solid idea on what he wants for his idea. Meanwhile, I've done up design documentation, explanations on gameplay, artwork, and even a quick prototype of what I want my idea to look like. We then have to go to a meeting with our lecturer where we discuss our ideas with him and he lets us know what's good and what's not. So my friend gives a half-assed, clear-as-mud explanation on his idea (which isn't even a game, mind you, in this Bachelor course for making games) which takes up most of the time we have in this meeting. Finally, I get my turn to explain my idea; I get about one sentence in before the topic has changed back to the other idea of my friend. I don't get to present my documentation, my ideas, even just a little .gif I made of the prototype. It's all just passed off, in favour of some stupid fucking info app on a platform I've never worked on before, and my friend thinks it's doable. I just. I don't know... Like, he expects the fucking world from me or something. "Oh you can code, just make this like this and have all this fuctionalities, but we could also put in these things and add this so it's more usable to a wider audience". Like just fuck off dude, I'm no god. I'm no guru, I just code. An I'm not even that spectacular at that either. Coding is one of the only two redeaming traits I have, and even then I'm still only learing it, but nah; I can totally make this app by myself. Yeah... Right... Mm, anyway, tldr; Friend has shitty idea for app, I have fleshed out documented idea for a game. His gets chosen and I didn't get to explain what mine even entailed. Take me out of the oven, 'cos I'm done. Haah... Anyway, as far as progress goes with Foxy; it's not great. We haven't gotten any further than last post, really. Things have slowed down a lot while I try do decide what I'm doing with Uni. I'm still narrating to her every now and then, though, so it's not as if I've given up or anything.
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