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Ephemeral and Cecilia, ocasional report


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Hey people! This will be my probably sporadic progress report. I'm saying that because I'll probably only post when something relevant happens, just, well, to tell about how things are going.

     

      Well, I presented myself in the site some time ago, I think march or april, and then I've been, humm, "lurking around", I think that's the word, for some time. I have read things that were posted, and also read a lot in the subject, but wasn't writing because I was busy that time, things inside and outside the school, but now I have some time to post. Let me present myself again.

       

        I go by Ephemeral, the host, or just Ephe, and tulpa is Alice. Or Cecilia. Or Clarice. I actually don't care, I use any. I mean, some time ago these two other names came in my mind, and I call Alice by one of them sometimes, unintentionally. I really don't know why, but I like them, so I think it's ok. Since Alice isn't totally vocal yet, I'm not sure if it was her that said them to me, but what I feel is that she doesn't know either. EDIT: now is Cecilia :) .

       

        Well, actually I don't have nothing to say about me, besides me being really interested in lucid dreaming too. Actually it was how I knew the idea of tulpa the first time, but not with this name. In the forum of ld4all.com, there was a thread about CALD, that means Character Assisted Lucid Dream. Basically, it's the idea of creating a character to help one to lucid dream, usually making the character to appear in the dream. Althought, the person who gave the idea had a character that talked to her, so I think the user had tulpas and didn't knew/ didn't want to use the word. For some time I wanted to do a character, but I forgot it because I didn't know they could really get sentient at that time. Then sometime ago I found this site.

 

       (Actually, it's fun how I found it, there is an app called "habitica", a kind of habit RPG, and there was a guild called Tulpamancers, and reading the description I noticed it was something similar to CALD, and then I came here. Well, I'm glad I have seen the concept earlier, because if not I could have not understood tulpamancy and then never started doing it).

 

       I will eventually return lucid dreaming with Alice, but my priority now is her.

 

       About Alice, she is around my age, about my height, uses a green dress, has brown hair and blue eyes. I would post an image but I will discover how to do it later. About personality, I haven't really forced it, I just talked to her about some traits some people have. I also talked a lot to her about myself and her, my life, things that are important to us, etc, which are the things we most talk about.

     

      To me and Alice, we don't have an schedule for forcing. When I have a free time in a quiet place, usually before going to sleep, we usually talk, listen to music, read or train something like vocalization and possesion( btw, we haven't done it yet, but I had some weird sensations, like feeling that I couldn't lift the arm, and something like I was getting a eletrical discharge). During the day we also talk when I'm not concentrated in something.

       

       The wonderland I created is being used for nothing now, we don't really need to use it. When we do something together, I try to impose her in the surroundings. I'm not sure where does she stays when we aren't together, but I assume that, as some other people with no wonderland reported, she just exists in the space of mind, without really needing some place to stay. Then we talk pretty any time of the day.

       

       We communicate a little by head pressures, I'm not good feeling them, just sometimes, some with words, when I'm directing them to her, but mainly by what people may call "tulpish", althought I think it can be different things to different people. To me, this means mainly "feelings" of what the other wants to mean or scenes representing it. I think that living in the same head make expressing concepts easier this way. But we are working in vocality now.

 

       We have interest in trying possesion and other experiences eventually. Althought, I don't really know if other member will enter in our system, maybe someday, but I have not plans of it. So that's it what I have to tell for now :) .

Cecilia is the only tulpa, is about my age (in form), changes it once in a while and just enjoys to see the circus catch fire :P

I go by Ephemeral because it's a nice word, but maybe just Ephe is shorter. A guy who likes doing math and programming and dreaming.

"You're not a drop in the ocean, but the entire ocean in a drop"--Rumi

PR

 

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Hey people! Just wanted to say something that happened with us, it was quite a shock to me (Cecilia badass!). Also things are ok here, nothing to say.

 

Yesterday, we were listening to music while reading something in the forum. Actually I was reading about things that happened to a member. For a moment I thought "wow this guy is so cool, what a story...". Yeah, I confess, I felt something like (what internet said me is correct) "innocent envy", imagining how cool would be... To be poetic, maybe a nostalgia of something that never happened. And the semi-tulpish hits me: "so start writing your own then, you lazy".

 

Ouch.

 

Right in the pancreas.

 

But yeah, she is right. Instead of just stay here sighing I gotta do my things. But well ok, I can't wait about what is gonna happen!!

Cecilia is the only tulpa, is about my age (in form), changes it once in a while and just enjoys to see the circus catch fire :P

I go by Ephemeral because it's a nice word, but maybe just Ephe is shorter. A guy who likes doing math and programming and dreaming.

"You're not a drop in the ocean, but the entire ocean in a drop"--Rumi

PR

 

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Just giving an update:

 

These days there were some discussions (not in a bad sense) between us two, but everything is right now. There were a lot of things, but the only I can say is that Cecilia is officialy, Cecilia :).

 

We also had an (I think it's incredible) idea some days ago. I talk very often to Cecilia and some times I had problem with concentration and intrusive and fast thoughts, mainly with noise around and at school. The same at night, when I'm attempt to lucid dream and I simply sleep randomly. Well, we solved these problems (partially but helped a lot) writing the things I think while doing it. I'll not enter in details, because I think it's something that might help other people, but for now I'll see if I can use it for other things too, improving the idea in some way, etc. and then talk about it more deeply.

Cecilia is the only tulpa, is about my age (in form), changes it once in a while and just enjoys to see the circus catch fire :P

I go by Ephemeral because it's a nice word, but maybe just Ephe is shorter. A guy who likes doing math and programming and dreaming.

"You're not a drop in the ocean, but the entire ocean in a drop"--Rumi

PR

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

MASSIVE UPDATE!!! Yay!!

 

Hey people! Long time without update. Some things happened and just could post now.

 

Well, we haven't done much progress in the sense of vocalizing, possesing, etc. The situation is like this right now: We are talking a lot during the day, some moments when I'm not concentrating in anything, or when I'm doing something I like, listening to music, etc. Our conversation is always a mix of words and tulpish, we are comfortable with this. I can distinguish Cecilia's thoughts better now, althought sometimes is still hard... But I think this should be normal, things will get better :) .

 

In terms of possessing, it's one thing I plan to do in my period out of the school (that where I live is in july). I also want to come back to lucid dreaming SERIOUSLY and get my habit back. Argh, really, this dry spell has already prolongued too much. Ah, I really want to to be able to dream with Cecilia... It's exhilariating just to think in it :).

 

And we kind of solved (at least for now) some existencial crisis that we were struggling with. I'll not enter in details now, because I'm not sure if I can explain that, I may try in a future post...? Maybe. But we are ok right now, that post "how does you tulpa's color affects its personality" made me understand things.

 

Also: Next two weeks I won't be able to come here much. Maybe I'll enter sometime and read things but probably won't be able to post anything. So yeah see you!

Cecilia is the only tulpa, is about my age (in form), changes it once in a while and just enjoys to see the circus catch fire :P

I go by Ephemeral because it's a nice word, but maybe just Ephe is shorter. A guy who likes doing math and programming and dreaming.

"You're not a drop in the ocean, but the entire ocean in a drop"--Rumi

PR

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hey people! I'm back. Now I'm out of school for a month and will be able to come here. Some things happened between us and I'll try to explain it because, well, sometimes is a little dismotivating keeping things only to us, since nobody in my life knows what I do (and I think it will be this way for a long time). We talked about this, at least we have each another and this site :).

 

First: we have a wonderland now. Yay. Not great thing at all, there is not much thing there. There is a dense florest in the circunfererence (then if I want to put something after it someday I can), and in the central area a grassland with a lake and her house. Kinda generic, but we basically only use it for symbolism when necessary, and a place to she live instead of that nothingness in the mindspace that some people describe. Like, if I'm not feeling her at all I can look for her there.

 

Actually, I don't use it a lot because I pretty SUCK in it. Getting stuck in loops and visualizing bad, these kind of things. Well, things will get better, I think.

 

And identities crisis are kind of solved for now :) (not the one from the last reply, that was kind of a beta of it). Let me try to explain the logic: There are so many ways to live life, if you see. Or in better words (or not), "personalities" (since I don't study psycology I can be using this word not in the right way but you got it), or what makes a person (host or tulpa) be its person. But here is the problem, choosing one is the same as not choosing all others (not exactly since there is intersection, but still). And I don't want that because, if this makes sense, everything should be experimented and experienced, kind of an idea that makes sense to me nowadays. So what's the solution? Don't force myself and Cecilia in this kind of model (where what makes you be you should be well defined) at all, and be fairly open to what ideas come to us. I hope this rambling thing makes sense to you.

(it remembered me now of the Melian's thread in expressing her experiences. Yeah, it was hard to write this wall text for me, althought I think it isn't so crappy, maybe is understandable. I sympatize with the problem, these things matter to me too.)

 

For example, some time ago Cecilia took a form that looks like Sakuya from Touhou, in a grayish aura. The reasons were kind of relationed to the concepts of the character in the game but I'll not explain exactly.

 

Cecilia helped me to construct this logic some time ago, it looks like that she agree with this. And then some days ago, happened a weird thing that I'm still trying to make sense but is relationed to these things. For a moment I thought that it could be me who was imagining it, since I have power in what happen in my wonderland, but my lack of control and understanding, the symbolism and the entire event conviced me that in fact it happened independent of me.

 

I woke up in the morning, and recalled some dreamlets (btw, my lucid dreaming is still terrible). Some time after, I tried to go to the wonderland and talk to her, but her presence was... weird. Like mixed with all the place. And in the bed, there is some weird I-don't-know-WTF-is-that residues of some glowy thing (it's impossible to be more precise that that). I called her, but there is a sense of her in the glowy thing and in the kind of demon girl that was in the bed? things happened fast, and then she was imposed in the bedroom (more competently that I normally can), and she simply went away after. For all the day I could kind of "feel" Cecilia in the wonderland and in the glowy thing, and then tried to use generic symbolism to bring her back, like energy in light form. After some time she got well, but came in a different form that I don't have a reference image now. My visualization is bad without an image to help, the only thing I know is she is now in a kind of white aura, and is quite zen right now :).

 

What we understood of this is that some trait of her has gone away, we don't actually know if it'll come back or whatever. Uphff, that's it for now (took a lot of time to write this).

Cecilia is the only tulpa, is about my age (in form), changes it once in a while and just enjoys to see the circus catch fire :P

I go by Ephemeral because it's a nice word, but maybe just Ephe is shorter. A guy who likes doing math and programming and dreaming.

"You're not a drop in the ocean, but the entire ocean in a drop"--Rumi

PR

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hey people! Just wanted to say, hum, I'm not dead? Life was just busy for a while, although I still had time to read a little about what was happening. But writing this or something else takes more time I would like to admit :P so it's hard to do it when life is busy.

 

Hum, I don't have anything to say, I think? thought things ARE happening, but I'll borrow what Tewi said sometime ago if you don't mind :) : what we think, the mindset, is in costant progress and yeah, basically we are "working on it" in most things; if I write anything now probably 2 months after it may be be something different; So don't gonna talk much about these things, that are what most happen with us because we don't wonderland, just do things together and talk and think.

 

In another note, I remembered of Cecilia in a dream! Thought she was not there. I was in a kind of auditorium, and sudden all the floor of the place simply fell, the falling during some seconds. I could see various other floors passing while I fell, but vision was almost nothing. During these seconds 3 (not lucid) thoughts appeared: "Oh no, this again no", not sure why, "why this heck is taking so long" :P and then I had the spontaneous thought in saying bye (well an euphemism) to Cecilia, like "Yeah that's it I think, so bye!". 

This got me a little sad when wake up... but that's it.

Cecilia is the only tulpa, is about my age (in form), changes it once in a while and just enjoys to see the circus catch fire :P

I go by Ephemeral because it's a nice word, but maybe just Ephe is shorter. A guy who likes doing math and programming and dreaming.

"You're not a drop in the ocean, but the entire ocean in a drop"--Rumi

PR

 

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Ah, I think I've dreamt of Seren only once or twice. I'm not even sure it was actually her though; you know, dreams can lead to confusion.

 

Anyway, even if you only remembered Cecilia for a second, it's still a good thing! Hopefully she'll appear in your dreams again!

Also, you're trying to induce lucid dreaming, right? I hope you make it; I know some people can force while dreaming... I guess that when one has a hard time with visualization, seeing one's tulpa in a dream becomes really attractive. I personally gave lucid dreaming a shot several months ago but only had like one lucid dream really. However, I dropped it when I went on vacation and haven't tried to induce one after that; I might start trying again some day though.

 

Keep it up!

Currently working on Seren, so that she gets to shut me up frequently.

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Ah, I think I've dreamt of Seren only once or
twice. I'm not even sure it was actually her though; you know, dreams can lead to confusion. 

Hum, I understand. Maybe it was a dream character image of her, if it didn't "felt" like it was her. Well just you can say it.

 

Anyway, even if you only remembered Cecilia for a second, it's still a good thing! Hopefully she'll appear in your dreams again!
Also, you're trying to induce lucid dreaming, right? I hope you make it; I know some people can force while dreaming... I guess that when one has a hard 

time with visualization, seeing one's tulpa in a dream becomes really attractive. I personally gave lucid dreaming a shot several months ago but only had like one lucid dream really. However, I dropped it when I went on vacation and haven't tried to induce one after that; I might start trying again some day though. 

Yeah I think remembering of her in a dream is good for now :)(hum, although I think the truth is that I never actively intented to dream with her, what normally is called incubation... hum... hum... I think it worths a try, although never tried to incubate anything).

 

As you said, the thing about visualization is really attractive yes, it's like a super-duper-competent imposition that you don't even need to worry to create! Yeah, more with the nice things you can do together. 

I'm not in a very much different situation of yours, I had something like 4 or 5 lucid dreams between the lasts december and january and then couldn't do anything since then. But now I have an attack plan! well yes, I think you should ocasionally give it a try again but that's up to you.

 

Keep it up! 

I will! :P The same to you.

Cecilia is the only tulpa, is about my age (in form), changes it once in a while and just enjoys to see the circus catch fire :P

I go by Ephemeral because it's a nice word, but maybe just Ephe is shorter. A guy who likes doing math and programming and dreaming.

"You're not a drop in the ocean, but the entire ocean in a drop"--Rumi

PR

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well, just passing by to say what is happening, I think.

 

We started trying possesion some time ago. Something between 1 and 2 months. So, I don't have really problems with dissociating from body, it's ok this part. More difficult now is she learn how to control the body. We had sporadic sections between these days, and she is currently able to move the arms in a not-much-but-still-significant twitched way, and without much "accuracy", like moving fingers to do something. Also it's kind of "weak" still, she cannot make any strong force. We attempted to move the leg once, but, yeah, gravity won  xD . I'm sure things will get better with practice, althought I'll not have much time to do it nowadays since I have a roommate (yeah, this complicate some things).

 

Well, I noticed that there is no reference image of Cecilia in this thread, this mainly because (I has already said this somewhere) she changes her form constantly. This form I have how to describe because it's of an character, Sagume kishin from touhou. It's actually funny how it turned this. The important is, she has FUCKING AWESOME WINGS right now. The heck, wings are just incredible, everybody should have one  xD . No kidding.

Cecilia is the only tulpa, is about my age (in form), changes it once in a while and just enjoys to see the circus catch fire :P

I go by Ephemeral because it's a nice word, but maybe just Ephe is shorter. A guy who likes doing math and programming and dreaming.

"You're not a drop in the ocean, but the entire ocean in a drop"--Rumi

PR

 

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