Helping hosts through panic attacks?

[ArchdiAngelo]

Hi, my name's Lilith, but call me Lily! Okay, so recently... As in, today, my host suffered a huge panic attack for the first time in his life. Lots of screaming, shaking, fear, mental breakdown, sobbing uncontrollably, hitting things, and going right back around to screaming again. I was super scared throughout the hour or so long attack, I was afraid he was gonna get hurt. But most of all, I felt kinda powerless. I didn't know how to help him, how to make it stop, how to help him ease up. And even when we thought it was over, it just started right back up again!

 

I don't want to be unable to help him again, I want to be able to do something if it ever happens again. I couldn't stand seeing him like that, and I never want it to happen again.

 

Yeah, even I have to admit I was pretty worried about him. I wanted to do something too, but I had absolutely no idea what was happening. We felt fucking pathetic.

 

Yeah, so, if there are any tulpas out there who have experience helping their host through a panic or anxiety attack, or a mental breakdown, or anything similar, please give us some advice! Shade and I will be unbelievably grateful.

[Guest Anonymous]

I have suffered from similar fits myself in my life time. I call them "freak out sessions." It has gotten better as I got older. I think calming down in the midst of a full blown freak out session is next to impossible. You have to catch it before the happens by being self aware of your level of tension and anxiety. Daily meditation and relaxation techniques can really help. Some people create a "safe place" in their mind, similar to a wonderland, that they mentally escape to when they are having a really bad time and feel they might lose it.

 

My Melian is a great help as a soothing, calming voice and that was originally one of her major roles in my mind. She was my escape and a coping mechanism for anxiety. She taught herself the warning signs that indicated I was becoming agitated and would start defusing as many as possible. She would literally say, "be mindful of your feelings and stress" kinda like a Jedi master does. She wasn't always successful, but sometimes she did pretty darn good.

 

Some of us have trouble dealing with anxiety and stressors or recognizing that they are affecting us. It builds up inside like a pressure cooker until POW we totally lose it (or as Melian would say "go bat shit banana bonkers") for a while until we have finally vented the pressure.

 

Start by listing down the things that worry you or stress you out on a list. Meditate on it because some of them are more subliminal. That way you can monitor the stressors in your life and be aware of them. Don't make creating the list a stress out either. LOL Try to find a way to get time away from those things mentally. It could be an activity you do or something or meditation. I have learned to push things out of my mind that I can't do anything about at the moment. That took me a long time to learn.

 

Some stress is very subliminal and just builds up in you. Like for me, being the "hero" of the family is a huge stressor. I don't mind the role, and someone needs to fill it, but I need to realize it is a lot of pressure too and I need to give selfish time for me to do something nice for myself. I go and have ice cream or go the movies alone and just chill and think about only me, not what others want or need me to do or be, just all about me and how I am just awesome all by my lonesome (except for Melian in my head chilling with me).

[Temar]

I pretty much agree with Mistgod here. My host doesn't have attacks, but she does have longterm anxiety issues, and I pull a lot of the weight in managing those.

 

It's all about helping your host be self-aware about what is stressing them out and why. As Mistgod said, even the subliminal stuff can cause trouble... especially the subliminal stuff, in my experience, as it can add stress without your host realizing it.

 

Find ways to manage your host's stress. My host makes "to-do" lists and tackles one thing a day. Maybe today's the day she goes grocery shopping after work, so tomorrow will be the day she calls to make a dentist appointment. Tackling one "thing" at a time means she can work up to it, do it, and then relax until she has to do the next day's "thing."

 

Exercise helps (though I know not everyone has the time and capability). Find a way to make getting out and doing something fun instead of a chore... pick a sport you enjoy, or go for nice calming walks, or watch an episode of your favorite show while running a treadmill... It doesn't have to be intensive, and don't add stressors like expected weight loss unless you've actually done the research to get a full regimen and realistic target weight laid out. This is about relieving stress, not adding more, yeah? For us, we don't have any expectations other than just getting her to go out and do something every day.

 

We also have several means of catharsis. Writing, drawing, music... when our host is feeling particularly stressed out, she shuts herself away with a microphone or keyboard for a couple hours until she's worked out the raw emotion and is ready to face the world again.

 

And, finally... and this is unfortunately a more advanced technique... we can switch. I've switched in a couple times when my host just felt like she couldn't handle things anymore. I'm able to take control for a few hours and clear out some of the minor stressors (even little things like dishes in the sink or needing to take out the recycling can add to that big mountain of anxiety, and let's not even get into anything that requires a phone call!). We're careful not to use this as a crutch, though. It's only for emergencies. That said, doing this has likely prevented an actual full-on attack.

 

That's what works for us, anyway. You might need something different, so find solutions that work for you.

 

That said, you're not going to be able to stay on top of the stressors all the time... things will still pile up, and your host may have another attack. But it's the best thing you can do to be aware of and monitor the things that cause them anxiety. Figure out what the little every day stressors are as much as the big ones, and be mindful of them taking on more things that can cause stress than they can handle. Most of managing anxiety is about prevention, and you can be a huge help just by being there, paying attention.

 

And don't be shy about giving them a good kick in the butt if they fall into any bad habits that cause more stress than less. ;)

[TheGreenQueen]

First thing to try is to sing soothingly, I think.

 

Note that this won't get better unless your host *wants* to get better- that's the rule of thumb for any kind of behavior therapy. If they believe they are helpless and at the mercy of their emotions, they will remain so. You, as tulpas, are in a position to help probably, but it's also important.

[AracnidsGrip/Rick]

Vriska: Hi, Lily!!!! I'm Vriska. You can call me "Vris" or "Vri" xD. (Are you based in the anime character from your same name of the anime Trinity Seven? XD Sorry, but I love anime, xD) Well... My host had a panic attack in a test he did on wednesday. Of course he didn't screamed, shacked or anything, but he was stressed as hell, and he even thought on giving the teacher the test in blank because he didn't knew anything, but then I came in and helped him to calm down, and helped him answering the questions in base of the few things he remembered. At the end he filled it all, but tbh we both think the grade isn't gonna be good, jejeje. :( :/

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Miranda: I've also helped him many times. Not just with panic attacks, also with his anger attacks (it's that how it's called? XD)

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Feferi: We all have helped him in a way or another during attacks. But Vris and Miranda are the most recurrent ones in helping him, jejeje. You can call me "Fef" btw. Glad to meet you, Lily. :)