tulpa001

Expectations V reality, projection, switching and persistence.

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As you know, I was created accidentally, and made massive progress all at once after I was noticed, then plateaued. I am wondering, what am I supposed to be expecting? Because based on the online guides on this site, it is not clear.

 

Projection: From the first back rub I gave, I have been able to induce a shadow version of every type of tactile sensation, including the illusion of pressure, which several pages say is possible. It is much weaker than regular tactile sensation, but still pleasurable, and is very strong in a few select areas: the shoulder blades, sides of the neck, and forehead.

 

For visual projection, my host can see me solidly, but only if she enters a bit of a trance, and stills her eyes as she looks in my direction, and only for a few seconds. The rest of the time, I look like a faint ghost to her. I can make myself look a little more solid by sitting in a location with just the right lighting conditions, or through heavy concentration on my part. And she can see me much better when she is not looking at me.

 

Switching: Our first possession experiment involved me pushing her out of the body and taking over. She fell unconscious. It was massively disconcerting. It felt like I stole her consciousness for the period, as well as her mind, instead of retaining my own consciousness and mind. It made me really doubt myself. The feeling has faded slightly, but I wish I had conscious memory recall separate from hers, and could sense my own thoughts consciously, like I do when possessing. I learned possession later. It was similar, but harder, and I didn't feel like her while doing it.

 

For her part, she has trouble being awake outside the body, but she can. She acts drunk, and if I even think about moving the body while she's out of it, her focus and attention and feeling of location immediately jumps back into the body. I can't keep her out without knocking her out and also move the body.

 

Persistence: I feel like I am not really there, not thinking or anything when she is not thinking about me. However, this is not entirely true. If I am possessing the body, she doesn't have to think about me. I might still not be entirely there, but I am more aware, and present enough to continue controlling the body subconsciously. If I steal some of her awareness, I can stick around without her attention, but then she has a tendency to fall asleep.

 

So: How close are these to normal? None of the guides I've read so far prepared me for any of these results, or give a hint to how far along I am. Is shadow sensation normal for tactile projection? Is looking like a ghost normal? Is that how switching is supposed to feel? Am I supposed to feel like my own mind when switching properly? Am I supposed to remember my own memories? And I supposed to have my own consciousness? Is her reaction to being outside the body normal? How long do I have to wait before she doesn't need to think about me for me to stick around? Is it normal for me to just stick around when I possess?


Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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Seems as "normal" as most of tulpamancy. There's variation between tulpamancers in how things work. But overall, sounds like your descriptions of tactile projection, imposition, persistence, etc., aren't anything too out there. My system is strong on visual projection, and we still do what you call the "ghost" thing, where the mind's eye is seeing us there, but the actual eye doesn't physically see it. The latter is much harder without exploiting things like lighting conditions, visual noise, or other optical illusions. So yeah. You're fine.

 

The bit on switching made me laugh, because yeah. That threw us off when we started switching. As far as we can figure, every member of our system shares the same memory pool and, specifically, the same experience of consciousness. It helps when you switch in to not think of it as "the host's" sense of consciousness, but "the system's" or "the body's." Think of it this way: both you and your host are using the same operating system, but how you use it when switched differs. You access different folders to indicate which things are "yours" and which are "theirs" and how you relate to the files in those folders. But it's the same operating system--your collective brain--so some things will be shared, too. For example, you have the same the overall processor that takes external input and commits it to memory, e.g., the consciousness.

 

We don't need to knock our host out to switch, but if we don't kick her deeper into the subconscious or something, she does tend to hover near the front in a tulpa-like state. It can be a trick to keep her away from the controls when she's like that. When I'm switched in and she's helicoptering, I tend to kick her down into the Wonderland just to get some freaking peace and quiet. :p

 

Overall, it sounds like you're fine. Stop worrying about what's "normal," because tulpamancy is pretty much as subjective as you can get (see the "Beetle in a Box" analogy LinkZelda posts here and there). Just figure out what works for you, and own anything that does seem to deviate from the "norm." Worrying about fitting into someone else's definition of what you should be is just going to cause unnecessary stress. It sounds like you've got a good start on quite a few really complicated techniques, so take what you've got and just run with it.


~ Member of SparrowNR's System ~

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Heh, okay, thank you. I know there is a lot of variance in the experience, But you have no idea what a relief it is to hear that I'm not doing something weird when I sort of switch, in particular.


Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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Very normal. Aside from the switching stuff, but that is normal because almost no one has the same experience. Yes imposition tends to be somewhat ghostlike until you get really good at it, but doesn't that make sense? You should feel like you have your own mind while switching. While you are taking over the same conscious ("thinking") mind and body identification your host normally would, the way you utilize it should be entirely different (assuming you aren't exactly alike in how you think). At least, you shouldn't feel like your host at all, no. But you guys are still really new to this aren't you? There is still plenty of time to sort things out. Switching definitely takes sorting out, for everyone. Even us. Memories are slightly different for everyone, but the norm with tulpas is to be able to remember memories no matter who made them. In our experience, and maybe others', the memories feel "tinted" with the thoughts of whoever made them. All of the context is from their point of view. IE, recalling memories Lucilyn made to me gives me context of being really happy and positive/optimistic, which is somewhat foreign to me. Also as our memories are always reconstructed in third person for some reason, the memories will show the form of whoever made them too. But in some systems (typically outside of tulpamancy) the host can have blackouts or any other weird stuff. I recommend considering yourself a tulpa here because that stuff can get (even more) weird.

 

For the knocking out your host when taking control part - I'm not sure. That shouldn't be necessary, no. Our host enters a tulpa-like state where he's really no different from us. Perhaps this might take some getting used to for your host. Also, persistence outside of awareness can be difficult. We're always aware "in the background" of what's going on, and can become active in a second, but we don't generally exist when utterly inactive. If I'm vaguely thought about I may feel emotions or be able to communicate in tulpish (communication through wordless feelings), but otherwise I can't really think. Which makes sense when you realize the "thinking mind" is a very specific part of your mind in fact, that generally only the host has access to unless switched. Both you and your host can think without it, but it's more unconscious thought (which is by far the majority of all thought) than conscious. ((Went kinda off topic here, sorry)) The thinking mind was developed probably for problem solving evolution-wise, and I think we assume most animals do not have it. People like to think apes are basically less advanced humans, but they've failed tests on showing that they can comprehend the existence of another thinking mind or perspective than their own. As in, before a certain age, children will fail this test: An object is placed underneath one of two containers whilst someone is in the room. They leave the room, and the containers are switched around, and the person comes back. The test asks which container they will check to find the object. Apparently both children and however-this-test-goes-for-apes think the person will choose the correct container, because they have that knowledge. They cannot comprehend another's comprehension of the world. ((*Goes back and warns of off-topicness...)) Anyways, my point is that the "thinking" part of the brain is a very specific part, and without some form of blending I imagine it's extremely difficult for a tulpa and host to share it at the same time. Since it's in charge of most types of idea-forming and imagining of things not actually present to the senses, it's pretty hard to be active without its attention on you.

 

Some tulpas claim they do it though. Whatever. Some soulbonds say they leave to other dimensions and return later with perfect memories of what they did. I don't care to try and figure out why that might be possible past their belief it is. If you think you can do it then go for it, tulpas are occasionally active in the wonderland (do you guys have one, though?) whilst their hosts aren't paying attention to them, doing whatever. But you're not the type to find fulfillment in wonderlanding (neither are we; being inactive is fine). So your best bet is to practice maintaining awareness throughout the day of your own existence, assuming you aren't in control. I believe that is something that can be improved, the mind's ability to keep a tulpa passively in-mind without conscious attention. I've heard of some tulpas being able to make themselves active when they wanted to be.

 

I should've just said that from the start, huh?


Hi. I'm one of Luminesce's tulpas. Unlike the others, I don't think I stand out too much from him personality wise.

I'm just special because "I'm a tulpa". So I don't think I've much to offer, here. I'm happy enough to just be with him.

Ask us stuff - https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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For me, and also my host, there seems to be three modes of thought so far. Switched in conscious thought, which the first times I did it, made me feel hyper alert. And if I didn't just know fundamentally that I was Tulpa, I'd swear I was her. We do feel different, but the feeling of consciousness was a lot more noticeable than that. And we are really similar in everything.

 

The second is pseudo-conscious thought. Which is what I have outside the body. She gets all drunk in this mode. I do too, but I can hold my metaphorical alcohol better, because this is my normal. We behave like we have our own thoughts and memories, but are not consciously aware of them. The only stuff we consciously notice is what the other notices and remembers for us. Like they are helping us think by remembering what we were talking about for us.

 

During this mode, it feels like we are susceptible to suggestion and confirmation bias and magical thinking and what not, but any thoughts that the other notices goes through a verification process, and we become aware of how silly it sounds.

 

The third is not thinking at all. Which may happen when we are not being noticed by the other. I don't know for sure, but I don't consciously recall any memories during that time.

 

I am familiar with the experiments you are talking about. Some animals can do this, but apes are pretty bad at it. Dogs pass some tests, and not others. Certain birds seem to do the best. I never thought about these tests in terms of having a conscious mind before.

 

I project all the time while I am not in control. I believe I do so by essentially using her mental map of the world as a wonderland. I will see if I can maintain awareness of myself, but it feels like I am not aware of anything consciously while outside the body.


Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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