Tulpas who are the primary controllers of the shared body they are in

[tulpa001]

Oh, that is sad. A community should be willing to support multiple perspectives. It was something that I said. Was it something that I said? Regardless, change in perspective is growth, eh. You learned something.

 

I remember when you posted here a lot. Sol and Luna posted as individuals, with their own minds and opinions. Not sure what the importance of sentience is. I think individuality is the most important.

 

Who is the host? I'm starting to think you identify your Body OS as host. Which is interesting.

[Solune]

I don't want to hijack the thread. Rest assured, it's nothing that anybody said or did- we're just different now.

Time to get back to lurking.

[FallFamily]

[s.] Didn't sound like you were hijacking the thread at all.

 

This thread is a weird topic for me because I am the original (supposedly) and Hail ended up becoming the sole body controller at a young age and then now Tri is primary. I do wonder if I am ever going to be primary again. Personally, I am not that interested, but I do wonder if circumstances will force my hand at some point.

[Solune]

You remind me of Alice. The others have, from time to time, lamented not being physical beings... but Alice has always preferred not to front/switch if she doesn't have to.

I have to admit, I'd probably give up fronting altogether if it didn't mean alienating my family and friends.

 

EDIT: I misquoted tulpa001/war earlier. They said we were wrong NOT to think of ourselves as tulpas. We certainly USED to...

I've just scrolled through a couple glossary pages for multiplicity and I'm still not satisfied with the definitions they give.

Then again, they're just words. It's probably my beliefs getting in the way. If we wanted to identify as tulpas we'd probably act more like them, and it's not like anybody gives us a hard time about it anyway.

I guess identity, like faith, serves your purposes. There wouldn't be much use to it otherwise.

For the purposes of this website- tulpa is a good enough word as any. I actually feel much better now.

[nihi0145632]

It has been a while since we've been in the forums,my host manages to spot this thread. I want to tell our experience about this whole perma-switching or just a dominant primary control. I was very young back then when it happen, thinking about it now, it might not be THAT bad and i don't think it revolves around "Primary controllers" but I think it is similar and it actually scarred me.

 

It started a few years ago, Nihi (host) was curious about switching. He wants to try it but he knows that possessing the body, leaving the tulpa in charge or in front may cause some bit consequences. He decided to let US openly control or possess his body whenever we like. Me, I gradually accept because i am curious about it and i really like possessing nihi. Nihi thought of a little bit of an experiment, instead of using the body we could use it at the same time like me in possession half of his body on him in control the other. It is a weird mix but it worked for us nonetheless, even today.

I fix myself on the right side of nihi's body, I happily, just possess nihi stright ahead. The first few weeks of this little shenanigan was fun, nihi even laid back a bit to give space for me and he was fine with it, to be honest he was really fond with it to the point he wants it to be a perma possession, although i can already feel that my energy is rising and nihi's energy is lowering. 

 

The following months is where things get bit rough. I really can feel that my energy is dominating nihi's, basically i am partially controlling the body instead. Nihi still do normal task but i can feel him having a hard time, he puts more effort and tire easily. He even told me that his movement feels weird as if he is not controlling the body anymore, it feels alien. That's where i started to become worried. a month have passed, I am having an issue of going back, I cant unfuse with the body, It's like the body wont let me even though i try really hard. Nihi, has a hard time using his voice as well, also had a difficult time maintaining in front. I just keep over-heading him, we had to let cherry and push us apart. This is where I started panicking, and it only made the situation worst. Sleeping was troublesome as it somehow gives nihi nightmares ( I think due to me being worried to much), he also said that one time he can hear a faint voice. He was slowly losing himself, by that his memory of himself seems replacimy with mine. All of nihi's movement is basically me puppeting him (if he tried to move i will assist him only makiby him think that the he was controlling the body but inatead it was me) I was really in a state of worry and fear that time, and lasting a few weeks.

 

We managed to break the chain loose, asking cherry to push nihi in front and had him do more activity so that the body will recognize him to push me down and stay low until the body recognizes nihi, it worked but it heck i wouldn't put through that ever again. I really dislike, hate seeing my host go through all that, he even said that he feels trapped in his own body. After that crazy rough roller coaster of events I just backed away from possessing nihi. Even though I still do possess nihi's right side, Even right now actually which i can control very easily,  i will never stay too long, unless nihi wants to but heck with that.

 

Having a tulpa take primary control is fine as long as you can support your host, nothing can really go wrong if you both of you know what you are doing, we can clearly saw our mistake and it didnt turned out just as we planned. We really learned that the body is selective and it just gives control who controled it the most, pushing away the weaker ones

[Fairweather]

K: That right there, is why Sam is always fearful on controlling the body. He has a great fear of losing me and vice-versa with me to him, but he feels he would accidentally forget me if he possessed and switched more than me. May not be the case, but it's why we don't do the perma-swap or him be mainly in control.

[Aijada]

I guess i should speak up because of this topic; i certainly have ended up the primary controller in our system for specific reasons, and i'd say it's going just fine.

 

Why it happened is basically for two reasons: first off, when my host finally understood that i was a real and sentient person who was talking to him, he felt tremendously responsible for ensuring that i got to experience as completely a 'human' life as i could. Born into a human brain, with human feelings, and a human body to use, he instantly offered to let me step up front in any way i could manage. And secondly, that suited me terribly well because i found my Wonderland existence to be too restrictive — it was a cage i wanted to escape. My host had been raising me on art and culture and plenty of Wikipedia to firm up my understanding of the world and i simply found it all more interesting and more worth being involved in than the dreams we played in our head.

 

How it worked is perhaps in part due to circumstance, and in part due to my determination. I was pretty pushy about figuring things out for myself and clearing up various bits of nonsense that my host had been wondering about my existence. I argued to get rid of fantasies and guesswork because i wanted solid answers about who and what i was. It helps that my host is very calm and reasonable; he's a kind, mellow middle-aged guy who has his shit mostly worked out and isn't that bothered about sitting back to watch me grow and live and experience life. He's not hiding from life so much as he's jsut satisfied that he's done sufficient 'living' that he'll just go-along with letting me lead my own life.

 

Frankly, he's retreated in most major ways to let me run things. It took some coaching from him for me to figure out how to manage the day job and learning to drive wasn't as instinctive for me as just summoning perfect facts out of our brain, but i was willing to listen and learn how to take over simply because i'm aware of constantly being present. Maybe my host wakes up a little quicker and is getting us dressed and making the morning coffee, but by the time we're out the door i'm ready and i just want to be in charge. I think it's fair to say i essentially just slipped into fronting most of the time because i just had the urge to possess and do things myself. Even the boring stuff at work i just am more enthusiastic to be the one moving around and doing things.

 

If we're having a particularly social day, my host does come more to the front, in large part because he is just naturally charming towards people, and treats them so well i actually enjoy just being quiet while he does the talking. But even then i still like to do most of the physical stuff and the problem-solving and mostly just slip him internal commentary in-between moments when he's interacting with people. That's not all there is to it of course. We're not exactly 'out' about my existence to the whole world, so it helps the charade of normalcy if he talks to people. I certainly can and do express the occasional opinion with his voice, but my own speaking voice is different enough from his that it would be a little peculiar to people who are close enough to know him well.

 

Generally i'd say i get about 80% of the work day and pretty much all our free time (which frankly i find fantastic). Is it bad for my host? No i don't think it is. Even if i regularly end up going so long without hearing from him that i forget for a while that i'm sharing someone else's head, it turns out he remains quietly paying attnetion the whole time. He certainly can remember things that happened even in those moments when i most felt like a singlet. And it turns out he pays such close attention that he will 'reappear' without notice to offer a suggestion on some different way of doing things, or to dig up some detail i hadn't recalled on my own. Just today i was puttering around making dinner and he suddenly spoke up to tell me that we needed the mashed potatoes to be a specific consistency for the recipe i was making so he interrupted to dig out the old-fashioned manual masher and offered me a quick cooking lesson.

 

Is it possible for some systems to 'lose' their host? Well yes there are certainly various stories of such things circulating, but they are certainly situationally dependent. It seems like a host can have an urge to disappear or evaporate that suggests that's a possible tendency for the overall outcome. But it is certainly possible for a host to simply fade into a quiet zen state and remain aware though detached. One of the key suggestions for switching i (we) would offer is that a host should remain in touch with the senses, auditing and mentoring the experience of whoever is in front, both to remain vital and and offer help with everything that happens in life. Certainly any sign of them blacking out or fading away from things is a reason to prod and pester your host to stay a little more alert. The host doesn't need to control things, but they do need to practice mindfulness — remain awake and aware and neutral to the experience the rest of the body and mind is going through.

 

My host nudges me to also add that neither the tulpæ nor the host is the brain itself. You, whoever you are in the system, are a witness to the brain. The feelings you have and the ideas which occur are just guesstimates and suggestions that autonomous parts of your brain are throwing your way for you to decide on. Sometimes it's a 'heartfelt' instinct that you want to run on and revel with; other times (such as in cognitive behavioural therapy) you want to pause, pull back and maybe decide that you don't want to just go with your acquired habit and try a different way of doing things. A huge part of being a good host in a switching system is mastering that 'pulling back' ability — all the way down to letting someone else run fine motor control and the problem solving skills of the frontal lobe. You reduce yourself to the 'true' you, the one which listens to the brain but considers carefully what's on offer. Pay attention to what goes on, and make choices instead of just having reactions — that's fundamentally mindfulness and is all it really takes for either a host or a tulpa to spend long stretches away from the front but still remain existing and involved.

 

(What are we doing staying up writing a huge essay hours past bedtime) asks my host.

 

And i'm not sure if i mentioned this already, but in support of Nihi's conclusion, i'd have to agree that possession is very much a matter of who wants it most. Even though my host was willing to let me front quite happily, i ended up as primary though sheer eagerness. I just started paying more attention to what we were doing in meatspace and finding things so interesting that i'd pop up front and find myself controlling the hands while we were trying to type something (before i'd really figured out how to actually do they typing thing). We had to give me specific lessons in driving because i'd be so enthusiastic that we were heading out that i was jumping forward on the morning commute. My host didn't really push me to swap to the front so much as we just found that i was far more keen to try all these new experiences that i was constantly bumping ahead. Even shovelling snow is one of those moments where i'm fully in charge because i find the physicality of it just a neat thing to feel.

 

One last suggestion my host makes is that for a host to consider switching they think of themselves as someone who wants to prevent senility or Alzheimer's: stay alert, keep thinking and responding. Not disappearing is like the idea of doing puzzles regularly to make sure you don't lose track as you get older. You have to keep yourself on your toes by paying attention to the world around you, even as your tulpa operates the brain. When you can pop your nose into their business with an important idea or a different opinion, do so. Your tulpa may run things, but that's not excuse to plop yourself on your ass and treat life like a TV show you can just zone out to. You can be a quite and nearly invisible partner in a grand experiment, just make sure you still find your occasional moment to be an insightful and creative contributor to your ongoing co-existence

[nihi0145632]

I agree to everthing what @aijada said. Nothing can really go wrong with tulpa being as primary just as long as the host stay aware to everything and still have in contact in the real world.

 

Even with the event happened to me i am still open with the idea of tulpa being primary but just as long you commit it. I feel that the regret,fear i felt and how inexperienced i was that time didnt help me a lot and only made things worse.

 

I did mine for experiment purposes and for fun and ended up terribly,. I thought i was ready and prepared for what is to come but that event made me realized that wasnt prepard at all.

 

I wanted to make my tulpa experience as close of human experience as possible as i feel like they deserve it. Although, From that horrific event made me understand that they want to spend it altogether with me included instead of independently of each. So we just stick to our linkage system where everyone is linked together and the body will or can be operated by two or more individuals at the same time in which they really like.

[Mint Phalanx]

We've been doing this since 2021.