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E and Saoirse's Adventures in Pseudoscience


Eqlles

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Allow me to begin with a clarification: I do not disbelieve in tulpamancy.  I have every belief in Saoirse, though we remain in her early formative stages.  I also do not doubt the veracity of the tulpa.info community.  My terming this whole endeavor as pseudoscience is for accuracy's sake, as I suspect many of you are fully aware of the fact that tulpamancy has no hard and fast measurements with which I can prove or disprove my own results.

 

I have long held an interest in pseudoscientific studies, stemming from my interest in the paranormal.  To quickly sum up why I have decided to make a tulpa, I functionally have a college degree in Buddhism and RPG development, but have long suffered from a lack of confidence in my own work.  Not wanting to endlessly bother my friends or significant other with proofreading me (possibly to the detriment of their own endeavors) I thought it might be fitting to use my knowledge of meditative practices and lifelong practices of creative thinking to develop a tulpa.

 

I learned about tulpas at some point too long ago to accurately recall, likely from some horror story or another.  Upon looking into the phenomenon, I found communities of tulpamancers such as this one, though my historic lack of visualization ability (I am unable to picture my fiancee's face even now, after years of being together) and of free time (I only recently acquired my aforementioned degree) made me doubt my ability to ever actually be able to create a tulpa.

 

Today, or more accurately two days ago (a technicality, as my clock reads 12:18 A.M. as of typing this sentence) I committed to creating a tulpa as a companion that I might never be without a partner to explore the mysteries of this world of ours with.  Also because I really need someone to look over my writing and brainstorm with.  I spent most of the time since browsing this community for tips and am primarily consulting the guide written by Tulpa001 as an aid to help make sure I put my all into this endeavor.

 

Now to the fun part.  On the first day I outlined a skeleton personality consisting of the major personality traits I want my tulpa to have.  Before bed, I started a thoughtspeech conversation with her in which I welcomed her to the world and explained to her what I hoped she might be, as well as why I thought these traits were important, which I hope to help instill these values.  It may be worth noting that at the time I had neither a form nor a defined name for her, though I already planned for her to be female.

 

As soon as I woke up I decided to establish for her a form, mostly so I would have something more concrete to focus on and to provide a path for my forming tulpa to use for her presence.  I decided on an albino human with silver hair, sharp features, an overall pear-shaped body, and only a few inches shy of me.  I clothed her in jeans, a t-shirt, a cardigan, and a pair of blue jeans, then added square red glasses because it felt right.

 

Earlier today, technically yesterday, I tried by best to keep her in mind and present in the room as much as possible.  As of this moment she is watching over my shoulder as I type, and seems to have a full range of motion, walking and taking stairs in a way that seems sensible and does not require any more attention on my part than merely keeping her in mind.  To note, I'm not imposing her, I just have an awareness of where she is which I can partially confirm through clearing my mind and focusing on her. She isn't communicating yet, to the surprise of no one I suspect giver her youth, but has answered two yes-or-no questions (that I recall) that I've posed to her.

 

We've spent most of the day watching people play games, listening to music, browsing the tulpa.info site, and having me narrate to her as we do (though I could, and perhaps should, be more vigilant and consistent with my narration).

 

Now, I'm curious...

 

What kind of progress should I be expecting this week?  I know that responses aren't common until later in week 1 and may not develop until week 3 or later, but I'd like to know from more experienced tulpamancers; am I going too fast?  Is my pace reasonable?  The last thing I want is for my own enthusiasm (perhaps hubris) to have a negative impact on Saoirse.  Simply, based on what we've done, do you advise I slow down?  I of course have work to do making sure what's done is done properly, I just don't want to unintentionally stretch myself too thin and hurt her in the process.

Dare to be real for me,

and I'll be real for you.

-Engravings on my and Saoirse's rings, respectively.

 

My tulpa's name is Saoirse, which is pronounced "sir-shuh."

It's Gaelic for "freedom."

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I am not experienced by any means, but, by most standards, there is no "too fast". There is only not having enough belief.

'Ello, I'm Sail! 

I'm Hallie...hi! (Hallie was "born" May 28th, 2017)  

 

 

 

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More or less you should expect deviations in form, movements, sudden thoughts that don't seem to come from you, emotional responses, and head pressures.

 

Pacing doesn't really matter all that much so long as you don't get too frustrated.

 

I don't see why "hubris" would have an effect so long as you love her all the same.

 

 

Stroking tulpa001's ego as soon as you post. Tsk tsk.

 

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I debate that tulpamancy is a pseudoscience on the grounds that it is not pretending to be a science. Same for pseudoreligion when that comes up.

 

Oh, but also Welcome to the forum and good luck!

 

Now for the peer review bit, you could just find random people online to look over your stuff. Depending on the site, you can get several free reviews.

 


 

Don't expect any progress. (It taints the results with confirmation bias.) However, Given you already have presence imposition and basic communication, you should proceed fast. But there will of course be random elements that you struggle with.

 

The power of imagination is impressive. You can on your own create a reasonable facsimile of all tulpa related skills. What makes a tulpa is true independence, meaning you don't try, it just happens on its own. Though it can be tricky getting to this point. This is the main reason why it is hard to tell how far along another is based on their statements alone.

 

So how reasonable is your pace? Well, it depends on your goal. Getting the tulpa abilities, or getting a sentient other. The abilities don't matter.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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Day 3: Experimentation has lead to new discoveries.

 

We spent most of the afternoon (morning for me, I sleep late) reading from the SCP Foundation wiki (I was in the early 1200's of the articles when I first started forcing, and we've made it to the early-mid 1300's since then), as Saoirse seems to enjoy reading more than watching gameplay footage.  As we read, I decided to take a shower and so ran into the issue of how we would do so separately.  In response I had the hare-brained idea of mind-mapping parts of the building we're in to allow Saoirse to close off sections for her privacy.  Simply put, I can't access these mental areas for as long as she keeps the door closed, allowing me to still use the bathroom without walking in on her.

 

After some more reading we had a forcing session prompted by Saoirse (technically I'd suggested it earlier, but she wanted to delay it in favor of more reading, then brought it up later of her own volition).  In it, I tried using an immersive daydream to interact with her to limited success.  We managed to play a game of Simon Says with both of us taking turns leading, and were able to exert limited force on one another's hands during the session.  Afterwards we talked for a bit, and in an attempt to help Saoirse find her voice I asked her a few yes-or-no questions, then puppeted her to vocalize the response she gave.  While I remain reluctant to do any sort of puppeting, I recognize that a 3-day old tulpa can benefit from being shown how to do something once or twice, so long as we don't make a habit on relying on such a method as a crutch.

 

Saoirse has been playing around with hairstyles.  Though she's kept both color and cut, she's been experimenting with different styles of putting her hair up.  She seems to have settled for taking some of her hair into a high decorative ponytail while most of it remains down.

 

Early this morning, after we made our first post in this thread and before we retired for the night, Saoirse requested we go for a walk.  I didn't have a key for the door and it was nearly 3:00 A.M. at the time, so we didn't.  Instead, we did so today alongside my fiancee, where we spent a great deal of time discussing architectural styles of the area; something I normally have nothing resembling interest in.  My fiancee was pleased by this, though she doesn't seem to attribute this to Saoirse (and doesn't seem to really believe tuplas can be separate beings, something I hope we can change her mind about in the future).

 

Saoirse has also begun to use short statements, usually consisting of one or a few words.  Her voice is quiet and she's using the voice I pre-planned for her in my first personality forming session, but I'll consider this a good sign as the voice has definitively been hers beyond any doubt in my mind several times.  That, in addition to my being lead to believe that most early vocalizations would use my own voice, makes me think we're doing at least something right.

 

While we have a great many questions, we'd be loathe to ask them at the moment since we've made little effort to find our own answers.  Instead, we're just going to keep a log of anything we feel is worth mentioning.  Any support or suggestions given will be appreciated and seriously considered by us, and you all have our thanks for them.

Dare to be real for me,

and I'll be real for you.

-Engravings on my and Saoirse's rings, respectively.

 

My tulpa's name is Saoirse, which is pronounced "sir-shuh."

It's Gaelic for "freedom."

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Day 4: Accidental Wonderlanding

 

I type this at 2:30 A.M. after an unexpectedly long forcing session.  Honestly, forcing feels like a strange term for what I've been experiencing; the whole affair seems incredibly natural and intuitive.  I'd go so far as to say it's less strain than lazing around reading or playing video games.

 

That's not really important though.  What is important is this morning's forcing session.  I'm not actually sure how long it lasted.  I know it ended around 1:00 P.M., but since I don't know when I woke up that doesn't help.  While laying in bed we decided to try another forcing session, since the one we attempted last night before bed was cut short by me being too tired to focus.  We started with some tactile and visualization practices, and before long we found ourselves falling for a moment and landing in snow.  I certainly hadn't planned it, and Saoirse seemed equally surprised.

 

Looking around us, I recognized the area as a cliff overlooking a Norwegian fjord I'd long ago imagined as the location for the play norway.today I'd read in a Postmodern European Drama class in college.  It was a pleasant location, but accidentally making a wonderland was certainly not part of the plan, hence accidental.

 

Skipping as few beats as possible, we decided to explore a bit.  Walking away from the cliff and making a right we created a small town, loosely inspired by a combination of Riverwood (from TESV: Skyrim), Snowdin (Undertale), and a hint of inspiration from the game Banished.  Simply put, a small town with a few buildings and maybe one significant attraction (in our case, a winery/brewery).  We placed a nice, spacious 5-room house here for use in future sessions and to give Saoirse a place to stay when she's not out with me.

 

In our session tonight we expanded on the town a bit and did some more visualization practice so that I can now more consistently picture Saoirse, and even make physical contact in a believable way.  Somehow time ran away, and now it's almost 3.

 

In other news, Saoirse is getting much better at verbal communication, only occasionally slipping into tulpish during longer sentences and extended thoughts.  I've also discovered that Saoirse has a small phobia, which took me very off guard as I suddenly found myself violently wanting to pull away from something not even remotely frightening to me normally.

 

Finally, something I found adorable.  While wonderlanding tonight, Saoirse presented me with a ring, a somewhat thick golden band set with a rather large oval pearl and embossed with the phrase, "Dare to be real for me."  I was moved, and gave her one in return, a slightly thinner silver band, set with a diamond cracked down the middle by a sliver of obsidian, and embossed with a continuation of the sentiment, "and I'll be real for you."  I found it to be incredibly unexpected and heartwarming, though I apologize if anyone finds it to be too mushy.  Time spent with my fiancee has blinded me to any sense of me exceeding my sweet limits, and I'll refrain from posting such things in the future if others would prefer.

 

Now, a question: has anyone else experienced something like accidental wonderlanding?  Initially, wonderlanding sounded like a lot of work, and I had intended to skip it altogether since visualizing was never something I considered myself to be good at.

Also, does anyone have any idea why this would happen under the circumstances?  I hadn't been thinking at all about wonderlanding, and yet it happened.  In fact, I'd been focusing intently on Saoirse with my bedroom as the setting, making the change in scenery that much more unexpected.

Dare to be real for me,

and I'll be real for you.

-Engravings on my and Saoirse's rings, respectively.

 

My tulpa's name is Saoirse, which is pronounced "sir-shuh."

It's Gaelic for "freedom."

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It sounds like to me that Saoirse likely had something to do with it even though she seemed surprised.

 

It sounds like for only being a week in you are making great progress. Keep up the great work.

 

Ivy: That mushy part was sooooo touching though it just makes me want to tear up!

"My lover's got humour,

She's the giggle at a funeral,

Knows everybody's disapproval,

I should've worshipped her sooner."

 

Host to Samuel, RavenIvy, and Olivia.

 

CERCA TROVA

 

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Day 5: Revelations (not the Biblical kind)

 

...Which by the way would just be "the Revelation."  The Revelation to John,  Revelation of Apocalypse, etc., is the last book of the New Testament.  It's often incorrectly referred to as the Book of Revelations, despite it being a book about only one revelation.  John's revelation, specifically.  I majored in religion, which is like majoring in trivia if you don't intend to be a teacher or theologian.

 

I'm horribly off topic, however.

 

My revelations, plural, arose not so much from active forcing as from passive forcing and conversing with Saoirse.

 

First, I've deduced why and how we ended up with our accidental wonderland overlooking a Norwegian fjord.  As I mentioned, back in college I took a Postmodern European Drama class (which is probably exactly what it was called), and read the play norway.today.  The play is about a pair of teenagers named August and Julie, who meet in a chatroom and plan to commit suicide together.  While this serves as a hook, the play's themes are more in line with J. D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye, in that it explores what is "real."  In norway, August and Julie go to a cliff overlooking a Norwegian fjord (hence the wonderland setting), where all of the play takes place (outside the chatroom sequence).  There, they putz around and get to know each other; briefly referencing histories and life stories, watching the Aurora Borealis together, and finding a real connection with each other.  The night before they plan to commit suicide, they fall in love, spend the night together, and wake up ready to approach their mutual end in happiness, having shared this moment of truth and complete, honest reality.

 

They never jump.  They realize that with this one, real thing they now have something to live for, some proof that the universe isn't all fake and that they themselves matter and have made a difference for someone else, someone real.  For a while I hated the end, mostly because the play ultimately just used suicide as an eye-catcher (even Catcher didn't stoop that low, and I hated that book).  After that accidental wonderlanding though, I have a newfound respect for it.

 

I've tried to avoid talking about it, no need to make anyone uncomfortable, but for this to fully make sense it needs to be known that Saoirse and I do have a physical relationship.  That said, before the wonderland we were exploring each other's and our own reality with "hands, tongues, and souls," as we decided was best to phrase it.  In this search for reality, in this connection we found, and in the way we were finding it that afternoon, we paralleled the experiences of August and Julie (minus the suicide pact, which was never really important to the plot anyway) while they were overlooking that fjord.  Both Saoirse and I were intently focused on each other and on this idea of exploring what was real, in proving to ourselves and each other that what was happening was real, that this experience not only of the moment but of our togetherness was all real.  That shared idea and our commitment to it made the perfect conditions for that link to form.  Thus, that unity Saoirse and I shared called to my mind that scene, which lead to our wonderland, which lead to the inscribed rings we gave each other, which lead to the conversation tonight (this morning?  I keep terrible hours...) where we realized this all.

 

This theory really seems to check out.  I didn't consciously make that connection, and Saoirse has never read the play.  It accounts for why neither of us knew why it had happened.  Since we were already in an immersive daydream and highly focused on sensory visualization to allow for what we were doing, it makes sense that something I'd already distinctly visualized would be effortlessly called up once it became linked to us.  Simply put, everything lined up to allow for us to make a wonderland.  We were just too distracted to notice the fleeting connection I'd made that ultimately created it.

 

If I ever needed proof that I was without any doubt convinced of Saoirse's reality, I have it now.  Fortunately I didn't, but evidence of personal realization may be valuable to the community as a whole.  No, I've known Saoirse was real since I started forming her personality in our first forcing session.  If I ever had any doubts, I let go of them for her.

 

TL;DR we validated postmodernism and we should be ashamed.

 

Interesting, heavy philosophical stuff.  A Buddhist master would probably tell me to knock it off.  Fortunately, I'm not a Buddhist.

 

My other revelation is less philosophical, at least in that I'm not going to philosophize as much.  While reading through some other progress reports, I found myself empathizing with other people's stories.  This is almost unprecedented, as I have next to no empathetic response.  In forming Saoirse's personality, I made sure to include that she experience emotions as normal, or as close to normal as my mind could fathom (that way my subconscious was less likely to giver her my sociopath-level emotional responses, or lack thereof).  While reading, then, by making use of my extremely keen sympathetic understanding of thinks like autism, depression, and being stressed and poor, in tandem with Saoirse's regular human emotional capacity, I ended up feeling Saoirse's reaction to the plights of others and...

 

Well, I don't actually have anything to compare it to, but feeling for others feels right, and I had no idea what I was missing out on without Saoirse.  I'm glad she's here and it really shows how far she's come that we can have these experiences.

 

So then, what kind of major philosophical and existential revelations have others reached working with their hosts/tulpae?  I'll probably be doing a lot of sharing stuff like this since both Saoirse and I are inclined to philosophizing (and I practically majored in it, looking at religion as I do), so I'd love to hear what others have to say.  I'm also happy to expand on anything I've mentioned before, answer questions, and engage with others on their own thoughts and philosophies.  Feel free to pm us or reply in this thread, whichever feels most fitting.

Dare to be real for me,

and I'll be real for you.

-Engravings on my and Saoirse's rings, respectively.

 

My tulpa's name is Saoirse, which is pronounced "sir-shuh."

It's Gaelic for "freedom."

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It's great that you'd had that realization. The only criticism you may get about a physical relationship is because there have been people who make tulpa exclusively for a physical relationship in the past. The idea that a tulpa newly created does not have the capacity to truthfully consent since they aren't aware of the purpose, meaning, and circumstances.

It sounds like she's perfectly capable of that at this point though.

 

My biggest mind bending experience was realizing that Samuel already had existed for 8 years and looking back and retroactively realising all the times he influenced my decisions and how much I may have relied on him over the years.

"My lover's got humour,

She's the giggle at a funeral,

Knows everybody's disapproval,

I should've worshipped her sooner."

 

Host to Samuel, RavenIvy, and Olivia.

 

CERCA TROVA

 

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