Tulpaforcing causing acute stomach pain, as well as anxiety and sadness

[Evilshy]

Hey guys, new to the site, big thanks to Nevermore, a friend from another site, for piquing my interest in Tulpas. 

 

Before I begin, a little (okay, more than a little) background that will make my actual question make sense. 

 

First, some of my emotions not only manifest through thoughts and feelings, but through stomach pain. I'm not talking getting butterflies in my stomach before a job interview, this is serious, debilitating pain. I've gone without food for days because it hurts to eat. The biggest emotions this happens with are anxiety (especially social anxiety), sadness/depression (I don't have clinical depression, but I do get depressed from time to time), and to a lesser extent, sexual arousal. While the stomach pain all feels the same no matter what emotion it is tied to (with varying degrees of intensity of course), I can still tell what emotion it is because I'm still feeling it. 

 

Second, I have had a small group of imaginary friends for about 8 years now (I'm 20.) I talk to them during those times when I'm in the bed, but before falling asleep, and when I wake up, but before getting out of bed. They live in a sort of fantasy universe I've constructed, where I play a role and interact with them. I haven't ever really visualized any of them beyond basic body shape, hair/skin color, and anything that makes them decidedly non-human (say, wings or a tail). I haven't really visualized the universe, either, beyond "the crazy vampire chick lives in the giants mansion in the center of town, which is full of gothic architecture and whatnot, and this priest over on this city which looks more like something out of King Arthur wants her dead and is traveling over some generic European fantasy foothills with a generic European fantasy vampire hunter to kill her".

 

Third, all my dreams have a fairly high degree of lucidity, and some of my imaginary friends sometimes show up in them. Also, unless I'm really tired, every night I enter this half awake/half asleep dream state where I am completely lucid, not only having control of myself, but varying degrees of control over everything happening in the dream. 

 

The thing is, after reading about Tulpae and creating them and stuff, I realize that I have been narrating to these imaginary friends every night and morning for the past 8 years. I'd say the average would be about 2 hours a day, counting morning and night, NOT counting dreams or that weird, lucid dream state I mentioned.

Now that I think of it, I believe there has been some times in my lucid half-sleep dreams where an imaginary friend has answered a question in an unexpected way, as well as doing unexpected things. 

Now, while I narrate to my IFs while awake, I have also been parroting, since I was not aware of Tulpae or anything similar, and was simply using the IFs as a way to entertain myself before falling asleep. I'm also parroting a fair amount in the lucid dreams, but like I said, I think there have been at least a few times where I got a non-parroted response (can't be too sure, since I rarely remember details from these dreams).

 

 

Anyway, fast forward to a few days ago. I had seen Tulpae related discussion popping up more and more, and decided to find out what it was all about. I read the Wikipedia article, and since I doubted that there were that many highly disciplined Buddhist monks conjuring metaphysical creatures and then posting about them on various forums, I thought I'd ask some people who claim to use Tulpae what they were and how they got them. Nevermore, who was already a good and respected friend of mine on the forum I asked on, was quick to give me the answers I was seeking. My interest was immediately engaged. I could create a sentient hallucination that was basically just an embodiment of my subconscious and interact with it? Hell yeah, I want in on that. 

 

However, while reading about Tulpae, I was struck with acute stomach pain. At first, I thought this was simply because I hadn't eaten much for breakfast and was just having hunger cramps. I stopped reading about Tulpae, pulled out my current breakfast/lunch reading material (Star Wars: Omen. Yes, I am a huge Star Wars nerd), and ate a deliciously crafted ham-turkey-egg-bacon-cheddar-swiss sandwich. No longer hungry, and finished with a few chapters, I went back to my computer and continued to read about Tulpae. I was almost immediately hit with the same pain, this time accompanied by anxiety and depression. I figured something wasn't right, but it was so interesting that I kept reading, mental and physical well-being be damned. Eventually I had to stop and get ready and go to work (Panda Express, a Chinese restaurant chain, in case you don't know) , and the pain and negative feelings went away once I was engaged in other things. 

However, once it got to around 8-9 PM and the store started slowing down, my mind was left unoccupied and began wandering, eventually coming back to Tulpae. The pain and negative feelings rushed back in, and were so bad that I had to leave early and ask a coworker to stay and help close the store instead of me. I went out to my car and listened to music and read until my mind was firmly on other things and I was able to drive without being distracted by the feeling of my stomach being simultaneously full and empty while attempting to digest itself (or at least, I imagine that would feel similar). I made it home, popped a sleeping pill, focused firmly on my IFs and fell asleep shortly after. 

 

I woke up this morning groggy. I was late, so I had to hurry, and, thankfully, had no time to dwell on Tulpae. When I got home, I decided I'd try to figure out what was going on, so I thought about one of my IFs, visualized her for about 30 minutes, and then narrated to her for another 30 or so minutes. 

When I tried to get up off my bed, I could barely move. The pain was on par to the pain I felt when the only girl I have ever truly had feelings for told me she never wanted me to be a part of her life again and that I only confirmed than anybody she ever got close to would betray her (although we later found out it actually was quite possibly the biggest misunderstanding to ever happen in either of our lives, and we got back together. But that's another story.)

Last time I had had this kind of pain, it had lasted about a week and a half, during which I ate probably the equivalent of a single loaf of bread, along with a hell of a lot of stomach pills and water. After that, it subsided a bit and I was able to eat more, but that is, again, another story. 

 

Anyway, there I am, on my bed, barely able to get up because it hurts so much, and so depressed that I didn't really care too much. I just put on some music to distract myself from the pain, which ended up also distracting me from my IF and Tulpae in general, and I was able to go downstairs and pop some pills. 

 

Anyway, pills having thankfully settling my stomach enough for me to think clearly about Tulpae for an extended amount of time, I have arrived at a somewhat disturbing thought:

 

Is it possible that, through my 8 years of narrating and parroting my IFs, I have accidentally caused one or more to achieve sentience, but then mindfucked them so hard that the mere thought of Tulpae causes them to send me massive waves of pain and sadness?

[Slushie]

Have you considered talking to a doctor?

[Sorryman54]

If your getting pain so bad you don't want to eat, stop working on the tulpa. That's bad, and isn't healthy.

 

Second, you don't sound completely uhh... well you sound mentally encumbered. Imaginary friends talking to you? That's strange. Don't work on a tulpa when you aren't all good up there.

[Pronas]

Well, first thing I would say is seek out a doctor, but hey, I bet you probably already did and nothing got better it seems. I dunno about the rest but the way I see it is that you feel pain and depression when you read about tulpae because maybe your imaginary friends are asking for help? Maybe they are trying to communicate with you, to tell you how much they want you to acknowledge their sentience, but the only way they know how to grab your attention is by using your dreaded stomach pain.

I think you should keep doing very small sessions focused on only one of them for the sake of faster development. If the pain isn't extremely debilitating. But you should also only do it at home and with your meds close to you or whatever, we don't want anyone dying here now.

[Bluesleeve]

Anyway, there I am, on my bed, barely able to get up because it hurts so much, and so depressed that I didn't really care too much.

 

Well, but you're still curious about this Tulpa thing, are you?

 

Maybe it's just a coincidence that the stomach pain occurs when thinking about Tulpas. Please do the following, because I'm curious as well.

 

Take one of your imaginary companions, (preferable the one you like most) and ask him if he knows what causes the stomach pain. Don't parrot him. If he doesn't answer, you're gonna have to wait and ask at another time, if he does you might know if your pain has psychological reasons.

Please talk to a doctor about that, since, you know... it could always be something bigger, and this just sounds unhealthy.

 

Anyway, we had several people with paracosms on here already. Could you tell us a bit more about yours? I find this topic fascinating.

[Evilshy]

If your getting pain so bad you don't want to eat, stop working on the tulpa. That's bad, and isn't healthy.

 

Second, you don't sound completely uhh... well you sound mentally encumbered. Imaginary friends talking to you? That's strange. Don't work on a tulpa when you aren't all good up there.

 

I have stopped forcing since then, but I've still been getting some pain, and been unable to eat. Not because of pain, but just because I don't feel hungry, even when I know I am.

 

Also, the IFs have only been talking in dreams after quite a long time of narration. Is that so strange? I'm not really familiar with any of this kind of thing.

---

Well, first thing I would say is seek out a doctor, but hey, I bet you probably already did and nothing got better it seems.

 

I did after the aforementioned time when I barely ate for a week and a half, and I got generic doctor advice; while it's not normal, stomach pain associated with anxiety or sadness is fairly common, and if I generally am able to manage it in my own, then it's not a big deal. Just try to limit the amount of anxiety and sadness I feel through whatever means work best for me, force myself to eat (within reason) take meds if I need to, and see the doctor if it ever gets that bad again. It hasn't really helped much, but the pain is generally manageable and not a huge problem. 

 

I dunno about the rest but the way I see it is that you feel pain and depression when you read about tulpae because maybe your imaginary friends are asking for help? Maybe they are trying to communicate with you, to tell you how much they want you to acknowledge their sentience, but the only way they know how to grab your attention is by using your dreaded stomach pain. 

I think you should keep doing very small sessions focused on only one of them for the sake of faster development. If the pain isn't extremely debilitating. But you should also only do it at home and with your meds close to you or whatever, we don't want anyone dying here now.

 

I don't think death is going to be an issue, I wouldn't let it go THAT far. But yes, I have been feeling like maybe it is someone trying to communicate with me. I'll have to wait till one of my days off, though, since I don't want this to interfere with work too much. 

 

 

Well, but you're still curious about this Tulpa thing, are you?

 

Maybe it's just a coincidence that the stomach pain occurs when thinking about Tulpas. Please do the following, because I'm curious as well.

 

Take one of your imaginary companions, (preferable the one you like most) and ask him if he knows what causes the stomach pain. Don't parrot him. If he doesn't answer, you're gonna have to wait and ask at another time, if he does you might know if your pain has psychological reasons.

Please talk to a doctor about that, since, you know... it could always be something bigger, and this just sounds unhealthy.

 

I'll try that out. 

 

Anyway, we had several people with paracosms on here already. Could you tell us a bit more about yours? I find this topic fascinating.

 

I'm in the middle of stuff right now, so I won't have time to elaborate till tonight or tomorrow. But yes, I can elaborate on it :)

Although it probably won't be all that interesting :/

[Pronas]

Hope your imaginary friends can become sentient (if they're not already), who knows, maybe they can even help you with your stomach pains.

[Chupi]

Imaginary friends talking to you? That's strange.

 

You best be being ironic there. What's a tulpa other than an imaginary friend that's sentient, able to talk, etc.?

[SolEvil]

Also, just a word of advice. I know from experience that taking pills on an empty stomach, can hurt your stomach. Though it depends on what you're taking exactly and this doesn't apply to all pills. Some can increase the production of stomach acid, or some can actually corrode your stomach lining. So try to eat a little when you take your pills, it doesn't have to be much. If your stomach problems are more than psychological then you're potentially making it worse.

[Virgil]

There is some minor evidence that tulpaforcing may cause paroxysms of panic, anxiety, or confusion, and even mood disorders like melancholia possibly lasting several days. I think it's always caused by the process (meditation), never intentionally by a tulpa. So it is possible. Nevertheless, I wouldn't consider what you specified as the trigger of that condition of yours as tulpaforcing.

 

stomach pain associated with anxiety or sadness is fairly common

It's true that anxiety sometimes causes or occurs together with psychogenic pain, usually located in the chest, upper stomach, or back (I think it's almost always in the centre, along the midline, but I'm not sure). However, unless it's been properly diagnosed, which it apparently hasn't, you can't be sure the problem isn't physiological. If it is physiological, it could be caused by a potentially serious illness.

If you're sure, however, that it's definitely caused by anxiety, the best way to deal with it is to realise it's illusory and try to ignore it. Since psychogenic pain originates in the brain, agents or medication that act where the pain is sensed are useless except for the placebo effect.

If the condition and its severity persist for more than a week or two, you might want to start taking some prescription antidepressants (of the SSRI class — I guess — they should relieve you of the pain as well).

 

I feel compelled to stress I'm not very convinced the pain is psychogenic. It's really important to have it properly diagnosed.