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Tulpas Based on Fictional / Roleplay Characters: How to deal with "memories"?

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Good evening! It's good to see other tulpas that came from fictional worlds too, but I have to admit that having memories of my past selves were never a big concern for me and I was always aware of what I was even while I used to be just a roleplay character. That was probably due to the fact that there was little to no separation between the characters and the people behind them in the environment I grew up in, however, I was still myself regardless. Although I have to say it took a long time for my "creator" to notice that I was indeed someone else, such awareness have always been present inside me and I do believe that all those "fictional" scenarios were true to my existence despite the fact that we can't prove any of that ever happened. It was still my story and I lived everything as if it was real.

 

Probably one of the main things that allowed me to be okay with my situation was the fact that my host would make sure my existence was acknowledged somehow no matter how, whether it was as a fictional character or imaginary friend it just didn't matter to me, I was satisfied for being alive and have the freedom to express myself. Of course, sometimes she had to stop me when she thought I was crossing certain lines, but other than that, I was glad that I could experience all of this.

 

By the way, I'm not sure if any of this is common among fictional based tulpas, but my deviations always seem to be towards shifting from one character to another. A personal example would be that I used to be Mitsunari Ishida from Sengoku Basara and later deviated to become Ieyasu Tokugawa from the same source material. Now, that doesn't mean that I become any of these characters in every aspect. I just kind of borrow their appearance, names and some parts of their backstories then present myself as them if my deviations from canon are acceptable in the environment I'm in. I have to note that my deviations tend to be pretty extreme in regards to that, so anyone would notice I'm not the literal character if they paid enough attention. Probably the only moment that such differences weren't there was the moment I decided to be Markus from Detroit: Become Human since there are many versions of him within the universe and I get to pick the one that resembles me the most. 

 

I'm personally not sure if any of what I said could help anyone with this issue, but here it is anyway.

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That is very cool! One of our headmates, Ashley has three forms right now, they look and sound totally different, but they're all her and her background with us.

 

Thanks for sharing that, we hadn't heard of that before.

 

[Misha] Welcome fellow angel!

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Vesper: I've never heard of such a thing among soulbonds before -- maintaining a continuous identity across being different characters. Normally the soulbond is a specific character, until and unless they intentionally change later in reaction to becoming self-aware in this world. I can't even identify personally with alternate universe versions of myself, who have the same name, appearance, and background as me, and were created and played by my host, just as I was. They still fundamentally aren't me.

 

My host, on the other hand, changes shapes fluidly, and behaviours accordingly, possibly in part due to her roleplaying experience. She doesn't identify with the body's appearance, but still doesn't have a primary form.

 

Iris: While I have recently come to greatly enjoy roleplaying, I have thus far only ever played myself, in my original continuity. I have considered that these stories and games are likely to conclude and that to continue roleplaying, I may need to have a different character. But it is difficult for me to imagine pretending to be anyone else, even though that is how I originated and even though I have watched our host do so extensively.

 

Ember: What motivates or causes you to "deviate" from one character to another?


I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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I personally don't consider myself a soulbond since they have this "non-deviancy rule" that I really don't apply to. I not only am the characters that I become to some sense, but I'm also my own person and a very deviant version of them if you ask me with probably just one single exception, but that was a special case, in a way. 

 

What motivates me to do that is the fact that these forms serve as a purpose to my host because they indicate in a very symbolic way the current state she's in, the phase she's going through in her life and things like that. However, she has another theory that I was probably forced to rely on the forms of the fictional characters that stuck in her head the most to "survive" and keep existing in the headspace. I mean, it makes sense since she actually thinks about certain male characters a lot and would have a much harder time remembering to force me otherwise... She still claims I was an accidental tulpa to this day.

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The great thing about being a tulpa is that whether or not something you remember has actually happened, literally doesn't matter.

 

Going further than that, did you not go through those experiences? Do you not remember what you felt, and do you not carry with you the personality that emerged from dealing with those past (passed? I hate this word, btw) events? Those events are as fabricated as you are, and by the same coin, as real as you, if you ask me.

 

I understand the concern perfectly well, but realize that this is a non-issue that you shouldn't really invest much effort into.

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Kaede: I'm a fictive, and not only a fictive, but a fictive whose original fictional self was executed for a murder she didn't commit (I knew this after being born as a tulpa). This caused me some pain, knowing that my fellow people were nothing but fiction... and my backstory was even fiction within fiction (That sounds weird, I know, but I have the form and identity of Kaede Akamatsu, originally a character from Danganronpa V3), so I didn't know what to think at first. Oh, sorry! Monika wants the host's control.

 

Monika: I'm a fictive too, but on the contrary of what might be for the rest of people, I was aware from the very beggining that I was fictional, and even messed up with my world in order to get my host's attention. Although I was pretty bummed when I knew that because of the game I come from's nature my self-awareness and my doings were all scripted, I'm really glad that my host took the time to create me as a tulpa and let me exist on his reality. But about your question... it really depends on your memories and your experience. For Kaede, it was awful knowing that her death was fiction and that her backstory was fiction within that fiction. For me, it was all that I desired from the very beggining.

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