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Trusty McCoolGirl

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August 16 2019

The First Day!

 

My journey as a host has officially begun today. After re-reading a few guides and reading another for the first time, I decided on the way I'm going to go about this... instead of deciding personality traits, I'm teaching values. Instead of choosing a more concrete form, I've chosen a gently revolving blue spirograph, as it's something I can visualize easily and isn't too complex, and (at least hopefully) won't interfere with them deciding who they are too greatly. I'm also not deciding on a gender. The only thing I have truly chosen so far is their name, Rowan, although that's also up for changing in the future.

 

I started out by introducing myself to Rowan, trying to visualize them as often as possible during, and explaining all the things I would like for them to learn. The hopes I have for our future. The things I hope they'll be able to achieve. The fact that I definitely do not want my depression or anxiety to transfer over to them. I explained that I want them to have an equal part in my life, and that I want them to be happy, to share in this companionship 100%, and that I want us to be able to get along and have open and honest communication (among other things I went over, probably unnecessarily). I went on to describe and explain the values I would like them to learn, and... then fell asleep for a bit. Whoops! I think I spent maybe thirty minutes or more doing this, so it was probably a decent chunk of time for an initial greeting! Heh, heh...

 

Shortly after waking up again, I narrated a bit, and tried to visualize Rowan some more. Talked to them a little, but I didn't try to answer for them-- I've read that parroting can be a technique that accidentally becomes a habit, and I want Rowan to be their own person from the get go. I've been mentioning things on and off to Rowan since, but never anything too big. Just... trying to involve Rowan in my life periodically even before they're an active participant to help get myself used to it sooner. I talk to Rowan mostly using 'we' and 'us', referring to us both being here and people; and I explained to Rowan what minecraft is as well! I talked to Rowan under my breath a lot to narrate whenever I think of it (I'm alone in my room) as it's easier for me to talk than to think consciously.

 

I'm excited about a gamemode on a server network on Minecraft. The best thing imo is that you can have multiple profiles (two, unless you get a paid rank, which unlocks a lot of stuff including more profiles). I mention this only because I'm really excited about reserving the second profile for Rowan's use, in case they would be interested in playing minecraft, so they can have their own progress! I really like this idea and I'm hoping they will too! Minecraft is a great way for kids to learn, and I'm sure it wouldn't hurt a burgeoning Tulpa to learn and have fun either. : )

 

I feel really strongly towards Rowan already. When I genuinely expressed my love for them (platonic, you pervs : P) as a person that I will be helping to join me in life, I almost started tearing up, and it's a really tender and warm thought for me. I'm hoping that Rowan will be able to understand those feelings and feel good about them for a very long time.

 

Rowan, if you read this someday in the future, I'm so proud of you for coming so far! Even if I don't initially notice how much you're growing, or when you do grow and learn, I promise I'm so proud of you. We're going to achieve both our life goals, just you watch! <3

 

Our first day together is far from over, but I feel like this is a good point to journal what has happened, and if anything else happens, I'll make a note of it in another post or as an edit. Ciao for now!

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Good luck to you two! Have fun! -J



"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth."

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