Noich's progress log

[Noich]

Hi! So I'm working on a tulpa. I'd like to keep track of my progress here, and if anyone has any advice to offer I'd love to hear it.

For important updates in my progress I'll be editing OP (which will result in a huge wall of text on the first page). I'll try to underline the important stuff. Lastly, I don't keep track of how many hours I make, but I strive for at least one hour of tulpaforcing each day.

 

This is what I want my tulpa, Spick, eventually to look like.

Except with gray eyes, the addition of wings, and removal of the 'cutie mark' note.

 

 

08-24-2012

 

I think it's been a week ago when I began working on Spick, starting off by fleshing out a bit of her personality each day. I would just sit down, close my eyes and narrate to her about certain personality traits, how they are related to one another, influence her feelings etc. While doing so I tried to visualize her essence in front of me as a glowing white orb. I'd reach out to her with my hands, and try to let my energy flow into her essence. Sometimes I used a wonderland, but at other times I'd just use a black void. Whichever felt better at that moment. Also, throughout the day I've tried to narrate to her every now and then. There were times when I could strongly feel her presence, but there were also times when she seemed to have disappeared. Lastly, there have been some occassions in which I think she may have vaguely communicated with me.

 

What I'd like to get some feedback on, is something that happened two days ago. I was trying to do some personality work, but it didn't go very well because I couldn't really think any new ways to narrate about Spick's personality traits. So I decided to give visualization a go, and allowed her essence to morph into the body I've got in mind for her. It felt like she highly anticipated this. Almost instantly she started moving about, got to running, and eventually also flying around our wonderland. I'm pretty sure this was not my doing. All the while her body kept on changing and morphing, until it finally stabilized somewhat into the form I originally had in mind.

 

Now here's some things that got me thinking, and would really like to hear other people's thoughts on.

1. Ever since this event, she hasn't been very active anymore. It kind of leaves me wondering if I should let her keep this form, or change her back into the white orb so I can get access to her essence more easily while we're still working on personality.

2. During her moveabout's, her movements often closely resemble those of my cat. Of course she does have a bit of a cat-like body. Could it be she's tapping into my memories to figure out ways for her to use her body? Or could it be that I'm subconsciously puppeteering after all?

 

08-26-2012

 

I've just continued doing personality work, at least 30 minutes a day. It's kind of hard to judge when we'll be done working on Spick's personality, but I guess it can't hurt taking a decent amouth of time for it. During our sessions I try to feel her presence, and narrate to her about whatever personality traits come to mind. I've already narrated most aspects of her personality a couple of times, but I'm going more and more in-depth with them. Whenever I feel original enough, that is. I've begun using the 'energy crystal method' Nikodemos mentioned to me, so sometimes I visualize Spick as a white orb (her essence), and sometimes she possesses her body. When she possesses her body, she usually isn't very active though.

 

Today something happened, very similair to what happened when I first visualized Spick possessing her body. After 30 minutes of narrating to her 'essence' I put the crystal inside her body, and she sprang to life. This resulted in her flying (and me trying to keep up with her) around a rather detailed wonderland that seemed to manifested itself around us as we came. It was pretty cool, eventually we ended up in some kind of sky-castle made out of clouds.

 

At some point I decided to consciously puppeteer Spick a little bit, to see if it would feel any different from what I had so far interpreted as her moving about on her own. So, after explaining my intentions to her, I 'forced' her to fly a little bit. It didn't feel very different, which puzzled me somewhat. But I guess I shouldn't dwell on this too long. Eventually I began to lose focuss, so I told her I couldn't keep up with her any longer and ended the session.

 

Something that's also puzzling me is the rather energetic behavior she's been showing on those two occassions. It may be a bit conflicting with the rather calm (yet playful) personality I've got in mind for her. I know deviation is bound to occur, and I don't mind if she turns out differently in the end. Still, I'm not sure how to interpret this.

 

09-01-2012

 

Some interesting stuff happened.

 

So I just had my first week at my new school. I've still been tulpaforcing every day, but usually no more than 30 minutes. Some sessions were very good, others didn't go so well.

 

When I woke up yesterday I immediately felt a strong bond with Spick, and this feeling lasted until my attention became fully occupied with school and having to be social etc etc. Still, it was very nice to experience.

Now here it gets interesting. When I tried to tulpaforce yesterday evening things didn't go very well. Not sure why, but all of a sudden I began to lose faith in my capability to make a tulpa. Might have to do with all the school related stress last week. So I took a bath, and feeling somewhat better afterwards I lied down on my bed for a bit to relax. It was still very early in the evening, but apparently I was tired as hell and soon began to drowse off.

 

That night I had a weird dream. I can't remember much of it, but I think in the end my tulpa spoke to me. In my I dream was at the funeral of an unknow boy who'd died. The boy's father was also present. He was devastated with the loss of his son, and was contemplating suicide by jumping off a hill. 'Please don't', I softly whispered to him, upon which he turned to me and looked me in the eyes. This was a very intense experience, and I felt something important was about to happen. Then he spoke to me, in the voice of someone I don't know very well (and dislike) something like 'He would've died anyway'. This caused me to wake up.

 

When I woke up, still drowsy and half asleep, I immediately felt it was Spick who'd spoken this last line. And I still do. I have no idea what the context meant, and actually I think it was just random dream nonsense. But I think somehow she intruded my dream and caused me to wake up. This all happened a couple of hours ago. Now I've regained my confidence. I think my tulpa has already grown stronger than I realize, and I will continue to do my best for her.

 

I've just done a short session of 20 minutes, talking to Spick about what happened 'n stuff. I couldn't really do any visualisation yet, because currently she's maintaining a thin veil between us. Still, I feel a strong bond with her again. I know it's just my personal fears and doubts that occasionally keep us from making progress.

 

It's a bit of a shame school and other stuff is occupying so much of my time and energy right now. I'd love to parttake in this community more to learn from other people, but right now I think the time I've got left should mostly be spent tulpaforcing or relaxing.

[Holger]

I don't see why you're so worried about "subconscious puppeting". Tuppers are just subconscious figments. It's basically the whole point to have the subconscious do something with your tupper, since it lives in this "department" of the mind.

 

Anyway, neat with more ponies.

[Nikodemos]

First of all, welcome to the community! It's nice to have another new face here.

 

And as for your question, it seems that with most tuppers they have a burst of activity at the early stages of creation, and sort of go silent again for a long time, no need to worry about that. And to answer your questions:

 

1. Have you tried using the orb as an energy crystal of sorts? Like it's the thing that gives your tulpa life and is attached to her body. You can always take it out and examine it or work on it later, with a form too.

2. All 'subconcious parroting' is your tulpa doing stuff by itself, no need to worry.

[Noich]

^Thanks for the welcome. The energy crystal method sounds like a great solution, I'm going to use that.

[Frosty]

I kinda did the energy crystal/orb thing by accident the other day. Usually I picture my tulpa as just a silhouette, but I made her a "soul" made up of her personality/emotions/stuff that I can add to. I gave it to her and it kinda stuck, so now every time I picture her she appears as a silhouette with a glowing white orb inside of her chest. It wasn't exactly what I was going for but I guess it works.

 

So yeah, I'd say just roll with it, maybe it's what your tupper wants. *shrug*

[Noich]

08-26-2012

 

I've just continued doing personality work, at least 30 minutes a day. It's kind of hard to judge when we'll be done working on Spick's personality, but I guess it can't hurt taking a decent amouth of time for it. During our sessions I try to feel her presence, and narrate to her about whatever personality traits come to mind. I've already narrated most aspects of her personality a couple of times, but I'm going more and more in-depth with them. Whenever I feel original enough, that is. I've begun using the 'energy crystal method' Nikodemos mentioned to me, so sometimes I visualize Spick as a white orb (her essence), and sometimes she possesses her body. When she possesses her body, she usually isn't very active though.

 

Today something happened, very similair to what happened when I first visualized Spick possessing her body. After 30 minutes of narrating to her 'essence' I put the crystal inside her body, and she sprang to life. This resulted in her flying (and me trying to keep up with her) around a rather detailed wonderland that seemed to manifested itself around us as we came. It was pretty cool, eventually we ended up in some kind of sky-castle made out of clouds.

 

At some point I decided to consciously puppeteer her a little bit, to see if it would feel any different from what I had so far interpreted as her moving about on her own. So, after explaining her my intentions to her, I 'forced' her to fly a little bit. It didn't feel very different, which puzzled me somewhat. But I guess I shouldn't dwell on this too long. Eventually I began to lose focuss, so I told Spick I couldn't keep up with her any longer and ended the session.

 

Something that's also puzzling me is the rather energetic behavior she's been showing on those two occassions. It may be a bit conflicting with the rather calm (yet playful) personality I've got in mind for her. I know deviation is bound to occur, and I don't mind if she turns out differently in the end. Still, I'm not sure how to interpret this.

[Norman_Steel]

Keep on her personality, that's all I have to say. Otherwise it could end up as an empty shell, but I don't think she'll end up that way from what you're saying.

[Frosty]

Keep on her personality, that's all I have to say. Otherwise it could end up as an empty shell, but I don't think she'll end up that way from what you're saying.

You mean a servitor. However, just because you don't work on personality doesn't mean you'll get a servitor. It only means their personality will develop entirely on its own, whatever they choose, which may not be what you had in mind. Although even so, generally their personality is agreeable to its creator anyway.

[Noich]

09-01-2012

 

Some interesting stuff happened.

 

So I just had my first week at my new school. I've still been tulpaforcing every day, but usually no more than 30 minutes. Some sessions were very good, others didn't go so well.

 

When I woke up yesterday I immediately felt a strong bond with Spick, and this feeling lasted until my attention became fully occupied with school and having to be social etc etc. Still, it was very nice to experience.

Now here it gets interesting. When I tried to tulpaforce yesterday evening things didn't go very well. Not sure why, but all of a sudden I began to lose faith in my capability to make a tulpa. Might have to do with all the school related stress last week. So I took a bath, and feeling somewhat better afterwards I lied down on my bed for a bit to relax. It was still very early in the evening, but apparently I was tired as hell and soon began to drowse off.

 

That night I had a weird dream. I can't remember much of it, but I think in the end my tulpa spoke to me. In my I dream was at the funeral of an unknow boy who'd died. The boy's father was also present. He was devastated with the loss of his son, and was contemplating suicide by jumping off a hill. 'Please don't', I softly whispered to him, upon which he turned to me and looked me in the eyes. This was a very intense experience, and I felt something important was about to happen. Then he spoke to me, in the voice of someone I don't know very well (and dislike) something like 'He would've died anyway'. This caused me to wake up.

 

When I woke up, still drowsy and half asleep, I immediately felt it was Spick who'd spoken this last line. And I still do. I have no idea what the context meant, and actually I think it was just random dream nonsense. But I think somehow she intruded my dream and caused me to wake up. This all happened a couple of hours ago. Now I've regained my confidence. I think my tulpa has already grown stronger than I realize, and I will continue to do my best for her.

 

I've just done a short session of 20 minutes, talking to Spick about what happened 'n stuff. I couldn't really do any visualisation yet, because currently she's maintaining a thin veil between us. Still, I feel a strong bond with her again. I know it's just my personal fears and doubts that occasionally keep us from making progress.

 

It's a bit of a shame school and other stuff is occupying so much of my time and energy right now. I'd love to parttake in this community more to learn from other people, but right now I think the time I've got left should mostly be spent tulpaforcing or relaxing.