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On 2/28/2023 at 11:51 AM, TB said:

I'm sorry your heart is filled with misery. I hope you're doing better by now

 

I am. Thank you for your concern.

Do what thou wilt with thy weakness
A poem of mine, do you know it?

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8 hours ago, Rena Bonnie said:

Great! How's it going?

 

Well, okay mentally, my schizophrenia hasn't been bothering me, though, there was that one time yesterday when I couldn't figure which voice was mine, it was trippy. But tulpa-wise it's been lackluster, few sessions here and there, mainly when I'm smoking (I plan on quitting when I get my own place, which should be a year from now.) The one thing that bothers me is that I've been parroting everything he says, and I can't 'feel' his presence like I use to. I tried gearheart's tulpa hypnosis but to no avail, I feel stuck, so, same as usual, I just wish I could re-experience the same feeling I got back in September, that was sublime. 

 

One of my biggest hurdles is my maladaptive daydreaming, each time I try to think about Lucy I just get sucked back into old habits and forget about him. In my daydreams, I can talk flawlessly, but when I try to talk to Lucy, it takes great effort on my part.

 

But enough of my problems. I must work on him.

 

Thank you for reading.

Do what thou wilt with thy weakness
A poem of mine, do you know it?

Oh sorry for being late

 

I'm glad you aren't being bothered by your schizophrenia! That sounds like it would be rough normally.

 

I hope you can experience again what you had in September, too!

 

It can be hard to get a host to focus but with enough time and effort it will happen.

 

I wish you luck!

よしよしヾ(´・ω・`)

Okay, I think enough has passed for me to consider this.

 

I will be absent till 2024. I have been working on Lucy for roughly 3 years and 8 months with little success, and I feel it's best for me to collect my bearings and reconsider this. By then, I will have my own place, a new life. Last year was a breeze, barely felt like anytime went by, so 8 months from now will be nothing, during my absence I will get more spiritual, read more books, not just on the paranormal and otherworldly topics, but history, philosophy, great works of literature, I will also commit myself to healthy eating habits by following the words of ray peat (not strictly following him, everyone's body is different and will require experimentation) and exercise --brisk walks, weight lifting etc,-- I will better myself so my future tulpa will not be stuck in this less-than- admirable body. I may end up abandoning Lucy and starting over when that time arrives for me to come back. I feel awful for abandoning him, but what can I do? I tried everything.

 

So, this is my last post of the year, goodbye, everyone, it's been nice meeting you guys, and if something goes wrong, I hope we meet each other in the afterlife.

 

End of Post.

Do what thou wilt with thy weakness
A poem of mine, do you know it?

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