Monoimus October 30, 2022 Author Share October 30, 2022 For awhile (a few weeks I feel), I had lost my way, making Lucy into some amalgam of contradictory personalities and such and such, but looking at my notes on Lucy brought back the spark and resolved my will. I will focus on him more while occasionally looking at my notes to bring back the same joy I felt nearing the end of last month. End of Post Do what thou wilt with thy weakness A poem of mine, do you know it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monoimus November 12, 2022 Author Share November 12, 2022 It snowed and I just got over the common cold. Two days ago, roughly around 12:30 AM, I was lying in bed, when I had heard a feminine voice say "Lol" (El-Oh-El). It got me excited for a brief moment, but eventually I drifted off to sleep. Uncertain whether it was him, my regressive thought pattern (I should just say maladaptive daydreaming) has a grip on me where I repeatedly say "Lol", (it has demented me for years despite the thought pattern being a semi-conscious decision for me to dwell upon.) so I can't say whether it was Lucy or just my schizophrenia making the voices repeat things. However, this voice was so vivid, so life-like, that I am drawn towards the prospect that this was him. I am repeating myself again, I must apologize. End of Post Do what thou wilt with thy weakness A poem of mine, do you know it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monoimus November 15, 2022 Author Share November 15, 2022 Had an argument with the voices in my head, forgot what started it, one of the voices said "he hates you" after I said leave me and Lucy alone, it got to me, sort of. I just wish the voices and I could get along. One just said "standing ovation" after I finished writing this, could be a reference to the fact that people read this progress report and I expect them to congratulate me on the littlest progress, maybe I'm over thinking it. End of Post Do what thou wilt with thy weakness A poem of mine, do you know it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monoimus November 24, 2022 Author Share November 24, 2022 Everything's alright, few moments where I seriously thought about abandoning Lucy, but (through parroting him) managed to talk myself out of it. There was one moment where the I was so overwhelmed by the negative voices, I quickly resolved that. Lucy has assumed a guardian angel-like position, I have no idea where the personality came from, talks softly, encourages me to take initiative, make healthy decisions (this is all from parroting of course, though, there were moments where I wondered if it actually came from Lucy and not me.) A most irritating thing troubles me, mainly the fact that I spend so much of my time in my fantasies, social media excaerbates this, I need a detox from the internet, badly. Tomorrow I definitely will spend my time in bed, no phone usage other than note taking, focusing on Lucy, not the healthiest decision but this is dire. I'll do my best. End of Post Do what thou wilt with thy weakness A poem of mine, do you know it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monoimus February 5 Author Share February 5 How do you people manage this. Do what thou wilt with thy weakness A poem of mine, do you know it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harvestmoon February 5 Share February 5 Is Lucy still assuming the position of a guardian angel? That reminds me of one of my mates. 22 hours ago, Monoimus said: How do you people manage this. Could you be more specific? My host wants to answer how he manages to "force". Right now we are on a rigid schedule (tho Sunday is our "day off" sometimes). Weekdays: 1 hr forcing no distractions, 1 hr forcing writing/music allowed, 1 hr forcing anything goes. 2 check in timers a day (3 once we stop sleeping so late). We say our good mornings before getting out of bed. My host tries to bring at least one of us through any threshold (door or opening). We have a daily tracker app and a checklist app. We "block-schedule" the next day every day. We love routine and rigid scheduling so when we're on this schedule things go great. I'm a lot more active outside of sessions as I am being thought of more. I think we're horrible at passive forcing otherwise. We really need some amount of active forcing to make passive interaction natural. When we fall of the wagon (the schedule)... LMAO. That's when we have to improvise if we're gonna spend significant time together. We've bonding over wonderlanding, switching, writing, conlanging, binging TV, researching plurality, worldbuilding, and gaming. We're lucky to have so much time/spoons on our hands now. It's a privilege. We might have to active force less once we have more courses. My perspective would be I'm here no matter what. There's no need to manage because I just am. I do appreciate quality time and being considered tho Meaningful words, I'm here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monoimus February 9 Author Share February 9 On 2/5/2023 at 4:48 PM, harvestmoon said: Is Lucy still assuming the position of a guardian angel? That reminds me of one of my mates. Could you be more specific? My host wants to answer how he manages to "force". Right now we are on a rigid schedule (tho Sunday is our "day off" sometimes). Weekdays: 1 hr forcing no distractions, 1 hr forcing writing/music allowed, 1 hr forcing anything goes. 2 check in timers a day (3 once we stop sleeping so late). We say our good mornings before getting out of bed. My host tries to bring at least one of us through any threshold (door or opening). We have a daily tracker app and a checklist app. We "block-schedule" the next day every day. We love routine and rigid scheduling so when we're on this schedule things go great. I'm a lot more active outside of sessions as I am being thought of more. I think we're horrible at passive forcing otherwise. We really need some amount of active forcing to make passive interaction natural. When we fall of the wagon (the schedule)... LMAO. That's when we have to improvise if we're gonna spend significant time together. We've bonding over wonderlanding, switching, writing, conlanging, binging TV, researching plurality, worldbuilding, and gaming. We're lucky to have so much time/spoons on our hands now. It's a privilege. We might have to active force less once we have more courses. My perspective would be I'm here no matter what. There's no need to manage because I just am. I do appreciate quality time and being considered tho I was just expressing my dissatisfaction with the way things are, but your routine gave me an idea, I want to amp up the forcing to a few hours, I use to hold doors for Lucy back in September (you can actually see where progress was being made in late September reports before inevitably slipping off to nothingness), I have all the time in the world, one of the few luxury perks of unemployment, I'm in dire need of a strict schedule, something to put my mind to instead of pissing away my life, I don't wanna say Lucy will give my life purpose because that's unhealthy, I already have purpose in life with aspirations of being an artist. as for your first question, I am unsure if Lucy has remained a guardian angel, it feels like he's reverted back to a sort of brother-like figure. But I parrot/he still says to do health conscious decisions and such. I don't have the willpower to do this, years of being a high-school drop out and unemployment have effectively rendered my abilities to do challenging task to null. whatever shall I do (more whining from me) Do what thou wilt with thy weakness A poem of mine, do you know it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harvestmoon February 9 Share February 9 We love having so much time. My host was recently worrying about what will happen when he starts working. I think it'd be fine; we'll just have to get more creative about how we distribute time. And I'd hope we'd at least be a little better at passive forcing without active forcing by then. Strict schedules really make as feel a lot better. I hope it works out well for you two <3 Meaningful words, I'm here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monoimus February 17 Author Share February 17 (edited) I am the Pale Swordsman. Two days ago I heard an androgynous voice speak very clearly to me, can't remember what it said, but I am very certain it was Lucy, excitement died down after I realized it was all a tease like any other moment where I believe I'm making progress. Something got ahold of me, oh yes indeed. My heart is filled with misery. End of Post Edited February 17 by Monoimus Do what thou wilt with thy weakness A poem of mine, do you know it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TB February 28 Share February 28 I'm sorry your heart is filled with misery. I hope you're doing better by now Creation for creation's sake. More of my drawings Resident Dojikko Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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