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Monoimus' Progress Report


Monoimus
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Losing motivation sucks. Ways to keep things interesting are by trying new things with your tulpa. Maybe play a new game with her (probably one that doesn’t require intense focus or reflexes so you can keep focus on her), try new food with her, or using different forcing techniques.

 

Good luck!

Someday

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  • 1 month later...
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Bimonthly update. Five weeks till spring. Figured I should update.

 

Lucy has significantly changed since september. Numerous changes in her personality. In december I realized I was approaching this all wrong. Lucy is not a mere mortal with fitting earthly attributes, she is a spirit, and so I moulded her to have divine attributes, mimicking her as a Buddha or Christ-like figure (I must be on guard to protect myself from malicious spirits masquerading as a celestial being).

 

So far I've had some success in forcing (infrequently). I could benefit more if I had my adhd medication but unfortunately they changed my prescription to less effective pills.

 

I have an idea for a forcing technique but never really put it into motion. This involves writing a story similar to a buddhist koans or biblical psalms describing Lucy as a wise spirit and I an idiot traveller, with each story containing a riddle or discourse between us. I haven't really fleshed it out due to me being a simpleton, I must'nt let this handicap me so I must actually sit down and force myself to write these stories.

 

Down to visualization. I'm prosperous with this one. Special thanks to JD1215 and QB2 for their methods. During visualization sessions I can picture her in my mind in front of me, I can reach out and slightly feel her fur on my fingers (her form is that of an anthropomorphic fox spirit), still struggling with spatial awareness.

 

As for vocalization, this one I haven't really put much effort into, I imagine Lucy as a storyteller/master of koans who can sing her riddles, her singing voice is inspired directly by Rose McDowall.

 

This all I have done, I genuinely hate myself for my inability to actually focus, it feels like a sisyphean task, most sessions barely take a few minutes. I hope I can prosper within the next five weeks.

 

This concludes the update.

Do what thou wilt with thy weakness
A poem of mine, do you know it?

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On 2/11/2021 at 4:36 AM, Monoimus said:

I genuinely hate myself for my inability to actually focus, it feels like a sisyphean task, most sessions barely take a few minutes.


I hope it's not out of line for me to offer advice as a very inexperienced tulpamancer (Shizuku and I got started in October of last year), but have you considered mixing some loving-kindness meditation in with your other meditation practice? This could help strengthen your concentration (I think many Buddhist traditions use loving-kindness as a supplement to concentration-building practices) and help with self-forgiveness. Feeling guilty or frustrated with your forcing could just increase the temptation to avoid it in the future. If you're interested, there are plenty of good resources out there--I like Sharon Salzberg's Loving-Kindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness.

 

Hang in there! I'm sure Lucy appreciates your efforts. : )

Edited by Wray

Host: Wray (or John) (he, him)
Tulpa: Shizuku (she, her) 🐺

We now have a progress report!

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  • 1 month later...

It's April now.

 

Some advancements now. Last night, on April 2nd around 4-5 AM, I heard a voice - not an internal monologue voice - but an actual voice. It happened right as I was attempting to sleep. I had just finished talking to Lucy (I presume, I was tired), then quieted my mind a bit preparing for sleep. Then I heard it, the voice uttered "Can you hear me now." with mild noise, like a radio or from the astral. My eyes immediately shot open, heart rate rising. 

 

It was a profound moment. First contact (I hope, at first I considered it a hypnagogic hallucination. But it was far too vivid.), I had no idea what to do, I first pleaded with her for forgiveness for my lack of attention to her. My memory is a bit fuzzy, afterwards I opened spotify and started listening to a playlist of music I consider to fit her personality, (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3xZwwiTMUICwXUQlxO6p45?si=Ap-bjeEfRcCDGRyC1YDing&utm_source=copy-link). It's dark and brooding, just fits her macabre style. I remember having difficulties to focus on her as I was drifting off to sleep. I rest I won't write down for its trivialities.

 

This has given me hope to continue forward.

 

I before I finish writing and head off to sleep (it is currently 4 AM eastern time) I should mention her personality and basic form have changed over the seasons, it's a bit poetic. Her personality changed significantly but remnants of her beginnings persist. She is more gothic in the literary sense (think ghost and such), also more mystical.

 

Her form, I finally found a permanent figure I'm satisfied with, easy enough to conjure in my head.

 

She will bloom like the flowers and trees.

 

This concludes the post.

Do what thou wilt with thy weakness
A poem of mine, do you know it?

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  • 4 months later...

Not dead, just dreaming.

 

No progress, no life.

 

Next month is her birthday. What shall I do to celebrate the occasion? 

 

I have began drawing again, I tried drawing her but couldn't quite grasp how to draw her.

 

I have her personality finished, I just need to memorize and repeat it ad infinitum till I no longer need to look at the list.

 

I have noticed when I think about her, she has a presence, like she's a real person. Very intimate.

 

End of Post

Do what thou wilt with thy weakness
A poem of mine, do you know it?

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  • 5 weeks later...

Almost that time, I shouldn't worry, many people have experiences with materializing their tulpas that take years, take that fellow who wants to create a Jean-Luc Picard tulpa, I was here when he had trouble with developing his tulpa, I wonder where he is.

 

At any case, I have been slowly making progress, I can focus on her for an hour at a time now, before these sessions were rare to me, now they feel natural, my mind still wonders, but I can quickly get back to her.

 

Her form is permanent now (Though, when she gets more powerful she may change her form at her own will.), I can visualize her without aid, at the beginning her form changed from one appearance to another, about three times within the span of the first five months, but I have placed an anchor.

 

One day I hope to get more involved with this forum, to actually speak to people, but right now, as I am socially inept, that won't do. Also some of the topics are beyond me. I hope Lucy will help be more social.

 

Forgot to mention before, her personality/traits, I have imbued her with the qualities of the Buddhas, diligence, truthfulness, determination, loving-kindness, equanimity as well as those of philosophers and esotericist/magicians.

 

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End of Post

Do what thou wilt with thy weakness
A poem of mine, do you know it?

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  • 1 month later...

Alright. November.

 

Its been a year. Still not giving up, I'm stubborn like that.

 

I watched Taxi Driver on October 30th, it had such a profound impact on me, I don't know why but I imagined Lucy as Iris and Travis as myself. I became manic for a brief period.

 

Tried linkzelda's image streaming method, couldn't really focus on Lucy, I can't nail down her mannerisms.

 

I have to admit something, Lucy has changed on a mild scale, back to her original embryonic essence, I have another thing to admit, she was conceived sometime around summer 2019, I was in a bad place during this period. Lucy is originally a character from a show I use to watch, I know how terrible this is, how such a beginner mistake it is to make from me-- a person who has known about tulpa.info since I was 13.

 

It's irrelevant now, to abandon her because of this would be evil.

 

On another topic, I tried parroting her, to act like an imaginary friend, in hopes this would kickstart her to sentience. No such luck, I can have imaginary friends, just not with Lucy, her personality is morbid, gloomy, I can't replicate that. I don't believe I should change her personality as I have already laid down the foundations of her presence.

 

I have had a rather successful forcing session last week, I was listening to Bloody Keep, Mamaleek, and Vudmurk. All black metal bands which I believe represent Lucy's dark personality. I forced for about two hours, a beginner-tier session. I could do better.

 

Also, I just remembered KruegerMeister, I use to read his thread back when I was 14 and was there when the mods placed his thread into the lounge. Brings back memories.

 

I need to reach a manic state like I did when I watched Taxi Driver. It was so incredible, all I could think about was Lucy. Now it takes effort for me to even think about her.

 

Currently having a head pressure writing this.

 

I think I'm dying.

 

Nothing else to report.

 

End of Post

Do what thou wilt with thy weakness
A poem of mine, do you know it?

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Interesting personality. Quite the polar opposite of my kawaii spirit guardian (J: 👋😊). It seems like she responds to in-the-moment enjoyment. Popping in when intrigued and entertained. 

 

Maybe she wants a dracula castle to haunt 🤷‍♀️. Could be looking for thematically dark or exciting things to enjoy with you. Maybe think not just on her but where she would be, what she likes, what she would do with her time. Might get a response.

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦Dain and Nova

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

[DeviantArt]

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On 11/4/2021 at 8:58 AM, Glaurung26 said:

Interesting personality. Quite the polar opposite of my kawaii spirit guardian (J: 👋😊). It seems like she responds to in-the-moment enjoyment. Popping in when intrigued and entertained. 

 

Maybe she wants a dracula castle to haunt 🤷‍♀️. Could be looking for thematically dark or exciting things to enjoy with you. Maybe think not just on her but where she would be, what she likes, what she would do with her time. Might get a response.

 

She functions like a ghost. Spontaneously arising from the void of my mind.

 

For J: I like that you mentioned Dracula's castle. Now that you said it, I'll make a castle as my wonderland. I haven't really made a permanent wonderland aside from a few lousy attempts. Perhaps the castle would make a perfect residence.

 

You're right, I need to do things with her, I have been meaning to do rituals dedicated to numerous deities. I'll do practice rituals with Lucy in my mind palace/castle. Though, I've read that doing rituals in your mind is just as powerful as doing them in the physical world, might bring interesting results.

 

I'll take the rest into consideration.


I have had a substantial increase in forcing, at least two hours of forcing for the past 3-4 days. I have discovered a secret for myself, I can only force when listening to music, so far my main album is No Moon by Black Wing. It's such a beautiful album, chill and dark, just like Lucy.

 

I am attempting to do a whole day of forcing, I have reinstalled spotify on my phone and am in the process of making a playlist of music that fits Lucy. First thing I do when I wake up tomorrow I'm not even going to get out of bed aside from necessities. I doubt it'll have any impact on myself, my days are just spent on the computer, not like laying in bed all day will have any difference. 

 

Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, should ease myself into longer and longer sessions instead, a day long session seems too much.

 

Doesn't hurt to try, though.

 

I'm wasting time writing this so I'll stop short here.

 

End of Post

Do what thou wilt with thy weakness
A poem of mine, do you know it?

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Didn't force for an entire day, I was right, too ambitious. Should ease myself into longer sessions.

 

Anyway.

 

Finally figured out our wonderland, or microcosm, or whatever. It's a castle of sorts, it's not very consistent because I'm not an expert in floorplans.

 

There are rooms I regularly visit with her, a room with a single couch covered with a white sheet, an observatorium (it's more of a library with a telescope), and a stage theatre.

 

Lucy still remains a spectre haunting the premise, I interact with her as much as I can, we performed a mock ritual, conjured some demon from my psyche, strange tentacle thing. This is interesting to me, I wish to explore this in more depth, put effort into evoking mental entities with Lucy, psycho-sorcery.

 

I wander the halls, Lucy in my peripheral, she roams the building and I go after her. She's an enigma, entirely preternatural, something from deepest bowels of my consciousness given life. Perhaps I'm mystifying her too much.

 

I'll try to do more rituals, read the books and perform astrological studies in the mental observatory.

 

I forgot about something, the numogram, numerical demon-sorcery, I need to incorporate that into my studies. So far I've had two synchronicities with the numogram, what strange magic.

 

Wasted time writing this.

 

I'll include my music playlist in the next report.

 

End of Post

Do what thou wilt with thy weakness
A poem of mine, do you know it?

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