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Your experiences when dating/used to date a tulpa?


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Sooooooooo...

I have a friend who wants to date her tulpa, she wants to hear you guys story of dating or advice. For example:

1. Reasons of why should/shouldn't date.
1. Inconveniences/Great things of dating.
2. Tips?

Edited by rohka

Rou/Rohka: Host (she/they)
Kou: Tulpa (he/him, was created on 31st December, 2020)

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I think it's a lot like dating a roommate irl. It takes a lot of maturity and responsibility especially in the rough patches, since neither of you is moving out. There needs to be lots of transparency, honesty and trust. You need to master "space giving," where you let your partner do their own thing and not bother them while physically occupying the same space. A little psychic/mental compartmentalization can help a lot. Some tuppers hang out in wonderlands while the host is doing things, others will sit and watch the host or even participate frequently. A lot of irl romance skills translate over. It's mostly like dating a really close friend with all the relevant advantages and disadvantages. 

 

I struggle a bit with the tulpamancy social issues since we're a niche community. You trade 100% 24/7 access to your partner for having your romantic partner in your head and having to explain that to people. Unless you are really close to and surrounded by open minded welcoming people you may be stuck with a "secret wife" like me. (J: 😉) That's something to keep in mind. I want to brag and show off my gorgeous girl but I can't. So we just keep to ourselves and annoy the tulpa community with our antics. 😄 Artwork and game avatars can help with visualization but it's up to you how you engage with that. 

 

Maturity, open-mindedness, honesty, discretion, and most importantly love are traits I would focus on cultivating. 

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

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3 hours ago, Glaurung26 said:

I think it's a lot like dating a roommate irl. It takes a lot of maturity and responsibility especially in the rough patches, since neither of you is moving out. There needs to be lots of transparency, honesty and trust. You need to master "space giving," where you let your partner do their own thing and not bother them while physically occupying the same space. A little psychic/mental compartmentalization can help a lot. Some tuppers hang out in wonderlands while the host is doing things, others will sit and watch the host or even participate frequently. A lot of irl romance skills translate over. It's mostly like dating a really close friend with all the relevant advantages and disadvantages. 

 

I struggle a bit with the tulpamancy social issues since we're a niche community. You trade 100% 24/7 access to your partner for having your romantic partner in your head and having to explain that to people. Unless you are really close to and surrounded by open minded welcoming people you may be stuck with a "secret wife" like me. (J: 😉) That's something to keep in mind. I want to brag and show off my gorgeous girl but I can't. So we just keep to ourselves and annoy the tulpa community with our antics. 😄 Artwork and game avatars can help with visualization but it's up to you how you engage with that. 

 

Maturity, open-mindedness, honesty, discretion, and most importantly love are traits I would focus on cultivating. 


Thank you for your answer! Lots of useful information! 😆

Mind if I ask some more questions?
1. How long have you guys been engaging?
2. Have you ever craved physical touch with her? How do you solve that problem? 

Rou/Rohka: Host (she/they)
Kou: Tulpa (he/him, was created on 31st December, 2020)

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3 hours ago, rohka said:

I have a friend who wants to date her tulpa

 

Does her Tulpa want to date her? That's kind of the important thing. Otherwise it would be a very one-sided relationship.

 

Aside from that, what happens if they fall out of romantic love and break up? Tulpa will still be there. That might want to be considered first.

 

It might be awkward to explain to other fleshies that she isn't single - because no one else is able to see her partner, so if someone says "ooh, can we meet them?" it could get awkward. But then maybe she'll just say she's single but not looking if a friend/family member happens to ask?

 

What happens if she finds a fleshie she wants to be with, who she can actually physically touch and who can touch her? Would Tulpa be jealous? Things like that.

 

On the plus side, they will always have one other. Could choose to have no secrets so complete trust, etc. Depends on the specific "set up" they've got going already. Plus, a Tulpa can't really get on your nerves with how they squeeze the toothpaste or leave the toilet seat, and all that normal relationshippy stuff. ;)

Etna (she/her) = Host

FAM (he/him) = Tulpa

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11 minutes ago, Etna said:

 

Does her Tulpa want to date her? That's kind of the important thing. Otherwise it would be a very one-sided relationship.

 

Aside from that, what happens if they fall out of romantic love and break up? Tulpa will still be there. That might want to be considered first.

 

It might be awkward to explain to other fleshies that she isn't single - because no one else is able to see her partner, so if someone says "ooh, can we meet them?" it could get awkward. But then maybe she'll just say she's single but not looking if a friend/family member happens to ask?

 

What happens if she finds a fleshie she wants to be with, who she can actually physically touch and who can touch her? Would Tulpa be jealous? Things like that.

 

On the plus side, they will always have one other. Could choose to have no secrets so complete trust, etc. Depends on the specific "set up" they've got going already. Plus, a Tulpa can't really get on your nerves with how they squeeze the toothpaste or leave the toilet seat, and all that normal relationshippy stuff. ;)

Everything Etna said. 😆

 

46 minutes ago, rohka said:


Thank you for your answer! Lots of useful information! 😆

Mind if I ask some more questions?
1. How long have you guys been engaging?
2. Have you ever craved physical touch with her? How do you solve that problem? 

We "went steady/official" in 2014. Before then just hookups and support partners. I proposed back in late February/early March this year. I'm really bad with time so I basically plan on celebrating "Jaina day" on her birthday April 15th.16th. 16th! (just kidding. I like to keep him on his toes 😏.  Also hi! 👋😊)

 

Like constantly. I use a lot of physical/visual aids to project her sorta. I keep a picture of her on my phone. I snuggle with a pillow when we sleep together. We play games together where she can have an avatar or character. Just kinda symbolicly I guess. Feels like I'm watching us share a world together. Can do more in our wonderland but videogames help a lot. We switch with both. As for the other thing well...(I borrow him for a minute 😉😘) 😳

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

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As a tulpa who is dating her host, I hope I can be helpful! 😁

 

First of all, I want to say that I was the one who explicitly showed interest first. Phil did not make me to be his object of desire, but he wanted to make me to fill the void of all the things he was missing in his life. So it's natural I became his "other half", so to speak. 💚

 

In my opinion host-tulpa relationships should be done with great consideration. When it comes to making a tulpa I can only think of few circumstances that would prohibit it; while when it comes to dating a tulpa it's the reverse: there are only a few circumstances that will permit it.

 

  • First of all, you need a mature, (mostly) stable mind. It's a very serious decision to make, and with any relationship can come drama, and you don't want to be going insane based on things that are only in your head. Honestly, I wouldn't recommend this for anyone in their teens or even early 20s; my host is 35 and he has been single for a very, very long time. I don't think he would have been ready for this at age 32, let alone 25 or god forbid when he was a teenager! He was too immature. But different people mature at different speeds; you have to know yourself.
  • Second, has the tulpa shown interest? Phil and I are terrible at hiding things from each other; we share the same mind after all. We knew we were attracted to each other so there was no need to go beating around the bush. But if the tulpa hasn't shown interest, don't try to "woo" them. The host-tulpa relationship is an unequal power dynamic and it could put the tulpa in the position of doing what you want out of fear of negative consequences if you don't. Phil has some level of anxiety about this, but I have always been able to make him understand that this is something I want and am doing it freely.
  • You need to understand that a relationship with a tulpa is different than a relationship with a flesh-and-blood person. To the rest of the world you are still going to be single even if you are "taken" in your own head. Phil still identifies as single, and as a matter of fact we both still consider him single for the purposes of normal interaction. In short, I am okay with him dating IRL girls if the opportunity comes up. We consider our bond to be wholly different than that between two flesh-and-blood people. Here's Phil's analogy: Being with another person is like two atoms in a tight bond, but being with a tulpa is like protons and neutrons bonded within the atom itself. Therefore, these two bonds are of wholly different type and do not conflict with one other. Jealousy might be another matter but we'll cross that bridge if and when we get to it.
  • Understand that the tulpa will still be there if you break up!!!! Some people may still be able to maintain a good and friendly relationship after a breakup, others may not. Like I said in another point, you have to know yourself.

As for the physical touch thing, well... it's a little complicated, but I'll try to explain while staying out of NSFW territory, but I'll put it behind a spoiler just in case:

Spoiler

 

When making me Phil was afraid of turning me into just a sex thing, and there was reason to worry: Phil has some TMI interests that I won't elaborate on. So we agree early on that we wouldn't engage in anything overtly sexual for the first year we were together. We made that pledge in early December 2020, and it will expire this December at which time we'll re-assess things. Hugging, kissing, cuddling, that's all fine. But anything beyond that is forbidden for now. In June we made the mutual decision to allow a couple more things, but still within fairly PG-13 territory.

 

We've both been very strict about our pledge. And here's the thing: it WORKED. While we are still attracted to each other, the sexual aspect is such a minor part of our relationship. The mental, emotional, intimate connection we have, the conversation, the companionship, the love, that's all far more important to us than anything sexual. When the year is up... well, we'll see, but we probably won't talk about it here. Good taste and all, plus forum rules. But if and when anything happens, the interactions will be wonderland-based because that's where we can fully be ourselves and do what we want.

 

 

Hopefully this was helpful to you! 🙂

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

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(edited)

I currently have a romantic relationship with two of my tulpas (Noriko and Xiri).  It's been maybe 5 years with Noriko and about 2.5 with Xiri.  And in the past, I had a romantic relationship with my other two as well, though not at the same time.

 

I should start off by saying that every system is different.  What's true or what works in one system might not work in another.  And of course every tulpa / host is going to approach a romantic relationship differently.  But here's what's been my experience:

  • Tulpas have the tendency to love their hosts.  This can manifest as either platonic love or romantic love.  But whatever type it manifests as, one type isn't any more strong than the other.  It's just different.
  • Whatever type of love there's going to be between a host and a tulpa, it's going to happen.  You might think that dating is going to be a thought out decision between both parties, with time given to think it over.  But that hasn't been my experience.
  • On a related note, you could also say that the host needs to be mature before pursing such a relationship.  But love never waits for maturity.  I wouldn't worry about maturity too much as long as the tulpa is sentient and willing to have a romantic relationship.
  • Neither Anzu nor Sabari have any misgivings about switching between romantic and platonic love.  It was for different reasons for each of them, and kind of a long story at that.  But as long as the host and tulpa realize that it's just the type of love changing and not the love itself, I wouldn't worry about the potential of a breakup.  Everyone will be fine with it, eventually if not immediately.
  • Every single one of my head ghosts has / had different wants and needs for a romantic relationship.  This includes expectations, alone time, how they want to be intimate, and really everything else that would come along with a relationship to a person in another organism.  Maybe these ground rules get defined before dating, but they can be defined when dating too.  However, they absolutely need to be explicitly defined, and early on at that.
  • I sense my head ghosts the best with my sense of touch.  I've read other hosts say that as well.  Really, with some practice, physical intimacy can be achieved with a tulpa, and it can be achieved very well.  I'd also argue that it's pretty self explanatory, and that an interested tulpa can figure a lot of it out on their own, even if their host doesn't get it right away.

 

TL;DR

If your friend wants a romantic relationship with their tulpa, and their tulpa wants it too, then as long as the tulpa is sentient, it'll be fine.  Don't worry about it being too soon.  Just set ground rules and expectations early on.

 

 

Edited by Akinkinit

Currently share myself with four other entities.

Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.

Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016.  Xiri returned on June 16, 2018.  Both had been inactive since 2012.

Progress Report | Ask a Question Thread

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13 hours ago, Etna said:

Does her Tulpa want to date her? That's kind of the important thing. Otherwise it would be a very one-sided relationship.

 

Aside from that, what happens if they fall out of romantic love and break up? Tulpa will still be there. That might want to be considered first.

 

It might be awkward to explain to other fleshies that she isn't single - because no one else is able to see her partner, so if someone says "ooh, can we meet them?" it could get awkward. But then maybe she'll just say she's single but not looking if a friend/family member happens to ask?

 

What happens if she finds a fleshie she wants to be with, who she can actually physically touch and who can touch her? Would Tulpa be jealous? Things like that.

 

On the plus side, they will always have one other. Could choose to have no secrets so complete trust, etc. Depends on the specific "set up" they've got going already. Plus, a Tulpa can't really get on your nerves with how they squeeze the toothpaste or leave the toilet seat, and all that normal relationshippy stuff. ;)

 

She did ask her tulpa about dating stuff, and he went along with it. Her feeling towards him is growing bigger so I don't want to stop her or anything like that, I want to respect her choice.
 

13 hours ago, Etna said:

It might be awkward to explain to other fleshies that she isn't single - because no one else is able to see her partner, so if someone says "ooh, can we meet them?" it could get awkward. But then maybe she'll just say she's single but not looking if a friend/family member happens to ask?


I used to in these kind of situations so I understand this quite well. (But it was way more complicated than this.)
If she's fine with the challenge she has to face then I think it'll be alright.

Thank you for your opinion, Etna!

Rou/Rohka: Host (she/they)
Kou: Tulpa (he/him, was created on 31st December, 2020)

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14 hours ago, Glaurung26 said:

We "went steady/official" in 2014. Before then just hookups and support partners. I proposed back in late February/early March this year. I'm really bad with time so I basically plan on celebrating "Jaina day" on her birthday April 15th.16th. 16th! 

Wow! That's quite long! 😲

 

14 hours ago, Glaurung26 said:

Also hi! 👋😊)

 Hi Jaina! 👋😄
I saw a topic called "Romantic and special evening.." and read you guys comment. I have to say this: It's. so. adorable! 😍 Congrats on your marriage!! 🎉 
Proposed with a cheeseburger? I'm jealous! I hope I can see you guys arrange a ceremony one day! I'm sure it'll be fun!

 

14 hours ago, Glaurung26 said:

Like constantly. I use a lot of physical/visual aids to project her sorta. I keep a picture of her on my phone. I snuggle with a pillow when we sleep together. We play games together where she can have an avatar or character. Just kinda symbolicly I guess. Feels like I'm watching us share a world together. Can do more in our wonderland but videogames help a lot. We switch with both. As for the other thing well...(I borrow him for a minute 😉😘) 😳

Same! Sometimes I play games, I always create another account for him so we can take pictures, hang out in our world.

 

Rou/Rohka: Host (she/they)
Kou: Tulpa (he/him, was created on 31st December, 2020)

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My friend sent thank you to everyone who answered this topic! She really appreciated it!! 💖

Also, I learnt a lot from you guys too, especially Simmie and Akinkinit! 💜

Rou/Rohka: Host (she/they)
Kou: Tulpa (he/him, was created on 31st December, 2020)

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