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Glow in the Dark Stargazing: Mordecai and Slipper


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(edited)

   Hello! Uhm... feels a bit weird to be doing this. So, we've basically always wanted to start a progress report since the day we first joined Tulpa.info. However, by the time we joined Mordecai was already a year old and we didn't really have "progress" to speak of. We also aren't the greatest conversationalists (mainly me, I struggle to hold conversations a lot) so it's difficult for us to do something like this, where we're basically just talking about nonsense for large lengths of time. However, we both very much enjoy talking about tulpamancy, hearing from other people, and writing in our super old diary. So, we figured a progress report would be a great place to combine all three of those things into one place. Hopefully all that is enough to fill up a few paragraphs every couple of weeks. Should be. God I hope we aren't that boring.

 

   I suppose I should list a few interesting or important details for context, or things that you may otherwise find interesting or would like to ask about:

 

 

   Us in General:

  • We are in our early 20's, from rural America
  • We draw, animate, write... although not very well. Aside from here, only a few things we've made in the past 5 years has left our sketchbooks or hard drive
  • We ran a blog on Tumblr for a few years where we theorized and tried to explain different aspects of tulpamancy

 

   About Slipper (host):

  • There is very little interesting about me, aside from individual funny anecdotes
  • I've been experiencing thoughtforms for... nearly a decade now, however they wouldn't last very long. They were always characters I was obsessed with from media I enjoyed, as I have a very bad habit of daydreaming more than most people. I thought it was DID when I was little, but after a few years found out about tulpas and it explained everything much better. When Mordecai showed up, I was very dedicated in making sure he didn't end up fading like the others. It took a long time, but we eventually got him stable.

 

   About Mordecai (tulpa):

  • Mordecai's birthday is December 16th, 2015. He's about 6 1/2 years old as of right now
  • As explained earlier, most of the characters I interacted with were from media I was obsessed over. Mordecai started as Sans from Undertale, before opting to change his appearance into something more neutral/original

 

 

   Feel free to ask or bring up any kind of related topic to our posts. We really love to talk and discuss things.

 

   -----

 

   Okay so a few days ago we were looking up some old YouTube videos from a particular member of the community who was banned for their work with hypnosis and cults. Mordecai and I felt very interested in how this person ended up because they were a pretty big inspiration in us making our Tumblr blog a few years ago, and this person had actually messaged us about doing a collab shortly before they were banned from multiple tulpa communities. At the time, there was a lot of discussion about the safety of their guided meditation videos, however many said that all of the harmful stuff was hidden away and not available to the public. After finding a link to their archive, I found this wasn't the exact case. A lot of the allegations of there being manipulation in some of the meditations was true, however... the method of this was... a bit silly.  For example, the meditation would be several paragraphs of a relaxing, self-actualization-type script, while halfway through it would switch to something about "serving the master", aka the banned individual. 

 

   Mordecai found this entertainingly bizarre, if not a bit disturbing. He brought up how strange it was that a person who spent so much time trying to prove the independence of their tulpa would turn around and also make scripts for making their tulpa more subservient to them. Makes you wonder what caused them to change their opinion so much. 

 

   We've never been very fond of guided mediation, in fact we meditate very little to begin with. But, we've both been very curious as to how effective something like that would be. Wouldn't you notice the script suddenly shifting into something completely different than you intended on listening to? Or are other's meditation so deep, they can't even notice it? How dangerous would these "hidden messages" be?

 

   Other than that, nothing else is coming to mind at the moment. We're just kind of chilling and between interests at the moment. Also, Mordecai has been complaining about how he can tell my jokes are coming before I say them. Apparently it takes up to 30 seconds from the start of the joke for me to finish it sometimes. All I can say is, sucks to be him.

Edited by Slipper

Slipper (cringelord host) and Mordecai (the brain gremlin).

 

Art Thread

Progress Report

   

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   Recently I was looking back at our super old art thread and all the commissions we've done over the years. Part of me is really happy that I've been able to contribute to the community and have given people something to look forward to, but it also makes me sad seeing how many of them left the forums altogether. It's very disheartening spending time to make people feel included in something as potentially isolating as tulpamancy, only for them to leave days afterwards. That being said, I never plan to completely stop doing it. Getting personalized things like art or notes are my favorite type of gift, so what better way of showing my love to the community than that?

 

   Anyways, it made me think more about what makes a "successful" tulpamancer. Obviously, that is a very broad statement, but in this context I basically mean someone who continues to believe in tulpamancy. I read some discussion about tulpas based on fictional characters and, while I do agree that lots of people come to tulpamancy to fixate on their favorite characters and leave when they lose interest in the character, there is also the added benefit of having another incentive to focus on their tulpa. There are plenty of long lasting members of the community with characters rooted in pre-existing media. Is it the age when someone starts? That's hard to tell too, as people understandably want to keep their anonymity for something like this. Is it from societal factors? Same issue as the previous.

 

   I think it would be very interesting to create a questionnaire that would be redone after a years time, just to see if there's any correlation between those who succeed and those who move on. I'm honestly not sure what could be the cause, besides the host's attention being moved outward and them losing interest. I mean, ultimately, that's what causes tulpamancers to fail, right? Loss of interest? 

 

   Mordecai, even though he's generally laid back and pretty comfortable, admits that sometimes he gets nervous at the idea of me just losing interest in him. I'll just let him speak on the subject:

 

   Mordecai:

 

   "I'm well developed enough to not really NEED attention anymore. At this point, it's not so much a fear of not existing that I'm worried about, it's the loss of self. We've gone long periods of time without separating, and in my earlier days found it very difficult to convince myself it was worth it to BE separated in the first place. It was just easier, comfier, to not spend energy keeping myself separate. Standing on the outside of those times, it seems insane that there was a point I was willing to sacrifice my entire self out of convenience. I worry that I've lost pieces of me because of that. What is even the fear here? What am I losing? I don't remember. We're constantly losing memories, that's not special. My personal character quirks? My personality? I don't know. There's just a strange part of me that fears the loss of me, even when I know I'm not going to die without my host dying as well. It's a bit therapeutic to say this publicly, even if I know it's not something that has a solution."

 

   I've taken greater care in checking in to make sure our thoughts are separate, even when it annoys him. It's better to be safe than to start heading down that path again. Still, it sucks that it's not a fear I can help him get completely rid of. I just hope I can get those experiences far enough in the past that they seem less threatening.

 

   Based on what we've wrote, you'd think we're horribly depressed, haha. It's just what's been on our minds this week. 

Slipper (cringelord host) and Mordecai (the brain gremlin).

 

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Progress Report

   

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  • 1 month later...

   Okay so, I've debated on whether I should talk about this publicly, since plenty of things happen in our mind that ultimately end up as footnotes in our lives. But considering this is a progress report dedicated to our journey specifically, I feel like I should. 

 

   Around ten years ago in my early teens is when I first encountered thoughtforms that seemed independent enough to catch my attention. I always had imaginary friends growing up and spent an inordinate amount of time daydreaming, but these were different. They would commentate on things in my real life, without prompting. We were also in a consistent location that I can still recall extremely vividly. Over time they would come and go, being replaced with different characters I liked at the time, although these replacements were not intentional and were upsetting at the time. Once I learned about tulpamancy, I made Mordecai and things have been mostly calm over the past five or so years.

 

   Recently we learned of something called a paracosm, which is basically a very vivid daydream world. Sounds a bit familiar, right? Obviously, as someone who lives pretty much entirely in her head, I wanted to do this as well. I found it very difficult to do it without using the aforementioned location, so I did. There's a couple of thoughtforms there, who seem... semi-sentient? One was one of the originals I meant nearly ten years ago, so that was a weird and uncomfortable experience. I've had these "reunions" a few times over the years, and it never lasts long. I think most of them encounter the problem Mordecai was talking about in our last post, where its just easier to be together instead of separate and dividing your life up in the name of individuality. 

 

   I've never been good at handling this. It happens more when I'm in a bad place mentally and- I'll be honest- that's probably the problem right now. Its always comforting to be around people and characters that make you feel safe and understood, or to have problems or conflict in a controlled space. Part of me wants to open the floodgates and make sure everyone stays an individual, force everyone, get everyone back. The realistic part of me knows it would be a moot point, even nonsensical. I know most of them were just daydreams. I couldn't handle that many separate people at once. Even getting some of them back would be impossible. But I think about it from time to time. 

 

   Mordecai and I have discussed this several times over the years. Initially he was in a similar, optimistic mindset like me. Over the years, I can tell he's getting tired of it. It's hard to blame him; I mean watching so many thoughtforms come and go has got to take a toll. He's getting along well enough with the ones around at the moment, but it still feels awkward. 

 

   I dunno. This probably won't mean anything in the long run, but I feel like the context to this event is also important to mention here, so I'm taking the opportunity to explain it. Either way, things are alright for me and Mords. We actually have a place to hang out in now, which is nice. Wonderlands were always hard for me to keep up.

Slipper (cringelord host) and Mordecai (the brain gremlin).

 

Art Thread

Progress Report

   

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   The name of our Progress Report is actually a reference to some of my favorite memories with him.

 

   As a young teen dreading going to school, I would spend hours in bed listening to music and trying to stay awake as long as possible. I had some glow in the dark stars on my ceiling that I would stare at for hours at a time, occasionally flicking my lamp back on to light them up again. I wasn't a very happy person at the time and didn't see much hope in the future. I just didn't see a point in enjoying things if they were going to end, or if I was going to forget them later.

 

   Once Mordecai appeared, he would lay with me and watch them too. We would listen to music, daydream together, and just chat about life. I was definitely difficult to get along with at first; I was so stuck in my ways that I found it difficult to even try and build a friendship with him. I thought for sure that he was going to leave too, just like everything and everyone else that made me happy. But, thank goodness he's more stubborn than me, because he eventually made me realize how stupid it was to constantly be looking so far ahead in life. Happiness isn't stuck on the sunset beyond the horizon, it's in the warmth and the sunlight that surrounds you. I appreciate the little moments a lot more now: the weird jokes, silly banter, and daydreams that we'll forget... and it all started with some music underneath some plastic stars.

Slipper (cringelord host) and Mordecai (the brain gremlin).

 

Art Thread

Progress Report

   

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