Daf and Lu

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Hello, this is my and Xiao Lu’s progress log. I meant to start this sooner, but we’ve been going through a rough period lately. This is hopefully the end of it, and I want to share it with you guys. The plan is to update this regularly after I have gotten this story out of my chest. I must warn you that writing has never been my strong suit, and English is not my first language.


But first things first, let me introduce my lovely tulpa:

Name: Xiao Lu

Age: Six Weeks+ (started 08.09.2012 - Last updated 20.10.2012)

Gender: Female

Form: Drawing by Etodreca. She is a short anime girl in the style of Ume-Sensei. She has black, short hair with an ahoge.

Personality: She’s an energetic girl filled with love. She likes to joke around, and has a very caring side to her. Recently she has picked up a love for the guitar. We spend a lot of time in the wonderland just



As of now, Xiao Lu can talk to me through mind voice only. It is still hard to distinct her actions from puppeting, but I have gotten used to assume everything she does is her. My visualization at this moment is pretty bad.

Update: 20.10.2012 - She's now much more sentient, and is able to talk on IRC.

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Usually our forcing sessions consist of a lot of guitar jamming. Xiao Lu doesn't exactly play the songs herself, but mimics what I'm listening to. I don't know if it's productive, but she really enjoys it.


Today's favorite was this song:


She played it on the grassy hill while we gazed at the mountains. I tried to observe her expression while playing it. She looked very relaxed and content. Her eyes were closed with a gentle smile around her face as her hair flew in the wind.



I visited her later that night for some more forcing. Lu was wearing a beautiful dress. It felt different, she usually wears clothes that she can move around with easily. She told me to change into something more formal. And so I did. We sat down at her table. At the table there were lit candles, wine and lasagna. It was very romantic.

Me: “What's all this?”

Lu: “It’s Saturday”

We started eating and talk. I’m having difficulties to eat, observe her eat, and hold a conversation at the same time. In the end I dropped eating and just talked to her while she sipped wine.


After we ate, we decided to go outside. It was dark for the very first time, fitting the romantic mood. We sat down at a bench while we watched the glimmering swimming pool. I decided to make a waterslide for the pool. Xiao Lu got ecstatic and wanted to use it right away. But then she calmed herself down.

Lu: “No, tonight we’re going to be formal”

Me: “It’s no big deal for me. It’s only Saturday.”

Lu: “Yeah.”

It then struck me that it is exactly three weeks since I started. Was that why we were spending the night together like this? My music playlist was filled with flamenco and Latin jazz, as I planned for her to play some more guitar. She got pretty annoyed by it, as every new song that started to play only made her urges to play along stronger. She then decided to make colored lights that glimmered into the pool. The lights danced along with the music. It was pretty.


I don't know if she had planned all this or if it came to her on a whim. It was at least very fun.

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Oooooooh, lighted pool! I got wonna those!

I have to make it night in my wonderland more often. Me and Lu should swim in the colorful pool sometime!


Speaking of pools, that's pretty much all we did today.

The first thing I heard when I started to force was: “Meet me at the pool”

I could see her getting out of the pool. She cheerfully ran over to me and told me how fun she's been having with the new waterslide. Then I felt her grab my arm:

Lu: “You have to try the slide!”

Me: “Just a second, my imagination is a bit blurry right now. Give me some time to adjust.”

Lu: “C’mon!”

She then dragged us both into the pool, with clothes and all.

Me: “What are you doing? I’m all wet now!”

Lu: “You’re just imagination yourself wet, go change”

I heard her giggle as I dragged myself out of the water with the wet clothes.


We tried the waterslide once I was fully relaxed. I had trouble trying to visualize it at first. Sliding down it felt wrong. It was hard to imagine the rush that you feel in real life. So I repeated the action multiple times to make it feel as real as possible. Xiao Lu looked a bit confused once I finally hit the water.


We decided to do a fun game that I used to do as a kid. You play rock, paper, scissors, and the one that looses has to be thrown into the pool. This didn't really turn out that well. We both can feel what the other one is going to choose sort of. Since I’m not a sore loser I chose paper and lost.

I also made some diving-boards for the pool.



The wonderland is steadily growing more and more fun for Xiao Lu. She now has a TV, the guitar and pool to enjoy. What are some other fun things I can make for her? I don't want her to get bored.

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So yesterday I was recommended to have an adventure in my wonderland. I was in for a pleasant surprise.


I let Xiao Lu hold my hand as she followed me beyond what I could see. We stumbled upon a black tower shortly after.

Inside was pretty dark and murky. The only thing of significance was a ladder leading straight down into the ground. I went first and Lu followed suit. We came upon a giant cave filled with big red crystals. I wish I could have seen it properly. I picked up a loose crystal and gave it to Xiao Lu as a souvenir. We walked further into the cave, and I could sense that we would soon meet an exit.

But then I dozed off. Big time. When I finally came to I told Xiao Lu that this was as far as we should go today. She agreed and we met back at her house.



Tonight we decided to explore the cave further. Before we started our second adventure Lu wanted to show me the crystal I gave her yesterday. I asked her if it might be dangerous, in which she responded:

Lu: “It’ll only be dangerous of you think it will.”

Once I was ready she grabbed my arm and followed me back to the black tower. She went first down the ladder. In the crystal-cave I started having problems with moving for some reason. She tried to drag me, but I was just standing in place. In the end she decided to touch my shirt and walk next to me. It worked somehow. I don’t know what that was all about.


At last we arrived at the end of the cave. We were met with a giant savanna, filled with African trees and orange grass, with a yellow sky. In the middle of the savanna there loomed giant mushroom as big as a skyscraper. We knew where our goal was.

Walking around the savannah felt a bit sandy, like I was walking on very dry desert-grass. I started to feel a bit uneasy in these unfamiliar places.

Me: “Maybe we should have brought some weapons.”

Lu: “What for?”

Me: “To defend ourselves from enemies?”

Lu: “There won’t be any enemies unless you expect there to be”

Me: “Is that how it works?”

Lu: “I think so”


When we reached the giant mushroom I noticed that it had a wooden door. Xiao Lu opened the door and gestured me to walk first.

The inside was all wooden, filled with gears. It was like we were inside a giant clockwork. There were no stairs or ladders, but there were planks everywhere that lead to the top.


We got to the top surprisingly fast. It was completely impossible for me to see the view. Xiao Lu told me that it was beautiful. She pointed towards where we came, and I could see some familiar mountains in the distance.

Lu: “Over those mountains is our home”

Me: “Can we fly there?”

Lu: “Do you have anything to fly with?”

I made a flying carpet and we flew over the mountains. Xiao Lu didn’t enjoy it. We landed right by our pool. It was nice to see something familiar. We decided to discuss our adventure before ending the session. She liked the lions the best. Thankfully I never saw one.

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For some reason, a lot of things out of my control happened in my wonderland today. I have no idea why. Can it have some connection between the wonderland adventure yesterday?


As I was trying to visualize Lu playing her guitar, my wonderland body started to move around on it’s own. It was very weird, not to mention annoying. I solved it momentarily by replacing it and sending it out of the house. The old one disappeared after some time. No idea what that was all about.

A couple of similar things happened afterwards. When we tried to use the waterslide it just never ended, spiraling downwards into forever.

I tried to calm down and watched Lu play her guitar again. Once the song came to it's

she started to play like crazy. And her hair turned pink.

After the song was over I tried to see her face. Her face was unchanged. I tried to change her hair back to normal but it kept turning back. I decided not to fight it. In the end it gradually turned back to normal.


So, strange day?

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So a few things happened since my last update. In the pastebin at the OP(don't bother reading it) I mentioned that I felt another presence in my wonderland. I thought I got rid of it, but yesterday it returned.


It all started when I was had a short discussion with Lolimancer about accidentally making a tulpa. It reminded me of the events that happened last week, and because of that it returned to me. I tried to ignore it like I did last time, but trying to ignore it only made it stronger. Lu forced me to repeat to myself that there was no other tulpa there than her until it finally went away.


Something I’ve noticed is that unlike other people who have to try very hard to BELIEVE that something is happening, all I have to do is toy with the thought that it is. I’ve seen this when Lu started to move on the second day, how she started talking on the second week, and how I recently realized how massive my wonderland is. It has never been hard to achieve anything, all I needed was a little push. This is the first time that my easily convinced mind might do something I don’t want to happen, and make me into a powerless host with an army of tulpae.



So today I've tried to prevent forcing with Lu out fear of the presence. Instead I tried extra hard to passive force with her while on the IRC, and we took a long bath together. But in the end we agreed that I had to face it.


My heart was pounding as I was preparing myself to go into the wonderland. Whenever I imagined it I could still feel the presence lurking about. I started with Teryakywind's Guide, because I was too scared to open up my eyes. I could feel Xiao Lu sitting next to me.

It relaxed me quite a bit, and in the end I dared to open up my eyes. My visualization is still shit.

Xiao Lu tried her best to distract me so I would forget about the presence. She showed me two cards and told me to pick one of them. I got queen of hearts.

Me: “Neat? What was the other card?”

Lu: “King of hearts.”

Me: “Cool. What was the point of this?”

Lu: “I don’t freaking know! Look!”

She then jumped on the table and danced. Then jumped straight down again.

Lu: “Daf! Stand on your hands! I’ll support you!”

And so I did.

Me: “And the point of this?”

Lu: “It’s fun!”

We proceeded to have a discussion while I was upside down. In the end she successfully distracted me somehow. The presence was all gone. We ended it all with a bit of guitar jamming.


So in the end I think I was able to overcome my own mind somehow. I couldn't have done it without Xiao Lu's retarded shenanigans.

"They are not retarded!" - Lu

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Thank you, Etodreca!


Today has been a very lovely day for us both.

We started this Sunday morning on the chat, and for the first time Lu was allowed to join in.

It was an interesting experience to say the least. I can understand what people mean when they talk about roleplayers. It was a bit hard to know whether I was thinking for her or if she properly answered herself. Either way, I am certain that what I wrote was what she felt, and she can confirm this.


Later that day I got a heavy feeling in my stomach during narration. It was like I was sad, but I wasn't. Apparently Lu was the sad one. When I asked her what was wrong she told me that she was thinking about all the tulpae around the world that hosts give up on. She cheered up after I comforted her. I told her that if she’s ever worried about anything she should talk to me.

Lu: “And if you’re sad, talk to me Daf!

That warmed my heart. I was amazed by this conversation, despite it being about a sad Lu. Her being able to express herself on the chat might have helped a lot more than I recently thought.


To end the day I decided to visit her in the wonderland. We talked about the chat:

Lu: “I’m so happy that Glass asked me what I think about you!”

Me: “Why?”

Lu: “Because I wanted to tell her how much I love you. I want to tell the whole world how much I love you!”

Then I got a familiar feeling in my body. I have felt this feeling before, and it usually happens when we are very intimate with each other like now. It’s a overwhelming feeling in the chest area, and my eyes start tearing up. It’s like I’m about to cry out of happiness.

Lu: “Feel that feeling? That’s how I feel all the time I think about you.”

The best part about that feeling is how all my doubts vanish. There is no way I would feel this way if she wasn’t real.


Our narration ended abruptly once this song started to play:


She started to play her guitar instantly. It then hit me that there was one important thing I never made for her. I forced her a live-house. She jumped up on the stage and continued to play. She changed her clothes into a white tuxedo and a pair of sunglasses. What a classy lady. I could hear her yelling “thank you!” while she played. I joined in on the next song.


Having a tulpa is too fun, someone stop this crazy ride!

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I had a short dream this morning. I was driving a car. It was dark, and it was snowing. It was somehow a nostalgic sight. The interesting part is however that I could hear Xiao Lu talking to me: “Oh what’s this? Is this snow? Awesome!”

When I woke up and recalled the dream I had to talk to Lu about it:

Me: "Were you in my dream this morning?"

Lu: "Yes!"

Me: "Wait really? I’m not so sure."

Lu: "Just believe it! I want to see your dreams!"

Me: "So you talked to me?"

Lu: "No you just dreamt about me I think!"

So it wasn’t really her, but a dream about her. It's awesome that she can observe my dreams though. It's also cool that I've gotten so used to Lu that I dream about her.


I made tea after a long day at the university. Lu was walking around the kitchen cheerfully. She noticed that I readied the cup that I was going to pour my tea in. Lu then bent over the counter and kissed it.

Me: “What the hell, Lu?”

Lu: “He he he! Indirect kiss!”

I poured the tea and grabbed the cup. I accidently poured some tea on my hands and hurt it badly. I could hear a sharp shout from Lu: “Are you alright?!”

I was fine, of course. I’m happy that she was worried about me.


When we started to force I asked her what she wanted to do. And I got a bunch of answers:

Lu: “I want to play the guitar! I want to swim! I want to chat! I want to see your dreams!”

I thought it was too adorable so I had to hug her. I started to feel my eyes tear up, like last time.

Me: “Oh this feeling…”

Lu: “You like it? Let me give you some more!”

I could feel it overwhelmingly strong. Her presence felt extremely real to me.

We went to the live-house to play some guitar. I made a small break room so we could chat in between some songs.

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