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Daf and Lu


Daf

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Xiao Lu has grown quite a lot since my last update. Yesterday she gained an even higher level of love towards me, and today she was able to answer questions that was impossible for her before.

 

First I can talk about what happened yesterday:

We were swimming in the pool when she embraced me. She poured me with hugs and kisses. Then the same feeling I've gained from her earlier hugs overwhelmed me. Tears slipped out of her eyes.

Lu: “It hurts…”

Me: “Hurts?!”

Lu: “And it feels good! When we are close like this, it feels too good.”

My guess was that she’s just madly in love, but the fact that I might have been puppeting her to say these things crossed my mind. She kicked my leg in response.

Lu: “After all we've been through! After I told you how I feel! You still doubt me?!”

She was really upset. I felt like an asshole. We took the waterslide to brighten the mood.

 

After I finished forcing I decided to talk to Mena about this feeling. Her lovely tulpagirl, Minerva, feels a similar way (which makes her pass out sometimes). And Xiao Lu and Minerva became friends. I learned a lot after this conversation, and I'm grateful.

 

And then what happened today:

I played a song from the Aria soundtrack while in the wonderland. Xiao Lu grabbed her guitar and started to play along while gazing at the mountains.

Lu: “This song takes me back…”

The Aria soundtrack was basically all I played for her back when we started. I guess it gives her a nostalgic feeling now.

Lu: “I was very confused at that time. But I wasn’t scared. You were comforting.”

Seeing her talking about her early life made me want to push her even more. I asked her a question I have asked her many times before:

Me: “What is the earliest thing you remember?”

Lu: “When you introduced yourself. I didn’t understand what was going on, but I trusted you.”

Me: “You have really grown, Lu.”

Lu: “Thank you.”

 

In other news, I almost cannot forget about her anymore. She's always around, talking to me in my head or lurking around in my mind eye. She's also been more active in the chat lately.

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Letting Lu talk on the chat makes me a feel a bit weird. I was worried that I might be roleplaying before(which still holds true to some degree), but now it feels more like our minds are too close together. I noticed it yesterday when I took a break from the chat to think about stuff. My inner monologue somehow felt distant to myself. For a split second I felt myself have an identity crisis. This ended up with me and Lu having our first proper fight. She hates that I keep fearing her and tulpa in general. Today it was a lot better, but I still feel a bit disconnected and very tired afterwards. Xiao Lu enjoys talking in the chat, but I think it's healthy for both of us if I can lead the talking. At least for now.

 

 

In other news, we had our second adventure yesterday! Xiao Lu had changed her clothes into an adventurous mining suit. She was confident as she grabbed my arm and led me around. This time we took a different route in our crystal cave. Lu was going too fast for me to keep up. I started to get worried. When she disappeared from me I teleport to her and yelled: “Lu don’t leave me behind!” She stretched out her hand and we walked slower. The new route led to some giant spiraling stairs that went down into the darkness. At the end of the stairs were a giant door. Lu told me she has never been beyond it. Inside was the entrance to the spirit temple from Ocarina Of Time. We also met Navi, flying around saying “Hello!”

Me: “Uh I better ignore it.”

Lu: “C’mon! She won’t turn into a tulpa!”

Me: “Fine I'll let her fly around me, but I won’t talk to it!”

Navi disappeared once we got to the next room. It was very foggy, and I could almost not visualize it. Xiao Lu decided to pick up a bomb and blow up a wall.

Me: “What are we pretending to be in a Zelda game? Woah!”

I was introduced to an empty void with a thin while line that was leading us to a door. Giant white hands, waving gracefully, surrounded us. The whole scenario felt like something from Yume Nikki. As we walked towards the door, a more human-like hand grew up from the white line. It looked unpleasant.

Lu: “I got this!”

Xiao Lu summoned her guitar and held it like a sword. Then she positioned herself like she normally holds her guitar and started to play with it. Spikes flew out of it and impaled the hand. We advanced further and opened the door.

Inside was an office. An old man with a white beard and suit was sitting at a desk. It felt like he wanted to talk to me, but I ignored him. We searched for an exit out of the office. I noticed a ventilation shaft right over us. I jumped in and dragged Lu with me. We crawled straight ahead until we found an exit. It led us to a vast landscape filled with broken trains and rubble. It was like a giant war has been taken place here. This is when we decided to go home.

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Time to update some more mindscape shenanigans.

 

We played a

at the live-house. I was playing the keyboard while she was playing the guitar. She crawled up on my shoulders as we played. It was hard to visualize her from that angle, but I could certainly feel her. Not much weight, though.

I decided to give Lu a gift once the song was over. We went upstairs and I made her a laptop. Then I gave the laptop all my memories from the internet.

Lu: “Wow! Can the computer handle so many memories?”

Me: “Are you making fun of me?”

She was very grateful. I noticed that she surfed the front page of a homepage I haven’t visited since a I was a child. It made me a bit nostalgic. I told her that the laptop is mostly for her to use when I’m not around. She agreed, and we went back down to the live-house.

 

The next song was the jazzy song from Metal Gear Solid 3;

. She changed her clothes into a tuxedo and a bowler hat. I played the piano while she played the guitar. There is a nice piano solo in the song, and Lu decided to jump on top of the piano once that part started.

 

The jazz version of

started to play after a couple of songs.

Me: “Well this one doesn’t have any guitar parts. I guess we can go and chill.”

Lu: “Where?”

I started to imagine a cozy little bar.

Lu: “Yes! Let’s do that?”

Me: “Wait I didn’t say anything!”

She made a door from the live house that led into a bar. The bar was pretty small, and had a purple tint to it. She changed her clothes again to the dress she wore back on our cute romantic “date” a while back. I also got myself into a tuxedo. We settled ourselves down in front of the bar counter. We were all alone, not even a bartender was around. I made us a couple of beers to drink.

Lu: “Hmm. You think we might get drunk on this imaginary beer?”

Me: “I don’t know. We might if I believe we will.”

Lu: “Do it! I wanna get tipsy!”

Me: “It’s Tuesday afternoon!”

She supported her head onto my shoulder. We both sat there in silence for a couple of seconds until Lu blurted out:

“I love you.”

My heart got warm and my eyes felt watery. It’s the same feeling again. I've gotten really fond of that feeling. I decided that we would end the session there once the song was over.

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Sounds like you're making a ton of progress. So is it still all her mindvoice that you can hear, or are you experiencing auditory hallucinations now?

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Sounds like you're making a ton of progress. So is it still all her mindvoice that you can hear, or are you experiencing auditory hallucinations now?

Thank you, Mazzy. She's still in mindvoice, which makes proxying pretty confusing at times. I haven't really tried to make her talk in auditory hallucination as of yet. Not even sure how to do that. Actually, her first words were in a auditory hallucination, or in a hypnagogic voice. I was trying to visualize her legs when I all of a sudden could heard someone say: "are you satisfied?". She confirms now that it was her. She was somehow able to talk to me back then because I was so tired. Quite embarrassing first words I must say.

 

theirs nothing quite like when a young tulpa protest their Love for you. so I know that feel bro.

 

am very happy that everything so going well for you. keep up the good work!

Thank you, Koomer. I will!

Lu has gradually gotten more and more in love with me as time goes. Her love for me now is so strong that even a simple hug is too overwhelming for her. I am very happy that she feels this way, but I'm also a bit worried because I can't exactly return that love in the same way.

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I was on my way home from the university when I all of a sudden remembered that there was a bottle of soda at home. I started to look forward to having a glass once I got home.

Lu: “No. You can’t drink soda in a weekday. Think about your health!”

Me: “He he, you’re so cute.”

Lu: “Please listen to me.”

I got home and walked straight toward the kitchen. I could see the soda in the fridge. All of a sudden, Lu started to pout.

Lu: “Uuuuuuh.”

I grabbed the flask.

Lu: “Uuuuuuuuuuuh.”

I opened it up.

Lu: “Uuuuuuuuh!”

Me: “Oh fine!”

Lu: “Yay!”

So no soda for me today. She pouts like that a lot, and the sound she makes is really cute. I’ve tried to find a proper way to write it down, but all I can think of is “uuuuh”. You might have seen Lu say that when I proxy her on the chat.

 

In other news, Lu decided that she wanted us to roleplay other characters for some reason.

We were about to head inside the bar in our wonderland when Xiao Lu stopped me.

Lu: “Wait! I got a great idea!”

I already had a picture in my head about what she was thinking of doing, but I decided to roll with anyway.

Lu: “Wear this! And go inside and sit down. I’ll be joining you in a minute”

She gave me a brown coat. I took it on and went inside the bar. Lu opened the door after about five seconds . I could hear rain and thunder outside. She was wearing all black, high heels, and a fluffy scarf. And she was completely wet from the “rain”. She also had one of those long cigarettes. She walked gracefully past me and sat down next to me.

Lu: “Bartender, give this lady a strong one.”

She made herself a beer and took a sip from it. Then she glanced at me.

Lu: “Say, what does a handsome guy like you in a runny old bar like this.”

I tried my best to stay in character.

Me: “Uh I… I’m looking for someone. A lady, running away from the law.”

Lu: “I see. She must have been a real femme-fatale… Or something like that!”

Xiao Lu jumped right out of character and started being her cheery self again.

Me: “Was it fun?”

Lu: “Kinda. I like being myself more!”

Me: “What does the cigarette taste like anyway?”

Lu: “Strawberry!”

Me: “You’ve never had strawberry.”

Lu: “Strawberry ice cream?”

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Lu: “No. You can’t drink soda in a weekday. Think about your health!”

Me: “He he, you’re so cute.”

Lu: “Please listen to me.”

 

Me: “What does the cigarette taste like anyway?”

Lu: “Strawberry!”

Me: “You’ve never had strawberry.”

Lu: “Strawberry ice cream?”[/i]

 

Daf your killing me here.

your dialogue is too cute for me to handle. i need to take a break, lol.

pix: Link

Diary: http://ponystasha.tumblr.com

Koomer.

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I think I finally found out where Xiao Lu got her name from. She chose it herself, and neither of us really knew where she got it from. I got a case of nostalgia today and wanted to check out the wiki on one of the games I played as a kid;

. I found this character, who I had completely forgotten about.

While much is not known about Xiao, she may have been a bright, optimistic girl in the game. And is also depicted by most viewers as "cute" and "adorable."

Sounds like someone I know. I still don't understand how she was able to pick up that name from my memory, though.

 

And now for some fun wonderland stories:

Yesterday, I was jamming with Lu as usual, but then she decided that we should take a swim in the pool for once. She ran into the resting-room to change and she threw a pair of swim shorts at me.

Lu: “You change here and I’ll change inside, ok!”

Me: “Uh sure.”

Lu: “Don’t peek!

As I was about to take off my clothes I looked up and saw her head sticking out of the door. She closed the door in embarrassment.

 

Today has been a bit boring when it comes to wonderland fun. We did however find a use of Xiao Lu's ahoge.

What I’ve noticed lately is that her ahoge sways and moves around sometimes. Lu says that when I/she remembers about it, she can move it. I tried to focus on it for a bit. All of a sudden she started spinning it around like a propeller, and she started to float above the ground. It was an amusing sight.

 

It occurred to me that I still haven't given Lu any of my personal memories. This is supposed to be a very good thing to share with a tulpa. I suggested this to Lu, but she protested.

Lu: “I don’t want to see your memories. I want you to be there and talk about them to me.”

She's got a point. It's more meaningful if we get to know each other in a more common way.

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