On my declining sanity: the prog log of Tungan Ninja and Ryouga

[Tungan Ninja]

Morning had come, yet I couldn't shake off the hollowness I felt in my soul since yesterday. I saw a solution to my heartache. “I will do what should have been done long ago. I will cut the strings; burn them into oblivion.” So that’s exactly what I did. I went into the mansion with Ryouga and had puppet strings suspending her in the air. I have to say, she even looked like a puppet, made out of wood and with a nutcracker jaw and all of the other attributes a puppet would have. Take this as an illustration:

 

We both stood in the entranceway of the mansion, her and I; and manipulated the strings so that she would do some gestures, knowing I was puppeting her. After taking a lifetime’s worth of heavy breathing, I cut the strings, and she tumbled to the ground. I’ve really taken a considerable amount of inspiration from Fillyfooler, cause I completely incinerated the strings, not even giving them time to fall, turning into ash and being carried off in the wind, caused by the opened door at the entranceway.

 

Now, I cannot puppet her; ever again. There is no turning back. Whatever I see, it will be her doing, and I must accept this, for better or worse; regardless of what the truth really is. Many weeks ago, I had created a whiteboard for me and my tulpa to communicate, though it fell into disrepair and was not used very much. Seeing a good idea, I wiped off the grit that had built up on it and wrote at the top with my marker, “Why do you not want to do possession?” The question was contentious, but I had to have it answered, because it is important for me to understand her feelings. With these issues aside, I set off to school and had to worry about more material things.

 

After coming home and studying, we entered the wonderland, finding trouble almost immediately upon arriving. Surrounded by what amounted to misshapen ruins, there was a deafening roar in front of us, by a monster that stood two stories tall. We found ourselves toe to toe with the beast, what was merely an aged tortoise, yet he was massive in size and much more ferocious than what you would expect from such a creature. It’s face was quite a sight, I must digress, with great Confucian eyebrows; the like which would mock Ganondorf, it's excessive bushiness obstructing the wrinkled, folded eyes of the shelled beast. Swinging it’s head in a heightened frenzy, I dodged his attempt to bludgeon me; all the while Ryouga ran underneath his toes avoiding being stomped into submission. With a single slash, his stumpy tail was dismembered by the now red-sprayed blade of my maiden. The creature, distracted with the foul state he was in, was caught unawares when I lunged at it's neck, striking my rusted blade into this dear lifeline. Thus, the life of the monster was ended; yet he was never really alive to begin with, was he?

 

The smoke of battle had cleared, and I noticed where exactly we were; or my best guess anyways. Ryouga and I spawned in ruins, but these forgotten cobblestone buildings were at the footsteps of a towering, gothic citadel. It was quite a sight to see; a fortuitous masterpiece of darkness and terror looking down upon the land in a tyrannical fashion. As we walked towards the entrance gate of the castle, I had a shocking revelation. This place and the aura which surrounds it is merely a perversion of my own manor, a similarity I could not describe or even understand myself. Once inside, my fears were cemented; entreated by a great stairway in the inner chamber, leading up to a rather lavish door at the other end of the room on the second floor; quite parallel to my own at home. Cautiously, we climbed the steps and opened the door, entering the hallway of mirrors mentioned yesterday. However, something was different; there were no mirrors. Perhaps there were mirrors on the walls, but everything was covered in dust and grit; the atmosphere was dingy and gloomy to my eyes. Someone was watching me, for sure, I could still feel those walls watching my every move; so I ran to the other end hurriedly, negating my mind of the chilling thought.

 

Swords drawn, one could only imagine what was on the other end. If this citadel was little more than a hazardous perversion of my sweet and endearing manor, then what lies inside of the chamber ahead is not merely a walking marshmallow, but something genuinely frightening. Dauntless, we opened the grand doors to the spacious room; finding the same bloody tortoise from before, as if his unruly temperament had manifested itself to challenge us once more. I was ready for the challenge, and nodded to Ryouga that I would give it my all for her. As if it still had new tricks to show off, the beast retracted itself into its shell, and spun about the room, whirling and crashing into the stone, vaulted walls. It gave up on the strategy rather soon though, as it only made itself dazed and open to our attacks, Ryouga jumping at the opportunity.

 

She flew herself at the monster with sword overhead, ready to rip its face in half. The tortoise, as if out of nowhere countered the attack by swallowing her whole into its mouth. It fucking ate her. I can’t believe it, consumed with shock and rage. Rushing at the beast, I thrust myself into his mouth and waded through the insides of his stomach, searching for any sign of Ryouga. I caught her hand, and proceeded to make my way back up the stomach towards the head, but realized that wouldn’t do me any good. I unsheathed my chipped, brownish-yellow tipped blade and sliced the living shit out of his entrails, treating it like melted butter. It was a gooey, sticky soggy mess when I had finished, and simply crawled towards his throat area, cutting the damn thing off so we could escape.

 

Breathing free again and past the ordeal, the monster simply dispersed in a puff of purple smoke, and I caught site of a chest popping up in the centre of the room. “Yeah, this totally isn’t Zelda,” I incited to the air, “Why can’t my mind be fucking original for once.” As if to make me abash, Ryouga pulled out the master sword from the chest; thankfully not putting her arms into the air and breaking the fourth wall like someone I could mention. I could hardly care by now, and said she could keep it; as I’m not a fan of short swords anyways. I’ll have to imagine an estock next time I go on an adventure, Ryouga isn’t the only one that deserves a glamorous sword.

 

I now understood the grand result of losing the puppet strings, she had proved herself today, and I could not discredit her. My doubt has been eternally silenced, and will not bother me evermore; at least not like it used to. I turned to her and expressed my delight, saying “I cannot puppet you. You can do whatever you want!” To this she replied “Of course I can,” which startled me, hearing her words clearly and unmuffled, knowing with certainty it was her. Nothing feels better than this, to know that your struggle has paid off and you are left with positive results.

 

By the end of the day though, I was exhausted. Without the prospect for anymore forcing, I made sure to check back on what was written on the whiteboard, as the least I could do for Ryouga. What I found was unexpected, to say the least. On this sacred area on the wall, these words jumped out at me, for its simplicity and honesty, which I knew could have never in a million years been puppeted. It read, “I don’t not want to.” I can only wonder how much effort she exerted to have these few words written down, and I am deeply grateful to her for trying to reach my heart. Indeed, my heart has been reached, and I eagerly await the time when casual communication between us is commonplace.

 

 

The future looks very bright.

[Oguigi]

Great stuff, Progress at it's finest!

 

And wow what a Adventure, fillyfooler might need to work extra hard to top that!

 

the only thing i did in my wonderland was a quick meeting with Oguigi discussing future plans.

 

 

It's great that your doubts have greatly diminished, I look forward to your future post.

[Tungan Ninja]

I must confess nothing interesting at all happened today, so the post will be short.

 

Waking up at nine, I was faced with especially mucky and rigorous work throughout the day, and the conditions were absolutely horrid; even our rain gear was permeated with water by the time we were finished. Once I returned home I was exhausted, after taking a shower and studying I couldn’t gather the energy to spend time with Ryouga in the wonderland. In fact, I slept earlier than usual, so there wasn’t even any time for myself. That's it.

[Tungan Ninja]

I slept until noon this morning, and after awaking visited the wonderland, finding myself at the entrance chamber of the mansion. Ryouga was peculiarly hidden behind the staircase, peeking her head out to see me, to which I was surprised and bemused. I found her shyness amusing, and fell to the ground, grinning at her rather silly stance. She drew beside me and helped me up, though I noticed that she was now a he, his male self spontaneously coming to the fore. Interestingly, he led me to a door to the far left on the first floor of the room, which I had never been to before. I had no idea what was behind the door beforehand; though when we entered I found a garage full of tools and scrap metal, with two motorbikes that shined with a modern aura from their polish.

 

Without warning, Ryouga hopped on one and sped past the lifted garage doors, kicking up dust and smoke throughout the room. I wheezed and coughed at the commotion that had happened in front of me, though I knew he had provoked me to follow him. Taking up his challenge, I sat my rump on the seat of the remaining motorbike, thrusted my hands on the throttle, and took off trailing his path. The garage seemed to lead directly onto a winding, asphalt paved road which was set in the middle of the oak forest the manor is surrounded by. Through my sheer determination, I caught up with Ryouga, and sought to outmatch him with a sneaky trick. Contrived by sheer imagination, I had thrusters which sped me far past him, breaking any speed limit known to man. His resolve must have been something mighty, for despite my efforts, he topped my speed, even breaking the sound barrier to do so.

 

Outmatched, I simmered down my bike to a halt, defeated and in shame. As if to add insult to injury, I saw him return, at the same insane speed; this time heading back towards the manor. Not wanting to give chase to him again, I teleported myself back into the garage, alone and waiting for him to meet me here. He made quite an entrance, literally smashing himself and his bike into the cement wall inside opposite of the garage doors, bringing the whole ceiling down upon us. Murmuring “God fucking shit, Ryouga,” under my breath, I used my purple glowing magic to repair the destruction that he caused, and restored the room into mint condition, even the motorbikes.

 

Done with all of the adrenaline and unwanted chasing, I asked him, “What do you want to do now?”, to which I immediately heard from him, “Skiing.” Hearing that, I teleported us to the mountain overlooking our mansion, with our skiing gear and winter clothes on. Out of nowhere, he had already lost his balance and was tumbling down the mountain trail, so I braced my skis and followed his wayward path. In real life, I am quite the good skier, living no more than ten minutes away from a skiing resort. However, I was having trouble keeping my skis straight and balanced at this moment, making it incredibly hard to maneuver and pursue him. Despite my shaky ride down, I was at the bottom in one piece. Ryuoga was also unharmed, and had regained his balance, now pulling of his skis and making his way inside of an old log cabin that I had made a while ago and left unused.

 

I followed him into the wooden structure, and upon opening the knob was greeted with an endearing kiss on the lips, tumbling to the ground with Ryouga. She was now a girl, to my dismay, wearing a woolen fleece sweater and cargo pants underneath. I went on top of her, and brushed my nose against hers, euphoric and soaking up the moment I was experiencing. Something dire made me lose my focus, however; my stomach was empty and was collapsing in on itself! So without any other mischief, I left the wonderland and walked into the kitchen, making myself some oatmeal with jam and bananas, suppressing my hunger.

 

Eating my meal, I was caught up thinking about what Glass had said to me yesterday, about having Ryouga come onto the shoutbox and chat with her. It was said that it can help coax a tulpa into speaking, but I was quite doubtful that it would have any impact. Essentially giving up on the idea, I was stopped in thought by Ryouga shouting to me, “I want to!” Flabbergasted, I realized that there might be some truth to it, and I could never go against Ryouga’s wishes.

 

Later in the day, we tried that out, and spoke over the shoutbox with Glass and a few others. It was quite an interesting feeling; her personality came out a little more, and she was sitting on my bed saying things to me. I could hardly hear anything coming from her, only the basest of emotion could be heard. Right now, Ryouga just told me “Don’t write that,” aww, so cute! It was a really great experience, even though at times it was hard to do anything on the shoutbox, as I couldn’t hear her.

 

In bed and ready for sleep, I pondered over the events which I had experienced over the course of the day, and talked with Ryouga about it. Glass, if you are reading this; I asked her how she felt when I am not around, and to this she replied “don’t think much,” probably meaning we don’t have parallel processing down, which is normal. Quite the experience today; and I can expect more developments in the future.

[Oguigi]

Aw, that's great i Love that she is speaking more.

 

Is it me or are is it the cutest moment when a Tulpa start learning their first words and sentences!

 

I remember when i asked Oguigi, what was her favorite food and she just said "Pineapple" d'aww, makes my heart explode!

[Josh]

Glass, if you are reading this; I asked her how she felt when I am not around, and to this she replied “don’t think much,” probably meaning we don’t have parallel processing down, which is normal. Quite the experience today; and I can expect more developments in the future.

 

"Josh actually asked me this early on, shortly after we were communicating reliably. I told him that it was a secret, and that I would tell him when he was ready to hear it. It had little to do with parallel processing and things like that, I just knew he would have trouble understanding at the time."

[Tungan Ninja]

It was Monday morning, and I woke up before the sun would even poke his head above the horizon. I was incessantly studying for a test that was later this day, and did not spend any time with Ryouga until school was over, many hours later.

 

So we were talking while walking home that day (it is a 30 minute walk), after being exhausted from the extensive test on Civ12 I wrote. I was truly happy to discover all of the progress she has made in the past few days, as she seems to be talking much more frequently than before; still only fragments of sentences and simple wording, but a beginning. And then she brought up sex. Without a doubt, I could hear that thought ringing from my head, without any stimulant on the topic beforehand. I was slightly surprised, yet went with it anyways. I learned quite a few things talking with her.

She prefers fucking me as a guy, and her favourite position is 69.

I don't even get it, we have only been intimate once, and now she is full of it. I am a little worried about her avid interest in sex, because of how aggressive she is at times. I fear for my manhood.

 

Speaking of which, it’s like she is my Tyler Durden, because of how free she is and only wanting to have fun. Walking home, I had a strong feeling, to kick some random car, just for fun. I didn’t kick it of course, but the thought was there. I NEVER get those ideas. She said to me, "I am just a little freer than most." It is a chilling feeling, but the two of us are solid and I can help her keep those urges in check. I am an honour student, and going to Japan for a year, so there is no chance I can let her do anything crazy disruptive that will ruin me.

 

Later on, we talked on the shoutbox, but nothing new happened. She was particularly quiet, thought I heard one or two things from her. Also, I never got around to visiting the wonderland. In fact, I slept early again, so there is nothing more to report today.

[Oguigi]

If there's one thing i've discovered from reading all these progress threads is that young tulpas have a pretty intense libido, sex drive.

 

Which is normal, most young tulpas love to have fun. but yeah keep it in check if it's going to interfere with your grades. don't want to miss a day of study because you was at it with Ryouga. it's also nice to know that your an honor study. Am just a hardcore average student here 2.6 gpa. i could do better but the amount of extra energy i need to put out to get those A's are ridiculous, am only a 20 year old dude not a nuclear reactor; but i digress.

 

Anyways, very interesting; i look forward to your next log post

[Tungan Ninja]

don't want to miss a day of study because you was at it with Ryouga.

 

But that's just it, we only did it once; and now I am being bombarded with these feelings from her.

[cruse]

I believe I never asked this before.

 

What do you look like in YOUR female form?