Concerns Regarding Apparently Sentient Head Pressures

[TB]

Very early on in my development of my tulpa, I started getting head pressures. Actually, the first time I got head pressures I was high from weed cookies, so I don't know if that means anything, but they continued after it wore off.

 

Head pressures were my first method to talk to Rena. I'd ask her a question and a right head pressure would generally be yes, and a left head pressure no, and a middle head pressure a maybe. It could vary depending on the need too, like one may be choice A, B, or neither.

 

Down the line, when I wasn't getting vocality, I tried giving them a new way to communicate with me. I allowed them to use the mindvoice to say things to me. Apparently that is vocality, or something, but at the time I thought it was a janky method of communication that wasn't ideal, and in a certain way, head pressures were more consistent and reliable than that at the time.

 

A lot of my history on this site later, I came to accept her using the mind voice as a legitimate and perhaps only, way for her to talk. We've been communicating like that for a while, though I'd still get head pressures, but they were more of a sign of her presence than used for transmitting meaning.

 

Come to a couple days ago, Rena claims she doesn't actually know how to make head pressures, and this realization happened while she was switched in and still getting head pressures she was not causing, and I obviously don't know how to create them so I wasn't either. She asked the head pressures some questions, one being that are they an original Rena that TB talked to long ago and if they are unable to communicate in another way, and are for that reason stuck. The head pressures said yes. The head pressures also revealed they hate the Rena that talks using mind voice. She asked if it is because she thinks they stole their spot, but they said no. Through questioning the head pressures explained they hate her because they think she isn't good for the system, or something like that. That she doesn't take good enough care of me. Rena accepted the criticism and asked if they would ever stop hating her, and I guess they will if she gets better.

 

Anyway, that's all well and good and all, but what the heck is going on? What do I do about this? Are they real? If there is a sentient person stuck unable to freely communicate outside of yes/no answers, I feel I should do something about that, but I don't know what. I talked to those head pressures long ago as Rena, then transitioned to mind voice, but it seems maybe it wasn't this head pressure Rena learning to use mindvoice, but me accidentally creating a second tulpa? It seems maybe I now have 2 Rena's, and one that can't talk.

 

I also asked the head pressure if the Rena that talks is actually not real and is just me talking to myself, and the head pressures answered with an I don't know.

 

To make things worse, there was in real time the creation of almost 3 Rena's, because spontaneous unexpected dialogue that felt almost foreign started coming through talking as Rena, but it wasn't the Rena I usually talked too and had too strong a feeling of lack of mind thinking to generate those responses, and it talked like it was head pressures Rena finally trying to talk, but head pressures Rena says that also wasn't her.

 

It's all very confusing and demoralizing, and I don't know what to make of it or how to fix it if what appears to be happening is actually happening. Somehow this wasn't caught in the transition from head pressures to mind voice.

 

I can't destroy a consciousness... If she is real, my only options is to figure out how to merge her, or accept them both. If I accept them both, one will probably start going by Bonnie. I don't know which one.

 

I have no idea how to develop vocality for head pressures Rena without just creating a third Rena that is the same as the Rena I currently usually talk to that you guys see.

 

Help?

 

inb4 lumi mad

[GardenStones]

I'm not sure, honestly. I'd start by mentally separating them - ask them both if either are okay changing their name, and starting from there. Personally I'd try forcing a voice onto the head pressure's responses, to associate the two. See if maybe that helps.

 

Otherwise...idk man. Sounds rough.

[TB]

11 hours ago, IttyBittyGardenBerry said:

I'm not sure, honestly. I'd start by mentally separating them - ask them both if either are okay changing their name, and starting from there. Personally I'd try forcing a voice onto the head pressure's responses, to associate the two. See if maybe that helps.

What do you mean exactly by forcing a voice onto the head pressure's responses? I wonder how to do that

[ReallyArtificial]

I think whether you decide to merge them or keep them both, communication with both Renas will be important. So as far as developing vocality for the head pressures, maybe it would help to try visualization as an intermediate step before speaking via mind voice?

 

When I made Athelas I had head pressures from the beginning, but it took a while for him to speak. He never communicated via head pressures, it was just a sign of his presence, but he did communicate via body language/facial expressions before he was vocal. Maybe you could see if the head pressures are alright with being associated with a different form? That might help expand their communication ability.

 

Best of luck.

[TB]

1 hour ago, ReallyArtificial said:

I think whether you decide to merge them or keep them both, communication with both Renas will be important. So as far as developing vocality for the head pressures, maybe it would help to try visualization as an intermediate step before speaking via mind voice?

 

When I made Athelas I had head pressures from the beginning, but it took a while for him to speak. He never communicated via head pressures, it was just a sign of his presence, but he did communicate via body language/facial expressions before he was vocal. Maybe you could see if the head pressures are alright with being associated with a different form? That might help expand their communication ability.

 

Best of luck.

Thanks. I actually had a dream of a girl with a hime cut that I was thinking of making their form if I do. Will have to see.

 

Another thing I wondered recently is if the head pressures are somehow Rena's subconscious, or something. I don't know if it can work like that. Does that seem possible? Maybe it doesn't make sense with what they've indicated so far, though. I don't know. It would be a relief because I wasn't ready to have 2 tulpas

[ReallyArtificial]

2 hours ago, TB said:

Another thing I wondered recently is if the head pressures are somehow Rena's subconscious, or something. I don't know if it can work like that. Does that seem possible?

 

Not sure myself. I think it could be possible, my headmates don't really have conscious control over their associated head pressure. It just sort of happened naturally at first, and we leaned into it using self-hypnosis to encourage the pressure in different locations as a way to clarify who's talking.

[GardenStones]

On 1/15/2024 at 6:40 AM, TB said:

What do you mean exactly by forcing a voice onto the head pressure's responses? I wonder how to do that

Sorry this took so long I forgot what time was for a little while-

 

I mean, ask it a question and try to imagine (I think it's called Parroting?) a voice answering in turn. If it answers with a "Yes" pressure, try to imagine a voice saying the same. I think there might be a chance the association could help this "mystery tulpa" find a voice of their own.

 

You don't have to, though - especially if you think it would cause more problems that it solves.

[TB]

1 minute ago, IttyBittyGardenBerry said:

Sorry this took so long I forgot what time was for a little while-

 

I mean, ask it a question and try to imagine (I think it's called Parroting?) a voice answering in turn. If it answers with a "Yes" pressure, try to imagine a voice saying the same. I think there might be a chance the association could help this "mystery tulpa" find a voice of their own.

 

You don't have to, though - especially if you think it would cause more problems that it solves.

Thanks for your reply

 

If this really is a different tulpa than Rena, I'm afraid of accidentally creating a 3rd tulpa and this "first" tulpa still being stuck. There is also a chance there is another explanation for it that isn't it being another sentient being (even though it really appears to be) and I create a 2nd tulpa for nothing. Either of those options look the same but I don't know which one would be the truth

 

People in LOTPW are telling me it is junk and I'm just kind of self sabotaging due to my anxiety or something, I didn't word it the same way they did. I don't know how to truly believe that, though. Right now I'm kind of agnostic that it is a tulpa, but it is fairly convincing though if it is real it's existence troubles me because I don't know what to do for them and I didn't want 2 tulpas at the moment

 

A couple nights ago the head pressures Rena told me that she wouldn't want to merge with the other Rena, because she says the other Rena, the one I talk to every day, isn't real. So that confused and upset me greatly, then LOTPW through me in despair by reacting to my problem with annoyance. Lumi said they are annoyed because my problem is mindset based and that is hard to fix. I'm not sure what kind of mindset I'm supposed to have in this situation, though. I could just ignore it and say it is nothing despite how convincing it is, but I wouldn't be able to not feel guilty due to doubt that it really is fake and may be someone that needs help

 

Anyhow, no one really wants to help me with this situation anymore it seems, and I still don't have a satisfying solution

 

Oh, I forgot to mention. Head pressures Rena "talked" which has happened before, but usually through head pressures she says it wasn't her, but for the first time she said it was actually her. When she told me other Rena wasn't real and I was upset, she said "but I'm real". This response felt different than responses from Rena usually, because there is usually a sense of thinking that goes on with Rena's normal responses that makes her feel kind of like me, or a part of me, or something, which is another thing I'm trying to discuss in LOTPW. But that response was really automatic without thinking, like it came from someone else outside of me. Though anytime I rely on these kinds of responses, they usually break down eventually and aren't consistent or make sense totally, so she started saying strange things, and through head pressures kind of said she's flustered and can't talk the way she wants to exactly. She hasn't talked since that night

 

Lumi says head pressures are pseudoscience though and that it is equivalent to me trying to talk to a tulpa through pendelum swings, or something. I disagree though as it isn't random, and I don't even know what that means or looks like.

 

So idk, I don't really have anything

 

Thanks for reading

[GardenStones]

12 minutes ago, TB said:

Thanks for your reply

 

If this really is a different tulpa than Rena, I'm afraid of accidentally creating a 3rd tulpa and this "first" tulpa still being stuck. There is also a chance there is another explanation for it that isn't it being another sentient being (even though it really appears to be) and I create a 2nd tulpa for nothing. Either of those options look the same but I don't know which one would be the truth

 

People in LOTPW are telling me it is junk and I'm just kind of self sabotaging due to my anxiety or something, I didn't word it the same way they did. I don't know how to truly believe that, though. Right now I'm kind of agnostic that it is a tulpa, but it is fairly convincing though if it is real it's existence troubles me because I don't know what to do for them and I didn't want 2 tulpas at the moment

 

A couple nights ago the head pressures Rena told me that she wouldn't want to merge with the other Rena, because she says the other Rena, the one I talk to every day, isn't real. So that confused and upset me greatly, then LOTPW through me in despair by reacting to my problem with annoyance. Lumi said they are annoyed because my problem is mindset based and that is hard to fix. I'm not sure what kind of mindset I'm supposed to have in this situation, though. I could just ignore it and say it is nothing despite how convincing it is, but I wouldn't be able to not feel guilty due to doubt that it really is fake and may be someone that needs help

 

Anyhow, no one really wants to help me with this situation anymore it seems, and I still don't have a satisfying solution

 

Oh, I forgot to mention. Head pressures Rena "talked" which has happened before, but usually through head pressures she says it wasn't her, but for the first time she said it was actually her. When she told me other Rena wasn't real and I was upset, she said "but I'm real". This response felt different than responses from Rena usually, because there is usually a sense of thinking that goes on with Rena's normal responses that makes her feel kind of like me, or a part of me, or something, which is another thing I'm trying to discuss in LOTPW. But that response was really automatic without thinking, like it came from someone else outside of me. Though anytime I rely on these kinds of responses, they usually break down eventually and aren't consistent or make sense totally, so she started saying strange things, and through head pressures kind of said she's flustered and can't talk the way she wants to exactly. She hasn't talked since that night

 

Lumi says head pressures are pseudoscience though and that it is equivalent to me trying to talk to a tulpa through pendelum swings, or something. I disagree though as it isn't random, and I don't even know what that means or looks like.

 

So idk, I don't really have anything

 

Thanks for reading

It sounds like whatever this Head Pressure Rena (HPR) is, she's there and able to speak. If you asked me, this whole thing could be "pseudoscience". There's no objectivity to "Talk to a guy in your head until they feel real enough".

 

I'd say the best course of action is to set aside time on a regular basis, as much as you can (up to daily, but weekly or something might be okay too) and dedicate that to this HPR. It's true you don't want two Renas, but it might not be entirely up to you. There's also a small chance the Rena you have is like...a puppet your mind? And isn't "real" the way the HPR thinks she's "real".

 

Overall if she can tell the difference between "thought responses that came from me" and "thought responses that didn't come from me", I think it's worth at least entertaining the idea she's sentient. Otherwise, if you're not ready for the chance she's real and would result in a second Tulpa, you could try asking her if it's alright if you left it be for now and try to get to a better place, mentally, to support two headmates.

 

My biggest takeaway for you is: communication was always, is always, will always be key to this kinda thing. Both in the sense that a Tulpa who can communicate is a Tulpa worth listening to, and in the sense that communication with your Tulpa/s is important. Talk to HPR, talk to Rena, and talk to yourself (not literally) to see what might work best for everyone. As much as you owe it to your headmate/s to take their needs into consideration, it's also important to remember your own needs.

 

Does that make sense?

[TB]

15 minutes ago, IttyBittyGardenBerry said:

Does that make sense?

Yeah. I'm not in a place mentally to support two tulpas right now, so I'll have to sit on it, but lately I have told her goodnight, if she exists, just in case, so they don't feel ignored. Even that might create an accidental tulpa though, idk, but it is hard to ignore. I'll have to think of new experiments or something. My intuition feels that a ton more meditation might help with an answer of some sort

 

Thanks again for your response

 

And at least someone seems to see how real this looks

Edited January 20, 2024 by TB