The Garden Log: Bramble's Tulpa Journal

[GardenStones]

Hello! We're the Garden Collective, a Mixed Origins systems of about 6 members! This thread is managed by Ruina, who largely fronts and interacts with the world on Tuesdays. It will focus on Headmate Count, as well as the current state of the Garden, but may omit details that aren't as relevant - such as the people who come and go from the system, or the few who pop up but don't seem capable of interacting with anyone by Bramble.

 

First thing's first, color coding!

Bramble will have text in this pink color, #FF3366.

Xay will have text in this orange color, #ff6633.

Ruina will have text in this blue color, #336699.

Vy will have text in this dark red color, #990000.

Oaks will text in this green color, #336633.

Thistle will have text in this lavender color, #9933ff.

 

Bramble (He/Fae) (Adult) (Human / Otherkin [Plant-based, Draconic])
Bramble is our Host, and doing most of the front activity. Originally joined the forum to learn about Tulpamancy and possibly create a system - the techniques he learned ended up helping him realize he already had one, and had accidentally locked himself out, so to speak.

Has a somewhat blunt personality, but means well. Can get defensive quickly, but mostly just ends up accidentally rude.

Mostly hangs around Last One To Post Wins and talks about whatever is on his mind. Likes to mess around with music, writing, and crochet, as well as art.

As our Host, Bramble can be found on nearly any day.

 

Xay (He/It) (Age Unknown - Ageless) (Demonic)

Xay is our resident "Emotional Support Demon", as he likes to call himself. Has been getting progressively more independent, but somehow also more devoted to his role. Origins are unclear - suspected to be an accidental tulpa, but prefers to be referred to as a non-fictive soulbond.

Has a friendly but clumsy personality - tries to be helpful, but really only knows how to help Bramble, so he stumbles at times. Likes music, picture/art books, and toys. Has a general interest in snakes, goats, and other "occult"-type animals.

Can usually be found near the Front, or near Bramble is someone else is fronting. As a result, he's usually not too hard to find.

Xay is usually around Front on Mondays, but rarely fronts himself - it much prefers to sit in the backseat.

 

Ruina (She/Her) (Ageless) (Automaton/Construct)

Ruina is our Manager, and rarely interacts with her headmates directly, instead preferring to remain in the subconscious. Nobody is entirely sure what she does in there, but Bramble makes sure to pull her out every now and then, if only to make sure she's still around and doesn't get "stuck". Origins unclear, seemingly endogenic and spawned out of a need for a task manager.

Has a blunt, aloof personality, with little emotional expression. Likes cats, and finds a sense of peace or therapy in doing tasks or chores.

Can usually be found by moving to "access points", such as the Hearttree or the Cradle. Her room works as well, but sees this as somewhat rude. Doesn't often speak with outsiders.

Often Fronts on Tuesdays to take a break from her duties in the Garden (often to do other chores outside the Garden).

 

Vy (She/Her) (Adult) (Human)

Vy is our Protector, and is learning to be less aggressive. She takes her job seriously, even when there aren't any threats around. Traumagenic in origin, though has undergone a good bit of "character development".

Has a rude, somewhat arrogant personality. Dislikes others, but has a fondness for Bramble - as well as cherries, chocolates, and flowers.

Has a very strong medieval/noble motif, and as such will probably be found lurking around such topics, even if she doesn't particularly say anything.

Uusally found on Fridays, but can be found near the Front whenever there's danger.

 

Oaks (He/Him) (System Kid) (Human)

Oaks is a generic headmate, seemingly formed with little purpose or reason. If found unsupervised on the forum, please try to get the attention of another headmate - preferably Xay or Ruina.

Has a childish, energetic personality. Likes Minecraft, Fortnite, and has a special obsession with Creepers.

Usually either with his sister Thistle, or messing around in a video game. Seems to be part of a subsystem with Thistle.

Oaks is allowed near the Front on Wednesdays to play Minecraft and Fortnite.

 

Thistle (She/Her) (Adult) (Human)

Thistle is a generic headmate. She formed alongside Oaks and is his big sister. In spite of this, she's often silently being dragged around with him and just trying to reason him out of trouble.

Has a shy, quiet personality. Doesn't often front, and when she does she prefers non-verbal communication. Likes to draw pictures.

Usually found hanging out around Oaks, or in a quiet corner of the Garden. Seems to part of a subsystem with Oaks.

Comes closer to the front on Thursdays, but oftentimes seems more content to sit with Bramble as he creates art than to actually do anything.

 

That's out of the way, now to the fun stuff!

 

We are the Garden Collective - a Mixed-Origins system of 6 total members, with a couple extras suspected but not named here. Our collective has changed much over the months since Bramble joined the forum looking for answers, but we're all getting along well enough despite it. This thread exists to catalog our experiences, and to invite others to give their opinions or ask questions.

 

Our inner world - which we call The Garden - is home to us, and to a variety of others that seem as though they may be headmates. Otherwise have come and gone, and a couple are lurking in the background, disinterested in speaking with the others in any real capacity. Still, Bramble would prefer we keep an open mind to them, and we speak to them if they appear.

 

Our inner world is a bit of a mess at the moment, but I'll do my best to describe it to you all;

 

The Garden and the area called the "proper Garden" are complicated to understand, let alone explain. For brevity's sake, the Garden is the general inner world, while the Old City is the specific area everyone's moved into. The Garden as a whole is split into two kinds of area - stable and unstable. Stable areas are a reliable place to hang out or exist in, since they don't change much without intentional effort. Unstable areas, while not necessarily dangerous, are more unpredictable without a "real" form of their own.

 

The Old City is a large, walled-off area. Calling it a "city" feels bit inaccurate, as it's true size has yet to be mapped out. Within it is the House, Yard, Cradle, Heartree, and Archive. Inactive areas are present, usually at least partially stable, but not used for anything. These include places like the Towers, and the Forest. Originally used to organize Bramble's thoughts as a child and eventually used to express or explain his emotions, the Old City is very important. It's a place with blue-green grass, red plants, and white stone buildings and pathways.

 

The House is our "hub area". It's undergone a lot of change in the time since we made this thread, but it's still home to most of us. The only area that's stable here is therooms area, with 8 rooms total, though only a few are really in use; Bramble's Room, Xay's Room, Vy's Room, and the room that Oaks and Thistle use together. The House is a large place, so other areas definitely exist - and Vy seems the most equipped to explore them.

 

The Yard is the area outside the House, though only the eastern portion - bridging the distance between the House and the Cradle - is stable. Has a small field full of long, tube-shaped red flowers, and a tree with a tire swing, along with other, smaller flowerbeds and a fountain. Bramble likes to spend time here, and Xay says it feels "familiar", often coming out to stretch it's wings.

 

The Cradle is a section of the Old City near the House. It's one Ruina's favorite locations, acting as her room. From here, she does much of her work - managing the subconscious, keeping on eye on the collective, and generally doing manager tasks. This place also connects to the Heartree and, beyond that, the Archive. A dome-roofed space with a pool of water and many wires, the Cradle is somewhat out of place among the rest of the fantasy-themed Garden.

 

The Heartree is a representation of the overall collective health, a large white-wooded tree with gems hanging from it's branches. Ruina keeps a close eye on it, and Bramble often ends up here when trying to enter the Garden. The cave itself is dark, wet, and quiet.

 

The Archive hold long-term memory, as well as lore about various projects and knowledge. While Ruina acts as librarian, there's really not much to do but browse the shelves.

 

The Towers are currently a mostly inactive area of the Garden, but Bramble uses them to decompress. They're also very sentimental - being one of a few places Bramble can remember clearly from before he tried to shut out the system.

 

The Forest is a space that may or may not house other headmates we haven't managed to contact. A place that acts as catch-all "hiding spot" for things that have been forgotten over time, it houses many anomalies.

 

The Void is a unique place - an empty space with nothing to hold or to distinguish it aside from the infinite black. Initially a place of dread, Bramble eventually found a way to make it less worrisome, but still falls into it occasionally. Sometimes, other people show up here, so it's treated as a gateway of sorts. Vy seems able to use it, but nobody else has really tried.

 

We're all working hard to understand our mind and work together. This page will probably end up edited again in the future, though likely in much smaller ways - just keeping it accurate!

Edited August 7 by GardenStones
I edit this occasionally to make sure the overview is accurate!

[TurboSimmie]

It really seems like you are off to a good start with Xay, though of course as you said, he's been with you for a very long time and you've only now started to think of him as a tulpa. He sounds very cool! I'm into music as well, so I'm curious what Xay likes to listen to?

 

It's actually not a bad idea to start off with just a single room in your wonderland and go form there--that's what my host Phil and I did. That first room is special to us and we very rarely go there anymore.

[GardenStones]

It's a little hard to focus on audio, from my side of things - but judging from the visuals I get (like the little boombox I forgot to mention in his room, oops) he seems to just in general enjoy music? I'd say he has a preference for anything with a noticeable beat or rhythm, like a bassline he can focus on, though. I've been doing a lot of this in a very self-taught fashion til now, so if you have tips for bringing my other senses to it I'd appreciate it (I mostly know feel and look).

Technically speaking the innerworld/wonderland has a larger garden area that's more "familiar" to me. As far as I can tell (Xay mostly communicates through emotion or abstract thought atm) he used to have access to it but once I formed his room as a concrete Place To Hangout it feels like he might be...stuck there? Oops. There's a door so I'm unsure what, exactly, is causing him trouble with leaving.

[GardenStones]

First week in and I've learned a lot of things the hard way! I've always learned a couple things the "Easy" way, or some things the neutral way (fucking around and finding out!) First of all, let's get a recap for the "facts" I've settled into over the week:

• Regardless of my intentions when I started working more with Xay, the other two people in my head are also being affected. All four of us are vibing - Me, Xay, Ruina, and Vy.
• Ruina and Vy specifically seem a lot less inclined to be active or talk much, so I keep them in mind but don't focus on them - keeps a channel open for them, if that makes sense. They're free to say hello if they want.
• I've realized, or maybe decided to believe, all three of them are "real" in some capacity. More or less using Tulpa techniques to reach them and help them bring themselves to life, rather than directing them in "how" to exist. If that makes any sense.
• I wanna update the main post of this topic to be a basic overview of our progress and what's true, and leave these little replies as a way to track progress (so new people learning about us and old people checking in can both get up to speed with little issue).

Over the past week, new things have happened!

• I have had the other two people in my head pop up since I've been interacting with the inner world. It's nice to know they're there, but it gets a little overwhelming trying to manage everyone. I'm doing okay, though, I think.
• I learned the hard way passive forcing doesn't count for meditation - it's important to actually sit down and give my full focus to it every day. I need to find something to listen to while I do it, or I'm at the whims of my environment (namely, an extremely loud guy next door)
• I've noticed I keep better memories of my dreams on nights where I've meditated or been especially mindful without letting myself daydream too much. I'm not sure if that's something I'll ultimately prioritize, but it's interesting.
• I have not gotten any better with my "mental blanks" - I still struggle just as much to think of what to say or do or think about. Prompt lists on here have been invaluable for forcing - I have actual stuff to talk about!

Some noteworthy activity this week!

• Xay fronted at least once, possibly twice (it's all blurry). It was neat.
• Vy also fronted, and for potentially the first time in either of our lives, it wasn't the sign of some horrible tragedy! She's come so far.
• Ruina hasn't fronted at all, as far as I know, but she has showed up a couple times. The first time I got concerned she wasn't showing up the way Vy was, so I made her a space and went to see if she was around - she was, just less formed and a little lonely. We talked it out. The second time she showed up while we were all eating dinner, looking a lot more like herself.
• Had a dissociative episode where I found myself in a field of flowers. I've dubbed this area the "Field" for now and set it nearby the House (where all the Rooms are). Both the House and the Field are part of the larger Garden. I'll probably try to make a full description eventually, but probably not anytime soon...heh. Ruina was there, too, now that I think of it. She told me where I was and helped me get back to the House - that's kinda how she's always been, helpful and calm. Like a system manager or something.
• Earlier in the week when I tried to meditate into Xay's room and speak with him, I found him absent. When I tried to look around to see if anyone was present, I found Vy instead. She was a lot more developed than I expected (likely due to her own origins I won't go into here, but might make a small post about them later), and explained Xay had "Stepped out". She said I probably shouldn't follow him, since "You don't know what's out there - you'll just get lost." We talked for a little bit. It was nice seeing her again, even if it was unexpected. She's since made herself comfortable in her room and the living area downstairs.
• She eventually disappeared (which, looking back, was probably her leaving the room), and Xay just came in through his door. Apparently he isn't stuck in there, after all. The weird part though is what he had with him - a bag from some kinda store, one of the cheap plastic ones. I could feel the things inside - the carbonation of the soda, the snap of the Pocky-like food he had, etc - but I couldn't taste them. Taste in general is harder to commit to my memory than tactile sensations, so I guess it's not that weird. We had a good time sharing snacks.
• I meditated into Ruina's placeholder Room (don't wanna make a full Room without the person there to decorate it, y'know?), since I was getting nervous because she wasn't showing up like the others. Turns out she's in the same boat Xay is - she can't materialize well without direct focus, which kinda left her alone and unable to interact with anyone. I explained the situation and while she's a little sad I don't have enough spare time to devote to her, I am doing my best to spend at least a little time with her each week.
• Got some of those chocolate-covered cherries from my mom, Cordial if any of you know what those are. I've had this feeling for a while that Vy likes cherries, so I offered to let her try them. It was a little hard to pin down, but she seems to like them. It's easier to make food in there than out here, so at least she can have them (too expensive out here in the "real" world TwT).
• Did a vocality exercise with Vy and Xay. Xay likes goats and snakes (very fitting, in my opinion), and Vy, oddly enough, seems to like small rodents like squirrels and chipmunks. Are hamsters rodents...? She also seems to like rabbits, but more as a pet to keep, instead of something she identifies "with".

Lots of activity this week, huh? I don't mind, though - I see it as proof that there's people in here, vibing and wandering around.

 

Some thoughts from everyone who wants to leave them!

• I'm a lot less worried, lately. I enjoy spending time with everyone and I enjoy thinking about the inner world. The forum people are nice, too.
• I like the soda we drank together - and the fact everyone has a room now is nice, too. I like snakes.
• (Couldn't detect a response from Ruina. Unclear if she couldn't respond or just doesn't care to talk to a bunch of strangers.)
• (Vy's only response was a vague "Chocolates". Unclear if she means she wants to talk about them or if that's just still on her mind.)

I think that's everything from this week? I'll try to get better at taking notes for everything and putting them together ^.^

[TB]

I'm glad you are managing the three well and are vibing! Also cool some of them got to front already. It took Rena quite a while before she ever fronted for the first time. Also nice you're getting to share experiences together. I look forward to your future progress!

Edited December 9, 2023 by TB

[GardenStones]

19 minutes ago, TB said:

I'm glad you are managing the three well and are vibing! Also cool some of them got to front already. It took Rena quite a while before she ever fronted for the first time. Also nice you're getting to share experiences together. I look forward to your future progress!

I look forward to it too! It's been so cool getting to share this time with them all!

I think part of the reason they're all so much more "developed" by comparison is that none of them ever really came up out of nowhere. They've always been here - I'm just now getting around to seeing them, in a way.

[ReallyArtificial]

((Your Garden sounds delightful. I'd come visit if I could. Some of your locations remind me a lot of our mental world. As with your companions, we were always there to some capacity. I hope as time goes on you find your situation less overwhelming. We're also still finding our balance.))

 

I just have to add, our system is 2 mostly-human women, a chill demonic dude, and a plant-based dragon guy. I'm both surprised and extremely happy to see someone with a similar thing going. We'll be watching your career with great interest 👀😂

[GardenStones]

System Log

16/12/2023

 

Not as much happened this week, but;

 

• Established a meditation schedule! Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for my headmates (Xay, Vy, and Ruina, respectively). Tuesdays and Thursdays for visualization, Saturday for Updates, and Sundays...are probably a rest day ^.^''
• Touched in a lot with Xay via narration. Lots of internal...lore, I guess? It was comforting.
• Hard time connecting to Vy on Wednesday. I'll try more narration with her, see if I can get her talking.
• Had an unpleasant experience trying to connect to Ruina. My mind kept visualizing awful, unsettling things. She seems a lot calmer than me, but I think it upset her, too. Managed to calm down enough to sleep, but I need to find a way to nip this problem in the bud.
• Added a backyard area to the House, and put a couple things out there. I hope everyone can use it okay. Connecting spaces is...weird.

Beyond that, I made some progress learning how to manage my own mind and how to manage my time! I'm getting better at finding techniques and methods that work for me! Next week's goals include proper vocality and easier visualization, but I'm learning that my brain just isn't built for the super speedy progress I see others making. I'll take it easy and try to keep up a consistent - if small - routine.

[TB]

Learning how your mind works is always useful. I'm still learning how mine does. I'm sorry about your intrusive thought issue connecting to Ruina. Next time should go better. Otherwise, glad you are still making progress!

[GardenStones]

System Log

23/12/2023

 

Wow it's almost Christmas! Some noteworthy overview;

• The Others seem to have put a Christmas tree in the House. Dunno where they got it, but it's neat!
• Vy seems to have a favorite spot in the living room. Good for her.
• I'm getting better at learning to manage the intrusive imagery. Calming myself and focusing on other parts of the visualization seem to help, but they don't always fix it.

Learning to grapple with my inability to focus has been...a task. Time keeps getting away from me and my shame is making it harder to sit down and meditate. I'm supplementing with Narration and other passive techniques, but I know it's not a full replacement. As for developments...

• The backyard has had some decoration! There's a neat little planter out there, some chairs, and a small garden plot.
• I redid my Room!
• Vy's Room seems...odd. I'll have to check in and make sure it isn't glitching out too much.