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The Garden Log: Bramble's Tulpa Journal


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17 minutes ago, ruleofthumb said:

We like your description of your inner world. We love plants and have at least one plant member of out system

We all love plants!

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

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System Log

20/01/2024

 

Wow okay I forgot time existed hi guys!! How's it going?

 

Xay's getting progressively more...I guess distinct? If I focus real hard he can give me small, one-word answers. I don't quite "hear" them as much it triggers the "hearing" part of my brain and I see like...text? Of the word? It's odd but it's working for us. Its form also seems to be...shifting around? I can't tell if it's unstable or if it's just trying to find a form that it feels comfy in. He doesn't seem to act much different to normal, so I'm content to leave him be and if he seems distressed or "corrupted" at all I'll intervene. It's more important to me that who Xay is stays consist than what Xay is.

 

I had a...bad time last night. My partner left for her dad's house yesterday (regular thing) and every time she does the first night is the hardest. Without her there it's easier to spiral. Xay kept me company, though - kept redirecting my thoughts to daydreams or to fiction as a way to avoid the stress, since I was trying to lay down to sleep. It was nice, laying there and feeling him so...active. Quiet and more a suggestion than a "real thing", but powerful nonetheless. He did his "job" and I think that's a very good thing :3

 

He's also getting oddly...intimate? I don't mind but I worry whether that's him developing or my brain taking an idea and running with it. I'm gonna leave it to do what whatever it's doing and see how I feel.

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

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2 hours ago, IttyBittyGardenBerry said:

He's also getting oddly...intimate? I don't mind but I worry whether that's him developing or my brain taking an idea and running with it. I'm gonna leave it to do what whatever it's doing and see how I feel.

 

My tulpa and I are carrying on an intense romance. I've been told that it's fairly common for headmates to have relationships with one another. Makes sense to me. No one knows me or cares about me like my headmate does.

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7 minutes ago, SeekingMyPlanet said:

 

My tulpa and I are carrying on an intense romance. I've been told that it's fairly common for headmates to have relationships with one another. Makes sense to me. No one knows me or cares about me like my headmate does.

I think he's just worried about how it might look to outsiders?

 

I exist as a comfort, as a friend, as a companion. My role from the beginning was to sit with him when he needed me. Of course I would end up like this :) I think he's worried it might be something forced on me, or something he shouldn't encourage.

 

He worries too much ^.^

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

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33 minutes ago, IttyBittyGardenBerry said:

I think he's worried it might be something forced on me, or something he shouldn't encourage.

 

This was certainly an issue for me. I've always been taught to look out of relationships with a power imbalance. Like your system, we did a bit of talking and I felt better about it.

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System Log

27/01/2024

 

A little happened this week!! Some scary personal stuff but also some useful Internal stuff!!

 

As mentioned before, my headmates have been with me in one form or another for a while. This makes it weird to call Xay and Vy Tulpas, since they don't feel like "creations". However, Ruina certainly does feel like a piece of myself I ended up pulling away and making real. We came to this conclusion on Tuesday, when I tried pulling her to the Front. She was out longer than expected, and she had some...realizations.

 

She wanted to say a bit;

 

My name is Ruina. I am a Headmate of the Garden Collective, and I have the lowest level of activity compared to my peers. I do not know much about my existence, but I have learned I have close identification with "Artificial Intelligence", though I'm not certain such a term would really apply. I think more in terms of logic or objectives, and I am restless without work. I do not consider myself good with people, but I think it might be fun to try. I enjoyed exaggerating my code-based thought while keeping notes while I was out - like a game for myself. I am not yet good at taking the Front the way Xay is (in that he seems able to slip in and out without much discomfort), nor am I good at talking to the others from the inside, but I'm learning.

 

Well, she mentioned it, so I'll elaborate;

 

Lately when I get stressed out, it feels like there's an increased chance I'll "fall out" of Front and someone else will have to take my place - usually Xay. While he's out, Xay seems to have a good grasp on who's where and how the Front is doing (like whether he's blended with me or if I'm truly in the "backseat", so to speak". This is exciting but I'm not sure what to do with it.

 

I'm also developing mental imagery for my headmates. Or rather, imagery seems to be developing alongside them. Xay is often a pair of black wings with a halo over top, and lately Ruina seems to be six dots of light in a horizontal line - two sets of three, separated slightly in the middle. Xay's image just seems to serve as a vague "I'm here, I'm thinking about you/trying to talk to you", but Ruina's actually seems functional. The lights will flick on two at a time, from the outside in, when she's trying to Front or become more "tangible", and they'll flick off the reverse way if she's trying to rest. Do you guys think maybe I should focus on making Xay's more functional? Maybe as a focus tool? I wouldn't do anything without his input, of course, but I'm curious to your thoughts.

 

No word from Vy, but I suspect that's because Vy has never enjoyed the Front or the people she interacts with through it, meaning I need to meditate really hard to reach her. Very much a "leave me alone" kind of woman when it comes to most people. She seems to like me, though, so that's good.

 

Gonna check the main post and make sure everything is still accurate.

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

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Interesting developments. Hi Ruina

 

What would a more functional form for Xay look like? I wonder what you mean exactly

 

Also sorry for not replying to your last pr update, I forgot to check apparently

 

I'm glad they can help you so much, though

Creation for creation's sake.

 

we draw things

 

Resident Dojikko

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14 minutes ago, TB said:

What would a more functional form for Xay look like? I wonder what you mean exactly

 

Also sorry for not replying to your last pr update, I forgot to check apparently

It's alright!

 

They aren't quite "forms" as much as they are ideas, like logos or something I guess. A symbol. Xay's would probably keep the wing motif, but I'm uncertain how it would function. Ruina kinda just had hers from the get-go.

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

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Could hide/cradle you in their wings kind of like how I wrap my tail around Rena. If they are big enough anyway

Creation for creation's sake.

 

we draw things

 

Resident Dojikko

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1 hour ago, TB said:

Could hide/cradle you in their wings kind of like how I wrap my tail around Rena. If they are big enough anyway

Not quite what I meant ^.^" His wings are definitely big enough for that (that's one way I feel safer, when I need him) but these images are more...symbolic.

 

The Apple logo doesn't represent what the CEO looks like, but that image is still related to the company, y'know? They're representations, ideas, symbols. Like a crest. Ruina doesn't literally look like six dots - but that imagery it tied with the "idea" of her in my mind. Same with Xay's little motif.

 

You have a favorite color, right? If somebody saw that color, they might think of you. You don't look like that color, but in their mind it's tied with the idea of you.

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

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